Jesse Williams Loves Blackness, But Not Necessarily Black Love

Some of yall are upset about Jesse Williams and his marriage ending because he was out here messing with them white women.
Yall knew he was just so woke. He said black people were magic. He held us down. Jesse loved us so much, how could he be out here cheating on his black wife with a white woman?!?!?!
He ain't the first. Harry Belafonte been doing it since the 1950s. Harry tried to hide it. He had that white woman tanning and claiming half Cherokee and dyeing her hair black so she'd look more ethnic. She was Rachel Dolezal before there was Rachel Dolezal. He then left her and got another white woman. She was younger and he didn't have to try to play it off like she was just a high tone black woman or exotic other race of woman.
Sydney Poitier did the same exact thing. Except he just let his wife be white.
I say all this to say, don't be confusing black love with loving blackness. Jesse might love some black people, but it doesn't mean he wants a black woman. I just hope he doesn't end up trying to trick us like Harry did.
Eartha told us this, but he still got a pass.


Why I Have To Break Up With Shea Moisture

Yall, I gotta break up with Shea Moisture......they are doing too much.  

You're wondering why I'm offended?  This is why.  

It's because once again black women are erased. We are diminished, and we are segregated.

Shea Moisture wouldn't exist without it's black clientele. So we find it offensive that not only are you excluding the very people who built your business in your advertising, but you're also changing the formulation of products that was made for our hair to appease the masses.

Black women have always been innovators, people have mimicked us, but with the mimicking and innovating, we've been mocked. Mercilessly.

Growing up in suburbia I've heard my fair share of comments about ugly greasy fried chicken big lips, big thighs, and big noses. How ugly they are and how it is unattractive on a woman.

Now yall are out here en masse running around with injected lips, asses, and thighs, when not even a decade ago, you were calling it ugly and undesirable.

I've heard that my hair is unprofessional, I've heard my hair is full of Crisco, is greasy, is ugly all because it isn't silky straight but coarse and kinky. I have been relaxer free since 1999, but I only was brave enough to stop using a flat iron in 2006. Even then, I still I heard the comments about how unprofessional and wild "afro hair" was, no matter how it was styled, in a bun, a bob, or just in a simple ponytail.

It was an actual act of rebellion to wear your hair natural to work, even in 2006.

When I went natural, I was quick to support and embrace black owned hair care companies, as the stuff I found at the beauty supply and shelves of stores near me was just awful. I remember my Carol's daughter coming with a freezer pack and having to be refrigerated. I remember supporting Oyin Handmade: Natural Products for Happy, Healthy Hair, Curl Sisters, Kinky Kurly, and Anita Grant.

That's why I'm offended. That's why I'm tired of these commercials, that's why I'm not using your products anymore.

I then found SheaMoisture. Between them and Oyin offering me easy access, by being available at the local Target and drug stores, my natural hair care became so much easier. There was no panic, I could just hop to my store and always get more. I purchased soaps, lotions, body wash, numerous hair products, and even makeup, not just for me; but also for my children. I was very happy to see their success and to support a black owned business, not just because the business was black owned, but the products were truly great for my hair.

Then I saw your advertising about being accessible to everyone and I was still supporting you, yes expand your customer demographic, make products for all, it makes perfect sense.
Then it changed, instead of focusing on products for all, you focused on products for the "mainstream". Your products weren't made for me anymore. They were made for people who have so much access to products that work for them already. Instead of seeing beautiful women of all hues, now your advertising does what advertising has always done, which is excluded darker hued black people to make white people comfortable.

I've suggested your products to nonblack people. Over and over and over again. I've suggested them to other black women.

I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to support businesses that not only wants to grow and expand but still respect me and my money. I want to see products that represent and work for me.

Shea Moisture, unfortunately, doesn't do that. They decided they didn't need people like me anymore and we're tired of being the innovators, embracing the new, essentially being guinea pigs and test subjects for these companies, to only then again get pushed to the background, just like we never existed.

I know they have apologized, but it's a little too late for that.  

We've been side eyeing you for a while. 


When People Still Prove All Lives Do Not Matter In America

Photo Courtesy of ABC News

I just read an extremely naive and misguided post here.  In it, this woman explains how she now realizes black people and white people are treated differently in our society.  

I'd like to think it's great that she has been "awakened", but there are still some glaring issues Chelsie hasn't considered.

Her first mistake:

“You better make smart decisions. Safe decisions. No robbing a gas station. No walking down the street swinging a sword around. No rioting. You are to be respectful. You are to be a member of society that contributes to the world. You are to be proud of who you are and your heritage. If you are anything less than these things, you might not come home to me one day.”

Trayvon Martin didn't walk down the street swinging a sword. He had skittles and tea as some overgrown gun happy man stalked him in his own father's neighborhood.

Sandra Bland didn't riot.

Terence Crutcher wasn't robbing a gas station.

Charles Kinsey wasn't rioting, robbing a gas station, or swinging a sword; he was aiding his autistic patient.   

I'm going to say this and it's going to be a shocker to some people, not everyone mistreated by the police did something bad.   Sometimes officers are bad, and in most cases, most people don't deserve to die, even if they did break the law. Petty theft shouldn't be a death sentence, talking smack to a cop is worth an execution, being black in and of itself is not a crime. 

When people like Chelsie figure this out, then we can have a real discussion on police brutality and it's implications on people of color.  

"He would drive my car always on the lookout for police and in the event that he saw one he would quickly take another road, pull over to the side and wait for them to pass. I wasn’t quiet about my annoyance to his situation often complaining about his need to feel that because he was black the police were always out to get him."

You're dismissing his concerns.  Sometimes, the police are out to get you.  Sometimes there are bad cops, and sometimes due to prejudices and stereotypes; people defend these bad cops and justify the murder of people.

In our society, that shouldn't happen.  

"People who fortunately and unfortunately have the same equal opportunity to decide how they live their lives."

I live in America and I find we are not all treated or created equal.   It has never been that way.  We find ways to live our lives to survive the system, we make strides and move ahead, but my children aren't safe. People don't always see my children coming from a two parent home with educated parents. They just see thugs. My kids can never ever really be just kids because our society treats them as if their melanin makes them a threat.

"All I keep seeing are officers who are afraid of my husband now more than ever."

Have you ever thought about how scared your husband is of those officers? Police can be terrifying to certain people. 

Did you mourn the death of Tamir Rice, a child? Did you call that senseless, or were you trying to make up reasons why it's his fault he's died?

That's the problem we have in America, people can't and don't value the lives of others and have no concerns about demonizing people and children to justify their deaths.  

"I see parents teaching their children to be afraid of the police instead of teaching them to respect those that put their lives on the line to keep us safe."

You see parents teaching their children to be afraid of the police because they have reason to fear the police, the police aren't there to protect and serve them always, sometimes they're there to terrorize them. It's a cold, hard truth you failed to mention in this blog post.  I can't do that because my children have value, my black family has value.  A value you place lower than the value of a police officer, so much so you can't acknowledge that sometimes police officers can be dangerous.  

"It comes from raising law abiding citizens that respect those around them."

I'm still waiting for someone to tell me what law Philando Castile broke to justify his death?   

You seem to keep putting the blame on the victims instead of the perpetrators, and if we can't acknowledge the victims of police brutality, then we can't move forward because the discussion becomes one sided and fruitless. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. broke the law!!! He went to jail for his demonstrations. If
Rosa Parks had never broken the law, we wouldn't have the Civil Rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s.  Disobedience is what fueled the movement to eliminate Jim Crow laws, the same laws you think should be respected and not broken. Laws that would have prevented you from marrying your husband in many states. 

"It comes from teaching your children that wrong decisions are coupled with consequences and that life isn’t always fair, it was never meant to be."

Every black parent tells their black kids these things, but for some reason, white parents don't tend to teach their children this and even more infuriating is their kids are allowed to make mistakes with virtually no consequences, while some kids make no mistakes and still end up dead.  That's the difference between white and black America.  You can afford to be oblivious, we cannot.
Life isn't fair, but life is deadly in America for black kids, even the ones with good parents who tell them life isn't fair, and it's insulting to reduce the systematic murder of people to life being unfair.  It's downright infuriating and clueless and sick. 

"Violence no matter how oppressed you may feel will never yield the trust and peace filled relationships we yearn for."

This is the most infuriating of all. Bloody Sunday was called Bloody Sunday because of the violence.  The violence of the police officers. Violence is why Martin Luther King Jr. is dead.  Violence is what the Little Rock Nine endured.  Violence is why Ruby Bridges needed armed guards to desegregate a school after the governor of Louisiana wanted to defy the law and keep segregation going.  Violence is how slavery was sustainable.  Don't be concerned about v
iolence now when the people who were victims of it now perpetrate it, they were taught by the very people calling for them to be peaceful in the face of adversity.  

Violence has always been necessary. America wouldn't be America without it.


This Ain't For Everyone....

If you are in your feelings about women of color being suspect of the Women's March on Saturday and offering criticisms of it, my page probably isn't going to be pleasant for you.

I'm not colorblind. We aren't united by gender, and don't you dare get mad if folks point out you only gave a fuck about ALL woman when the women impacted were you directly. If you decided participating in a march one time in your life deserves a pat on the back, you might need to realize there is more to progress than protest and pussy hats. That was one small victory in a battle, but we're at war, and if it's too much for you, you need to get out of the way.

I will not take from you the magnitude of this event. The unity it provided and the camaraderie we all saw on display all over the world.  But it simply isn't enough right now. 

Social justice work is thankless. It's hard work, and you gotta get a tough skin. It will come with looking and yourself and the others and acknowledging your mistakes, and changing your way of thinking.  This whole blog is a documented chronicle of my change in thinking. Some of my old blog posts make me cringe. I plan to address them later on, don't worry. 

Wait until the death threats come, that's when shit gets real.

Until then, just take a seat if this is too hard. Yall are probably having a hard time calling out your racist alt right uncle, so I can imagine it's going to be hard call out yourself.


Quit Begging People For Your Humanity, It Still Doesn't Work

Quit expecting them to see your humanity. They are incapable of it. Demand respect, demand equality, because otherwise, you'll still be there begging.
Liberals make this mistake time and time again. We march, we yell, we seek to understand the other side. The problem is the other side doesn't see value in you, which is why they demonize you. Tell you you're mentally ill because of your viewpoints. They act as of you are lazy and taking their money via government benefits, even though statistics show differently. They pretend they don't remember the violence of their side, yet manufacture violence to degrade you and strip you of your humanity.
We need to strip them of their humanity. Their vote is their documented proof of their inability to empathize or show concern for other people. We need to let them know their humanity has been stripped away and we see them for the monsters they pretend we are. Liberals need to be blunt, call out the sexism, racism, homophobia, Islamaphobia, and all the hatred of their side and don't back down. Yell in their faces and degrade them like they have been trained to do by the oligarchs they worship.
March now, take your selfies to show you were part of history, but fucking don't ever forget your fight is not over and it won't be over for a good four years. Do more than protest. Vote with your dollars, strip those like them of their financial security, more than their current government does. Do not let them get away with their hatred. Make them uncomfortable. Make them scared, and do it without ever raising a fist.
Get in their heads. Make their fears of losing their privilege a reality.


Why I'm Sitting This Moment of Outrage Out

There's a good reason.
This is the thing, everyone is up in arms because we all realize what happened to that teenager was a horrible crime. We all realize no one deserves that to happen to them.
The difference is this. When the perpetrators of the crimes are white and they commit heinous acts of racial hate and torture, we claim they aren't racist and they get to walk away almost unscathed from the crimes they commit. They serve reduced jail times and get probation. That's what happened in this story I just posted.
These black teens will spend a big chunk of their lives in prison. They will pay for the crimes. They will not be treated with kids gloves.
The justice system gives no fucks about black people. We have always known this.
The justice system says to black victims, "what happened to you wasn't that bad, just shake it off and move on".
The justice system supports and understands the plight of white victims, though.
When white criminals can be punished and held accountable the same way black criminals are, I'll be shouting from the rooftops about justice needing to be served.
When the media covers stories like this and the white people quit trying to pretend it is an isolated incident and mentioning stories like this is just "race baiting", I'll be there to support you.
When the media and white people stop worrying about the future of some white teens taking "locker room banter too far" and can sympathize with the black victim. I'll march in the streets with your in solidarity to ensure we get rid of all the bad people.
Until then, I'm really giving a side eye to this selective outrage and I'm not going to be all upset because I know these black criminals will go to jail and be punished for the awful crimes they did.


Getting Closure For 2016

2016 has been a hard year.  There were some highlights.  We have a new house, in a neighborhood we love.   Homeschooling for our oldest went well.  My youngest is thriving and doing great.   I have friends who were there for me, who will stick with me, and who can see past my quirks.  I’m thankful for that.  We’re in a good place.  

A lot of not so nice things happened as well.  I now know, I will never ever be comfortable in America.  That the rise of fascism is upon us with the new President Elect.  That scares me.   I don’t know how long I will ever be ok with Russian tampering of elections, and that people actually thought they made a great choice when electing this man, but I digress.  My mental health, I guess things brought on by the stress of selling and buying a home caught up with me.   I lost some people I thought were my friends, but I stayed in denial and finally I let go, after an extreme level of nastiness was exposed to me.  

So I’m giving closure to all the bad things.


That’s all I got for that.  

2.  I hate depression and anxiety, I hate I have a hard time handling it, and I hate to admit I have these issues, as I see them as flaws, but they aren’t flaws they are part of me.  They make me who I am, and I am not going to apologize for being me.  I will just continue to deal with it, and I will work on acknowledging when I need help.   That’s the only thing I can do.  Take things one step at a time.  

3.  Fuck petty people. Fuck people who try to make you feel as if your anger and your hurt are unwarranted.  Fuck people who contribute to the daily microaggressions you face and then have the nerve to pretend you don’t face them.  Fuck those who question your friendship because you decide you no longer want to be hurt.  Fuck those who pretend they want to be your friend, but really have no fucks to give about you.  

Don’t say you want to be my friend, after I tell you it’s better to not be friends; and then a few months later unfriend someone, don’t tell them why, and then go through the process of letting everyone but you know, except my husband who you kept as a friend on facebook for the sole purpose of rubbing it in my face.  You wanted to be the one to break up. You’re a petty bitch and I give no fucks about you. I hate my daughter lost some friends, but I give no fucks about anyone with such cruelty and nastiness towards their friends.  

Fuck those who made it their whole goal to “kick you out of the group” Who made an effort to explicitly say you are not welcome, to play by one set of rules for you, while having different rules for others.   

Fuck those who say they want to be friends, but then are so easily convinced by others that they aren’t able to make conscious decisions without the convincing of others. Don’t say you don’t know if you even want to be friends with me and then ask me do I want to be friends. No, that’s stupid, it’s cruel, and I’m not here to beg for people to like me anymore. Also, don’t confirm my beliefs when I see you the first time after such a bullshit exchange and then completely walk away in fear because you think I am going to talk to you. I’m not that fucking bothered. I was there for my kid, not for you.  

Also fuck people with secret chats like it’s fucking high school. Secret chats should be for surprising friends with gifts and get togethers, not to gossip like basic bitches.  In the immortal words of a person who shall not be named “I have no desire to play high school bitch squad”. It’s true, I don’t.

I’m done with 2016. My goals now are to fight fascism so my kids can feel safe and eliminate the negative so I can feel safe.  Let 2017 be that year for me.  Let that be the year this blog comes back and goes back to it’s main focus.