2006-02-23

I turned 30 and I still don't know a damn thing

Last Saturday, I turned 30 years old. I am 30 damn years old. I have left my 20s and that just sucks. I will get over it though. Everyone keeps telling me 30 is oh so wonderful, and I will enjoy them way more than my 20s because I will be more comfortable with myself. That is a joke. Lets do a quick overview:

Being as big as I am, I am never comfortable with myself, ever. I don't have to shop exclusively at the big girl stores, but lets face it Banana Republic and White House Black Market are way out of my reach. I am working on it, but I am far from comfortable inmy own skin, and have fears of heart attacks any minute now.

I am currently jobless, that is right, I am currently playing house wifey. Interviews have been coming, but nothing materializes, ever. It really kind of sucks. I guess I sound like a white girl on the phone and then people end up with Mo'Nique in person, it throws people off, that and the fact that I am not applying to work as a clerical or customer service rep, but rather a professional job, god forbid fat black women get decent jobs. I am acutally trying to prepare to become a teacher with an alternative teaching certification program. Teachers are needed everywhere in Texas and it seems, the programs are popping up left and right. But right now professionally I am not comfortable.

My final role of being uncomfortable comes with the fact I have yet to produce the eagerly anticipated grandchild. People are starting to ask, after all me and my husband have been together three years, but no baby. We are trying, it just isn't happening. We have tried for over a year now and nothing, nada zip. Again this does have to do with my weight, and I am working on it.

The only thing I am comfortable about at 30 is I know nothing and have grasped nothing. I have hoping I can get comfortable soon, because being old and uncomfortable does not feel good at all.