2008-07-15

Dating White Guys and Being a Black Racist

Today I received an email from someone who felt that I was a black racist. They felt I was too bitter and angry (I get that a lot because of my blog title), and felt I was completely racist against white people. Then they asked me a question that made me think. If I wasn't married now, would I date, get into a relationship with, or marry a white guy. The question simply should be yes. In all respects, I have always dated white guys, even before my husband, I am normally attracted to white guys, as that is what I am surrounded by, and have been the majority of my life. I think about this and would like to say I would be open to any and every race of man, as long as he was attractive, intelligent, and just an all round good guy, but I honestly don't know.

As I have stated in other postings I sometimes get militant. I get angry, I feel race relations suck, and I hold some prejudices against white people, I am not saying it is right, it just happens. I don't like to think I am a full time racist, but since on this blog I do talk about race a lot, I think about it a lot. Especially since the Cheesecake Factory incident. I have wondered if that incident would have happened if I was dating, rather than living and married to my husband, would I have written him off. I know I had written off a few white guys in my time for similar situations. I also know, at least where I live, I am not what is considered attractive by most white guys. I am too dark and "ethnic" looking in comparison to the blonde, blue eyed ideal that is prevalent. I would look ridiculous trying to attain that look, so I am in the background. A few guys would be interested sexually, but I think most white men in my area aren't open to dating black women, unless they are lighter hued. So I would probably be dateless in most situations, unless I was open to one night stands or purely sexual relationships.

Maybe I am angry, but if Cillian Murphy approached me, maybe my racial hang ups would never reoccur. The blue eyes would hypnotize me.

Sometimes I think race is such an issue for me because I don't fit in anywhere. I don't fit in with whites because I don't look like them, but I don't necessarily fit in with blacks, because of my white surroundings. When I am around white people I can't forget I am black, when I am around black people, I can't forget I am different. I think it has to an extent caused some confusion in my life at times, but it seems as I get older I become more and more aware of race, and at times very bitter about it. Who knows. I haven't been single since I was 23, so I don't know how I would perceive life as a single person race or not.