Just finished reading about a study on autism in England. It is really interesting to me because it could have a great impact on my own decisions of having a child.

Me and my husband are trying to concieve a child. Scary I know, that I would knowingly want to pro-create looking at all my instability.

One thing that is ALWAYS in the back of my mind is autism. My brother and my cousin both have autism. My brother and cousin are both considered high functioning (meaning they went to school, they both went to community college, can drive, and hold jobs, they lack social skills, and in matter of fact both are considered of normal or above normal intelligence), and my brother has been properly diagnosed with aspergers. They look normal, but they don't necessarily act normal. They have what I call Bobby Boucher symdrome in the fact that they lack the social skills. Which could affect them in getting employment, relationships, etc. I have an inkling that the condition is hereditary looking at my cousin and brother. Let me also add, my grandmother shows classic signs of high functioning autism as well, but was never diagnosed and no one has bothered to ask any questions about it. She might just be weird, but who knows? Or all three instances could be attributed to the fact that they live or were born in Waco aka Wacko, TX. You know it ain't quite right down there. Mostly you look at behaviors, and you see the family tree and you freak out a bit.

The sad thing is, there is a possibility of autism being on my husband's side of the family as well. His father aka my father in law, there is something amiss, but it appears his grandparents or anyone else for that matter has never ever discussed or noticed this issue. Me and my husband notice it, but when we bring it up to his mother, she says "he wasn't like that when we were together" and then proceeds to tell us horror stories proving he acted the same way then, as he does now. Of course her past and present choices in spouses leave us wondering constantly, maybe emotionally she is developmentally delayed in finding normal relationships with normal men and not a bunch of crazy folks. But that is a mother in law issue, which I have a few, mostly stemming from my husband's childhood, who compared to my Cosby like childhood lived like the damn Bundy's from Married With Children.

Between me and my husband, we are screwed genetically, and not just with autism. The poor children will have huge feet, and large hands, yes even our little girl. They have a 50/50 chance of having a pancake booty, and if it is a boy, there is a 50/50 chance of them not being able to grow a goatee that connects to his mustache. There is also a good chance our child will have a big freaky nose, all being my fault. There is also a good chance our child will be fat, but hell that is every child in America these days.

Maybe we shouldn't pro-create, but dammit I want a child so I can buy their clothes at Baby Gap. It also isn't right that my 20 year old brother in law recently became a father, accidentally of course, and he or the mother are not emotionally or financially ready to have the child. If they can, why can't we, after all we are older, and financially better off, and we got lots of love!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe my clock is just ticking, and maybe that is why I want a baby. Maybe it is because my mother, mother in law, and everyone else in the child are pushing for a mulatto grandchild. Who knows?