It is New Years Eve. I am already in my pajamas. It is only 7:00 and I am looking forward to bed time. I wanted to go out, but I don't know where to go. My husband wants to stay in, but he doesn't want me to go out with friends because he doesn't want to worry. Damn I am old.
1. Lose weight, get in shape, eat healthier
2. Spend less time on the internet
3. Ween myself back off of television
4. Go back to school to get my master's
5. Decide what I really want to do when I grow up
6. Save and manage money better
7. Do things on my own more, if I want to go to an art show I can do it by myself, I will not deny myself simply because my husband doesn't want to go, or I can't find anyone to go with me. I need to learn to be more independent and develop my own interests more.
8. Decide if I really want kids, or if I am just wanting kids due to family pressure.
9. Learn to listen more, and try to understand different points of views a little bit better.
10. Try to not equate money or career to success
"Ours is one continued struggle against degradation sought to be inflicted upon us by the European, who desire to degrade us to the level of the raw Kaffir, whose occupation is hunting and whose sole ambition is to collect a certain number of cattle to buy a wife with, and then pass his life in indolence and nakedness."
"It is one thing to register natives who would not work, and whom it is very difficult to find out if they absent themselves, but it is another thing -and most insulting - to expect decent, hard-working, and respectable Indians, whose only fault is that they work too much, to have themselves registered and carry with them registration badges."
"Now let us turn our attention to another and entirely unrepresented community - the Indian. He is in striking contrast with the native. While the native has been of little benefit to the State, it owes its prosperity largely to the Indians. While native loafers abound on every side, that species of humanity is almost unknown among Indians here."
"Why, of all places in Johannesburg, the Indian location should be chosen for dumping down all Kaffirs of the town, passes my comprehension. Of course, under my suggestion, the Town Council must withdraw the Kaffirs from the Location. About this mixing of the Kaffirs with the Indians I must confess I feel most strongly. I think it is very unfair to the Indian population, and it is an undue tax on even the proverbial patience of my countrymen."
Now reading this article, it is a bashing of liberal ideology. I do want to know though, why do we forget Gandhi's racism, but are always quick to remember his fight for equality for his OWN people?
I cannot understand how we treat this man as a hero. In today's modern age Sharpton would have attacked him with a vengeance. CNN would have blasted his comments all over the place and he would have been dismissed as a racist for the most part.
Why do we as people tend to have only two categories of people. Good and Bad? Obviously a lot of people love Gandhi think he is wonderful, but if they actually read the writings of Gandhi, would they be so quick to think of him as a martyr for equality? Obviously he did do good for Indians, in particular Indians of a higher caste. He apparently wasn't into low caste Indians receiving equal treatment either. So was Gandhi an overall good person or an overall bad person?
She has struggled more in her 10 years than I ever have in my 31 years of life. I wonder what else she has been through in her short time. I know that she is very uncomfortable around men. I pray to God that is not due to abuse. I sincerely hope that whatever bad her mother did to her, we can make up for it by loving her like a child should be loved. This girl has asked me some of the most painful things. She asks who her father is, and the sad thing is we don't know. She asked if her mother was nice to me, I told her yes, she then asked why her mother didn't like her. All I can do is tell her I love her and give her a hug.
Her life makes me wonder why she is such a sweet and loving person. If a quarter of the things that happened to her had happened to me, I would be the most vile, ugly person in all the world. She just stays sweet, she stays trusting of at least women for the most part. She gives hugs, tells you she loves you, and welcomes you with open arms and a smile. That is something I am grateful for. She does something at 10, I can't even do now, which is let go.
Me and my husband have a vastly different view of relationships. At times it has caused tension in our years together. I think it totally has to do with our upbringing. My parents are still together after 34 years. His parents are divorced and he has had two "step daddies", and his mother has probably shared too much in regards to their rough patches, as my parents have shielded me from such things. His father is always single.
My parents are a bit more independent. My dad travels a lot for work so they are apart quite often for a day or two. I grew up thinking it was perfectly normal on Sunday morning to have breakfast together and read the newspaper at the table. If you wanted to take a weekend trip to see family or friends, it was ok, the other person would hold down the fort. My mother and father both while obtaining their masters while married with children were away for three or four weeks to take a class or two. I came into a relationship thinking these things were normal.
My husband finds it strange. He thinks we should be together always. If we read at the table, what is the point of being at the table? We had this discussion with his mother, she thought the only people who did that were in the movies. To me reading the newspaper or a book at the table is akin to eating dinner on the coffee table and watching TV, which is something we do often as he refuses to eat at the kitchen table. I have been on one vacation without him since we were together, and it was because he started a new job and was scared to ask for vacation and instead of losing the money on the trip, I took a friend. Me and other friends have talked about taking road trips together, hanging, hell even sleeping over each others house, and it freaks him out, he thinks it is strange. I don't. I am not talking about guy friends either, this is with girls, so no fear of hanky panky. He evens freaks out if he thinks I meet up with friends too often. I have a friend who I met up with after work and we discussed getting together the weekend in the same week. My husband was adamant about me staying home, indicating she could come over, but I had been out enough for the week. It of course started a "disagreement". When I talk about vacations, doing things separate, he says only people who don't love each other do that. I think often times than not he doesn't object to my socializing because he doesn't want me to feel trapped or start to resent him.
One thing he does, that I love him for, since he doesn't want me to go places without him, he will suffer for concerts for me so I am not out without him. He went to he pixies concert and suffered because I was standing the whole time singing the songs. He can't stand the Pixies. That is love right there.
I think since he didn't grow up with his parents together his preconceived notions are in relationships you are always together, not just mentally and emotionally, but literally as well. I always thought independence was good, it made the relationship stronger, as long as you were faithful, a weekend trip with the girls or guys every once in a while wouldn't kill you. I think I am more lax about togetherness because I am not one to think doom and gloom and that separation will occur if we have our own things that are separate and apart. I think him growing up without his father had an impact on his views on relationships, as my parents being together had an impact on mine.
I wonder if I am too lax or if he is too strict in his definition of togetherness.
On a blog I frequent, I always find myself looking at pics of the bloggers who comment. Most of the pics are G-rated, but then you have the pics of the girls who are completely done up (weave, contacts, and all), dressed suggestively, and/or scantily clad (side profile of the ass). Personally these do not offend me, the human body is the human body. I am more offended by women in weave and color contacts than I am by women walking around naked. To me, weave and color contacts make me think that you have some issues with being black, I know this is not always the case, but it is the first thing that pops into my mind.
So inevitably another commenter will say something to these particular posters about their pics. The quick and immediate response is, "Your Jealous". Am I or the other posters there really jealous, or do we just not want to see your ass on our computer screens?
If I wanted to look at ass, I would go to the Round and Brown sites. Personally, I don't see the men posters providing pics of their penises or asses for me to see, I don't even see chest pics. At least give me some eye candy. I am all about naked folks, but sometimes, especially if I happen to blog at work, I do not want your booty on my computer screen for fear that my coworkers and boss might think I am really at the round and brown site, and not at a blog discussing IR relationships and race relations.
Sometimes I think we are trying way too hard to impress others. That is just me thinking out loud though. After all, I am probably jealous of these women and just spewing hatred. Hey the guys like it, again guys are more visual than girls, we are always taught to tone things down. Guys want us to tone things up. I think my husband would be excited if I got dressed up in heels, a short skirt, and make up to clean the bathroom, but instead I opt for a ratty tshirt, sweat pants, and no make up. I guess men and women are just different.
As you know I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods all of my life. I know until middle school, I wasn't even fully aware of race. I knew I was black and the other kids were white, but it wasn't a bit topic of discussion aside from kids noticing my hair was different and my skin was brown, but the inside of my hands were white like them.
In middle school I became painfully aware of my blackness, ironically from four black girls. They told me I thought I was white, talked white, and I was an Oreo, black on the outside, white on the inside. By high school I had moved to another area, again predominantly white. That is when it really started. Questions about my background, why did I talk white? People's parents telling me I was acceptable because I came from good stock, rather I didn't live in the ghetto, speak ebonics, and my parents weren't on welfare like they thought all blacks did. I started making friends with white kids that would show what they learned at home about blacks from their parents. I would get the dreaded "Why can't more blacks be more like you?", "You're not like the others", and "When I talk about black people, I am not talking about you, you're different."
Uuuggggggghhhhhh those comments are the bane of my existence. I really hate these things, I hate these comments even more as I become older. I think what bothers me about these things is that:
1. People think that blacks are some homogeneous group that all thinks the same
2. Most the people who have said this to me have very little interaction with black people aside from what they see on MTV, BET, and the news. There perception of black comes from the media, which doesn't always paint the best picture of blacks (shocker I know).
So why do people think I am so different for a black person?
-People used to say the music I listened to. Hey I listened to Fishbone, Bad Brains, Michael Franti, they are all black, they just don't get airplay on black radio stations and they aren't R&B or hip hop, but they are very much in on the black music scene? Why aren't they considered "black music". I listen to old stuff too, just because I don't want to listen to R. Kelley make 5,000 songs about being in a closet, doesn't mean I don't like black music. I also listen to Three 6 Mafia, but I hide that, because as I should be, I am ashamed to let anyone know that I know all the lyrics to "M.E.M.P.H.I.S.", "F*ck Yall H*es" and "Mafia N*ggaz". Yeah they spelled it with a damn Z. Now you see why I am ashamed.
-The way I talk. I talk like me. I don't have a twang, or speak ebonics, and I guess that throws people off, of course I don't know a bunch of black people who speak ebonics either.
-I do white things, i.e. go to concerts, museums, try new restaurants, and read (yeah someone told me that). Sorry to disappoint, but what exactly do black people do that I am not aware of? I know many white people who don't like museums or trying new food (hell my husband is so picky with food, if it ain't deep fried or meat he won't eat it)
So why am I so different? I don't understand it.
I am officially a Macbook owner. No more PC for me. It is taking getting used to, but I already see the advantages of Mac to PC, I absolutely love it. That was my Christmas, and I can say I needed this gift. I had two computers, both on their last legs. My desktop was, don't laugh a computer my husband had in 2001, it is still kicking but barely. I can't even play youtube videos on it. The other computer is a laptop. It was another computer my husband had, he upgraded, I got it. It had a hard life and died on me earlier this year. This is my first non hand me down computer. I guess I could count my computer I got when I was living at home, back in the 1990s, but I had to share it with my little brother, so it doesn't count.
Why am I celebrating Christmas. This time for the first time in ::gasp:: 31 years, I did not put up a Christmas tree. I think the getting fired right before Thanksgiving did it to me. Typically I am all Christmased out, stockings, inflatable snowman in the yard, wreath on the door. Christmas shopping is done, and Christmas music is blaring. I just finished Christmas shopping today. I am not really in the mood. The only thing I am really excited about for Christmas is the fact I got a new computer.
I am trying to figure out why I am not excited about Christmas this year. Could it be because my grandmother died a couple of weeks back? Or that I lost my job right before Thanksgiving and felt I ruined us financially for Christmas. Maybe I am overwhelmed by feeling I have to have a super duper christmas extravaganza every year with the perfect tree, perfect gifts, and end up spending way too much. It could be because we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ, even though Christ wasn't born December 25th, but rather in the spring, and that Christmas was originally a pagan holiday, or maybe it is because my husband is an atheist, and I am agnostic (still holding onto hope in case there is a hell).
All I know is that I am already thinking New Years resolutions, and I plan to post them and stick to them very soon!!!!
Porn and relationships. In an earlier post, I talked about having an online friend I looking very similar to a porn actress I saw in some explicit spam. I said that I couldn't date someone that had done porn. I am wondering am I alone in that mindset, why do I have that mindset?
I asked my husband would he date a woman in the adult entertainment industry, provided of course he was single. He said no. But I got to thinking, I know he knows I was not the virgin Mary when we got together, I knew he wasn't virginal either. So what is the difference between doing it on camera or doing it in private? He basically felt, even though he knew I wasn't a virgin, at least he couldn't see my past, but if you do porn it is there forever haunting to you. He prefers to think I was a virgin before we were together.
I understand porn can haunt you for years. You did it for six months, but your image gets used over and over again, in tons of different movies, magazines, and web sites. It could be used for years. Obviously, even though people don't admit it, porn is a huge industry, so a ton of people are watching it, and a ton of people are buying it. What if someone recognizes them, what if you bring them home to your family and sibling, or parent saw them. What if your family approached you about it? What do you say? How do you react? So if you are willing to watch a girl or guy doing it, shouldn't you be open to dating that same girl or guy you watched? Would you be open to dating them if they stopped working in the industry for you, or would you be ok with them continuing to do it? Is it hypocritical to stop people from doing what they want to do, or for you to watch what they do, but not want to date them?
If they quit working in the industry, how do they financially adjust. I had a friend in college who stripped at a club in Dallas (surprise a stripper in Dallas, until a couple of years ago, Dallas had more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the U.S.). She made a ton of money while going to school. More than her job offers once she finished school offered. She is a degreed stripper, the money was just too good to give up, even though it was a part time job to help pay for school. My part time job in college was working at the mall and then becoming a part time admin. My job offers made me feel rich. Her plan now is to marry one of her patrons who is very wealthy, and buys her stuff constantly. She is going to quit stripping and he is going to take care of her. It definitely pays to strip.
So what do you guys think? You think you would be open to dating a stripper, porn star, or any one else in the adult entertainment business?
WHAT BITCH R U?
created with QuizFarm.com
|You scored as Siditty Bitch|
You are a SIDITTY BITCH in other words, (stuck up). You know that you are all that, people are always giving you attention and you walk with pride. You are very prissy and high class and very conceited but gotta reason!
I grew up camping in a cabin with electricity, running water, beds, and a television like this:
He doesn't think that is camping, he likens it to staying at a hotel. Hello!?!?!? There is no room service in a cabin, nor spa, nor swimming pool, usually just a lake. How dare he claim I have never been camping. My parents have a cabin, and we would go down to the other house all the time. It was rough. Only two bedrooms and four people!!!! I had to alternate with my brother between the other room and the couch in the living area. Yeah we had cable and a phone. What if a bear mauls me, how else do I contact 911?
So now I am researching on the internet like a nerd on how to camp in a tent and places to go camping, but all I can seem to find is RV parks, per my husband no RV either. How do you cook up food without a stove? How do you watch TV in a tent? Where are the showers. I can't find a place to camp without an RV.
This camping in a tent thing is no joke.
There are a couple of blogs that are famous for this now. So much so that they are now giving pointers to black women on how to pick up men. To me that is sad. Why do we need instructions on how to get a man? Why do we need a dating service via blog indicating what black women need to do to snag them a man. Is it really so different from how white women grab men? In a previous entry, I showed how I got a man. I learned guys were more visual than mental. I showed my assets, slutted it up.
I managed to get a man without ever having to go to a blog to get pointers on how to get a man. I am not sexy, nor have I ever claimed to be. I curse, I belch, and I drink beer. I am not girly at all, but I know to throw on some lipstick when necessary.
Why do the BW blogs have the doom and gloom message? Why do I need a blog to fix me up or tell me what to do. Just get out there, the men will come trust me. Men that like girls, go after them. No instructions needed. You so don't need a blog to get a man. Men don't talk a lot, so a lot of them aren't out there reading what you got to say. Take your intellect to the mall, the grocery store, your local college campus, library, bookstore, or local bar, it will go a lot further if your goal is to get a man.
I got a new job. I start Monday. I made a lateral move pay wise, but benefits far outweigh my previous place of employment.
I think being unemployed made me crazy. It made me a bit.......aggressive. Militant. Psycho.
As a result of unemployment, I spent every second I could on the internet blogging and/or reading blogs. I argued with people. I got wrapped up in high school bullshit in comment sections of blogs. I realized I was trying way too hard to be cool with the cool young bloggers. I am not cool, I am a reject. A nerd. An outcast. Always have been and always will be. I will never be cool. Not even on the internet. I cannot compete with folks ten years younger who are willing to post their pics and compliment each other on how hot they are. I am not hot. I am 31 and holding. I will not email you to have a conversation in private. You probably wouldn't reply anyway. I am fat, I am cynical, and I don't see the world as a new frontier, but rather an old depressing place full of evil people who do evil things to those less fortunate and unsuspecting. I think my biggest concern should be how do I stop my husband from buying so much G.I. Joe and how to keep the toilet seat down. Not being cool on the internet.
With that said, I will probably keep my blog surfing down to a minimum, don't worry I will still post, but I am taking the internet way too seriously lately. Maybe I need to focus my energies elsewhere, like at the gym. So if I don't comment as much, you know why. If I am not here every five seconds, you know why. If I seem anti-social, you know why. I've got to break my blogging addiction. Starting Monday. Let me spend every second I can now blogging. I can't just quit cold turkey. Damn!!!!
I have no issue with porn or porn stars. I couldn't date someone who had sex with other people for money, but beyond that, I have no issues, it is just kind of weird, I don't like knowing what people I talk to look like naked. It is scary.
How do you approach it? Do you approach it at all?
Often get overlooked by girls who look like this:
I know guys are visual creatures and looks matter. I really understand that. But do the guys want the girls who show skin vs. the girls who just want to go to work or get to class everyday.
I used to be a nice girl. I figured if I had a sparkling personality (which I don't), acted somewhat normal (which I am not), and just dressed like I felt comfortable dressing, the guys would come. They didn't. I was exposed to a lot of guys, I would say back before I was married, the majority of my friends were guys. I get along with guys better. Women are insecure, too insecure, to the point they lash out at people. They talk behind your back and then start hating you for no reason. I am too sensitive for that. Guys are insecure too, but a few beers and some video games, it is all good. I am not competition to them. Of course to most of my guy friends I was like their sister, their buddy, I was in the "friend zone", which I was totally ok with, for the most part.
I remember in college my outfit of choice was baggy overalls or baggy jeans and a shirt with doc martens (it was the 90s ok). Everything was over sized and baggy. Then one day I discovered something really, really crazy, and it took a guy friend to point this out, I have really huge boobs. DDs, yeah, I will have back surgery in a few years and a lift or else I will be tucking my chest into my jeans. I think subconsciously for a long time I wore baggy things to cover up so people wouldn't notice. People notice DDs, baggy shirts or not as my friend pointed out. I decided to accentuate my assets (i.e. wore clothes that fit), put on make up, and not wear a pony tail all the time. All of the sudden I was pretty to all my friend's friends and even some of my friends thought I was all the sudden pretty because I actually looked like a girl. I got out of the friend zone with at least two friends, even though at that point they were in the friend zone with me.
The moral of the story is I had to slut it up to be noticed. At least as slutty as I could get for me, which means wearing a shirt that fits, because when I do that my boobs are very noticeable.
Pretty slutty huh? For the record the butt on the chest look ain't really pretty to me, I don't understand why it is attractive to folks.
I had one friend from high school that I had a crush on from the time I met him. I was totally enamored. He wore the coolest clothes, had the coolest taste in music, we could talk for hours, and he would actually say stuff like "you are the perfect girl, why are you single?". I was wondering the same damn thing too, why was I single? Why wasn't he asking me out?
Note the preference for him was a white girl who was a tall small chested girl with no thighs. I am the complete opposite.
So then I started dating another guy, we kind of started getting serious (which back then was a relationship lasting longer than a month) and to the guy I had a crush on for years finally came around and decided he wanted me. He professed his love for me and how he couldn't stand that I was with someone else. Hello!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why didn't you say any of this when I was sitting there like an idiot lusting after you as you drool after some tall rail thin model type?
I think guys are vocal about what they lust, they aren't so vocal about what they really want. So they will talk to the girl who is a complete hottie in their eyes, but the girl they hang out with and can talk to beyond five minutes is the girl they want to wait around for them when they decide they want to settle down and want something more than sex. Girls are the same way, we go for bad boys and thugs, and then come to our senses and want the good guys later on.
I think most people want what they can't have. I wanted the guy who didn't want me, he then wanted me when I didn't want him. I think people get together finally when they can admit what they want and be vocal about it. I wanted a relationship, my husband wanted a relationship. I like tall white guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes and he likes average height (I am not short!!!) black girls with bootys. It was perfect timing and our physical preferences merging that caused us to get married. Incidentally he met me in my "slutting it up" phase and now he would kill me if I left the house with the "girls" out on display like I had them back then. The really sad thing is, he said he was more concerned about my butt than my boobs and only became a boob man because coincidentally I had boobs.
Imus has returned, and he has bought with him two black people. I guess so he can say "some of my best friends are black". Maybe this woman is supposed to be his Robin to his Howard? I wonder if she will sit back and giggle incessantly, while Imus says racist stuff or will she actually stand up to him?
I am not a fan of Imus just read here, here, and here.
Don Imus' New Sidekick Says She Brings Wider Representation(AP Photo/Richard Drew)
In an exclusive interview with Essence.com, Foster talked about the criticism and what Don Imus is like as a boss.
Despite heavy criticism for partnering with Imus, Foster views the gig as a historic moment. Foster said, "What an opportunity to be a positive role model, not just for African-Americans and not just for women, but especially African-American women."
Foster disagrees with critics who accuse her of being a sellout. On the contrary, she believes taking the job ushers in a new era for African-American women's collective voice.
Foster said, "If people would call me a sellout, I’d have to say they don’t know me at all, and I am sorry they feel that way. I would hope and prefer they would see this as an opportunity to have a form of representation where there previously was none."
On working with Imus, Foster said, "He is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. He does have the grumpy old man demeanor. I’m not saying that is not who he is. That is definitely part of who he is. But he is definitely a very kind, gentle person."
Foster does not deem Imus' "nappy-headed hos" comment to be malicious. She said, "He was an old white guy trying to be young and hip and use the modern vernacular. And it wasn’t funny."
By Karl Moats
© MMVII, CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.
I really have issues with this ideal.
I know I am not some magical Negro, so why do they take negative stereotypes and run with it? Are they taking their personal experiences and applying it to the whole race of people?
Do they believe most blacks are poverty stricken and on welfare? That we have four kids and three baby daddies? Do they believe we all listen to Jay Z and think Tupac and Biggie are gods? Is the assumption most blacks think education is not important?
Have American blacks been used to uplift non American blacks to be the "ideal" black?
Are we building a hierarchy based upon geographic location?
Is this another divide and conquer mentality? Must American blacks always been seen in a negative light?
My heart is hurting. My grandmother, the woman I am named after, my Madea, she passed away Monday. She was 83. My Madea was a beautiful, awesome woman who had a lot of love to give. She was so smart, so giving, and the most loving grandmother a person could ever have. Even with being diagnosed with dementia a year or two ago, she was a strong woman, demanding that she leave the nursing home she was placed in so that she could go "home". Even though in later years, the dementia harmed her in a lot of ways, it never wavered her love for us. Visiting her in the nursing home, she always had a hug and a kiss for her grand babies, she never once forgot who we were. Unfortunately she never got to go home, but now maybe she is at peace.
I love you Madea. I want so badly to be able to give you a kiss on the cheek, give you a hug, and just tell you that I love you.
I am on my yahoo! messenger chatting with one of my friends, yes someone I know in real life. She moved away and we do the majority of our talking via phone and chat. I get a message that pops up from a guy. He says and I quote "I see you n*gger". I say excuse me, you must have the wrong person. I am trying to be nice at this point, maybe he thought I was someone else and maybe they got some kind of code words, and the n-word being one of them. He then says "no, I see you n*gger." At this point all niceness is gone and I say "Who the f*ck do you think you are? Do I go around calling you a punk b*tch?"
He responds in a long diatribe about how he thought I was into role play and slave fantasies. Apparently this man had went to my yahoo 360 page, which I don't update often which says I am married to a white man. In this conclusion he thought I was into role play and pretending to be a slave, while my husband was "massa".
Uuuhhhmmm we don't roll that way in our household. Never have, never will. My husband to my knowledge has never even uttered the n-word, and I sure as hell don't refer to him as "massa". I also don't think I have ever had any fantasies of being on a plantation and raped by "massa". How does a man come to this conclusion? Obviously I didn't talk to him all that long, just maybe 3 minutes, and then I promptly put him on ignore, but I wonder if some people think like this? Do they feel IR relationships are some type of sexual deviant behavior or alternative lifestyle?
I will admit in my past I have had white men approach me in a sexual manner. At clubs being asked to dance for a man for money, and no not a strip club. Or a man offering to buy me Starbucks, but wanting something in exchange for my grande white chocolate mocha. Or comments about dark skin against light skin being sexy. I am used to the term "Splitting Dark Oak", it might be a Southern thing, but I have never ever thought of myself as Butterfly McQueen and my husband as Rhett Butler trying to get at me instead of Scarlett O'hara. It just isn't going to fly.
I am not going to say it is just white men who feel this way. Why is it that a relationship between a black woman and white man would be seen as deviant or risque? That there must be some alter motive for a black woman and white man to be together? I guess it goes back to beauty ideals in our society?
Whenever I think of men approaching me in that way, I always think about Hottentot Venus or the movie Goodbye Uncle Tom (which I suggest you never ever see, unless you want to get pissed off at the gall of the people who made this film) If you don't know the story, Sarah Baartman, also known as Hottentot Venus was an African girl basically bought over to France as a sexual oddity due to the size of her butt and a large labia. Her features were apparently a trait that was common in her tribe. She was basically treated as a sideshow attraction all over Europe, then forced into prostitution and died at a very young age. Her remains were put on exhibit in France and were on display until the late 1970s. Her tribe has fought to get her remains back for literally years and it was only until 2002 her remains were given back to her tribe for burial in South Africa.
Do men with this mindset see black women as an oddity? Something so different that they cannot fathom any other way a white man could want a black woman unless they were some kind of freak with a strange fetish?
Also, let's assume that this goes on, obviously to some degree it does, how popular is this role playing of being a slave and master on the plantation. Is this an offshoot of S&M or Bondage? How many black women are participating?
News reports are now saying Sean Taylor wasn't meant to be killed. The four men who robbed his home didn't expect him, his girlfriend, or Sean Taylor's 18 month year old daughter to be home. They thought they were doing a robbery of an empty upscale house. It had nothing to do with Taylor's "checkered past".
When Johnny Carson died, no one talked about his "checkered past", they talked about his humor, what a great man he was. No one mentioned he constant use of the n-word, his anti-gay views, or the fact he wouldn't even acknowledge his own flesh and blood granddaughter, even up until the day he died because she was half black.
Why the character assassination? Why is it ok to talk about Sean Taylor and his "checkered past" when his past had nothing to do with his senseless death?
Now that the facts have come out, will Mr. Whitlock and all the others talking about Taylor's past apologize for their mistake, and if they do, will it make the same impact as their accusations? His death had nothing to do with his past. It was a vendetta against him, it wasn't his drug dealing ways, it was simply people trying to rob a house of a man they didn't think was home.
MIAMI, Florida (CNN) -- The four men arrested in the shooting death of NFL player Sean Taylor didn't plan to kill him, authorities say.
The suspects, clockwise from top left, Charles Kendrick Lee Wardlow, Eric Rivera Jr., Jason Scott Mitchell and Venjah K. Hunte.
"They were certainly not looking to go there and kill anyone," he said. "Their obvious motive was to go there and steal the contents of the house."
Police have more than one confession in the case and the individuals will be charged with murder, Parker said.
Taylor, 24, died Tuesday, a day after he was shot during an apparent burglary at his Miami home.
The suspects are Venjah K. Hunte, 20; Eric Rivera Jr., 17; Jason Scott Mitchell, 17; and Charles Kendrick Lee Wardlow, 18.
Additional arrests are possible, Parker said.
"The key to solving this case was citizens' tips," he said.
The men knew Taylor lived at the house, Parker said.
A police official told CNN they are investigating the possibility that one or more of the suspects new members of Taylor's family.
At 1:45 a.m. Monday, Taylor's girlfriend, Jackie Garcia, called 911 and said someone had been shot.
Authorities have said she told police she was hiding under the bedding during the attack.
Garcia did not see what happened and could not provide a suspect description, Parker told reporters on Wednesday.
Police said Garcia and Taylor were awakened by noise in the living room, and that Taylor got up and locked the bedroom door, but the door was kicked in and two shots were fired, one striking him in the leg.
Garcia tried to call 911 but was unable to, and used her cell phone instead, police said. There was no evidence the line had been cut, Parker said Wednesday.
A break-in was also reported eight days earlier, Miami-Dade police said.
A police report said someone forced a window open and left a kitchen knife on a bed. Several drawers and a bedroom safe were searched during the break-in, according to the report.
Taylor was home unexpectedly because of an injury, his former attorney, Richard Sharpstein, told reporters Tuesday. "I think he was surprised or they were surprised to find him there," he said.
Taylor spent four years with the Washington Redskins, but had been out with a sprained right knee. He did not play in Sunday's game against Tampa Bay.
Taylor was a first-round pick in the 2004 draft, according to his team's web site.
He played at the University of Miami, where he was an All-American in 2003, and was also a high school standout in the city. Dubbing him "the prototype NFL free safety," the Redskins credited Taylor's team-leading tackling prowess for sending him to his first Pro Bowl after 2006.
Honestly not only is your man cheating, he is doing it with little girls and paying for it. Seriously you are the police, make his life hell and leave him. Make him go to jail and you get to keep everything. Why would you help his ass molest children and then destroy the pictures the fool took while he was molesting them.
His dumb ass:
ATLANTA (AP) -- Federal authorities allege that the husband of an Atlanta police officer took photos of himself having sex with several young girls, and say the police department had some of the pictures seven years ago but took no action.
U.S. Attorney David Nahmias said, "This is a very disturbing case, for many reasons."
Terrill Crane was ordered today by a magistrate judge to be held in federal custody pending a detention hearing on December fifth. He faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of producing child pornography.
Prosecutors say Crane's wife, Sergeant Tanya Crane, destroyed potential evidence, but she has not been charged. Department spokeswoman Judy Pal said Crane is on paid administrative leave from the police force. A phone listing for the couple in Georgia could not be located today.
Terrill Crane's attorney, Don Samuel, told The Associated Press after an initial court appearance for his client today that there are doubts about some of the allegations relating to how old the girls were. He also said that Crane's wife did not destroy any evidence.
Samuel said, "She was told there was some investigation and said, 'Let me know,' and nothing happened."
It's legal in Georgia to have consensual sex with someone under 16, but under federal law it is illegal to take pornographic photos of someone under the age of 18.
Federal prosecutors said that a photo shop employee contacted the Atlanta Police Department in 2000 because he was concerned about the content of film developed for Terrill Crane, and that photos were provided to police over the next two years.
(Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
I will start off by saying I have never ever in the history of man kind ever wore a weave on my head. I wore a wig once at Halloween, but never a weave. I have worn color contacts, just a few times. I got them at the Big T Bazaar for $10, they weren't comfortable and if I wore them for any length of time, I might have ended up blind. My husband thought they were horrid. I had this hazel pair, and gray pair. He felt it weird that anyone would have gray eyes. He begged me to take them out, not just because they didn't come from an optometrist, but rather a swap meet, but because he thinks I look better with my boring old brown eyes. I have colored my hair only in high school and freshman year of college, and only in colors not found in nature, blue, pink, green. I know I sounded like I was a creme de la creme catch back then. I was also a militant vegetarian too. I digress.
I have grown up in the age of weave and colored contacts. I have friends who wear either or, and some who wear both. It took my years to realize what weave was, because I never went to the beauty shop growing up,my mother instead gave me 3rd degree burns with a hot iron or chemical burns with the super duper Revlon super strength relaxers. I used to wonder how some black woman had such long luxurious hair that didn't frizz up in Texas Humidity. I actually got my hair to grow, but it never would comply to the humidity in the air.
Color contacts always fascinated me too. I would never wonder if they were real or fake, I remember when color contacts first came out, the colors were horrid, but to me still pretty than plain old brown.
My final fascination in regards to this subject, was black women with red, blond, and other hair colors. I wonder how they got their hair so blond, did they feel it looked natural. Did they feel pretty, or that they got more attention as a red head or blond? Was it true blonds had more fun?
When you put the blond or whatever color weave with the color contacts, I get even more fascinated.
My question is this? Why do we want to wear weaves, dye our hair, and have color contacts?
Now I know many black women who wear weave or color contacts, and they are secure in their skin, are beautiful women, and have no real hang ups in regards to their beauty, at least no more than the average person. But the go so far as to do a combination of all three, it is very strange to me.
Is it self hate, an attempt to meet western beauty standards, or just someone trying something different and new?
I always have to point to the obvious blond weave, color contact queen, Lil Kim. She has set the gold standard of this look. When Lil Kim first came out, she was skanky, like she always was, but she had dark hair, brown eyes, and her skin was a nice medium brown, her hair did appear to be weave or wig, but who knows, I have a hard time telling in most cases of weave/wig:
Now we have Lil Kim Redux:
Why would Lil Kim want to look like this? Is she considered more attractive now, or how she was when she first started?
Time for Meme!
The rules of the game are:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
7 Random /weird facts about me:
1. I like cats more than dogs, but I have two dogs and only one cat
2. I have lived in Paris...........Texas
3. I am double jointed in my fingers and toes
4. I hate the texture of coconut, but love the flavor
5. I am named after a woman named John
6. My personality type is ENTJ, which is quite fitting considering
7. I like to dip my french fries in a chocolate frosty from Wendy's
I don't know seven people to tag.
This was an awesome movie. I am probably the only person in the world who thinks so. It cracked me up. It had me thinking about a post at ABC. The enemy in this movie is Corporate America and it is one by one man, "Tha Man". Pootie has to take down the man and make everything right in the world
Older white women join Kenya's sex tourists
By Jeremy ClarkeMon Nov 26, 8:24 AM ET
Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64.
They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls."
Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex.
Allie and Bethan -- who both declined to give their full names -- said they planned to spend a whole month touring Kenya's palm-fringed beaches. They would do well to avoid the country's tourism officials.
"It's not evil," said Jake Grieves-Cook, chairman of the Kenya Tourist Board, when asked about the practice of older rich women traveling for sex with young Kenyan men.
"But it's certainly something we frown upon."
Also, the health risks are stark in a country with an AIDS prevalence of 6.9 percent. Although condom use can only be guessed at, Julia Davidson, an academic at Nottingham University who writes on sex tourism, said that in the course of her research she had met women who shunned condoms -- finding them too "businesslike" for their exotic fantasies.
The white beaches of the Indian Ocean coast stretched before the friends as they both walked arm-in-arm with young African men, Allie resting her white haired-head on the shoulder of her companion, a six-foot-four 23-year-old from the Maasai tribe.
He wore new sunglasses he said were a gift from her.
"We both get something we want -- where's the negative?" Allie asked in a bar later, nursing a strong, golden cocktail.
She was still wearing her bikini top, having just pulled on a pair of jeans and a necklace of traditional African beads.
Bethan sipped the same local drink: a powerful mix of honey, fresh limes and vodka known locally as "Dawa," or "medicine."
She kept one eye on her date -- a 20-year-old playing pool, a red bandana tying back dreadlocks and new-looking sports shoes on his feet.
He looked up and came to join her at the table, kissing her, then collecting more coins for the pool game.
Grieves-Cook and many hotel managers say they are doing all they can to discourage the practice of older women picking up local boys, arguing it is far from the type of tourism they want to encourage in the east African nation.
"The head of a local hoteliers' association told me they have begun taking measures -- like refusing guests who want to change from a single to a double room," Grieves-Cook said.
"It's about trying to make those guests feel as uncomfortable as possible ... But it's a fine line. We are 100 percent against anything illegal, such as prostitution. But it's different with something like this -- it's just unwholesome."
These same beaches have long been notorious for attracting another type of sex tourists -- those who abuse children.
As many as 15,000 girls in four coastal districts -- about a third of all 12-18 year-olds girls there -- are involved in casual sex for cash, a joint study by Kenya's government and U.N. children's charity UNICEF reported late last year.
Up to 3,000 more girls and boys are in full-time sex work, it said, some paid for the "most horrific and abnormal acts."
"PREYING ON POVERTY?"
Emerging alongside this black market trade -- and obvious in the bars and on the sand once the sun goes down -- are thousands of elderly white women hoping for romantic, and legal, encounters with much younger Kenyan men.
They go dining at fine restaurants, then dancing, and back to expensive hotel rooms overlooking the coast.
"One type of sex tourist attracted the other," said one manager at a shorefront bar on Mombasa's Bamburi beach.
"Old white guys have always come for the younger girls and boys, preying on their poverty ... But these old women followed ... they never push the legal age limits, they seem happy just doing what is sneered at in their countries."
Experts say some thrive on the social status and financial power that comes from taking much poorer, younger lovers.
"This is what is sold to tourists by tourism companies -- a kind of return to a colonial past, where white women are served, serviced, and pampered by black minions," said Nottinghan University's Davidson.
"LIVE LIKE THE RICH"
Many of the visitors are on the lookout for men like Joseph.
Flashing a dazzling smile and built like an Olympic basketball star, the 22-year-old said he has slept with more than 100 white women, most of them 30 years his senior.
"When I go into the clubs, those are the only women I look for now," he told Reuters. "I get to live like the rich mzungus (white people) who come here from rich countries, staying in the best hotels and just having my fun."
At one club, a group of about 25 dancing men -- most of them Joseph look-alikes -- edge closer and closer to a crowd of more than a dozen white women, all in their autumn years.
"It's not love, obviously. I didn't come here looking for a husband," Bethan said over a pounding beat from the speakers.
"It's a social arrangement. I buy him a nice shirt and we go out for dinner. For as long as he stays with me he doesn't pay for anything, and I get what I want -- a good time. How is that different from a man buying a young girl dinner?"
(Editing by Daniel Wallis and Sara Ledwith)
Beauty ideals in America frustrate me so. If I hear one more white woman talk about how gross Beyonce's butt is, I will scream. Seriously. If I hear someone ask why I wear my hair "that way" aka natural, I will punch them. I have accepted my fate as unattractive in America. I have learned to live with the fact I am not airbrushed, not blond, my hair will never be naturally straight, I am not petite, I have an ass and thighs, and my eyes are boring old brown.
One of the reasons I quit using relaxer was, I couldn't keep my hair straight. I was sick of not going swimming because I was nervous about my hair getting messed up and the time it would take to straighten that hair again with an evil hot iron. Worrying about the rain when coming to and from my car. Humidity making my hair frizz up. So I basically just said f*ck it, and let it grow out of my head as it came out. No painful sores on my head and the dreaded 6 to 8 week ritual of being in the beauty salon for the whole Saturday was no more.
I have decided if I can forgo relaxer, I can forgo ever looking like a Victoria Secret model. That my jeans will always fit perfect throughout the thighs, but hang loose at my waist. I will always buy a shirt a size bigger so my boobs don't appear to overflow from the shirt, but yet the shirt will fit weird and loose everywhere else.
I as a black woman can't compete with the petite frame and straight long hair of Asian women. I can't compete with the blond hair and blue eyed Europeans, and I can't compete with the long flowing hair and light skin of the Hispanic woman that is stereotypically flaunted by the media. These women who are the ideals, the ones everyone desires and everyone wants. I am black, the one group that never has the men of all races chasing after her. I am in the one group that men don't go for if you were to look at movies, television, the media in general, etc. Asian and Hispanic women are exotic. Black women are just too far off the spectrum to be considered anything more than an oddity.
What makes a 13 year do this? Are young kids today more violent than we ever were? Are they sexualized more? Do they feel more powerless? Why would he do this? What caused him to act out in a such a violent way?
Teen gets 60 years for attack on girl
By William C. Lhotka
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Friday, Nov. 16 2007
St. Louis County — A child beaten nearly to death in a 2005 sexual assault in
Spanish Lake asked a judge to send the teen who did it to prison for 60 years.
That's exactly what Circuit Judge Melvyn W. Wiesman did Thursday, ordering
consecutive terms that add up to 60 years for Sherman Burnett Jr., 15. He will
not be eligible for parole until at least 2056.
Wiesman said he took the 8-year-old girl's recommendation into consideration.
The victim, who sat in the front row with her mother, did not testify at
Thursday's sentencing hearing in St. Louis County Circuit Court. But she wrote
to Wiesman on Sept. 25: "I want for him to go away for 60 years. Because wen he
gets out he won't hurt any other person."
The girl was 6 and Burnett 13 when he attacked her Nov. 11, 2005, in the
neighborhood where both lived. He was charged as an adult and booked as the
youngest inmate in recollection at the adult jail in Clayton, which held him
apart from other inmates.
He now goes to the Department of Corrections for placement in the prison system.
Burnett's mother and other relatives had written to the judge, urging leniency.
But Wiesman passed up an opportunity to send Burnett to a juvenile treatment
center, from which he might have been able to win freedom as early as age 17.
Instead, the judge ordered consecutive sentences of 20 years each for
kidnapping and assault and 10 years each for sodomy and attempted rape. Burnett
pleaded guilty to the charges Aug. 10. He will be eligible for parole after
serving 51 years. Presuming credit for time already served, that would be in
2056, when he is 64.
Burnett made no statement Thursday and showed no emotion; his family appeared
He abducted, beat and sexually assaulted the girl and left her semiconscious
near railroad tracks not far from her home.
The victim's family was frantic and a massive search was organized that night —
"the worst night of all our lives," her mother wrote Wiesman. "She was only 6
years old and in the first grade. The thought that she could have been taken
from me at such an early age sickens me. The image of my child in the hospital
terrorizes me daily."
A police officer found her the next morning. She had suffered a skull fracture,
a lacerated liver and heavy bruises, and half an ear had been torn off.
She told police she couldn't walk, so she crawled through a hole in a fence
near the tracks but could go no further. As night descended, she said, she
tried to cover herself with leaves. From her hospital bed, the girl identified
Burnett from a school picture.
The court file contains letters seeking leniency for Burnett, from his mother,
brother, sister, aunt, four cousins and a minister.
His mother noted that he already has been locked up for two years, is still
young and was "very remorseful."
That remorse wasn't apparent to Brent Brueck, a senior program administrator
for the Missouri Division of Youth Services. He interviewed Burnett recently to
see if he would be eligible for a dual jurisdiction juvenile program of his
agency and the Department of Corrections, in Montgomery City, Mo.
Brueck testified that Burnett told him the incident was caused by the girl,
because she had thrown a rock at him. Also, Burnett denied trying to rape her.
Brueck confirmed under questioning by prosecutor Rob Livergood that there was
no evidence in any of the records or police reports to back up Burnett's claims.
Brueck also said the teens he interviews often seek to minimize their crimes,
and that Burnett would be a candidate for the program.
Defense attorney Nellie Ribaudo argued for the joint program as a place where
Burnett could get counseling, sex offender treatment and education unavailable
Had Burnett been put there, he would have been entitled by law to hearings upon
turning 17 and 21, and potentially eligible for probation at the discretion of
a judge after either hearing.
But Wiesman decided the program was inappropriate "in light of the severity of
the assault and what appears to be a threat to the community."
The victim's family said they have moved to another state.
Her mother said in her letter to the judge that the victim "still has teenage
years to go through and I am going to keep her in therapy as long as it takes.
Only time will tell the true magnitude of the damage he has caused her."
Earlier this year, Wiesman dismissed from the case misdemeanor counts of sexual
misconduct and assault. In June 2005, Burnett had allegedly offered an
11-year-old girl $50 for sex, and threw her brother to the ground when she
refused and he intervened.
email@example.com | 314-615-3283
November 18, 2007
Sweeping the Clouds Away
Sunny days! The earliest episodes of “Sesame Street” are available on digital video! Break out some Keebler products, fire up the DVD player and prepare for the exquisite pleasure-pain of top-shelf nostalgia.
Just don’t bring the children. According to an earnest warning on Volumes 1 and 2, “Sesame Street: Old School” is adults-only: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”
Say what? At a recent all-ages home screening, a hush fell over the room. “What did they do to us?” asked one Gen-X mother of two, finally. The show rolled, and the sweet trauma came flooding back. What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where the closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.
Nothing in the children’s entertainment of today, candy-colored animation hopped up on computer tricks, can prepare young or old for this frightening glimpse of simpler times. Back then — as on the very first episode, which aired on PBS Nov. 10, 1969 — a pretty, lonely girl like Sally might find herself befriended by an older male stranger who held her hand and took her home. Granted, Gordon just wanted Sally to meet his wife and have some milk and cookies, but . . . well, he could have wanted anything. As it was, he fed her milk and cookies. The milk looks dangerously whole.
Live-action cows also charge the 1969 screen — cows eating common grass, not grain improved with hormones. Cows are milked by plain old farmers, who use their unsanitary hands and fill one bucket at a time. Elsewhere, two brothers risk concussion while whaling on each other with allergenic feather pillows. Overweight layabouts, lacking touch-screen iPods and headphones, jockey for airtime with their deafening transistor radios. And one of those radios plays a late-’60s news report — something about a “senior American official” and “two billion in credit over the next five years” — that conjures a bleak economic climate, with war debt and stagflation in the offing.
The old “Sesame Street” is not for the faint of heart, and certainly not for softies born since 1998, when the chipper “Elmo’s World” started. Anyone who considers bull markets normal, extracurricular activities sacrosanct and New York a tidy, governable place — well, the original “Sesame Street” might hurt your feelings.
I asked Carol-Lynn Parente, the executive producer of “Sesame Street,” how exactly the first episodes were unsuitable for toddlers in 2007. She told me about Alistair Cookie and the parody “Monsterpiece Theater.” Alistair Cookie, played by Cookie Monster, used to appear with a pipe, which he later gobbled. According to Parente, “That modeled the wrong behavior” — smoking, eating pipes — “so we reshot those scenes without the pipe, and then we dropped the parody altogether.”
Which brought Parente to a feature of “Sesame Street” that had not been reconstructed: the chronically mood-disordered Oscar the Grouch. On the first episode, Oscar seems irredeemably miserable — hypersensitive, sarcastic, misanthropic. (Bert, too, is described as grouchy; none of the characters, in fact, is especially sunshiney except maybe Ernie, who also seems slow.) “We might not be able to create a character like Oscar now,” she said.
Snuffleupagus is visible only to Big Bird; since 1985, all the characters can see him, as Big Bird’s old protestations that he was not hallucinating came to seem a little creepy, not to mention somewhat strained. As for Cookie Monster, he can be seen in the old-school episodes in his former inglorious incarnation: a blue, googly-eyed cookievore with a signature gobble (“om nom nom nom”). Originally designed by Jim Henson for use in commercials for General Foods International and Frito-Lay, Cookie Monster was never a righteous figure. His controversial conversion to a more diverse diet wouldn’t come until 2005, and in the early seasons he comes across a Child’s First Addict.
The biggest surprise of the early episodes is the rural — agrarian, even — sequences. Episode 1 spends a stoned time warp in the company of backlighted cows, while they mill around and chew cud. This pastoral scene rolls to an industrial voiceover explaining dairy farms, and the sleepy chords of Joe Raposo’s aimless masterpiece, “Hey Cow, I See You Now.” Chewing the grass so green/Making the milk/Waiting for milking time/Waiting for giving time/Mmmmm.
Oh, what’s that? Right, the trance of early “Sesame Street” and its country-time sequences. In spite of the show’s devotion to its “target child,” the “4-year-old inner-city black youngster” (as The New York Times explained in 1979), the first episodes join kids cavorting in amber waves of grain — black children, mostly, who must be pressed into service as the face of America’s farms uniquely on “Sesame Street.”
In East Harlem and Bedford-Stuyvesant in 1978, 95 percent of households with kids ages 2 to 5 watched “Sesame Street.” The figure was even higher in Washington. Nationwide, though, the number wasn’t much lower, and was largely determined by the whims of the PBS affiliates: 80 percent in houses with young children. The so-called inner city became anywhere that “Sesame Street” played, because the Children’s Television Workshop declared the inner city not a grim sociological reality but a full-color fantasy — an eccentric scene, framed by a box and far removed from real farmland and city streets alike.
The concept of the “inner city” — or “slums,” as The Times bluntly put it in its first review of “Sesame Street” — was therefore transformed into a kind of Xanadu on the show: a bright, no-clouds, clear-air place where people bopped around with monsters and didn’t worry too much about money, cleanliness or projecting false cheer. The Upper West Side, hardly a burned-out ghetto, was said to be the model.
People on “Sesame Street” had limited possibilities and fixed identities, and (the best part) you weren’t expected to change much. The harshness of existence was a given, and no one was proposing that numbers and letters would lead you “out” of your inner city to Elysian suburbs. Instead, “Sesame Street” suggested that learning might merely make our days more bearable, more interesting, funnier. It encouraged us, above all, to be nice to our neighbors and to cultivate the safer pleasures that take the edge off — taking baths, eating cookies, reading. Don’t tell the kids.