How You Know I Am Old

It is New Years Eve. I am already in my pajamas. It is only 7:00 and I am looking forward to bed time. I wanted to go out, but I don't know where to go. My husband wants to stay in, but he doesn't want me to go out with friends because he doesn't want to worry. Damn I am old.

New Years Resolutions

I like a lot of people do New Years resolutions, most of them I never stick with. I am making up my list once again, but this time I plan to come up with a plan of action for each thing on my list. I will probably blog about each of these more on detail later on.

1. Lose weight, get in shape, eat healthier
2. Spend less time on the internet
3. Ween myself back off of television
4. Go back to school to get my master's
5. Decide what I really want to do when I grow up
6. Save and manage money better
7. Do things on my own more, if I want to go to an art show I can do it by myself, I will not deny myself simply because my husband doesn't want to go, or I can't find anyone to go with me. I need to learn to be more independent and develop my own interests more.
8. Decide if I really want kids, or if I am just wanting kids due to family pressure.
9. Learn to listen more, and try to understand different points of views a little bit better.
10. Try to not equate money or career to success

Mahatma Gandhi: Racist, Good. Vs. Evil?

Gandhi is a highly revered person. Known for his love of peace and equality. He is like a Saint, I remember no one in America knew who Gandhi was until Ben Kingsley played him in a movie, and now we are supposed to love him. I decided years ago to read up on Gandhi and one thing I found was that Gandhi initially wasn't all about equality exactly. He was about equality for Indians living in South Africa, not about black people living in South Africa.

"Ours is one continued struggle against degradation sought to be inflicted upon us by the European, who desire to degrade us to the level of the raw Kaffir, whose occupation is hunting and whose sole ambition is to collect a certain number of cattle to buy a wife with, and then pass his life in indolence and nakedness."

"It is one thing to register natives who would not work, and whom it is very difficult to find out if they absent themselves, but it is another thing -and most insulting - to expect decent, hard-working, and respectable Indians, whose only fault is that they work too much, to have themselves registered and carry with them registration badges."

"Now let us turn our attention to another and entirely unrepresented community - the Indian. He is in striking contrast with the native. While the native has been of little benefit to the State, it owes its prosperity largely to the Indians. While native loafers abound on every side, that species of humanity is almost unknown among Indians here."

"Why, of all places in Johannesburg, the Indian location should be chosen for dumping down all Kaffirs of the town, passes my comprehension. Of course, under my suggestion, the Town Council must withdraw the Kaffirs from the Location. About this mixing of the Kaffirs with the Indians I must confess I feel most strongly. I think it is very unfair to the Indian population, and it is an undue tax on even the proverbial patience of my countrymen."

Now reading this article, it is a bashing of liberal ideology. I do want to know though, why do we forget Gandhi's racism, but are always quick to remember his fight for equality for his OWN people?

I cannot understand how we treat this man as a hero. In today's modern age Sharpton would have attacked him with a vengeance. CNN would have blasted his comments all over the place and he would have been dismissed as a racist for the most part.

Why do we as people tend to have only two categories of people. Good and Bad? Obviously a lot of people love Gandhi think he is wonderful, but if they actually read the writings of Gandhi, would they be so quick to think of him as a martyr for equality? Obviously he did do good for Indians, in particular Indians of a higher caste. He apparently wasn't into low caste Indians receiving equal treatment either. So was Gandhi an overall good person or an overall bad person?


I love my new sister

As I noted in another post, my parents are in the process of adopting two children, the oldest, ten years old is currently here. She has been here for a month. She is the sweetest kid ever. She makes me so happy to have a sister. This weekend while my parents flew out of state to visit her brother, who hopefully in a few weeks will be here, she spent the weekend with us. We were sitting on the couch and I noticed some faint scars on her arms. I asked her what happened not thinking, and as nonchalantly as saying I fell down, she said her mother grabbed her by the arms and burned her with cigarettes. It was so matter of fact. I literally just hugged her to keep myself from blubbering like a baby.

She has struggled more in her 10 years than I ever have in my 31 years of life. I wonder what else she has been through in her short time. I know that she is very uncomfortable around men. I pray to God that is not due to abuse. I sincerely hope that whatever bad her mother did to her, we can make up for it by loving her like a child should be loved. This girl has asked me some of the most painful things. She asks who her father is, and the sad thing is we don't know. She asked if her mother was nice to me, I told her yes, she then asked why her mother didn't like her. All I can do is tell her I love her and give her a hug.

Her life makes me wonder why she is such a sweet and loving person. If a quarter of the things that happened to her had happened to me, I would be the most vile, ugly person in all the world. She just stays sweet, she stays trusting of at least women for the most part. She gives hugs, tells you she loves you, and welcomes you with open arms and a smile. That is something I am grateful for. She does something at 10, I can't even do now, which is let go.


The New Booty Babe

She looks so happy next to the old one, and yes the dress does come off. My sweetie got me this for Christmas as well. Isn't my husband awesome!!!!!! You can get one here.



Me and my husband have a vastly different view of relationships. At times it has caused tension in our years together. I think it totally has to do with our upbringing. My parents are still together after 34 years. His parents are divorced and he has had two "step daddies", and his mother has probably shared too much in regards to their rough patches, as my parents have shielded me from such things. His father is always single.

My parents are a bit more independent. My dad travels a lot for work so they are apart quite often for a day or two. I grew up thinking it was perfectly normal on Sunday morning to have breakfast together and read the newspaper at the table. If you wanted to take a weekend trip to see family or friends, it was ok, the other person would hold down the fort. My mother and father both while obtaining their masters while married with children were away for three or four weeks to take a class or two. I came into a relationship thinking these things were normal.

My husband finds it strange. He thinks we should be together always. If we read at the table, what is the point of being at the table? We had this discussion with his mother, she thought the only people who did that were in the movies. To me reading the newspaper or a book at the table is akin to eating dinner on the coffee table and watching TV, which is something we do often as he refuses to eat at the kitchen table. I have been on one vacation without him since we were together, and it was because he started a new job and was scared to ask for vacation and instead of losing the money on the trip, I took a friend. Me and other friends have talked about taking road trips together, hanging, hell even sleeping over each others house, and it freaks him out, he thinks it is strange. I don't. I am not talking about guy friends either, this is with girls, so no fear of hanky panky. He evens freaks out if he thinks I meet up with friends too often. I have a friend who I met up with after work and we discussed getting together the weekend in the same week. My husband was adamant about me staying home, indicating she could come over, but I had been out enough for the week. It of course started a "disagreement". When I talk about vacations, doing things separate, he says only people who don't love each other do that. I think often times than not he doesn't object to my socializing because he doesn't want me to feel trapped or start to resent him.

One thing he does, that I love him for, since he doesn't want me to go places without him, he will suffer for concerts for me so I am not out without him. He went to he pixies concert and suffered because I was standing the whole time singing the songs. He can't stand the Pixies. That is love right there.

I think since he didn't grow up with his parents together his preconceived notions are in relationships you are always together, not just mentally and emotionally, but literally as well. I always thought independence was good, it made the relationship stronger, as long as you were faithful, a weekend trip with the girls or guys every once in a while wouldn't kill you. I think I am more lax about togetherness because I am not one to think doom and gloom and that separation will occur if we have our own things that are separate and apart. I think him growing up without his father had an impact on his views on relationships, as my parents being together had an impact on mine.

I wonder if I am too lax or if he is too strict in his definition of togetherness.



I love white men. I always have and suspect I always will. I married my husband and am happy for it, I didn't do what my mother wanted I followed my heart. I went after a guy who fit my ideal. Dark hair, green eyes, and pale skin. If I were to get divorced tomorrow, I would say more than likely I would end up with another white guy. That is just what I prefer. Why do I prefer white men. I am not really sure, it is just what I like. Is it because I don't like black men? No. Black men don't fit into the equation of why I like white men. I had positive black male role models all around me. I had a tendency to not want to date them though, I had crushes on white guys ever since I could remember. From the red headed boy Charlie in kindergarten to the blond guy Scott I went to prom with in high school. Even now I have a teen girl type crush on Cillian Murphy. I have dated black men and Hispanic men. I am willing to date anyone I deem attractive, it just seems I have a preference for white men. Should I have a reason for this attraction? Do I hate my blackness? Or do I just have something wired in my brain that attracts me to white men? Is there a justification for this attraction? I don't think there is. Attraction is attraction. I don't have to hate black men to love white men. I don't have to hate myself to love a white man. As long as I am not hurting anyone else, what is the issue?

Am I Jealous, Or Do I Just Not Want To See Your Ass?

On a blog I frequent, I always find myself looking at pics of the bloggers who comment. Most of the pics are G-rated, but then you have the pics of the girls who are completely done up (weave, contacts, and all), dressed suggestively, and/or scantily clad (side profile of the ass). Personally these do not offend me, the human body is the human body. I am more offended by women in weave and color contacts than I am by women walking around naked. To me, weave and color contacts make me think that you have some issues with being black, I know this is not always the case, but it is the first thing that pops into my mind.

So inevitably another commenter will say something to these particular posters about their pics. The quick and immediate response is, "Your Jealous". Am I or the other posters there really jealous, or do we just not want to see your ass on our computer screens?

If I wanted to look at ass, I would go to the Round and Brown sites. Personally, I don't see the men posters providing pics of their penises or asses for me to see, I don't even see chest pics. At least give me some eye candy. I am all about naked folks, but sometimes, especially if I happen to blog at work, I do not want your booty on my computer screen for fear that my coworkers and boss might think I am really at the round and brown site, and not at a blog discussing IR relationships and race relations.

Sometimes I think we are trying way too hard to impress others. That is just me thinking out loud though. After all, I am probably jealous of these women and just spewing hatred. Hey the guys like it, again guys are more visual than girls, we are always taught to tone things down. Guys want us to tone things up. I think my husband would be excited if I got dressed up in heels, a short skirt, and make up to clean the bathroom, but instead I opt for a ratty tshirt, sweat pants, and no make up. I guess men and women are just different.


You're not like the others

As you know I grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods all of my life. I know until middle school, I wasn't even fully aware of race. I knew I was black and the other kids were white, but it wasn't a bit topic of discussion aside from kids noticing my hair was different and my skin was brown, but the inside of my hands were white like them.

In middle school I became painfully aware of my blackness, ironically from four black girls. They told me I thought I was white, talked white, and I was an Oreo, black on the outside, white on the inside. By high school I had moved to another area, again predominantly white. That is when it really started. Questions about my background, why did I talk white? People's parents telling me I was acceptable because I came from good stock, rather I didn't live in the ghetto, speak ebonics, and my parents weren't on welfare like they thought all blacks did. I started making friends with white kids that would show what they learned at home about blacks from their parents. I would get the dreaded "Why can't more blacks be more like you?", "You're not like the others", and "When I talk about black people, I am not talking about you, you're different."

Uuuggggggghhhhhh those comments are the bane of my existence. I really hate these things, I hate these comments even more as I become older. I think what bothers me about these things is that:

1. People think that blacks are some homogeneous group that all thinks the same

2. Most the people who have said this to me have very little interaction with black people aside from what they see on MTV, BET, and the news. There perception of black comes from the media, which doesn't always paint the best picture of blacks (shocker I know).

So why do people think I am so different for a black person?

-People used to say the music I listened to. Hey I listened to Fishbone, Bad Brains, Michael Franti, they are all black, they just don't get airplay on black radio stations and they aren't R&B or hip hop, but they are very much in on the black music scene? Why aren't they considered "black music". I listen to old stuff too, just because I don't want to listen to R. Kelley make 5,000 songs about being in a closet, doesn't mean I don't like black music. I also listen to Three 6 Mafia, but I hide that, because as I should be, I am ashamed to let anyone know that I know all the lyrics to "M.E.M.P.H.I.S.", "F*ck Yall H*es" and "Mafia N*ggaz". Yeah they spelled it with a damn Z. Now you see why I am ashamed.

-The way I talk. I talk like me. I don't have a twang, or speak ebonics, and I guess that throws people off, of course I don't know a bunch of black people who speak ebonics either.

-I do white things, i.e. go to concerts, museums, try new restaurants, and read (yeah someone told me that). Sorry to disappoint, but what exactly do black people do that I am not aware of? I know many white people who don't like museums or trying new food (hell my husband is so picky with food, if it ain't deep fried or meat he won't eat it)

So why am I so different? I don't understand it.

My one exciting thing about Christmas

I am officially a Macbook owner. No more PC for me. It is taking getting used to, but I already see the advantages of Mac to PC, I absolutely love it. That was my Christmas, and I can say I needed this gift. I had two computers, both on their last legs. My desktop was, don't laugh a computer my husband had in 2001, it is still kicking but barely. I can't even play youtube videos on it. The other computer is a laptop. It was another computer my husband had, he upgraded, I got it. It had a hard life and died on me earlier this year. This is my first non hand me down computer. I guess I could count my computer I got when I was living at home, back in the 1990s, but I had to share it with my little brother, so it doesn't count.

Bah Humbug!!!

Why am I celebrating Christmas. This time for the first time in ::gasp:: 31 years, I did not put up a Christmas tree. I think the getting fired right before Thanksgiving did it to me. Typically I am all Christmased out, stockings, inflatable snowman in the yard, wreath on the door. Christmas shopping is done, and Christmas music is blaring. I just finished Christmas shopping today. I am not really in the mood. The only thing I am really excited about for Christmas is the fact I got a new computer.

I am trying to figure out why I am not excited about Christmas this year. Could it be because my grandmother died a couple of weeks back? Or that I lost my job right before Thanksgiving and felt I ruined us financially for Christmas. Maybe I am overwhelmed by feeling I have to have a super duper christmas extravaganza every year with the perfect tree, perfect gifts, and end up spending way too much. It could be because we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ, even though Christ wasn't born December 25th, but rather in the spring, and that Christmas was originally a pagan holiday, or maybe it is because my husband is an atheist, and I am agnostic (still holding onto hope in case there is a hell).

All I know is that I am already thinking New Years resolutions, and I plan to post them and stick to them very soon!!!!


Should people be more open and willing

Porn and relationships. In an earlier post, I talked about having an online friend I looking very similar to a porn actress I saw in some explicit spam. I said that I couldn't date someone that had done porn. I am wondering am I alone in that mindset, why do I have that mindset?

I asked my husband would he date a woman in the adult entertainment industry, provided of course he was single. He said no. But I got to thinking, I know he knows I was not the virgin Mary when we got together, I knew he wasn't virginal either. So what is the difference between doing it on camera or doing it in private? He basically felt, even though he knew I wasn't a virgin, at least he couldn't see my past, but if you do porn it is there forever haunting to you. He prefers to think I was a virgin before we were together.

I understand porn can haunt you for years. You did it for six months, but your image gets used over and over again, in tons of different movies, magazines, and web sites. It could be used for years. Obviously, even though people don't admit it, porn is a huge industry, so a ton of people are watching it, and a ton of people are buying it. What if someone recognizes them, what if you bring them home to your family and sibling, or parent saw them. What if your family approached you about it? What do you say? How do you react? So if you are willing to watch a girl or guy doing it, shouldn't you be open to dating that same girl or guy you watched? Would you be open to dating them if they stopped working in the industry for you, or would you be ok with them continuing to do it? Is it hypocritical to stop people from doing what they want to do, or for you to watch what they do, but not want to date them?

If they quit working in the industry, how do they financially adjust. I had a friend in college who stripped at a club in Dallas (surprise a stripper in Dallas, until a couple of years ago, Dallas had more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the U.S.). She made a ton of money while going to school. More than her job offers once she finished school offered. She is a degreed stripper, the money was just too good to give up, even though it was a part time job to help pay for school. My part time job in college was working at the mall and then becoming a part time admin. My job offers made me feel rich. Her plan now is to marry one of her patrons who is very wealthy, and buys her stuff constantly. She is going to quit stripping and he is going to take care of her. It definitely pays to strip.

So what do you guys think? You think you would be open to dating a stripper, porn star, or any one else in the adult entertainment business?


How Appropriate

If I had to be a b*tch at all, at least I am a Siditty one. I am not really a b*tch, nor am I a whore. My husband does say I can be a bit aggressive while driving, at an angel once I get out of the car. I am also not conceited, I get a bit self depreciating. I guess they decided I was siditty because I sit with my legs closed? That was an actual question on the quiz.

created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Siditty Bitch

You are a SIDITTY BITCH in other words, (stuck up). You know that you are all that, people are always giving you attention and you walk with pride. You are very prissy and high class and very conceited but gotta reason!

Siditty Bitch


Crazy Bitch




Freaky Bitch


Smart/Classy Bitch


Gangsta Bitch


Wannabe Bitch



Cultural Differences or Am I Stuck Up?

OK me and my husband thought it would be fun to go camping. A mini vacation we can take the dogs with and enjoy nature and life. There is one huge problem. We have vastly different views of camping. He grew up thinking and experiencing camping in a tent like this:

I grew up camping in a cabin with electricity, running water, beds, and a television like this:

He doesn't think that is camping, he likens it to staying at a hotel. Hello!?!?!? There is no room service in a cabin, nor spa, nor swimming pool, usually just a lake. How dare he claim I have never been camping. My parents have a cabin, and we would go down to the other house all the time. It was rough. Only two bedrooms and four people!!!! I had to alternate with my brother between the other room and the couch in the living area. Yeah we had cable and a phone. What if a bear mauls me, how else do I contact 911?

So now I am researching on the internet like a nerd on how to camp in a tent and places to go camping, but all I can seem to find is RV parks, per my husband no RV either. How do you cook up food without a stove? How do you watch TV in a tent? Where are the showers. I can't find a place to camp without an RV.

This camping in a tent thing is no joke.


You Don't Need a Blog To Get A Man

OK I am going to piss off some folks here, but this is the internet I don't care, and I don't know these people in real life anyway. There are a couple of blogs out there that are praised by many in the BW/WM relationship movement that really irk me. I got to thinking about this after listening to a podcast over at this blog. This blog I think is awesome, the people there don't sugar coat things, it isn't a love fest. No one is referring to each other about how hot they are and how they are going to email each other privately. I digress. Anyway Ms. ABC in the podcast noted how often than not most BW/WM blogs are started by BW, and there is a doom and gloom type of tone. The stats are always talked about. Low BW marriage rates, the low pool of available BM who haven't been to jail, are educated, aren't gay, and don't date WW exclusively.

There are a couple of blogs that are famous for this now. So much so that they are now giving pointers to black women on how to pick up men. To me that is sad. Why do we need instructions on how to get a man? Why do we need a dating service via blog indicating what black women need to do to snag them a man. Is it really so different from how white women grab men? In a previous entry, I showed how I got a man. I learned guys were more visual than mental. I showed my assets, slutted it up.

I managed to get a man without ever having to go to a blog to get pointers on how to get a man. I am not sexy, nor have I ever claimed to be. I curse, I belch, and I drink beer. I am not girly at all, but I know to throw on some lipstick when necessary.

Why do the BW blogs have the doom and gloom message? Why do I need a blog to fix me up or tell me what to do. Just get out there, the men will come trust me. Men that like girls, go after them. No instructions needed. You so don't need a blog to get a man. Men don't talk a lot, so a lot of them aren't out there reading what you got to say. Take your intellect to the mall, the grocery store, your local college campus, library, bookstore, or local bar, it will go a lot further if your goal is to get a man.


I gots a job....reflections of unemployment

I got a new job. I start Monday. I made a lateral move pay wise, but benefits far outweigh my previous place of employment.

I think being unemployed made me crazy. It made me a bit.......aggressive. Militant. Psycho.

As a result of unemployment, I spent every second I could on the internet blogging and/or reading blogs. I argued with people. I got wrapped up in high school bullshit in comment sections of blogs. I realized I was trying way too hard to be cool with the cool young bloggers. I am not cool, I am a reject. A nerd. An outcast. Always have been and always will be. I will never be cool. Not even on the internet. I cannot compete with folks ten years younger who are willing to post their pics and compliment each other on how hot they are. I am not hot. I am 31 and holding. I will not email you to have a conversation in private. You probably wouldn't reply anyway. I am fat, I am cynical, and I don't see the world as a new frontier, but rather an old depressing place full of evil people who do evil things to those less fortunate and unsuspecting. I think my biggest concern should be how do I stop my husband from buying so much G.I. Joe and how to keep the toilet seat down. Not being cool on the internet.

With that said, I will probably keep my blog surfing down to a minimum, don't worry I will still post, but I am taking the internet way too seriously lately. Maybe I need to focus my energies elsewhere, like at the gym. So if I don't comment as much, you know why. If I am not here every five seconds, you know why. If I seem anti-social, you know why. I've got to break my blogging addiction. Starting Monday. Let me spend every second I can now blogging. I can't just quit cold turkey. Damn!!!!

Beyonce's Insanity

Yeah I can so relate to this


Hey are you that girl from Backdoor Hookers #25?

This is really weird. So you chat with someone on a regular basis, you are "online buddies". They have their pic online all over the place. You kind of look at them, you don't think anything of it, you aren't gay, you aren't into girls, right? So fast forward a few months, you get spam, you know what kind of spam I am talking about. The dirty spam, "Exploited Black Teens", you usually deleted said spam, but notice that the spam has a picture that looks familiar, maybe it is with the person you are chatting with. The one you are discussing feminism and beauty ideals in mainstream society with. You can't be for sure, pictures of people look different at time, maybe it is such a striking similarity. How do you ask someone, hey did you do porn? Take some dirty pictures for money? Have sex with a fugly man with a cocaine pinky finger?

I have no issue with porn or porn stars. I couldn't date someone who had sex with other people for money, but beyond that, I have no issues, it is just kind of weird, I don't like knowing what people I talk to look like naked. It is scary.

How do you approach it? Do you approach it at all?


Hoochies vs. Nice Girls

Do nice girls finish last too? Over at another blog, there was a discussion about men who feel that nice guys finish last. What about us girls. Girls look like this:

Often get overlooked by girls who look like this:

I know guys are visual creatures and looks matter. I really understand that. But do the guys want the girls who show skin vs. the girls who just want to go to work or get to class everyday.

I used to be a nice girl. I figured if I had a sparkling personality (which I don't), acted somewhat normal (which I am not), and just dressed like I felt comfortable dressing, the guys would come. They didn't. I was exposed to a lot of guys, I would say back before I was married, the majority of my friends were guys. I get along with guys better. Women are insecure, too insecure, to the point they lash out at people. They talk behind your back and then start hating you for no reason. I am too sensitive for that. Guys are insecure too, but a few beers and some video games, it is all good. I am not competition to them. Of course to most of my guy friends I was like their sister, their buddy, I was in the "friend zone", which I was totally ok with, for the most part.

I remember in college my outfit of choice was baggy overalls or baggy jeans and a shirt with doc martens (it was the 90s ok). Everything was over sized and baggy. Then one day I discovered something really, really crazy, and it took a guy friend to point this out, I have really huge boobs. DDs, yeah, I will have back surgery in a few years and a lift or else I will be tucking my chest into my jeans. I think subconsciously for a long time I wore baggy things to cover up so people wouldn't notice. People notice DDs, baggy shirts or not as my friend pointed out. I decided to accentuate my assets (i.e. wore clothes that fit), put on make up, and not wear a pony tail all the time. All of the sudden I was pretty to all my friend's friends and even some of my friends thought I was all the sudden pretty because I actually looked like a girl. I got out of the friend zone with at least two friends, even though at that point they were in the friend zone with me.

The moral of the story is I had to slut it up to be noticed. At least as slutty as I could get for me, which means wearing a shirt that fits, because when I do that my boobs are very noticeable.

Pretty slutty huh? For the record the butt on the chest look ain't really pretty to me, I don't understand why it is attractive to folks.

I had one friend from high school that I had a crush on from the time I met him. I was totally enamored. He wore the coolest clothes, had the coolest taste in music, we could talk for hours, and he would actually say stuff like "you are the perfect girl, why are you single?". I was wondering the same damn thing too, why was I single? Why wasn't he asking me out?

Note the preference for him was a white girl who was a tall small chested girl with no thighs. I am the complete opposite.

So then I started dating another guy, we kind of started getting serious (which back then was a relationship lasting longer than a month) and to the guy I had a crush on for years finally came around and decided he wanted me. He professed his love for me and how he couldn't stand that I was with someone else. Hello!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why didn't you say any of this when I was sitting there like an idiot lusting after you as you drool after some tall rail thin model type?

I think guys are vocal about what they lust, they aren't so vocal about what they really want. So they will talk to the girl who is a complete hottie in their eyes, but the girl they hang out with and can talk to beyond five minutes is the girl they want to wait around for them when they decide they want to settle down and want something more than sex. Girls are the same way, we go for bad boys and thugs, and then come to our senses and want the good guys later on.

I think most people want what they can't have. I wanted the guy who didn't want me, he then wanted me when I didn't want him. I think people get together finally when they can admit what they want and be vocal about it. I wanted a relationship, my husband wanted a relationship. I like tall white guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes and he likes average height (I am not short!!!) black girls with bootys. It was perfect timing and our physical preferences merging that caused us to get married. Incidentally he met me in my "slutting it up" phase and now he would kill me if I left the house with the "girls" out on display like I had them back then. The really sad thing is, he said he was more concerned about my butt than my boobs and only became a boob man because coincidentally I had boobs.


Is this the next woman to be called nappy-headed ho?

Imus has returned, and he has bought with him two black people. I guess so he can say "some of my best friends are black". Maybe this woman is supposed to be his Robin to his Howard? I wonder if she will sit back and giggle incessantly, while Imus says racist stuff or will she actually stand up to him?

I am not a fan of Imus just read here, here, and here.

Karith Foster Says She Is No "Sellout"

Don Imus' New Sidekick Says She Brings Wider Representation

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

(CBS) Eight months after Don Imus infamously labeled the Rutgers University women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos," Imus is back on the air with a new African-American sidekick. That sidekick, Karith Foster, has been labeled a sellout by some.

In an exclusive interview with Essence.com, Foster talked about the criticism and what Don Imus is like as a boss.

Despite heavy criticism for partnering with Imus, Foster views the gig as a historic moment. Foster said, "What an opportunity to be a positive role model, not just for African-Americans and not just for women, but especially African-American women."

Foster disagrees with critics who accuse her of being a sellout. On the contrary, she believes taking the job ushers in a new era for African-American women's collective voice.

Foster said, "If people would call me a sellout, I’d have to say they don’t know me at all, and I am sorry they feel that way. I would hope and prefer they would see this as an opportunity to have a form of representation where there previously was none."

On working with Imus, Foster said, "He is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. He does have the grumpy old man demeanor. I’m not saying that is not who he is. That is definitely part of who he is. But he is definitely a very kind, gentle person."

Foster does not deem Imus' "nappy-headed hos" comment to be malicious. She said, "He was an old white guy trying to be young and hip and use the modern vernacular. And it wasn’t funny."

By Karl Moats
© MMVII, CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.


Us vs. Them; American Blacks Vs. Non American Blacks

OK I am noticing a trend on another blog. Negative stereotypes of African Americans, while non American blacks are seen as an ideal. They value education, they try to succeed, they don't blame "the man" for all their problems, and the N-word doesn't bother them at all. Us American blacks have too many issues, cast blame for their shortcomings, and for the most part are still relying to heavily on racism for their shortcomings. There is even a "get over slavery mentality" that is prevalent over there, not so much from whites, but non American blacks.

I really have issues with this ideal.

I know I am not some magical Negro, so why do they take negative stereotypes and run with it? Are they taking their personal experiences and applying it to the whole race of people?

Do they believe most blacks are poverty stricken and on welfare? That we have four kids and three baby daddies? Do they believe we all listen to Jay Z and think Tupac and Biggie are gods? Is the assumption most blacks think education is not important?

Have American blacks been used to uplift non American blacks to be the "ideal" black?

Are we building a hierarchy based upon geographic location?

Is this another divide and conquer mentality? Must American blacks always been seen in a negative light?


R.I.P. John Ella

My heart is hurting. My grandmother, the woman I am named after, my Madea, she passed away Monday. She was 83. My Madea was a beautiful, awesome woman who had a lot of love to give. She was so smart, so giving, and the most loving grandmother a person could ever have. Even with being diagnosed with dementia a year or two ago, she was a strong woman, demanding that she leave the nursing home she was placed in so that she could go "home". Even though in later years, the dementia harmed her in a lot of ways, it never wavered her love for us. Visiting her in the nursing home, she always had a hug and a kiss for her grand babies, she never once forgot who we were. Unfortunately she never got to go home, but now maybe she is at peace.

I love you Madea. I want so badly to be able to give you a kiss on the cheek, give you a hug, and just tell you that I love you.


Am I Living Out a Slave Fantasy?

I am on my yahoo! messenger chatting with one of my friends, yes someone I know in real life. She moved away and we do the majority of our talking via phone and chat. I get a message that pops up from a guy. He says and I quote "I see you n*gger". I say excuse me, you must have the wrong person. I am trying to be nice at this point, maybe he thought I was someone else and maybe they got some kind of code words, and the n-word being one of them. He then says "no, I see you n*gger." At this point all niceness is gone and I say "Who the f*ck do you think you are? Do I go around calling you a punk b*tch?"

He responds in a long diatribe about how he thought I was into role play and slave fantasies. Apparently this man had went to my yahoo 360 page, which I don't update often which says I am married to a white man. In this conclusion he thought I was into role play and pretending to be a slave, while my husband was "massa".

Uuuhhhmmm we don't roll that way in our household. Never have, never will. My husband to my knowledge has never even uttered the n-word, and I sure as hell don't refer to him as "massa". I also don't think I have ever had any fantasies of being on a plantation and raped by "massa". How does a man come to this conclusion? Obviously I didn't talk to him all that long, just maybe 3 minutes, and then I promptly put him on ignore, but I wonder if some people think like this? Do they feel IR relationships are some type of sexual deviant behavior or alternative lifestyle?

I will admit in my past I have had white men approach me in a sexual manner. At clubs being asked to dance for a man for money, and no not a strip club. Or a man offering to buy me Starbucks, but wanting something in exchange for my grande white chocolate mocha. Or comments about dark skin against light skin being sexy. I am used to the term "Splitting Dark Oak", it might be a Southern thing, but I have never ever thought of myself as Butterfly McQueen and my husband as Rhett Butler trying to get at me instead of Scarlett O'hara. It just isn't going to fly.

I am not going to say it is just white men who feel this way. Why is it that a relationship between a black woman and white man would be seen as deviant or risque? That there must be some alter motive for a black woman and white man to be together? I guess it goes back to beauty ideals in our society?

Whenever I think of men approaching me in that way, I always think about Hottentot Venus or the movie Goodbye Uncle Tom (which I suggest you never ever see, unless you want to get pissed off at the gall of the people who made this film) If you don't know the story, Sarah Baartman, also known as Hottentot Venus was an African girl basically bought over to France as a sexual oddity due to the size of her butt and a large labia. Her features were apparently a trait that was common in her tribe. She was basically treated as a sideshow attraction all over Europe, then forced into prostitution and died at a very young age. Her remains were put on exhibit in France and were on display until the late 1970s. Her tribe has fought to get her remains back for literally years and it was only until 2002 her remains were given back to her tribe for burial in South Africa.

Do men with this mindset see black women as an oddity? Something so different that they cannot fathom any other way a white man could want a black woman unless they were some kind of freak with a strange fetish?

Also, let's assume that this goes on, obviously to some degree it does, how popular is this role playing of being a slave and master on the plantation. Is this an offshoot of S&M or Bondage? How many black women are participating?


Sean Taylor and Thug Culture

As I am sure you are all aware, Sean Taylor of the of the Washington Redskins was shot and murdered in his home in Miami. The last week or so it seems , the news reports talk about his checkered past. They talk about his bad attitude, as if he was the blame specifically for his death. Fox sports, was completely guilty of this, Jason Whitlock in particular came guns blaring talking about how Mr. Taylor couldn't shake his past life. The thing is the facts of the case weren't even out yet and he made this assumption, so sure he would be right about what happened.

News reports are now saying Sean Taylor wasn't meant to be killed. The four men who robbed his home didn't expect him, his girlfriend, or Sean Taylor's 18 month year old daughter to be home. They thought they were doing a robbery of an empty upscale house. It had nothing to do with Taylor's "checkered past".

When Johnny Carson died, no one talked about his "checkered past", they talked about his humor, what a great man he was. No one mentioned he constant use of the n-word, his anti-gay views, or the fact he wouldn't even acknowledge his own flesh and blood granddaughter, even up until the day he died because she was half black.

Why the character assassination? Why is it ok to talk about Sean Taylor and his "checkered past" when his past had nothing to do with his senseless death?

Now that the facts have come out, will Mr. Whitlock and all the others talking about Taylor's past apologize for their mistake, and if they do, will it make the same impact as their accusations? His death had nothing to do with his past. It was a vendetta against him, it wasn't his drug dealing ways, it was simply people trying to rob a house of a man they didn't think was home.

Police: Suspects in NFL killing thought house was empty

MIAMI, Florida (CNN) -- The four men arrested in the shooting death of NFL player Sean Taylor didn't plan to kill him, authorities say.


The suspects, clockwise from top left, Charles Kendrick Lee Wardlow, Eric Rivera Jr., Jason Scott Mitchell and Venjah K. Hunte.

"They were expecting a residence that was not occupied, so murder or shooting someone was not their initial motive," Robert Parker, director of the Miami-Dade Police Department, said Friday night.

"They were certainly not looking to go there and kill anyone," he said. "Their obvious motive was to go there and steal the contents of the house."

Police have more than one confession in the case and the individuals will be charged with murder, Parker said.

Taylor, 24, died Tuesday, a day after he was shot during an apparent burglary at his Miami home.

The suspects are Venjah K. Hunte, 20; Eric Rivera Jr., 17; Jason Scott Mitchell, 17; and Charles Kendrick Lee Wardlow, 18.

Additional arrests are possible, Parker said.

"The key to solving this case was citizens' tips," he said.

The men knew Taylor lived at the house, Parker said.

A police official told CNN they are investigating the possibility that one or more of the suspects new members of Taylor's family.

At 1:45 a.m. Monday, Taylor's girlfriend, Jackie Garcia, called 911 and said someone had been shot.

Authorities have said she told police she was hiding under the bedding during the attack.

Garcia did not see what happened and could not provide a suspect description, Parker told reporters on Wednesday.

Police said Garcia and Taylor were awakened by noise in the living room, and that Taylor got up and locked the bedroom door, but the door was kicked in and two shots were fired, one striking him in the leg.

Garcia tried to call 911 but was unable to, and used her cell phone instead, police said. There was no evidence the line had been cut, Parker said Wednesday.

A break-in was also reported eight days earlier, Miami-Dade police said.

A police report said someone forced a window open and left a kitchen knife on a bed. Several drawers and a bedroom safe were searched during the break-in, according to the report.

Taylor was home unexpectedly because of an injury, his former attorney, Richard Sharpstein, told reporters Tuesday. "I think he was surprised or they were surprised to find him there," he said.

Taylor spent four years with the Washington Redskins, but had been out with a sprained right knee. He did not play in Sunday's game against Tampa Bay.

Taylor was a first-round pick in the 2004 draft, according to his team's web site.


He played at the University of Miami, where he was an All-American in 2003, and was also a high school standout in the city. Dubbing him "the prototype NFL free safety," the Redskins credited Taylor's team-leading tackling prowess for sending him to his first Pro Bowl after 2006.