2008-05-08

Dating and Kids





I was over at this blog and it had two posts of interest. One about why single men shouldn't date women with kids, and another one for why single women shouldn't date men with kids. They both had some good points, even though I was a little miffed the guy who wrote the why you shouldn't date single mothers article is a single father, double standard anyone?

I have limited experience dating single fathers. I dated two* one, and the experience in that case was not positive. He was 20 and in college, working part time, and trying to support a child that lived six hours away. He didn't have time to try to get into a relationship. He had baby daddy tendencies, always bad mouthing the mother of his child, as she was again pregnant by another man after she had a child with him, and this was baby number four. This gave me the impression he wasn't good at judging people from the get go, and he likes to hang with people making bad decisions, which means more than likely he makes bad decisions as well. Another red flag to me is the fact he was having unprotected sex, to me that is dangerous, I have seen way too many after school specials about STDs and unplanned pregnancy. Not to mention he had a preference of no condoms during sex and that he would rather his women use birth control. I figured that is what happened with the last woman, and I was not having that. We never had sex as a result. I couldn't imagine going home pregnant to the mother who told me when I was 13 and "became a woman", "You can for sure get pregnant now, don't get pregnant, or I will kill you" and handed me a box of maxi pads and walked away. My mother and her compassion.

Needless to say if I were single now, I don't think I would want to date a person with kids. I say this because sometimes kids scare me, and I would hate to have to deal with baby mamma drama. I think I would be compared to the ex way too much, not to mention I don't want to be baby mamma #4 in a list of baby mammas. Also if you were to marry someone who had kids with another women, you would inherit child support payments. Not to mention I am also selfish, it is all about me!!!!!!! Maybe I would think differently if I had kids myself, but knowing that at 32, there is a greatly reduced number of men my age childless, I would have to Mary Kay Letourneau it, and troll college campuses for barely legal boys. That isn't very appealing either. So I guess as you would get older in the single scene, you would have to be more open to the prospect of dating someone with kids, or someone who has been divorced. I knew when I was 22 I had this thing about dating divorced folks, because they were usually out of my comfortable dating age range, and those within my dating age range probably got married at a young age due to the fact someone got pregnant, making a baby daddy and baby mamma drama I wouldn't want to deal with.



*He assumed he was father to a child he paid child support on for over a year, DNA testing proved otherwise, the hint should have been was the baby was blacker than Wesley Snipes,but he was white. It still sucked because he had bonded with the child and was heartbroken when it was discovered the child was not his.