2007-12-02

Am I Living Out a Slave Fantasy?




I am on my yahoo! messenger chatting with one of my friends, yes someone I know in real life. She moved away and we do the majority of our talking via phone and chat. I get a message that pops up from a guy. He says and I quote "I see you n*gger". I say excuse me, you must have the wrong person. I am trying to be nice at this point, maybe he thought I was someone else and maybe they got some kind of code words, and the n-word being one of them. He then says "no, I see you n*gger." At this point all niceness is gone and I say "Who the f*ck do you think you are? Do I go around calling you a punk b*tch?"

He responds in a long diatribe about how he thought I was into role play and slave fantasies. Apparently this man had went to my yahoo 360 page, which I don't update often which says I am married to a white man. In this conclusion he thought I was into role play and pretending to be a slave, while my husband was "massa".

Uuuhhhmmm we don't roll that way in our household. Never have, never will. My husband to my knowledge has never even uttered the n-word, and I sure as hell don't refer to him as "massa". I also don't think I have ever had any fantasies of being on a plantation and raped by "massa". How does a man come to this conclusion? Obviously I didn't talk to him all that long, just maybe 3 minutes, and then I promptly put him on ignore, but I wonder if some people think like this? Do they feel IR relationships are some type of sexual deviant behavior or alternative lifestyle?

I will admit in my past I have had white men approach me in a sexual manner. At clubs being asked to dance for a man for money, and no not a strip club. Or a man offering to buy me Starbucks, but wanting something in exchange for my grande white chocolate mocha. Or comments about dark skin against light skin being sexy. I am used to the term "Splitting Dark Oak", it might be a Southern thing, but I have never ever thought of myself as Butterfly McQueen and my husband as Rhett Butler trying to get at me instead of Scarlett O'hara. It just isn't going to fly.

I am not going to say it is just white men who feel this way. Why is it that a relationship between a black woman and white man would be seen as deviant or risque? That there must be some alter motive for a black woman and white man to be together? I guess it goes back to beauty ideals in our society?

Whenever I think of men approaching me in that way, I always think about Hottentot Venus or the movie Goodbye Uncle Tom (which I suggest you never ever see, unless you want to get pissed off at the gall of the people who made this film) If you don't know the story, Sarah Baartman, also known as Hottentot Venus was an African girl basically bought over to France as a sexual oddity due to the size of her butt and a large labia. Her features were apparently a trait that was common in her tribe. She was basically treated as a sideshow attraction all over Europe, then forced into prostitution and died at a very young age. Her remains were put on exhibit in France and were on display until the late 1970s. Her tribe has fought to get her remains back for literally years and it was only until 2002 her remains were given back to her tribe for burial in South Africa.

Do men with this mindset see black women as an oddity? Something so different that they cannot fathom any other way a white man could want a black woman unless they were some kind of freak with a strange fetish?

Also, let's assume that this goes on, obviously to some degree it does, how popular is this role playing of being a slave and master on the plantation. Is this an offshoot of S&M or Bondage? How many black women are participating?