2008-07-05

You're Good Enough To Screw, But Not Good Enough To Date or Marry


As a black woman, at least for me growing up, I was told by my parents, and by friends, both black and white that a white guy will screw you, but they will never ever marry you. I disproved that theory with my husband, but as some people can attest in my previous post and in my own personal experience, I find people who hold this belief near and dear to their heart.

I have had the dreaded "How Much?" question come from white and hispanic men. The first few times I looked in confusion and ran away. If you ask me now, you will likely get cursed out. I don't think I dress all that "sexy" in everyday life. I didn't know converse, t-shirt, and jeans were prostitute gear. Even when I wear shorts and skirts, trust me with my husband, they are outdoor appropriate. It never ever seems to happen when I am "dressed sexy", like when I would go to a club or some night spot, but rather in broad daylight in downtown Dallas or when I am in "less savory" neighborhoods. Man walk up behind you, or pull up by you in cars and ask that question. When I do go to the nightclub or night spot, instead of the "do you want to dance question", you get the "Will you dance for me, I will give you $50 bucks" question. I am not at a strip club, but rather a regular run of the mill night club, and I don't think I have ever offered anyone a table dance. To be realistic, I can't really dance, I wouldn't know how to table dance to obtain the $50.

So why is it I and other black women get this question. Of course this isn't an everyday occurrence, but you do wonder why is it assumed I am open for business, when in reality I walk down the street. I once asked my husband this. He says it is a combination of three things. Assholism, idol worship, and outdated stereotypes.

The first reason is obvious. Some men are assholes. They just have no home training, and they think money will give them access to everything. They can be old, fat, ugly, and lack personality, but they feel money gives them the right to be complete jerks. These men assume that $50 will mesmerize you. These are the men I have referenced back in older in posts, they feel that you should be open to giving them oral sex in a fast food parking lot because they bought you a happy meal.

My husband readily admits on our first date, he was very mesmerized by my ass, he is an ass man and has no qualms about it. He worships ass. He wants me to aspire to be Buffie the Body, but I don't think my butt can get that big. He can to this day 9 years later tell me every detail of the dress I wore, he loved the dress. He still asks me to wear the dress, which now would look dated and completely out of style. He also thinks I "switch" my butt when I walk. I admit this happens, but I do have a big ass, I can help that it moves from side to side when I walk. It is not completely obvious, I don't purposely do it, but you have to focus on my ass to notice. He admits he focuses on my ass a lot. I definitely understand how if a man is looking at your ass. So he feels they notice and get mesmerized and lose their mind. I don't know if my bootie is all that, but some men it doesn't take much. I guess if you are willing to pay for sex, you probably don't have high standards, just be able to breathe and expose body parts and these men are excited.

In terms of stereotypes. We have all heard the "black women are easy", "black women are wild in bed", and "black women know how to move" stereotypes. Even though as black girls we are told it was white girls who were easy and would do things black girls wouldn't. White folks were told the opposite. I know white guys who attempted to date me and dating me involved not dinner and a movie, but going back to their place. I was dateless a lot in high school because of this. I was not going to be an afterschool special on ABC. I knew better. In college as well this often happened. Guys who wanted girls, but never in public , only in private. I honestly thought for a long time the only way I was going to date a white guy was to screw him first, so I was a bit put off by white guys for a while and remained dateless.

All in all a lethal combination of these three things cause some men to act a damn fool.