2008-02-01

Are White Men Saviors?

It seems in the BW/WM IR blogosphere, white men are this:



and black men are this:




I have been going to a black of pro BW/WM IR and black female empowerment blogs as of late and I have noticed this trend. The obsession with DBR black men. DBR= Damaged Beyond Repair. Why are we not concerned about avoiding DBR men whether they are white, black, asian, and anything in between? Why is it on pro IR sites we are even discussing black men? Why do we feel BM are the downfall of BW?

Right now there is an uproar about BM, they don't marry us, they run after non black women, and the black community doesn't give a damn about black women. It is true the BC in general doesn't rally around BW, but how does that affect me on a personal level? How does this affect IR? SOME BM don't marry us, they go to WW, AW, HW, but most black men don't marry and neither do most black women. Some of the black men we don't want to date any damn way, so why are we bitching and complaining about BM? I really don't get that at pro IR sites. I am in an IR with my husband and have been for about 8 years. Do you think me and him discuss the complexities of IR and how bad black men are that now black women are forced to date IR? Hell no!!!!

Number 1: black men don't figure into my relationship with my husband. What they do is neither here or there.
Number 2: I don't feel all black men are bad, not even most of them, not even half of them. I honestly believe you get what you take. If 50 cent type men are the only men coming after you, then you need to evaluate why. Where are you hanging at? Who do you surround yourself with? Why is every man you are with a father to 5 kids?

Maybe I was lucky, the majority of black men I grew up around were professional, educated, married men. They didn't all cheat, they didn't all have 4 different baby mommas. My mother didn't have multiple men in and out of the house. She and my father have been married for almost 35 years. I am almost 32, so yeah that means they waited to have kids AFTER married. Most the black people my parents surrounded me with were of the same type. Educated, married, with kids. My father didn't beat or cheat on my mother. He doesn't disregard her, in matter of fact he encouraged her to go back to school not once, but two times, once to get her undergrad and then once to get her masters. I just didn't see the DBR unless it was on television and later once I started college. Even then those men weren't DBR, they were just crazy, and knew their position in the community of BW vying for the small pool of educated black men out there.

Another thing I see is the expand your dating options, there are better men out there. This is 100% true. Women of all races should expand their dating options to increase their chances of finding a good guy. But expanding your dating options on some of these sites seems to equal white men will save you from the sorry ass black men out there. Just FYI I have dated some sorry ass WM in my time. Men who were just hanging out at home living off a trust fund. Men without cars, job, or education. Men who had Stepford wive motives for their women. Men who had Ike Turner tendencies. I had to weed my way through the dating jungle to find my husband, and my dating jungle persisted of mostly white men. To sum it up, sorry comes in every race.

Other downsides to dating white men:

The Old Dirty White Man.
For some reason older white men 40+ tend to chase after 18 year old model looking black girls, because they feel BW of that caliber are easier to get than WW. The whiteness is a prize in itself to these type of men, no matter how old, wrinkly, or fugly those men are.

I wanna screw, but I can't bring you home white man.
The WM who want to fuck you, but they sure as hell ain't going to have a relationship with a BW because it wouldn't work out, their parents wouldn't approve, race is too complicated, what about the kids, or whatever other sorry excuse is out there. These men are prevalent in the BW/WM dating world. They would never approach a WW the same way the approach you as a BW. Pick up lines like:

"We are all the same color in the dark."

"I have always fantasized about being with a sister"

"Why don't you dance for me? I like how you move" (you are not in a club, but rather the mall, and you were walking, not dancing)


These men also feel that if they offer to buy you Starbucks or Chick Fil A you are obligated to give them a BJ in their car parked outside.

Eminem white man.
This type of man speak to you in ebonics, even if you have never ever said a word to them, they assume you are from the streets and the ghetto and don't know how to speak standard English. These men are also likely to want BJ in fast food parking lots. The think their El Camino is something of a luxury to you, after all living in the ghetto you must ride the bus, and don't have a car.

Angry white man. They feel white women are no good and have rejected them. The answer to all their problems is a black woman. She can sympathize with them. Personally I don't like dejected men. Are you dating me because you like me, or are you dating me because no one else would take you, and you are bitter as hell? Am I retaliation?

This is what is in the WM dating world. Are all white men like this? HELL NO. There are some great white men out there and it seems now more than ever they are open to expanding their options as well.

I personally think angry white men and angry black women should get together, they will have a lot to talk about.

I will also note, even if you find a decent WM, when you get with them they might do things like:

Leave the toilet seat up
Not clean up after themselves
Might have to be nagged to mow the lawn or call the lawn mowing service
Might want you to have sex with them while they are stinky after mowing the lawn

All men, like all women are flawed. There is no savior to come save you in the relationship world. Know how to pick them, and don't exalt one type of man over another, it will just further cripple you.

Let us commence with the discussion of how I am a mammy quick to protect the Black Men.