2008-06-17

When He Calls You N*****



Over the past few weeks, I have become a youtube addict. In my exploration of youtube, I have found all types of videos. Of course I go to many videos that discuss race relations and interracial relationships. I have noticed a trend of black women who discuss their preference for white men, or even who support interracial dating, and the ugly backlash they receive from some black men and black women. Now some of it is warranted. There is some black men bashing, but sometimes it is just the fact the girl is with a white guy or non black guy that drives these folks mad.

The biggest response I see on these youtube videos, either text responses or video responses is that these women need to come back home, leeave alone the white man for he will use you, and the inevitable what are you going to do when he calls you "the n-word".

Yes, that n-word. Now, personally I have never been called the n-word by my husband. I don't feel as if he is using me, and I don't think I need to come home. I do wonder though what would I do if I got into a fight with my husband and he did call me the n-word. Personally we don't do name calling when we fight. I've never said he was an asshole. He has never called me a bitch or a ho. We just don't roll that way in our house. But if he called me the n-word, should I be offended? Would he be a closet racist? What type of healthy environment is it to have your spouse to view you or your possible kids that way? What does it do to your self esteem or conscious to know that in his mind, that is all you are to him? Does he have a stereotypical view of blacks, but think you are the exception, or does he lump you in with every other person who looks like you? If it did happen, would you be able to date interracially again? Or would you start to hold animosity towards people based upon this negative experience?

I sincerely hope I have to never answer this question, but I can answer hypothetically what I would do. I would have to roll. That is one of the one things I can't imagine I could accept. I can't accept if my husband called me a bitch either. I think my anger would be that nagging feeling that in the back of his mind he saw me as nothing more than a n*****. If that is all he saw deep down, then if we had kids, would he view them this way as well?

Has this actually ever happened to anyone?

In terms of this argument being used over and over again, why is this the first thing that comes to mind when people object over black woman and white man pairings? Do you ever hear the argument in the opposite scenario (black man/white woman)? Is it assumed white women aren't racist or don't hold the power. Over at grata's she posted a video clip and one white woman in the clip said that she liked the strength of black men and that white men had everything handed to them from birth? Is this the assumption? White men get a free pass and white women don't? Do they not benefit from a white power structure as well? Or is it because they are women they struggle and therefore are able to empathize with the black man?