The Gangstas of Godwin Park

I just finished reading an article in Texas Monthly called The Gangstas of Godwin Park. The article was about a rich, white, jewish kid who wanted to be gangsta by selling prescription drugs, and got killed. As per usual with all white teenagers who die tragically, he was such a good kid from a good family who got fooled by the wrong crowd. He was such as good kid, he put his arms around people in the hallways "Even the black girls,which a lot of the white boys will not do." Excuse me? What the fuck . Number one Bellaire, TX is full of black and hispanic people, and I am sorry but for the past four hundred, five hundred years white men have been putting their arms, and everything else around black women? What the fuck does that mean? Was the boy such a slut that he decided he was going to "degrade" himself and be seen in public with a black girl? I went to a predominantly white school and many a white boy attempted to put their arms around me, and I managed not to spread my negro disease to them. Geesh.

Why are white people so stupid to assume in this day and age that black people are so unnatural and unattractive that even a white boy in being friendly will have the audacity to touch a black girl. The freaking horror. What makes the story worse is the boy was Jewish and apparently the Jewish community is up in arms over the fact that this story made the news. One person commented that the news should focus on something a bit more urban. Oh yes, let us feed the stereotypes that only black people commit crimes, and only black teens do bad things. They wonder why black people are so angry. This ignorant story and the ignorant people in it are exactly why.



Today my mother called to let me know my grandmother is mentally gone. She is hallucinating about seeing people in her homes. Coming out of her ceiling fans, trying to steal my grandfather's truck, and trying to beat her up. She sees murders happening in her living room. She has had someone (a real person) come in six days a week to help with cooking and cleaning. That is help, but apparently not enough. She is going to go to a nursing home. Thankfully my grandfather is coming with her. My father and uncle are seeking Power of Attorney, to handle her finances since she is overdrawn on her account $800. Apparently she has been writing checks with no money in the account. She is paying for stuff she doesn't need. Now she is asking for a gun so people won't try to beat her up anymore. The only people who have threatened to beat her up are people who don't exist. She has called her neighbors and the police at 1:00 in the morning because she sees people who aren't there.

It is hard to understand how someone so strong, so aware as my grandmother go through this. The saddest part is she is so aware of everything else except this. Ask her about the news, a TV show, or family and friends and she talks as if she is normal. She volunteers this information on her hallucinations as if it is a normal, everyday thing, just like anything else. It scares me how someone like her, can transform to someone who can't take care of herself. She spent her life taking care of everyone else. My father, my uncles, her grandchildren. She IS simply the best grandmother in all the world, the best cook in all the world, and the sweetest woman in all the world. We call her Madea, or Mother Dear. She had a husband(my biological grandfather) who abused her, cheated on her, and had three kids with him, and in the 1950s had the courage to pick up and leave and work two to three jobs as a single mother with three kids. She remarried to my real grandfather, my father's stepfather, and they are together to this day. She put two kids through college, she bought them cars, she spoiled her grandchildren. Her one stray son, who has been addicted to drugs since the 1960's, she took care of way more than she should have. She took care of the children in the neighborhood, always offering a dinner, a snack, or even a place to sleep, and visit. She is simply a truly good and genuine person. I love her so much, and yet regret not spending enough time with her.


Why are children who are in 3rd grade in booster seats?

OK I had a co-worker who had two children. Two little girls, one five, the other eight. I think at six and eight, they are little kids, but definitely not a toddler or a baby. Why is it at lunch I went to her car and saw two car seats in the car. At first I thought maybe they are both physically challenged. They ain't, those children can run and move, I met them, they are sweet as can be and very much the "normal" children we expect. I finally asked her why she has car seats for her kids. I remember me at five going to school without a seat belt in the back of a stationwagon. Safe. She finally told me experts believe children should be in booster seats until they are four feet, nine inches, up to eighty pounds!!!!!!! Hell that knocks out all midgets, and dammit if they child can do division, they are really too old for a car seat. If you can put yourself in the booster seat, you are probably too old for it. Honestly, how did all us kids survive in the back seat just using an adult seat belt. Imagine the embarrassment these children face. All the other kids are taking themselves to school via walking, bike riding, rollerblading, and your mommy is driving up with you in a damn car seat. What the hell, you are going to get picked on all the way to high school. You never had a chance.



Just finished reading about a study on autism in England. It is really interesting to me because it could have a great impact on my own decisions of having a child.

Me and my husband are trying to concieve a child. Scary I know, that I would knowingly want to pro-create looking at all my instability.

One thing that is ALWAYS in the back of my mind is autism. My brother and my cousin both have autism. My brother and cousin are both considered high functioning (meaning they went to school, they both went to community college, can drive, and hold jobs, they lack social skills, and in matter of fact both are considered of normal or above normal intelligence), and my brother has been properly diagnosed with aspergers. They look normal, but they don't necessarily act normal. They have what I call Bobby Boucher symdrome in the fact that they lack the social skills. Which could affect them in getting employment, relationships, etc. I have an inkling that the condition is hereditary looking at my cousin and brother. Let me also add, my grandmother shows classic signs of high functioning autism as well, but was never diagnosed and no one has bothered to ask any questions about it. She might just be weird, but who knows? Or all three instances could be attributed to the fact that they live or were born in Waco aka Wacko, TX. You know it ain't quite right down there. Mostly you look at behaviors, and you see the family tree and you freak out a bit.

The sad thing is, there is a possibility of autism being on my husband's side of the family as well. His father aka my father in law, there is something amiss, but it appears his grandparents or anyone else for that matter has never ever discussed or noticed this issue. Me and my husband notice it, but when we bring it up to his mother, she says "he wasn't like that when we were together" and then proceeds to tell us horror stories proving he acted the same way then, as he does now. Of course her past and present choices in spouses leave us wondering constantly, maybe emotionally she is developmentally delayed in finding normal relationships with normal men and not a bunch of crazy folks. But that is a mother in law issue, which I have a few, mostly stemming from my husband's childhood, who compared to my Cosby like childhood lived like the damn Bundy's from Married With Children.

Between me and my husband, we are screwed genetically, and not just with autism. The poor children will have huge feet, and large hands, yes even our little girl. They have a 50/50 chance of having a pancake booty, and if it is a boy, there is a 50/50 chance of them not being able to grow a goatee that connects to his mustache. There is also a good chance our child will have a big freaky nose, all being my fault. There is also a good chance our child will be fat, but hell that is every child in America these days.

Maybe we shouldn't pro-create, but dammit I want a child so I can buy their clothes at Baby Gap. It also isn't right that my 20 year old brother in law recently became a father, accidentally of course, and he or the mother are not emotionally or financially ready to have the child. If they can, why can't we, after all we are older, and financially better off, and we got lots of love!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe my clock is just ticking, and maybe that is why I want a baby. Maybe it is because my mother, mother in law, and everyone else in the child are pushing for a mulatto grandchild. Who knows?


Interracial Book Review Part 2

OK I just finished reading Renee and Jay 2 by JJ Murray. The book was pretty good, but if you are used to the other JJ Murray stuff, it is a bit harsh. Almost too depressing, this is not a beach read, this is a I am depressed about my lack of love, it is raining outside, I am in my pajamas and I just finished a pint of Haagen-Dazs Dulce De Leche and life will never get better type of book. Depressing, with some slightly funny moments, but books like these I usually expect escapism and it throws me off because it is so different from his other books. This book had my crying and hugging my husband and laying with him all night last night scared to leave his side. I even watched the Mavs (who are going to the finals by the way!!!!!!!!!) game with him.

This tells the story of Renee and Jay, they have had a daughter and their relationship is getting same old, same old. They rekindle their relationship and while this happens life altering events occur. As these life altering events happen, (I don't want to ruin the story) you keep expecting things to get better. It just gets worse. Then you are pushed into ruin and start sobbing uncontrollably.

I did have one problem with the book, there is a selection in which Janae (Jay or Giovanni's and Renee's daughter) is so angry she starts beating the hell out of her momma. No black momma in her right mind, no matter how bad their ten year old is hurting will let that ten year old beat the hell out of them. NEVER. You will calm them down, hug them, but then when fists start flying, momma will whoop that ass. Not to mention the girl is a bit too sassy for her own good, half the things the child says would have gotten me beat by my parents as a child, not seen as cute.

Anyway still a good read, but don't take this on vacation with you unless you are trying to get into a bad mood.

Escapism is good, and this one is a curve ball, it is still good, just expect to cry reading it.

Why is Feminism Bad?

I have an evil secret to tell everyone. I am a feminist. I said it, so shoot me. Do I hate men no? But as soon as I tell anyone this the assumption is I hate men and want to be a lesbian. I don't get it. They assume I don't look like a feminist because I shave my legs, wear dresses, am married happily to my husband, and I ::gasp:: want children and a career. Maybe I am straddling the fence? For years I just thought feminism was theory associated or dealing with women in society. I always felt that women, like minorities were and are not equal in this country. I always assumed wanting equal pay and equal advancement in the workplace was something everyone wanted. A fair and equal chance, but apparently that is bad.

According to some a feminist is being a lesbian, being against marriage, and being a baby killer amongst other things. I personally was a former member of NOW, but there are extremist in every group, which is why I don't like to be grouped. Much like not all black people love Al Sharpton (or feel he is a black leader, which usually white people label him as, whereas black people label him as a James Brown wannabe), not all of us believe being a housewife is bad, or that liking men is a sin against the movement.

There is such a war against "Political Correctness" that it lumps all things into one dirty little package and dismiss it as something awful and something dirty. I will rant about Political Correctness in another entry :)

Anyway being a feminist isn't always a bad thing, and I am curious why people feel that way.