2008-12-29

Just Because The Magnetic Fields Are Awesome



Good to see the guy from My Best Friend's A Vampire is working.

2008-12-27

Is It Wrong I Am Jealous





Boy can dance, and he has a body that can pull off that outfit? Yeah I am a bit jealous.



Look at him booty pop!!!!! I can't even do that and I gotta lotta booty!!!!

2008-12-26

Why I Can't Be A Republican

Seriously....he didn't know this would find it's way to the media? Why is it when there is an attack on Barack, it always seems to be geared towards his race, after all, he is half white, why not make fun of his white side, if no harm intended? Also, does CNN think folks are too lazy to read that they must bullet point an article that takes 15 seconds to read?

RNC chairman candidate defends 'Barack the Magic Negro' song

Story Highlights
Chip Saltsman sent out the CD to committee members for Christmas
Saltsman: "I think most people recognize political satire when they see it"
Song to tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon" first played on Rush Limbaugh's show
Saltsman said song is satire of an Los Angeles Times article
(CNN) -- A candidate for the Republican National Committee chairmanship said Friday the CD he sent committee members for Christmas -- which included a song titled "Barack the Magic Negro" -- was clearly intended as a joke.

"I think most people recognize political satire when they see it," Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman told CNN. "I think RNC members understand that."

The song, set to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon," was first played on conservative political commentator Rush Limbaugh's radio show in 2007.

Its title was drawn from a Los Angeles Times column about President-elect Barack Obama's appeal to those who feel guilty about the nation's history of mistreatment of African-Americans. Saltsman said the song, penned by longtime friend Paul Shanklin, should be easily recognized as satire directed at the Times.

The CD sent to RNC members, first reported by The Hill on Friday, is titled "We Hate the USA" and also includes songs referencing former presidential candidate John Edwards and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, among other targets.

According to The Hill, other song titles, some of which were in bold font, were: "John Edwards' Poverty Tour," "Wright place, wrong pastor," "Love Client #9," "Ivory and Ebony" and "The Star Spanglish banner."

Saltsman was national campaign manager for former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's presidential bid in 2007 and 2008. Before that, he held a variety of posts, including a number of positions under former Sen. Bill Frist of Tennessee.

The Santa Delusion



OK My husband and I are a little bit less than religious, but I have to admit I LOVE Christmas. I like spending time with my family, I like eating, I like getting gifts. I love the concept of Santa Claus. My husband thinks Santa Claus is a horrible example for kids, as it teaches them it is ok to lie. He sees nothing wrong with the kids knowing the parents did all the shopping and gift wrapping. I think the concept of lying to children is quaint and a tradition. I also plan to have our children Easter Egg hunt and eat the ears of chocolate bunnies. They like me will have no idea that Easter really isn't about Cadbury creme eggs. Is it cruel to tell kids about Santa? I don't know, but I do know I am justifying lying to my kids for my sheer enjoyment. Maybe I am not meant to have kids.

Racism In Brazil



I often discuss race relations in America, and I on occasion I get comments from people who call America racist, but most other countries are considered more racially harmonious. I often hear this about South America. Is there really anywhere in the world that is racially harmonious.

2008-12-24

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah!!!!!!!!!!



Merry Christmas Baby



I get down, I get down, I get down all the way. Hanukkah pimp! Hanukkah pimp!



Christmas At The Zoo



Space Christmas



Dan The Automator + Jingle Bells + Dean Martin = Pure Genius



Gap + Flo Rida+ Jingle Bells = Blasphemy

2008-12-23

How does this black girl look better than I do?

I found this on Yahoo! Answers:


How does this black girl look better than I do?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/33626359@N0...

I am so angry-my ex picked this girl over me and I dont know why. She has nothing to offer him and I do. I got the better job and she is still working on her masters.

What does he see in her? She dosent look better than me

Im the one in the black suit

Additional Details

3 hours ago
that skank says she is part Korean but I think she is lying
3 hours ago
And my ex has the nerve enough to brag about her thats why Im irritated
3 hours ago
He was bragging to my sister and said she was pretty when in fact I think she is butt ugly. And she isnt part Asian she cant even give me her "Korean" name anyways because Im sure it dosent exist







This brings back flashbacks of college when in a group of friends, if I wasn't the one left out when it came to the guys, the inevitable shock and horror of the odd girl out thinking that even me, with my ugly blackness was getting a guy, and they weren't. I hate that my blackness is supposed to be a negative, and how dare a man of any race prefer me over the white, hispanic, or asian woman.

2008-12-21

Blackface and Culture Club

How did I not notice or remember this Culture Club video? We must have gotten a different version in the US. I don't think we could have gotten away with blackface in the 1980s:



Duran Duran setting race relations right or setting race relations back, depending upon how you look at the video:

2008-12-15

Black Female Sexuality



Black women seem to be some of the most sexual repressed women. We tend to look down on doing things considered sexy, and it seems that many times our goals is to be as asexual as possible.

Talking about sex is a bad thing. Wearing "revealing" clothing is considered a bad thing. Having sex outside the missionary position is considered whorish.

We tend to look at things in black and white, instead of grey. You can't be smart, well adjusted, and celebrate your sexuality. It seems to be a conflict of interest for many.

I guess I attribute black female repression to two things; religion and stereotypes.

Religion plays a big part in the black community. We are supposed to wait until marriage. Sex is for procreation, not recreation. To some sex is for the sole purpose of the man, as women are thought to not enjoy sex. Anything outside this norm is somewhat shunned. We are scared to be viewed as whores, which leads me to stereotypes.

Black women have a complex history of stereotypes when it comes to sexuality. We are on hand, mammies, non sexual women whose sole purpose is to care for others or mannish, as we are considered the polar opposite of feminine. On the other hand we are sex obsessed Jezebels, willing and able to have sex with any and everyone. We don't seem to have an issue with being considered asexual as that is a safe stereotype, but to display any trace of sexuality is turned into a negative. The percentage of black women who actually booty shake, I am assuming is very small and not the norm, but of the women who do partake in booty shaking we have cast the blame for the ills and stereotypes of black women, stereotypes that have existed for centuries prior to hip hop and strip clubs. We also need to look at how many times we assume "freaky stuff" is done by white people. We like to think they are sexually depraved. The stereotype of white women who dated black men was they were willing to do any and everything that black women wouldn't do.

I in this post am not suggesting that we should all go out and purchase tube tops and miniskirts, but at the same time, I don't think that we should hide our sexuality for fear of fulfilling a stereotype, or that we should downplay one aspect of ourselves to play up another. Intelligence is not determined by what we wear, and we can be multi-faceted and be both sexy and intelligent.

2008-12-13

The Concept of Being White



I saw this video about a book by Barbara Delinsky titled "Family Tree". The book is about a white couple who give birth to a child that has obvious black ancestry, tanned skin, curly hair, etc. The husband apparently knows his family tree very well, but the wife does not, to the point she even doesn't who her father is. The book is supposedly about the struggles the couple faces because they have this child and the shame and embarrassment it causes.

I have heard many times on this blog and others that white men want children who look like them, and they fear if they have children with black women, this won't happen. They don't seem to have this hang up with hispanic or asian women, as they are under the belief that they are closer to white, therefore being better options as mates. I can't buy that belief as I believe I can tell and identify eurasian or hispanic/white people the majority of the time, like I can black/white kids, but hey maybe it is because many times, being raised in the family I was raised in, I can tell when black folks "pass" for white. I've seen dark skinned hispanic, asian, and indian folks, people darker than me who aren't black, so I don't think it is a matter of skin coloring. I see dark skinned black couple have light skinned, mixed looking children all the time, hell I have a brother who is the perfect example of that. White people have been making babies with black people for centuries, they might not have taken care of those children in the past, but they don't mind making mixed race children with black people. I can still see Strom Thurmond in Essie Mae. I am sure Sandra Liang looked like both her white parents, just a darker version, with maybe a kinkier hair texture. Do white people flip out if they have red headed children, if both parents have dark hair, or if they have a child with brown eyes, even if neither parents have brown eyes? Do they cry if the kid has curly hair, instead of straight hair, like themselves? Or do they see themselves in those children and attribute it to recessive genes. Can they still see themselves or does eye color and hair color distract them from seeing the family resemblance?

I think black folks for the most part can accept that this country has been racially mixed for a long time, but white people, not so much. The concept that a white person might be "part black" scares the hell out them. I think it is because even though many white people claim to embrace multiculturalism, they still believe in the one drop rule too. The concept of being black, even with a black president, even when the "advanced race relations" that exist, there is still the belief in this country that being black is less than. I think this book represents that. The fact that the mother is scared to look into her history for fear of being black, and the shame that the father and his family feel for having a "dark skinned" child, speaks volumes about the value of whiteness in America. Even though we spout the "equality" diatribe over and over, in America the races aren't seen as equals and never have been. Being white is a commodity, being black is a liability, even if it is just a small percentage of blackness, the feeling is the whiteness is diminished, making some whites view their whiteness as less valuable.

So my question is this, is whiteness devalued when mixed with other races (asian, hispanic, etc.), or just when mixed with black?

2008-12-12

Brandon McClelland Proof Of The Continuing Racial Divide



On September 16. 2008, Brandon McClelland was struck by a truck and dragged 70 feet by the truck. The two people in the truck were supposedly friends of McClelland, and were white. He was supposedly with the two friends in the truck, but ended up out of the truck and hit by the truck with his "friends" in it. His friends in response to the dragging did not call the police about the "accident", but went to wash the truck to get rid of the evidence of what happened. They also left his body on the road, where it was discovered the next day to look like a hit and run.

The argument by many white people in Paris, is that they were friends going on a beer run and the guys in question were drunk not racists, because they were McClelland's friends. They had known McClelland for 10 years, and McClelland himself went to jail for perjury trying to give one of his friends an alibi. The belief is outsiders are coming to Paris, TX to cause trouble and there is no racism in Paris, or not as much as "outsiders" want the world to believe. That there is no proof to prove that they intentionally hit the victim, that is was all an accident. The problem with this is we don't know what the evidence is, authorities refuse to release evidence on this case to the public.

On the flip side, many blacks tend to find it hard to give these two guys or the Paris, TX justice system the benefit of the doubt. This is the hometown of Shaquanda Cotton. The town isn't known for being a bastion of racial equality. It is also known as the town that held one of the most publicized lynchings in U.S. History. It seems that injustice might occur, as authorities refuse to call it a lynching or dragging James Byrd style, as they argue McClelland wasn't tied to the truck, so it wasn't premeditated. Gary Young, the district attorney assigned to the case, was once a court appointed defense lawyer for one of the accused assailants. He has since stepped aside, but how did he end up with the case anyway? I should also note that the accused, Shannon Finley was on trial for shooting a white friend. He claimed it was an accident and that he was shooting at two black men armed with guns trying to rob him and his friend. The black robbers were never found, and there was no evidence of a robbery. While in prison Finley joined some white supremacist gangs, which is typically par for the course in prison, but it doesn't help this case not being tinged with racism. So far authorities refuse to call it a hate crime. So many feel justice will not be served, even though both men were indicted for murder by the grand jury.

My take on it as a former Parisite. I remember being told by classmates that it was against God for a white person to marry a black person and make children. I was told by a childhood friend, that America could never have a black president, because that person would be a assassinated, so it was safest that black people didn't run for president. I wish I could see that guy now, he is probably so concerned about Obama right now. I was called the n-word by classmates, asked why I use Crisco in my hair and as lotion (even though I never have), and told I was ugly with big lips and a big nose. I know I grew up on the "white side" of town, rich to some because I lived in a brick house versus a frame house. I know the school I went to was the "white school" and the school across the tracks was the "black school". Or once running into a white women who told me was from Paris, and when I shared with her I at one time lived there, she asked me did I know no fewer than three black people. I didn't know them, as I haven't lived there since 1990 and might I add I was 14 when we moved to Dallas. I think racism exists a lot more in Paris, than many whites are willing to admit, which is why so many are upset "outsiders" are coming in to report on this story. Also I don't feel that just because someone is "friends", doesn't mean they can't be racist. I knew many white guys who tried to talk to me who held racist beliefs. I know many white people who consider me their friend and say some of the racist things. Maybe Brandon McClelland was more of a friend to them, than they were to him. Maybe their relationship was lopsided and unbalanced, it still doesn't justify dragging a man under your truck, and you failing not to call the authorities if it were truly an accident and attempting to wash the evidence off of your truck.

I don't know how racism is not a factor in this case, especially given the history of the accused and the history of the town they live in.

2008-12-10

Does sex with the "same sex" mean you're GAY???




Uuuhhhmmmmm YEAH. You were gay at that moment. You could be bisexual, but if you re having sex with someone of the same sex to satisfy a sexual urge, it makes you gay.

Off Topic: For those interested, I am doing an interview with Alexyss K. Tylor on Blogtalkradio tonight at 7:00 CST

2008-12-05

Questions For The White Guys


In my post about Mike and his second interview with Alexyss K. Tylor. Mike made a great comment in which he stated:

I also feel that the "white male intention" caution flag is no longer serving many of these women and is actually preventing them from having a wonderful experience with a white man.


I responded giving him my own personal experiences and dating past. I tended to date white guys in which I was "their first", they had never dated black women before. Even now, of the white men I know who do date black women, rarely if ever have these guys tended to get into serious relationships with black women. I am not saying these guys are open to the idea of serious relationships, but it does make me wonder how many are considering a serious relationship with black women vs. something more casual and less serious?

As we know most guys tend to focus on less serious relationships, most guys on the first few dates aren't thinking how their dates, regardless of race are going to react to meeting their parents. The concern is more about how they are in bed and if their dates are willing and able. The idea of a serious relationship to a guy seems a bit more of a daunting task than it is to women. I think that race would be a factor to most men in regards to this, in particular if their families might have issues with this. I think this is why white men in particular are more prone to dating "non-black" women. It is more socially and status acceptable to date white, asian, or hispanic women. Dating black women is depending on who you talk to a "beta" thing, not a "alpha" thing. I was once told by a white women, that white men who date black women do so because the expectations for white men are lower in those types of relationships. That black women tend to expect less in terms of education, job status, and social status than white women. I don't know if that is true or not, but I found it a bit offensive.

I attempted to put up a poll on this, but I don't think the poll was getting honest answers as I think anonymous polling leads to trolling. So I am blatantly asking the white guys. How many of you here have actually dated black women? Of those who have, have you ever been seriously involved with a black woman? If you haven't been in a serious relationship with black women, but have dated black women, what keeps you from taking the next step? Are you open to getting "serious" with a black woman? What type of black woman would it take for you to "get serious"?

2008-12-03

Original Sin



Inspired by C1s post.

The 2nd Part of the White Man/Black Women Relationships Interview



Here is part II of the interview I posted a while back.

I was actually contacted by Mike, the guy interviewed on the Alexyss K. Tylor show via email and in blogger post. He's a very nice person, and he could have easily cursed me out, as he did feel that some of the things I posted were a bit unfair, but he talked to me with nothing but respect, and I appreciate that. If you didn't read the last post and my critique, I felt that he was a bit unfair in the fact I felt that he was a guy who wasn't serious about black women, but rather interested in sex and short term flings, but nothing serious. I gathered this from the fact that the guy had dated pretty much black women exclusively to his admission, but married a latina woman. I then followed up that post with the Good Enough to F*ck, But Not Marry post, that elaborated on why I think the way I did about his interview.

In a display of kindness, he provided me a link to the second part of the interview, and in this interview, not only do we talk to him, but to an ex girlfriend. It was pretty interesting :)

Just to give you my two cents on the interview. It does put things in a bit of a different perspective, he met his ex on Craigslist, the sex was great, but he actually wanted a bit more (he asked her to move in and told her he loved her), but the ex did not. Since then, the ex has moved to Atlanta (he is in California). The ex admits she wasn't ready for that step, and it was not due to him, but to her. So maybe he isn't just into the short term flings. At one point in the interview, he is completely quiet, and the ex and Alexyss talk about sex and the ex explains how sex was with him, and it sounded like they were very sexually compatible. You can listen if you want the nitty gritty, and with Alexyss, you will get the nitty gritty each and every time, so if you are easily offended, I wouldn't listen. I am a pervert hoochie and like listening to her shows, they are entertaining.

I guess overall the interview was great, it did make me think I was unfair about my belief that Mike was a guy who was into nothing more than flings and sex with black women. I still have my white male intention caution flag up in the air, but I always have that, and it is something I need to work on. The only real critique is this time not from Mike, but the ex. She made a comment about her roommate being interested in dating IR, but felt she was too ghetto, and was the type of woman that would get used by white men and be a dirty little secret, as if there is a certain type of black women white men are willing to date, and that only ghetto women could be dirty secrets. The black woman who always comes to mind when I think of the white men keeping black women as dirty secrets, had an MBA, and wasn't what would be considered "ghetto". I feel her skin color alone is why the man she wasted time with treated her the way he did. He was ashamed and didn't want to get the flack from friends and family. I think most white men would be that way, which is why I made this post, The Ideal White Guy For Black Women.

2008-12-01

The Conditioning Of American Black Women

Being a black woman is hard in America, essentially because the rules and expectations of you are completely different than with other women. The gender roles in the black community are not the same in the white community. White women had to fight to work, black women had no choice but to work. There are more clearly defined roles of feminine and masculine in the white community than in the black community. This is due to survival. Both my grandmothers worked, even though they had kids, they still had to work, not out of proving men wrong, but so their families had food on the table. Now, we won't forget that the traditional roles of men and women have been pushed upon us, but for the most part many black people don't follow these roles for a variety of reasons.

I went to school with white girls whose goal in college was to find a husband, once they found said husband, they would focus on his career, become housewives and mothers to their children. In the white world this is acceptable. If a black woman chooses to have such aspirations she is considered a gold digger wanting her man to work hard to take care of her while she sits at home doing nothing but eating and watching television. It is ok for a white woman to be a housewife, but for a black woman this is akin to sitting on welfare within the community.

Another thing we need to look at is education. White women are expected to go get an education, and when they do enter the workforce and move ahead it is considered a positive in the dating world to a certain extent. Black women do the same, and she has put her career before a man, and is damaged goods that deserves to be alone.

I've heard it said by some black men that one flaw of black women is that we expect black men to be on par with us or ahead of us financially and education wise, and that in order for a black woman to obtain a black man, she must "marry down" financially and educationally. In the white world this is all but unheard of. White men are expected to be the bread winners in their family, even if their wife is working. When they have children, the white woman is supposed to give up her career or slow it down in order to raise the family. Black women can't do that, we are considered "too uppity" by some when we expect to be with men who are on the "same level" financially and education wise. If a black woman dates outside the race to find a man "on her level" she is a sell out, and nothing more than a slave fantasy to the non black man who is with her. It is expected that non-black man is either with her for her money, or she is with him so she can be a gold digger. Than same man will be expected to call her the n-word, hide her from friends and family, and cheat on her with someone non-black. Once the black woman comes to her senses and leaves this non-black man, if she comes back to black men, she will be damaged goods, as no black man wants a black woman who has dared to be with a non-black man.

In terms of beauty, white women have it made in comparison to black women. The world tells them they are beautiful. Their white skin is a hot commodity. Even if they are overweight, they get love from somewhere, they are going to have someone want to marry them. We are reminded time again time again we aren't the ideal as black women. Our hair is too kinky and short, our noses, lips, and thighs are too big, and our skin is too dark. We are reminded of this by our marriage rates. When we do mange to get straight, long hair, and non brown eyes, it is shunned as being fake, even though white women can have collagen, butt implants, a breast enlargement, extensions in their hair, and numerous plastic surgeries and they will be considered attractive, and most men wouldn't care if they had plastic surgery or not.

Being a black woman in America is a Catch-22. You are really damned if you do, or damned if you don't. We are expected to be like white women, but chastised when we aspire to the same goals and aspirations of white women. We attempt in the best way possible to assimilate the beauty ideals of white women into our own, we are told it is ugly, unattractive, and fake. The conditioning of black woman is a harsh reality the black community needs to look at. What are the gender roles, and how do we define those gender roles. We want it both ways, we want traditional roles, but then again we chastise those who fulfill or attempt to fulfill those roles.

In the end this conditioning causes confusion, frustration, anger and resentment; it also is a cause for the low self image and esteem so many black women have. We have to figure out how to change this thinking. How we can as black woman improve our self worth and rid ourselves of this conditioning?

2008-11-30

Did You Ever Give The Brothers A Chance?

As I have noted on this blog many times, I haven't had much exposure to black guys in the dating scene. I have never been intimate with a black guy (or any other guy aside from my husband, as I was a virgin before marriage ::wink wink::). I have been asked this question a few times via email, so I will answer it here.

To be truthful, I probably didn't give the brothers a fair chance. I have been on a total two dates with two different black men in my life. I have flirted with a few others, but nothing worked out. I didn't kiss either guy. One guy was really nice, one guy was a complete jerk.

The reason I didn't continue dating the nice guy was because I had started to date the husband, and broke things off to get "serious". The nice guy was how I like my guys, nice and nerdy. He was an engineer, really cute, very funny, and nice. We would talk on the phone a lot, and he was just a generally great guy. No he was not all buff, he was kind of skinny and short, but I was open, as his personality was really great. I am sure whoever he dated or married got lucky.

The next guy, not such a positive experience. He was steadily bragging about his $30K a year job and "new"(new to him) car, and how he was going places and had his pick of women. On our date he was steady looking at women's asses as they passed our table at the restaurant (Bennigan's, you know a fancy place), and then talking about how he could never get with a white women, but yet he was gawking at them the whole time. He also wasn't even cute (even though the personality could have made him ugly to me), and he was kind of short too. I am willing to lower my height requirement for the right guy, but this guy wasn't it. At the end of the date he asked me to call him when I got home, I did, and was promptly cursed out because I called too late (30 minutes later).

In terms of guys I "talked to" or flirted with I once met this guy at my school library, we talked, exchanged numbers, and would chit chat on the phone. Turned out he wasn't a college student, he hung out in the library to pick up women. He was the closest to the thug I would ever get to, and he was a "playa", as you could never get a truthful answer out of him, and he loved to quote Tupac on a regular basis. Turns out he had a live in girlfriend, after a week of talking, that ended things.

So in short, yes I gave the brothers love at one time or another, things just didn't work out with the guys I ended up with. I think even though I gave the brothers a chance, my upbringing kind of had me subconsciously avoiding black guys, because culturally I wasn't able to connect with anyone black, male or female for a very long time. So that might have hindered my dating and relationships with black guys. I will say though the main reason I never dated black guys was because they never really approached me. White guys approached me way more than black guys,and the manner I did get approached by the black guys who did approach me was a bit of a turn off, and that was probably because these guys were meeting me at a dance club vs. the library. It was never "Do you want to dance?" or "Can I buy you a drink?", it was more like "You gotta nice ass." or "You need to grind on me", as sweet as those opening lines are, pretend you might be interested in more than my ass upon initial approach. My husband readily admits the drawing attraction to me was my ass, but he never mentioned my ass until later in our relationship.

2008-11-28

Obama's Election and It's True Impact



Why Jay Smooth is one of my old married women cyber crushes. He is the only redeeming thing about XXL magazine. He tells the truth time and time again. I think that many of those 3rd party, republican, and non voters were under the impression people who followed Obama did so blindly without regards to looking at the big picture. There is no innocence or absolutes in politics, you have to take the good with the bad, and even if we had more than a two party system, you would still be voting for the lesser evil, because unless you are blindly following some one, there is no way you can be 100% on board with all their views and thought processes.

2008-11-26

Brown or Blonde?





OK I don't know if I have shared this a ton of times or not, but I tend to have a preference for white guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes. Ask me what my husband looks like, and he fits this description. The majority of men I have dated tend to have this look or dark hair and brown eyes. A lot of black women I have met who have admitted to finding white men attractive, tend to go for this look as well, in particular the "Italian" or "Greek" look. It isn't to say I haven't dated guys that didn't fit into that mold, but if I were to look back, there were very few blondes or redheads in my dating selection.

Pretty much from the get go of noticing boys I have had an attraction to white guys, but as a kid and pretty much until high school, the guys I had crushes on were overwhelmingly blonde. I don't know if it is because being blonde was considered the ultimate in attractiveness. In the 1980s blondes ruled Bop and Tigerbeat magazine. William Zabka, Ricky Schroeder, Sting, Simon Lebon of Duran Duran, Limahl from Kajagoogoo. These were the hot men of the 1980s. It seems everyone in the 1980s dyed their hair blonde, women and men. As I got older that obviously changed as some realized bleaching your hair was a summons for split ends, fried hair, and in combination with Aquanet and/or Dippity Do; a fire hazard.

I think that sometimes subconsciously, the "italian" look for olive complected, brown eyed, dark haired guys make it more acceptable in the minds of many to date IR. Many times we discuss how much "Moor" blood italians have, and we make it seem as if they are honorary blacks or mixed race.

Personally I used to think that blonde guys were off limits because I expected them to marry blonde women and make blonde babies. Why I thought this I have no clue, but I think my focus for darker haired guys came when I got into the goth/punk/new wave scene, where dark hair and pale skin were all the rage. Again if you look at my husband, although not goth, very pale, very dark hair. Of course too, I don't recall being approached by a ton of blonde guys either. I guess that made me assume they couldn't be into black women either, as if my life is a barometer for every one, and you wonder why I call myself Siditty. It is all about ME.

It could be the stereotype of "Tall, Dark, and Handsome" that women of all races tend to go with. There is no "Lighter, Blonder, Better" saying when it comes to men, that is usually reserved for men in regards to their preferences for women.

Of course there are many black women who if they like white guys, love the blondes, but I think sometimes that since we have been told it was wrong to date interracially, many black women have tried to play it a bit safe by going for the darker complected white guys.

Maybe I am wrong on this, maybe I am bored out of my mind, maybe I just wanted to post something before Thanksgiving. Who knows?

Because I truly do love Tears For Fears





I have loved Roland Orzabel and Kurt Smith since 3rd grade. Literally. One of my first tapes was "Songs From The Big Chair" (I think my first tape ever was the Go Gos "Vacation") . I even had the "The Seeds Of Love" poster on my wall in middle school and high school. Pretty much after about 10th grade, I lost track of Tears For Fears. I wonder what happened. "Mad World" is an awesome song, even though now everyone knows the Gary Jules version now.


This cracks me up.

2008-11-24

Diff'rent Strokes: Hidden IR Agenda?



The television show Diff'rent Strokes was a groundbreaking show for the time. For those who don't know Mr. Drummond, a white widower decides to adopt his former maid's two young children, Willis and Arnold Jackson after she dies. Now I didn't think anything of it at the time, but for a white man to adopt two black children took guts. Especially since they were his former maid's children. "Whatchoo talking about Siditty?" you ask? Well let me tell you.

Now we know Mr. Drummond is a very nice and charitable man to adopt two black children from Harlem, but really was Mr. Drummond all that nice and charitable? I don't recall Ms. Garrett being offered a raise to stay with the family when she was invited to be a housemother at Eastland. Adele and Pearl didn't seem to get much love either. Heck even when Mr. Drummond did finally get married, he didn't seem all that close to his wife or to her son Sam. What was it about Arnold's and Willis' mother that caused this ultimate act of charity?

Mr. Drummond was most definitely getting his swirl on with their momma. Let's get real, widowed white men tend not to be in the business of adopting, especially a man as busy as Mr. Drummond. For all we know Arnold and Willis are his kids. Let's put this in perspective. Strom Thurmond paid for Essie's education and sent letters, but he didn't dare let her move into his house, not even to be a pretend maid, and that was is own biological child. Lucy Mae Jackson the maid put a spell on Mr. Drummond. Imagine it, he is busy running his conglomerate, and at night he comes home to an empty penthouse, no one there except him and Lucy Mae the widow maid while Kimberly is away at Eastland. A close relationship was formed between Mr. Drummond and Lucy Mae on those lonely nights. Arnold and Willis thought their momma was working late......she was working it all right.



Arnold and Willis are all Mr. Drummond has left of Lucy Mae Jackson, so he wanted them as a way to continue to be close to Lucy Mae, even in death.

All and all even though Mr. Drummond's act of ultimate charity wasn't all that charitable, it worked out well. Arnold and Willis loved Mr. Drummond and Kimberly, and Mr. Drummond and Kimberly loved them back. Together they were able to overcome a series of issues. From Arnold dealing with bullying from the Gooch, to Kimberly and Arnold getting kidnapped, Willis joining a gang, and to Arnold almost getting molested by the bicycle shop owner. They worked together to make it through all those tough times and many more.

2008-11-23

Passing The Love: The Brilliante Weblog Award

Keep It Trill honored me with the Passing The Love: The Brilliante Weblog Award, so I in turn, I pass the award on to some bloggers I feel I can pass the love on to.

My first passing of the torch goes to Pages From My Notebook. Dalyn gets it. His posts on race are great. They are insightful, well written, and gives people great insight on race and race relations. He also has some great art work to look at as well. Check out his post on being a hyphenated american.

Funky Black Chick provides a great blog, that is funny, insightful, and she shares a disdain of DL Hughley and his new show on CNN like I do. Great minds think alike.

Grata has a great blog where she discusses current news and events and gives great insight. Her blog is a great place to learn about international news and culture.

The Life and Times of JDR. This is a really new blog, I mean really new, but it is a great blog. For someone so young, this guy is smart, really smart, and not in a smart ass kind of way. He is well read, really intelligent, and has some really great thoughts and ideas. Definitely check him out.

Ugly Black John. I am not big upping Ugly Black John just because he is from my hometown. It isn't that at all, even though it doesn't hurt. The man is sharp, witty, and keeps me reading day after day. Check out his post about the collapse of the "Big 3".

The Mustard Seed is a great blog. Jack Stephens is genius. Hip hop, politics, religion, and race relations. A great combo. Read his post about Killing White Anglicanism.

Seattle Slim has some great commentary on race relations, politics, and natural hair care. You know I am all about natural hair care. Check out her Happy Nappy Head blog, and check out her post on "I don't need a man" disease.

You know I got to big up The Divided House. As you have known for a long time, Classical One created a blog that caused a stir in the IR blogosphere with White Men Who Prefer Black Women. He created a nice niche market of IR dating from the white male perspective. He is probably the only reason my blog has any traffic on it now. This blog however departs from that, and gives you a bit more insight into his personality, as well as some great insight on current affairs and politics. A definite good read. Check out his post on American Exceptionalism.

My Political Compass



Economic Left/Right: -8.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.08

Per this test, I am a libertarian leftist :)

2008-11-22

Saturday Night Par-tay.....Yeah I spelled "party" wrong on purpose, work with me.

This is by far one of the best bands of all time. The bicycle shorts with blazers, the long flowing dreads, the great lyrics, the synthesizers.



Oh yeah, I forgot about the lip synching. Rob and Fab will have a place in our hearts forever. Fab still looking good, and actually singing songs, and doesn't really sound all that bad. Rob, well R.I.P.

Now let's get to the more happy memories:

Roni Size Reprazent. I love Drum and Bass.

Did you ever know this guy in college? The Ras Deuce



Have you ever met this guy? I admit I once dated a guy like this, except he didn't have locs yet. Thankfully, this is going to sound racist, but I think white people's hair texture keeps them from making nice locs. They have to work really hard to get a lock.

This is the type of guy who is all down for the cause in college, and then he graduates, gets a job, moves to surburbia, and marries the blonde haired, blue eyed trophy wife.

2008-11-21

Expectations

Growing up as a black girl in suburbia, I was well aware that my parents worked very hard to get to where they were, and that they set high expectations for me to maintain or exceed the lifestyle the provided me.

Even though my parents and I get along great now, my parents although I love them were tough as hell on me growing up. My father in particular was really kind of tough. He kind of expected me to be a little adult. My mother although more lax, wasn't what I would call lax. My parents were hard core parents. I still tremble in fear of the both of them. If I had told my parents I wanted to be a nurse, they would tell me to be a doctor. If I told them I wanted to graduate from college, they told me to get a PhD. My mother is still hoping I get the first PhD in the family, as my mom and dad "only" have their Masters. My parents were the type of parents who told me straight up because I was a black woman, I would have to be better and work harder at anything and everything I do. A "B" was never good enough, an "A" was the only acceptable grade in my house, and in the summer's there was nothing wrong with doing mommy assigned homework for a couple of hours a day. My father thought I should be reading more meaningful books than some old funky fiction from Jack Kerouac or Kurt Vonnegut.

I just now told my mother of my plans to become a teacher. She is happy, or I should say OK with it, but my father not so much. He told me I was "too good" to teach. It kind of stung, but I know my father. I should note my mother is a teacher, and my father used to be a teacher. He keeps telling me I need a job that will pay me and provide a good lifestyle. He never wants me to feel poverty like he experienced growing up, and I understand that, but I can think of worse things to be than a school teacher.

In high school, I told my parents I wanted to major in English in college, get my PhD, and become a writer, and my parents yelled at me and informed me their money would only go to worthwhile majors like business, engineering, or the like. My parents tried to turn me on to accounting, but I just couldn't do it, but business I could do. I think this is part of the reason I rebelled in college. Going from an extremely structured environment to one not structured at all was too much. I went crazy. I was at night clubs every night, and skipping the 9:00 am classes in lieu of sleeping in or watching "Little House On The Prairie" was too much. Needless to say, me and Sallie Mae now are BFFs.

I say all of this because I wonder will I do the same to my future hypothetical kids. I am sure I will give them you got to work harder and better speech, but will race or gender be a factor in that speech? I don't know. My husband thinks it is cruel to give a kid homework in the summer. I do know I would hope that I wouldn't measure my kids success by the amount of money they make. I realize that money makes things easier, I would want them to have a comfortable life, but I would want them to be happy I hope, even if lawyer or doctor wasn't on the top of their list for income. I would want them to be educated, but I hope if they came to me and said they wanted to be an artist, I wouldn't push them into getting a chemistry degree. That I wouldn't feel they needed a PhD, and finally that as long as they were employed, able to take care of themselves, and happy, I would be happy for them. I don't want my kids to rebel like I did, but I don't want to be their best friend either. I don't want to be the cool mom who listens to cool music, and lets their kids do cool things. I just don't want them to feel obligated to me like I feel obligated to my parents to adhere to certain expectations, and not feel horribly for not following those ideal expectations to the "T".

2008-11-20

Good Enough to F*ck, But Not Marry



In a previous post, I posted an interview about a white guy who dated and claim to prefer black women. What I found odd is that this man claimed to overwhelmingly date black women, but when he finally got married, he married a latina woman. Another thing that caught me off guard was now that he is divorced, he is dating black women, but doesn't want a serious relationship two years post divorce. An anonymous commenter on that post made an excellent point, there are white men who profess their endless love for Asian women, and they seem to have no problems marrying them, but for all the talk about white guys who like black women, few if any are actually married or have been in serious relationships with them.

So why is it asian, latinas, and other races of women are exotic, but yet still manage to be marriage material, where as black women are exotic, but only good enough to have sex or short term fun with?

If your preference and attraction is primarily to black women, why is it you would marry another more "acceptable" race of woman to marry? I understand you can't help who you fall in love with, but this seems to be an ongoing trend with white men. They claim to love black women, but yet most of them never get serious with the black women, or if they do, it never seems to work out in the end.

There Is No Humanity Only Self Interest


This post was partially inspired by JDR's latest blog entry and my husband. You should definitely check out JDR's blog, it is very insightful and an interesting read.

On a totally unrelated note, if you want to see some eye candy, check out Casper's blog. Woo Hoo!!! Congrats on your first pro fight Casper!!!!

My husband a few days ago was watching youtube and watching clips of Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t. The topic at hand was the American With Disabilities Act. I should preface this by saying my husband although socially liberal is also fiscally conservative, his republican friends are trying to convince him he is a libertarian as that is more socially acceptable than being a democrat, and as per usual, I digress.

His argument was why should any business or public place be forced to accommodate disabled people? Why should they be forced to hire and school people, as business owners and others should choose to do what they please. I wholeheartedly disagree with this mindset.

I think that people if left up to their own devices would not take care of those less fortunate, would not accommodate the disabled, and wouldn't want diversity or inclusiveness, unless it appealed to their particular group. People for the most part are selfish, this could be an American thing, but I think all people are that way. History proves this over and over. Proposition 8 proved this. Black people although people who have been historically oppressed, many voted to support a ban on gay marriage. Not comparing the struggles, but from one oppressed group to another, it should be something that we should consider before wanting to take the civil rights of others. On the flip side we have the members of the gay community offended by this and going to the extreme of blaming blacks for the passing of Proposition 8, telling people they did blacks "a favor" by voting for Obama, as well as some saying if a ban of Affirmative Action ever comes up, they plan to vote against Affirmative Action, as if it is solely a "black thing", not considering the other minorities and white women who would be affected by this as well. That and the fact many gay people tend to be forgetting that there are many people who are not only gay, but black as well, but I digress, again.

I feel the government has to intervene because of this. I know that sounds like big brother, but oh well, call me a socialist, but if left to our own devices slavery and segregation would have lasted a lot longer, disabled people would continue to be housed in institutions and treated as cast offs of society, people would have their kids drop out of school in the fourth grade, people would die of starvation, the homeless populations would increase, and women would still be considered in the legal sense as property. We needed government intervention to insure these things wouldn't happen. People for the most part only empathize and show compassion for those like themselves, they for the most part aren't capable or don't care to empathize with those not like them.

Look at the current economic crisis. CEOs and upper management of companies had lots of freedom and could have done great things aside from increase their salaries, instead they ran their own companies into the ground, while giving themselves raises, without regards to the fiscal impact it would have on their own companies, the jobs of their employees, or to the service of their customers. Most people with power and money don't care about people who don't have power and money. Most people who are white don't want to acknowledge or care about others who aren't white and can't fully understand the concept of discrimination outside of slavery and segregation. Most men don't care about the advancement of women. Most people don't care about the disabled, unless they are disabled or know people who are disabled. That is the way of the world.

My husband tends to think I have no faith in people and that I assume the worse. I guess he is right, but history tends to prove my view of the world versus the "give people the benefit of the doubt" view.

2008-11-19

If You Have The Time: An Interview on White Men and Black Women with Alexyss K.Tylor



OK If you have the time to listen to the show, listen to it. I don't know how I feel about it. It seems the guy she is interviewing is into stereotypes. Warning this show is graphic. It is from Alexyss K. Tyler. The woman who does these videos:



Thanks Brodaica Californica for sending this to me.

My summary and critique of this interview:

The white guy sounds as if he dates pretty much only black women. He refers to himself as not being the straight laced white guy with no flavor. That sounds a bit stereotypical, but again he doesn't sound deuce like either even though he did claim he attended school with Ice Cube. He grew up Jewish in a family that was racist,, but he felt he was always comfortable with black women.

There was a great point brought up, Alexyss K. Tylor indicated that many black men have a preference for more "mixed" looking women, where as this man did not. He explained he has no preference and that he felt that came from a slavery issue, and that it usually isn't a factor because there is no expectation of the ideal black women to white men, they just want attractive women.

He does bring out the stereotypes of black women being more sensual, sexual, and more apt to affectionate in public. He also talked about the oral sex stereotype of white men vs. black men. He confirms that he as a white man does oral sex. He also noted that just not any white guy can approach a black woman. I guess you can't be the straight laced white guy with no flavor and still approach a black woman. He felt you had to be "down" and eat soul food. Yeah, he said that. I don't know how I feel about that, as it seems a bit too stereotypical. He did state he didn't want a Condoleeza Rice or Clarence Thomas types, he wants a black woman with soul. He wouldn't have dated me, I might have been "too white" for him. It seemed like he had a set perception of what a black woman is, and that was what he was attracted to.

He confirmed white guys have a hard time dating black women and that in the African American community a black women would catch flack and society doesn't always accept it. That the perception is black women aren't attracted to white men.

Alexyss also asked him did he feel black women were dating white men because of their needs not being met by black men. His response was interesting, and I think this goes to show the difference in approach in regards to white men and black men. Black men are a bit more direct, the manner in which they approach you is on a more sexual level, where as a white guy who approaches you does so on a "friend" type basis. Alexyss mentioned how black culture has kind of downgraded how women are treated and approached. Which is definitely true in MAINSTREAM hip hop culture. They made some great comments on the status of white women vs. black women in mainstream culture and how black women vs. white women are treated in society.

I was kind of cautious as this man said he always dates black women, but he married a latina woman, which to me gives me the red flag of black women are for a good time, but when it comes time to settle down you gotta go with someone "more acceptable". He is currently dating now that he is divorced, but he isn't looking for anything serious, but overwhelmingly dates black women. He feels sex with black women is better than white women. Alexyss stated she felt white boys don't have the same sexual hang ups of black men.

Overall, I think it was a good interview, it was very racy, the guy was cute, it was nice to hear about a white guy liking black women, but it did come off a bit of a stereotype fest.

2008-11-16

Six Flags Over Jesus and Social Status In The Church

Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.
-John 7:24

OK I have told you I am faithless, a lot of people assumed I was mad at the church, when in reality I explained my rationale for my belief system or lack thereof. Now it is my time to talk about what irks me about the people in the religion I grew up in, which was Christianity.

The black church tends to be very class and status conscious. You put on your Sunday best. There is a whole market dedicated to black women hat and suits for the church. You can't wear hats and suits like this anywhere else, except maybe a wedding or some other formal event:







I actually remember at my great grandmother's funeral, which was in a church, my husband looked in shock and horror at my great aunt's fashion choice. He referred to her hat as a Jiffy Pop hat, and to this day he refers to her as Jiffy Pop. She knows this and thinks it is funny. She loves my husband, in her eyes he can do no wrong, even when he is making fun of her. As per usual I digress.

I guess it is important to realize that I grew up in country churches, the majority of my church life. We knew people with "weekend" cars, they drove their clunker to work, but the Lincoln and Cadillac were for weekend driving, and weekend driving usually meant a drive into church, Then people would get out of their cars in the best suits money could buy, so that they could to the usual pew and do the catwalk down the main isle of the church. Church was a place to see and be seen. If you came into church wearing anything less than stellar, folks would talk about you. The concept of coming to church in jeans and khakis up until the 1990s, was a "white church" thing, and even now in some churches if you do that, you are going to get talked about. Now my questions are these: Why are people so concerned about what people wear to worship in church? Why can't you wear casual clothing to worship? I know to some it is disrespectful for people to come into church "too casual", but to me, I don't think God strikes you down because you failed to wear a $200 suit to church? Why can't you drive your 1997 Tercel up into the church parking lot? Does God care what kind of car you drive to church? More importantly do you feel it is fair to wear a hat that obstructs the view of your fellow church members?

I guess another beef I have is mega churches. You know the Potter's House, Lakewood Church. Here in the Dallas area we have Prestonwood Baptist Church. I affectionately call it Six Flags Over Jesus. That church is HUGE. Not as big as the Potter's House or Lakewood Church, but it is huge in it's own right. It was the first church I ever knew that had an ATM in the lobby. It also has a restaurant, gym, and bookstore. That completely blew me away. They also have multiple campuses. A lot of churches do that now. They have north, south, east, and west locations so they are convenience. Like chain stores, churches are sprawling every where like Wal Mart. What happened to the small independent churches of yester year? Why do churches feel so corporate now? Can a small church survive. Imagine if every member of that mega church is tithing 10% of their income to their church, what kind of salaries are the ministers and the staff getting? Are they receiving inflated salaries like the CEOs of major corporations, or do they deserve these salaries that afford them multiple homes and luxury cars? If Jesus were alive today, would he be like Creflo Dollar?

Is status important? Do people go to church to associate and hob nob with religious celebrities and ministers; or do they truly go to learn and worship? Does how you dress or the car you drive influence your relationship with God?

2008-11-10

Proposition 8 Passed & Black People Are To Blame?

So 70% of blacks who voted on Prop. 8 in California voted for it. They voted to rescind the right for gays and lesbians to marry. Is that sad and trifling? Yes. Is it surprising? No.

The black gay community is a silent one, not because they want to be silent but because in the black community they have no choice. This vote was a vote of religion to many, and as I have said before, the black church is very conservative, and the black church is the cornerstone of politics for many black americans. To be black and gay on par with being republican and gay, most black people just don't get it. There are still folks walking around slapping their kids for no reason so they don't become "soft" or "sissies". They are still using the term "sissies" to describe effeminate men. My dad won't even say the word "gay" or "homosexual", he just does the Fred G. Sanford signal for "gay", which can be seen in this clip around the 2:37 mark:




Just an off topic FYI, Rippa did a phenomenal analysis of Lamont Sanford over at his blog. It was insightful, poignant, and gave truth a brand new light. Bravo, Rippa. Bravo.

The stereotypes that many whites have for gays and lesbians, blacks have for gays and lesbians. That being gay is a choice. That other gay people recruit or "can turn you gay". That gay people are pedophiles and predators looking to "turn out" innocent children and those down on their luck who can be easily swayed. That being gay is a mental illness.

Then let's talk about the "down low" phenomenon. This has been a major discussion for years, and I do not know the reality of how big this issue is within the black community, as I don't see it being an overwhelming issue, as I don't think MOST black men are gay, but I think with the attention it has received, it has fueled the discrimination against homosexuals within the black community.

I find it disheartening and somewhat insulting that we as black people have the audacity to be hateful and judgmental to another group of people, when we have had this done to ourselves for centuries. In the same breathe, I am not going to pretend gays and lesbians are innocent lambs.

One of my first posts on this blog was about a white lesbian who asked me why black people can't get over slavery. The one lonely response I got from that post was from a man who basically said black people aren't the only people of the world to suffer. Better known as the good old "get the hell over it" diatribe that is so often used by angry people mad when I discuss race or the concept of white privilege. He identified himself as a gay man in Kentucky. The days following the vote on Prop. 8, some black gays and lesbians felt threatened by their white counterparts when the news stories came out showing the black support. The n-word was thrown around liberally by some, and the stereotypes about blacks flew. Was the anger rightfully directed? The black vote wasn't the largest portion of the support, it was the white vote, but only about half of the white vote supported it, only about half of the asian, and a little over half of the hispanic vote supported Prop. 8, but the racial slurs and nasty diatribes were directed towards blacks, and why when this does happen do all blacks get painted with the same ugly brush? Why must our whole race get the rath of your anger and frustration? That is like me using Chuck Knipp as my example of why I can't like ALL gay people. I would hope not all gay people support this moron. Do all gays and lesbians enjoy white men in black face and drag as great entertaining comedy? Apparently so, since this guy seems to sell out his show on a regular basis and has a strong gay and lesbian following. Is that a fair assessment for me to make? Over at the Huffington Post, Raymond Leon Roker felt the LGBT communities backlash to the black community was unfounded. The comments there were disheartening. Most from people identifying themselves as gay or lesbian throwing around stereotypes and generalizations towards black people. Many people of color in the LGBT community have stated that racism has been and will be an issue, and as with all things in America, in "mainstream" gay culture, the focus is on white men and women in the community. It seems for the most part, the need for diversity and representation within the LGBT community seems to have fallen on deaf ears within that community.



Lack of empathy and compassion is a big issue in this country. The lack of understanding between the LGBT community and the black community is a perfect example of this.

2008-11-09

What Do We Do Now?




Thanks bygbaby

JUST LIKE THE TOM THUMB'S BLUES



I got tagged by Ehav to come up with the ABCs of my favorite films, although I don't know if these are my favorite films or the best that I could come up with given the letter LOL:

A -An Inconvenient Truth
B - Breakfast Club
C - Clockwork Orange
D - Dark Days
E - Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind
F - Fight CLub
G - Garden State
H - High Fidelity
I - Imitation of Life
J - James and the Giant Peach
K - Kill Bill
L - La Femme Nikita
M - Metropolis
N - Napoleon Dynamite
O - The Others
P - Palindromes
Q - Queen
R - Reservoir Dogs
S - Storytelling
T - Twenty Eight Days Later
U - Underworld (not really a favorite movie, just couldn't think of anything else, and I wasn't repulsed by it)
V - Virgin Suicides
W - Welcome To The Dollhouse
X - X -Men
Y - Y tu mamá también
Z - Zoolander

2008-11-08

Why Black Women/White Men Pairings are Eclipsed by Black Men/White Women Pairings


For those of us involved in IR, it is very apparent that it is harder to find black women/white men pairings compared to white women/black men pairings. Do we ever question why that is? These are my theories and my theories alone, these are opinions, not fact, I want that to be painfully obvious as I type this.

One reason that there are way more white women/black men pairings are beauty standards. White women are the epitome of beauty pretty much worldwide, and if you aren't necessarily white, you better look close to white. The lighter the skin the better. I grew up in the south, where it was common to hear black men say they preferred a woman with "bright skin", "light eyes", and "good hair". White women fit this description, and so therefore are desired by black men, whereas black women typically don't always fit this mold, and as social acceptance of interracial relationships have increased over the years, it is only natural that black men with these preferences are drawn to white women, they have the "light skin", "bright eyes", and "good hair". I remember reading in the book the "Color Complex" that black men tended to be attracted to women who were lighter than they were on average. I guess the same could be said of white men, the blonde haired, blue eyed beauty is the ideal in mainstream aka white american culture. White men also tend to be attracted to white women as they are what is considered the ideal, which is why I guess some white men who are willing to date interracially tend to want a "better quality" black women than they would request of white women, as if they have to "lower" their level of "trophy", it would be evened out if the said black woman was way above average. Black women have hesitations about dating white men due to our tumultuous history in this country. It is seen as "sleeping with the enemy", whereas a white women is seen as powerless and less of a threat to racism. Black women have also been conditioned to believe that white men aren't attracted to them, not to mention the manner in which a white male typically approaches a woman is different than black men. Black men tend to be a bit more direct in their approach than white men, at least in my experience.

With the beauty ideals being the way that they are, the desire to produce children with the characteristics of what is deemed as as attractive (i.e. white) versus black, the need to be with white women is strong. Black women do this as well to ensure "pretty babies", which is sad and trifling in some respects, as we should only hope to have healthy children and all races of children should be deemed beautiful. I have been approached by black men impressed with my "good hair" and how we would make "pretty babies", most of these men I never once thought to date, and I ran from them because talking about babies in search an early stage of the relationship, the nonexistent stage, is strange. As per usual, I digress.

Another theory is that with the increase in acceptance of interracial relationships, there are some black men who are into the concept of forbidden fruit. It wasn't that long ago that a black man looking at a white woman the wrong way would have gotten him severely hurt or killed. Not to mention for years, many black women have been vocal of their distaste for black men with white women. Now that it is accepted as ok, I think that some black men feel what better way to get back at the wrongs done to them by white men and black women is by being with a white women.

Another reason is stereotypes. I grew up being told that black men dated white women because they did what black women wouldn't do, oral sex. That they had less attitude, were more docile, and more than likely to let the man be the "head of the household" and do what they were told, whereas black women are too strong and "act like men". White women are also supposed to be skinner and smaller, where as most black women are overweight or fat. It is true, most black women in America are overweight, but so are most white women. Also I think there is some validity in the roles of black women vs. white women. From slavery to beyond, there was never really a chance to form the "traditional nuclear family", child care, rearing, and earning was primarily done by the black woman, as well as in the 1960 and 1970s, the welfare system that many black people used, discouraged the black male father being in the household, so yes for the most part it explains why most black mothers are single today.

Another stereotype has to do with masculinity. Black men are the epitome of masculinity, where as white men are considered less masculine than their black counterparts. The old saying of "tall, dark, and handsome" fits the description of black men, but not always white men. So maybe women of all races are attracted to black men because of this perceived masculinity.

All in all, I think that the number of black women/white men pairings are increasing, but I also see that interracial relationships, regardless of the combination are increasing, and I think with today's beauty standards and stereotypes abound, we will continue to see greater numbers of white women/black men pairings than black women/white men pairings.