2008-05-03

The Truth About Marriage


Next month me and my husband will have been together officially NINE years. In November we will have been married 5 years. Looking back upon that time, I am reflecting on my relationship with my husband. I love him to death, and at this point and time cannot imagine life without him. He is an awesome guy, who really does a great job in taking care of me and having to deal with my crazy ass. Most men would have bolted by now. I am going to tell you my personal views of relationships and wedded bliss, the good, the bad, and the ugly.


Let's start with the good:

-There are days when I wake up early in the morning and just watch him sleep. He is the most adorable thing when he sleeps, it doesn't help he looks about 12 years old.

-He always attempts to make me laugh. He thinks he got jokes, but he ain't really funny, I just smile and laugh to keep from hurting his feelings :)

-He has always supported me in my life, no matter what I do. From going back to school, to quitting and/or losing a job, he is the first to make sure I don't worry. He is the first to encourage me and support me even when others don't.

-He stills thinks I am pretty. He tells me this even when I have a cold and I am wearing grandma underwear and a ratty t-shirt to sleep in. Of course there have been some ratty t-shirts that mysteriously disappear over time. Even on my ugliest days he still tells me I am pretty, and I can get really ugly looking.

-He hates it when I am sad and tries to fix things for me, even when he can't

-He still lays in bed and cuddles with me and doesn't always expect sex, even though now I have to make him do it or throw a temper tantrum.

-He puts up with my temper tantrums. I have a slight temper at times and he is good at looking at me crazy and telling me to calm down. Except when I have road rage, no one can calm me down when I have road rage, I can rant on and on about that. I have quit flicking people off and honking my horn. I have replaced my middle finger with a thumbs up, it is a sarcastic thumbs up, but it is better than the middle finger right?

-He listens to me talk crazy with my wild and crazy ideas

-He will take me to see foreign and independent films even though he hates them. He will make fun of them for days on end, but he will take me.

-He still gets jealous when he thinks a guy likes me, even if said guy is gay and has no interest in anything with a vagina. (this can be both a positive and a negative, I will touch on that in the next section)

-He still takes me out on dates.

-He hates animals, but yet lives with two dogs and a cat. He even went so far as to start the animal trend, the pitt mix was the first gift he ever gave me. He got it before we moved in together and the pitt actually lived with him a good month before I moved in.

-He never hesitates to tell me he loves me.

-Our arguments never last more than an hour because he is always the first to apologize because he knows I am stubborn as hell.

The bad and ugly:

-In a marriage you go through phases, ups and downs. Sometimes there are days I am not willing to kiss my husband with morning breathe, I get grossed out, sometimes it is kicking, but a good teeth brushing and I am ready for duty.

-There are times I feel regret for not having lived life on my own longer. I have been with my sweetie since I was 23 and for the majority of that time I was living off of mommy and daddy. I basically went from living off of them to him, and it would be nice to know if I could really make it on my own for a long period of time.

-There are times you wish you were still single when you see your single girlfriends having fun and partying it up. Traveling whenever they wanted, without a care in the world. No scheduling vacations to accommodate someone else. You go and do what you want without compromise. Going out staying up late, not having to check in or ask permission to do things. No having to account for your whereabouts.

-In marriage you work as a unit, but there are times you feel that you have lost your individual self. I have changed significantly over the years. I think it has been due to growth and due to accommodating each others interests and ideals.

-You quit learning how to function on your own. I used to have no problems going to a movie or restaurants by myself. Now I act like an invalid and when I do have to eat somewhere by myself I do it talking to folks on a cell phone, yeah I know it is rude, but I feel so weird otherwise.

-Folks let themselves go. Sometimes you don't have to impress the person you already got them, so jeans, a t shirt , converse, a ponytail, and no make up become the commonplace at home outfit. You forget to wear the heels, put on the make up, and do the hair. Or at least just look like you put forth effort. My hubby is guilty of the same thing. There are days he is trying to obtain a ZZ top beard (which he can't even get, he can go two weeks without shaving and it looks like 5 day stubble). He also goes through phases where his common outfit is his Iron Maiden t shirts, jeans, and old ratty Adidas, even though I buy him really cute shirts, they just stay in the closet all sad. I also have to convince him to clip his toe nails, as I don't like being impaled by talons while laying in bed.

-Sometimes temptation is hard. I swear as a married women I get approached now by attractive men than I ever did when I was single. When I was single it was jerks, assholes, and men who had twenty kids with twenty different baby mammas. Now on occasion attractive men approach me and all I can do is run away.

-You have to work at sex. I never thought I would say that. When I was single, I don't think I would ever think I could get tired of sex, but on occasion you do. Sometimes he is in the mood and I am not, sometimes I am in the mood and he is not. Just part of life and you gotta work through it. You gotta change things up and put effort to make it interesting.

-Sometimes he and I take each other granted. We get frustrated at each other for not seeing things from the others point of view, get mad for silly reasons and say things you don't mean because you always know they will be there waiting around, and I have had to work on that because at any time, truth be known we could walk away from each other, split the difference, and call it a day, but we don't because we do love each other, but honestly that love is the big thing that keeps us together. Divorce comes a dime a dozen these days.

-The jealousy thing. I feel sometimes I hold myself back so not to anger and upset him, and I am sure he does the same for me. Over the years I have let go of people close to me to not cause complications between me and the husband. Folks of the opposite sex, people I considered my best friends I left drift away because I wanted to not cause friction, and at time I regret it. My only contact with them for the most part is email and myspace, which a true friend should be more than that.

Overall, this is my marriage, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I don't mind it at all. I do have things I can work on, but honestly I think our relationship is good, but sometimes you have to write stuff out to figure out what makes stuff work and why it works. Day to day you sometimes forget or stick this in the back of your mind and don't always step back in amazement to think that you actually have someone who loves you.