2008-01-25

Insomnia Ramblings-Relationships and Friendships

Over the past 8 or 9 years there has been a great transformations in my friendships. I have switched to hanging out with all guys literally to all girls. I would say out of the seven people I hung out with in college on a regular basis, 5 were guys. I get along with guys better. My BFF at the time I met my husband was a 30 year old guy with a kid married to a stripper. He was a house husband I met him through a friend at school. I was his Kramer, there were days I would come over there and not say a thing to him and play with his daughter. I hung out with his wife. Went shopping with her, helped her pick out outfits for work. He was like an awesome big brother who took me out to eat and took me shopping with his stripper wife's money. Let me also add his wife was bisexual and they had a very strange three way relationship with another stripper. I am still not sure what that was about. I digress.

When I met my husband he saw this relationship and was a bit taken back by it. The relationship was purely platonic. I never once kissed him, made out with him, slept with him, or anything that would make it a relationship. I do think his initial intentions might not have been so innocent (for instance he was trying hard to get me to like the movie 9 1/2 weeks, I just thought it to be silly),telling me I was sexually suppressed, and should become a stripper; but after a while he was the big brother, checking out potential boyfriends and keeping me from his guy friends who were trying to ask me out. When I first started dating my husband, my BFF was like I gotta meet him, I need to make sure he is "good enough". I proposed the idea of meeting my BFF to my husband, he declined. To this day if I mention BFF's name, it bothers him immensely. BFF moved away to Hawaii. BFF over the years will send me an email inviting me and my husband to stay with him in Hawaii so I can visit him and his daughter. My husband flat out refuses to take the invite.

Strange relationship, and now that I type this out this relationship does not seem innocent at all. Maybe it helps out to write things. Now I understand a little bit better why my husband cannot stand this BFF. I have had other less strange relationships with guys and my husband doesn't understand those either. He is under the impression guys and girls can not be friends. He believes men have ulterior motives when hanging out with girls, even gay ones. Yeah gay guys, men who like other men. They want women too.

I had a couple of co-workers I hung out with on a regular basis at a job I had a few years back, we would go to lunch together. Both of those co-workers were gay. I figured it is two guys, but they are gay, I am safe. My husband didn't think so and asked me to stop going to lunch with them. I went back and forth on this and decided I can go to lunch with who I want and it shouldn't matter, even straight male co-workers. I am not attractive, these men are not trying to get into my pants. They are trying to go to Freebirds (which is must tastier than Chipolte by the way) and get them a big ass burrito, they see I am hungry as hell and invite me. They aren't like maybe if I invite her to lunch she will have sex in my car with me while the other guys watch. I also want to note too, at his last job he had a female co-worker he used to hang out with. They went to lunch in groups, but in his industry girls have nothing better to do than hang out with boys, there aren't a bunch of women vying to learn .Net and C++. His rationale was it was ok for him because he knew better than to mess with her. Hello, don't I know the same thing?

Needless to say it make me wonder about him. He knows I am not pretty by traditional standards and this is Texas guys like blond haired, blue eyed girls. I am not the norm attractive girl here. Why should he even be worried? Why are guys so possessive?

I still talk to some of my friends from college, but usually through a random email. A couple have moved away. Some have gotten married, others just dropped out of sight. I HAD one friend who I can gripe to about my husband (like I do here, my husband is really a wonderful man you guys, very sweet, loving, and faithful). He started turning the conversation into you are not happy, you should leave him, and hey I am single, how about me diatribe. This friend does not fit my ideal, I am married, and hello we are friends I see how he treated his ex wife and not to mention he is a bit of a hick. OK he is a straight up hard core republican who is only 5'7 (too short in my eyes), who is uber preppy. He rides four wheelers, enjoys tractors, etc. He is cool as a drinking buddy, but not cool as someone you date. We would fight on a continuous basis about everything, and I would kill him. I know could take him on in a fist fight. He has decided in the last five or six years he likes the sistas. When we were friends all I saw were white girls on his arm, I was cool with that. His ex wife is white. I think now that he has found his preference for chocolate I fit into his ideal and he is trying to fit in where he can get in. Needless to say I have quit talking to him except to text him back when he wishes me a merry x-mas or some other random holiday. Other than that no contact. See I can be trusted in most cases.

So I see my husband's point about not trusting all guys and etc., etc., but I also feel that there should be enough trust there to know I would never do anything, even if propositioned. I would expect the same from him. Isn't that what a relationship is? I feel trust is very important in a relationship and I feel once again his parents dysfunction has made him a bit insecure in areas he shouldn't be. I am learning to work through this, but dang it, it is hard to get past certain things, except when he is looking all cute, then I can work through just about anything :)