Race vs. Gender

OK We have Barack Obama as our Presidential Candidate. Many women were upset Hillary didn't get the nomination. They indicated that Obama was too junior or inexperienced. People like Gloria Steinem and Geraldine Ferraro attributed his nomination solely to his race. Even Hillary and Bill got in on the "he's got there because he's black" diatribe. I know many people at the Democratic National Convention were going to do everything they could to let everyone know that Clinton was their candidate. Some staunch democrats decided that they will vote republican if Barack Obama gets the nomination. I don't have to tell you why that is.

Now McCain has selected Sarah Palin as the Vice President in his campaign. She is young, relatively new to politics, and pro-life. I personally think she was selected due to her ability to pull the woman vote, which I think she definitely will. NOW was upset that Oprah backed Obama and not Hillary a woman. Those same women will be eager to vote for Palin, who is a self proclaimed Feminist, and a member of the Feminists For Life group. She is pro-life, and opposes same-sex marriage, but I have a feeling many Hillary supporters who are feminists will rally behind Palin. Those who don't want to vote for Barack Obama for obvious reasons will vote for anyone like not him. So I think this will be a very close race.

As much as I think Barack Obama is the best thing since sliced bread, the republicans are using some great strategy to get those feminist and pro-women voters as well as the voters not so crazy about Barack Obama.

The republicans have drawn the line in the sand. It will now be a campaign of race vs. gender. CNN and other stations will be going to black hair salons every where to ask the black women if they are torn and how will they vote.


I Have A Dream

Today is the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. When will this dream come true?


Cultural Differences in Family Interactions

If you were unfortunate enough to read the blog entry I deleted this morning, you would know we had a family emergency dealing with my husband's mother. In his family when there as an "issue" with someone in the family, it is very insular, meaning it is only the nuclear family that deals with the issue, the other relatives are not involved.

In my family, if we have an emergency, it is not just a nuclear family thing. Momma, daddy, aunts, uncles, cousins, and "play" cousins, and 2nd cousin Ray Ray might be involved. Perfect example is my new brother and sister. My mother felt it was an obligation to ensure my cousin's children remained with family members. That foster care wasn't acceptable, and even at 50 something, and risk of retiring with school age kids, she openly adopted my new brother and sister. My husband thought that was crazy, and that my parents had lost their minds trying to raise a 10 and 9 year old at their age. My white friend said my parents adopting my cousin's kids was a bit "trashy" and reminiscent of Jerry Springer, and that those kids have all sorts of mental problems, and should probably remain in foster care. It is as if nothing should be done.

I was talking about this with my Bangladeshi friend, whose family has done things like take in family members, help other family members immigrate here, and sent money to family members outside the family. She concludes that white people have a limited sense of family outside the nuclear family, the mom, dad, brother, and sister. Whereas other races of people have a sense of family outside the nuclear family unit, and extend it to even those not necessarily related to them.

Is this generalizing, or being racist towards whites? Is this just my husband's family that is like this?


Ode To 80s Dance Movies

The "Fame" video inspired me. I need to post about the great dance movies of the 1980s.

My first movie I present to you Flashdance. She is a hard working welder by day, stripper by night, and aspiring dance student. What is not to like? As a child I didn't realize she was a stripping welder. I just knew she worked construction and danced sexy at night until she could get into dance school.

Our next movie, I have a personal connection with. My place of birth is the focal point of this movie, and in the movie, you can't dance on Sundays or listen to rock music in the small sleepy town of Beaumont, TX. I will say I don't ever think dancing or rock music was outlawed in Beaumont, TX, and that I am pretty sure that town had black people in it. I think the town is like 50% black. Maybe these white kids were sheltered from the black kids. I present Footloose:

The next movie I present to you put Patrick Swayze on the map. Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Sometimes I think of how big corporate companies take a trend and drive it into the ground. Take rap and hip hop. If I hear Lil Wayne one more time, I am going to beat someone. But big companies have always ruined things. Take break dancing for instance. This movie is one of those times they made something cool, uncool. Breakin' 2:Electric Boogaloo;

Note Ice-T is in the trailer. Note the acting is on par with the rhymes of T-Baby's "It's Cold In The D"

Bonus clip, I had to add this Alfonso Ribeiro commercial. This boy can dance. The Carlton Dance was just a front. He can teach you how to break dance and rap. Yes, rap.

Another dance craze exploited. Lambada: The Forbidden Dance. This movie was a hot mess. The main character is a princess to a remote rainforest tribe, and she saves the tribe and the rainforest by dancing the Lambada in LA. How this helps her tribe or the rainforest, I am not sure.

My final selection I pulled out all the stops. Sarah Jessica Parker. Helen Hunt. Shannon Doherty. Girls Just Want To Have Fun. I am wondering how old Sarah Jessica Parker is. She is playing a teen, yet she looks 30. Maybe it is the bad 80s make up. It aged folks I think.


The Ideal White Guy For The Black Woman

On Classical One's blog, as well as others, we always discuss what we as black women do to get the white man we desire, if we desire one at all. We discuss the type of white men that approaches us, but we never discuss the ideal white man.

I am going to put a list together of qualities I would want in a white man if I were single.

1. An attractive white man, not necessarily model quality, but one in remotely decent shape. I mean you can be a little underweight or overweight, but don't be completely disfigured and expect me to look like a model.

2. A white man within my age range. Five years older maybe, five years younger.

3. A white man with similar political leanings. I myself am personally liberal as hell, I don't know if a republican would be fitting, the arguments would get too intense.

4. A white man who can carry a conversation outside of sports. I like sports too, but I like a well rounded man who can talk about the news, arts, music, movies, and various other things.

5. A white man who is brave enough to buck societal norms and not give a damn. This would be a biggie for me. If you act like you don't know who I am in front of friends and family, you are a goner.

6. A white man who is brave enough to actually approach me, whether or not he assumes most black women are open to dating white men. Typically in my past, if I didn't express interest, a guy didn't express his interest. I used to always used to get a bunch of white guy friends, who would eventually ask if I was open to dating white guys, and then asking me if I wanted to date them. I rarely if ever got a white guy to blatantly ask me out, unless he was close in age range to my father.

7. A white guy who has a basic understanding of race relations. No one wants a guy who thinks of you as a "white" black woman. That is annoying, that or the guy who believes in colorblindness. That doesn't exist. Differences in race shouldn't be an issue, but should be appreciated.

8. A white guy who can be comfortable around other black people. A white guy who can trust you will not be hanging out with gang bangers and rappers on a regular basis is a really nice thing. A white guy who wouldn't feel intimidated to be around a bunch of black folks is always a plus. It means he doesn't assume the worst of black people. That and we can attend my family reunions without being scared.

9. A white guy who can appreciate"black features" on a black girl. Any guy who can appreciate my brown skin, my almond shaped brown eyes, my full lips, and my natural hair, gets kudos from me. Especially a guy who can appreciate my natural hair, which ironically I feel since I have been natural I get more love from white people than black people.

10. A white guy who is comfortable being white. Pretending that he isn't white, isn't really sexy, or pretend black guys, aka deuces isn't sexy to me at all. It just means to me, you are embracing a stereotypes, that I don't even embrace as a black woman.

Am I expecting too much from a white man?


I've Got To Keep My Black Card

So I've been questioning my blackness. To reaffirm myself, I offer you this:

I am so lying, please don't take that video as serious as the people who made it. Thanks Thembi for exposing me to this hot mess. Now me and my husband are walking around saying "posedta".

But I really was listening to this,and I really used to like this video, hoochies and all. I mean seriously there are ninjas, dinosaurs, and a Flintstones thing going on, what's not to like. I had some Wu-Wear. I am not going to lie. I got it at TJ Maxx though, so it was probably out of style when I wore it.


Please realize this post is tongue and cheek Wu-Tang does not define blackness


Not one of them married a black person

The other day my mother sent me pictures of my cousins. My adoptive brother's and sister's biological mother and uncle. They all reside in West Virginia, and out of the three brothers and sisters, all of them have either married or had kids with white people. It could be because they live in freaking West Virginia, I don't think of a booming black population in that part of the world. It could be because they grew up in the backwoods of east Texas color struck living with my grandfather the majority of their childhoods. All I know is that my mother sounded disgusted thinking that not one of them married a black person.

I will admit I was a little hurt by the comment. I am her daughter, and hello, my husband isn't exactly Malik Yoba looking. What did she mean by pointing out that none of them married a black person? Was she saying they were sell outs, color struck, and less black because of their spouses?

I admit I get nervous telling certain people I have a white husband, not because I am ashamed, but because I know those people will think I am an oreo. Someone who doesn't want to be black. Someone who thinks they are white. A sell out. Being labeled a sell out is like the worst of the worst. The comparisons to Clarence Thomas come up. All the sudden me and Larry Elders are BFFs. People think I do the Carlton dance, and that is how I really dance.

I will admit I have been called racist by white people who have never met my husband, but heard some of my "black ideals". Sometimes my husband thinks I am militant to overcompensate for my marrying white. Yes, I do keep my fist in the air when Public Enemy comes on the radio, but I don't think that makes me militant, it is just me keeping it real. I personally think I have become militant over the years because I have gotten more bitter about race and race relations as I have gotten older. When younger I saw the world in rose colored glasses, now I don't. I got a bit more real. I am not as patient as I used to be when someone tells me "you're not like the other blacks" or "I sometimes forget your black". Maybe that is my overcompensation. But to be honest for someone so "militant" I have managed to infiltrate myself within "enemy" lines. I live in a overwhelmingly white suburb, with my white husband, and do my "white things". You would think if I was really militant, I would be in the blackest area possible with my white husband in tow, and dare someone to say one word about his whiteness.

Do people who are in IR fall within the categories of straight up sell out, or uber militant. Can't their be a mix of the two? I don't know how militant I can be listening to The Smiths or Pixies. I mean I enjoy reading. I like learning and exploring race relations and politics, but am I sell out? Do I see the world in a warped view due to media brainwashing, loving white people, but hating black people? I have met people I feel fall into this category, but am I one of those people?

Insomnia.....Gotta Love It!!!

Insomnia. This is a recurring thing on this blog. For a while I was doing really good. But the truth is my good night sleeps were slightly enhanced by sleeping pills. I have been popping them like they are going out of style.

I made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday, and as of 11:00 of last night I have been up. It is now 4:34 in the morning as I type this. I was determined not to take a sleeping pill. I woke up last night after having one of my morbid dreams. I have lots of freaky dreams. Usually they involved me getting chased, murdered, or raped. They obviously seem very real in my dreams, but as I wake up I am usually still freaked out, and that is usually when I drag my husband to bed to lay with me, and being the saint he is, he lays there. He asked me before he fell asleep did I need to take a sleeping pill. I was defiant and said no. I need to learn to sleep without them, and on most nights I do, but at least two to three times a week, I have an issue with getting up and staying up. I need to get on a normal schedule, as right now I can sleep or get up whenever I want. But soon, if I ever get assigned, I will not be able to do that.

So I spend all night surfing the internet. Can I tell you my most recent search was to determine if Ralphie May, the comedian ever lost his weight, and supernumerary nipples. Ralphie May even after being on Celebrity Fit Club and having gastric bypass, still weighs almost 400 pounds. He did however at one time weigh over 800 lbs, so congrats.

If these searches alone don't tell me I need to be reading a book instead, I don't know what does.

Fame!!!! I'm going to live for about 5 more minutes on the internet

One of my blog entries was reposted at Betty Confidential, a women's life stages online community. Be sure to check it out :)


MMM MMM MMM MMM and other stuff from high school

What happened to Crash Test Dummies? Who else has a song with this kind of title? Saw them in concert........in 1994!!!! With Violent Femmes, Digg, Material Issue, Crowded House, Eve's Plumb, The Toadies, and Tripping Daisy, who at the time was a local band that had the guy from The Polyphonic Spree. Was I not cool senior year of high school? Are any of these bands relevant anymore?

The Drop Nineteens, My Aquarium. I still have this on CD, I bought it at Bill's Records and Tapes. I hated that place for the simple fact Bill would actually not price anything, and depending on your mood, or if you had a gay guy friend with you, he would determine the price at the register. That was when I was excited about Good Records.




PJ Harvey


Child Rearing

OK Me and my husband are happily married and child free......at this point and time. When we first met, we were 23 and 22, and had no desire for kids. As we have gotten older, we go through phases where we actually want kids. My biggest fear is our difference of opinions in child rearing.

My husband feels that as long as a child has a mother, they will be perfectly well adjusted. He thinks this because of how he was raised, he was primarily raised by his mother and grandparents, with little interaction with his biological father. I on the other hand had a different relationship with my father. I grew up with both my parents, and if you don't know by now I am a big daddy's girl. I couldn't live without my father. If we were ever to part, I don't want him to think he can run out on a kid, I don't think he would, but I want him to feel that he would be one of the most important aspects of his kids life.

Another issue, I was, per my husband, raised a spoiled child. I don't think I was spoiled, but he does. When I was in high school, I didn't have to have a job, as they felt my job was school. My parents also put parameters on my jobs. I couldn't work more than 20 hours a week. I couldn't work past 10:00 pm on a school night. My husband's mother had him paying rent at 17, and he worked until 2:00 am sometimes (he worked at a grocery store). My parents just didn't roll like that. As long as I made good grades and did what I was supposed to do, I lived there rent free. Hell, if it were up to them, I would still be living at home rent free. No lie. My dad at times when I talk to him, always reminisces about me living at home. I think he forgets about the fighting over the fact that I was in college and practically had a curfew and rules when I lived at home with them. He forgets my rebellious ways.

One big issue is our difference in how we were raised. In terms of rules and regulations. I had a ton of rules to abide by. No phone calls after 9:00pm. Curfews. Homework done and reviewed. No more than two hours of TV a day. My husband didn't have that. It was a free for all. He never had a curfew, homework was never reviewed, heck he could go weeks without showing his mother his report card. My mother in law was very hands off, my parents were definitely hands on. I couldn't breathe without them knowing.

The most recent issue we have had come up is diet. OK my husband was raised, no lie to eat what ever the heck he wanted, and as much as he wanted. He thought it was weird when we got together that when I cooked breakfast I didn't cook a whole pound of bacon for two people, but rather four strips, two pieces per person. He eats fast food, morning, noon, and night. When he goes on a diet, it is Atkins. Meat, meat, and more meat. I on the other hand don't live like that. As of recently I have become vegetarian, and I am at this point practically vegan, and transitioning to a raw food diet. I don't know if I could ever go 100% raw, that is hard to say, but I am definitely transitioning away from processed and cooked foods, and feel better when I eat more "naturally". I want my kids to appreciate vegetarianism, not McDonald's. My husband thinks every child should have McDonald's, it is an American birthright. He thinks it would be child abuse to keep a child from eating meat, but not child abuse to give a child junk or fast food all of the time, like he was raised. I think that a vegetarian diet is way better than the Standard American Diet. He doesn't. I am willing to let my kids eat meat, but not always fast food. I want them to appreciate vegetables and fruits. Something my husband doesn't do at this point and time.

The biggest issue is, we are stubborn on both sides. I liked the way I was raised and thinks everyone should be raised that way. My husband does too. How do you work it out without someone getting their feelings hurt, because it seems anytime the issue is raised, it feels as if it is an assault on how either me or him was raised, when in reality, it is just a clashing of our vastly different backgrounds.


Race Relations and IR relationships.....and a random video

This video has nothing to do with this post...... I just finished listening to the song. I was excited about the Victory Tour of 1984. Don't front, you were too. I didn't go, my parents are lame.

OK now on to the actual post:

I know race relations suck, and it seems pointless to try to fix it, but guess what, IR relationships shouldn't be exclusively about race relations. The novelty of race will wear off if you are in a relationship long enough.

I don't wake up every morning admiring my husband's whiteness, and when I do think of race in regards to my relationship, it usually isn't the deep, thought provoking questions. The biggest race issues for me is the concept of not putting lotion on after you get out of the shower. Always running out of shampoo so quickly because he washes his hair every time he takes a shower, unlike me. Playing in his hair because it is different than mine. Being able to buy clothing to complement green eyes. Noticing his hair is multicolored (i.e., the hair on his head is brown, if he grows facial hair it is brown, red, and blonde). Holding hands and noticing the contrast. These are things you notice early on, and the novelty does wear off.

He has never asked me,"How was your day today honey, do you feel you encountered any racism today?". I never ask him "How has white privilege benefitted you today honey?". I do at times get frustrated and intimidated about race and race relations in regards to how it pertains to our relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, my relationship isn't about race relations, but how my husband and I relate to each other. It isn't the "Cheesecake Factory" incident every single day, I can actually count on my fingers how many times that has happened in nine years. I mean personally I feel that for any white person to be in a relationship with a black person in this country, they should have an understanding and perspective of race, due to our history. My husband sees that he can't use the n-word, or assume I am some "magical negro" different from the others. He is somewhat, but not fully aware of African American history. He can be empathetic to me being black, but he can never fully understand what it is like to be black and a woman, and I can't understand what it is like to be white and a man.

Our issues are those that exist within the confines of any relationship. Do we see eye to eye on raising kids, political issues, religion? Does he not understand the role of a husband is to nod his head and do whatever his wife says.

I am not going to say that Interracial Relationships are peachy 100% of the time, no relationship is, but if you are interested in the concept of dating someone of another race, I would just urge that person to be a bit more culturally aware, but for the most part, I have never yelled at my husband for being white, but I have yelled at him for keeping the toilet seat up.


Just Because We Share A Complexion Does Not Mean We Share The Same Culture

In the blogosphere there is an issue that keeps rearing it's ugly head. African vs. African American or black American. It seems that in the racial hierarchy of America there is a distinction even between those of the same color.

I am going to sound a bit racist, but it seems that white people prefer non American blacks to us native born folks is because they have less hang ups. They work hard and make something of their lives.They don't blame racism for everything. My response to this is usually,is as an African American I don't sit around in my corner depressed and sad, doing nothing while pointing out racism. On C1's blog, a commenter who I assume to be a white person was talking about positive thinking. He felt positive thinking would curb racism, and after all, his Jamaican friend was successful and moved up in corporate America just fine. As if no African Americans have ever accomplished this in the history of America, and every non native born black person is successful and is able to live amongst whites who forget that they are black. What irked me more was the people, of course those who weren't native blacks or native blacks who have not lived in America for years jumping to this man's defense and understanding the concept of positive thinking as a cure to racism.

I've seen whites who feel that non American born blacks are better than regular blacks because of their hard work ethic, which us regular american blacks don't possess and they are easier to date, less hang ups, as they don't see racism, or it doesn't seem to bother them. Which in some cases, I think that to be true.

Then you have the non American born blacks who feel due to their color and their status in the racial hierarchy in this country, feel the need to stereotype how American blacks think, like we are some homogeneous group. We all think the same, do the same things, and have the same issues. We are all complaining, being lazy, and living in squalor, and when we manage to fit outside that stereotype, we are stuck up and classless people.

I've even seen people ask the silly questions of "Why do American blacks.....(insert stereotype here)"

How does one get rid of these perceptions. Why are so many so quick to embrace the non American blacks are better attitude or thought that is prevalent among non black people and non native black americans? It seems that it happens often.


I Aspire To Be Perez Hilton One Day........Not Really

I am working on my 15 minutes of fame in the blogosphere :) I recently was interviewed by Tasha212 over at The Sowing Circle. Please be sure to check out the interview and the blog.

Marriage and Flirting

My husband says I am a flirt, that is, if someone says hi to me, I say hi back, or if someone smiles at me, I smile back. I do this for men, women, children, I don't see it as flirting, but he does. He says I invite people to talk to me, he has learned to accept it over the years, but he doesn't like it. I am friendly with strangers. During a conference I rode our rail system and bus system since the location was so far away, and I hate traffic. I got to know quite a few "regulars" on the bus. If I am bored I will talk to people, but sometimes people just talk to me, and I am usually ok with that. My husband doesn't. For the most part my "flirting" is harmless, but sometimes it does get me into trouble.

Yesterday I went to our local megastore (I am slowly, but surely weening myself off of these places, I just can't break my love of Target) and purchased some groceries. As I was shopping, a nice hispanic man who barely spoke English smiled at me, I smiled back. He took that to mean I was open and willing to obtain some loving from him. He followed me through the store asking for my phone number. I told him I was married, thanks, but no thanks. He felt that was just futile resistance and that he would eventually wear me down. He followed me basically all the way to the checkout, when low and behold his what I can assume is his partner, life mate, or wife came up to him, looking at me crazy, as if I was trying to take her man.

Now note, in my single days, flirting was an art form for me. Even if I wore my jeans, I knew how to wear them, the shirts adequately fit everywhere else but in the chest area, make up and hair on point. If I was flirting, you KNEW I was flirting. I am kind of blunt, not tacky so much, but pretty blunt, if I like you and I know it, I go after you, not in every case, but I swear I would have been dateless if I didn't have that approach in my single days. I never got hit on by men in my single days, it was only when I got a ring on my finger I became remotely attractive to men. Yesterday I looked like a bag lady. Baggy jeans, t-shirt, no make up, and make shift afro pony tail. I was not exactly wooing folks with my look. I don't think I was flirting, I thought I was being nice. In Texas it is normal to wave and say hi to complete strangers, hold open doors for people, say "please" and "thank you". It is normal for people to call you "sweetie", "darling", and "honey." I am guilty of doing this myself to men, women, and children. It is nice Southern Charm.

Let me ask, what constitutes flirting? Is smiling flirting? Holding polite conversation flirting?


R.I.P. Isaac Hayes 1942-2008

Singer, Songwriter Isaac Hayes dies at age 65

One step forward, two steps back.

I saw this ad on myspace, and I noticed it was a black woman and white man. I was like, isn't that nice, a dating site that isn't necessary IR oriented showing IR love.

Then I saw the site name. Sugardaddie.com. Apparently this site is for people seeking to date "attractive, wealthy, and desirable people," otherwise gold diggers looking for someone to take care of them, and people with money who don't mind dating people they can pay to sleep with.

So I guess it means for a black woman to date a white man, he must be wealthy? Why must we keep perpetuating the stereotypes of the gold digging black female? I am sure there are tons of white female gold diggers, I have met a few in my time. How did we as black women get that stereotype? I have dated some broke men in my day, including my husband, when we first met. I know many black women who have dated not so wealthy guys.

I grew up with white girls whose ambition in life was to go to college so they could meet their husbands, and it was widely accepted as the norm. I don't know many black women who grew up with that sentiment. Black girls are typically raised to be self reliant, and with the current marriage rates of black women, this will continue, there is no "Knight in Shining Armor" tales for black girls to relate to in this day and age.

Why is it acceptable and even accepted for white women to expect a man to take care of them, but for black women when we expect the same, we have to be gold diggers? Why is this gold digger label not applied as a stereotype to white women?

Why couldn't this be an ad for match.com or eharmony.com or one of those other sites that seem to be a bit less sleazy?

Aryan Nation for Barack?

White supremacists say an Obama win may offer them a boost

AUGUST 10, 2008

They're not exactly rooting for Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., but prominent white supremacists anticipate a boost to their cause if he becomes president. His election, they say, would trigger a backlash -- whites rising up, a revolution of sorts -- that they think is long overdue.
He'd be a "visual aid," says former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke, in trying to bring others around to the group's view that whites have lost control of America. Obama's election, says another, would jar whites into action, writing letters and handing out pamphlets rather than sitting around complaining.
While most Americans have little or no direct contact with white supremacists, organizations such as the Anti-Defamation League and the Southern Poverty Law Center keep close tabs. The law center estimates some 200,000 people nationwide are active in such groups. These observers think the prospect of a white revolution is fantasy.
White supremacists -- many call themselves nationalists or White activists, with a capital W -- have had limited political success: Duke served in the Louisiana Legislature. And the public has periodically been unsettled by their events, such as the effort by uniformed Nazis to march through Skokie, Ill., the annual Aryan Nations meetings in Idaho and elsewhere or the FBI's clashes with armed white supremacists in several Western compounds.


R.I.P. Bernie Mac 1957-2008

Actor and comedian Bernie Mac dead at age 50

Adventures In Babysitting

On Thursday night, I had the pleasure of getting my 2 year old niece for visit. She will be visiting for the weekend, and it has been a bit of an experience. She is my niece by marriage, and she is very blond, very blue eyed, and very white. I went to go pick her up at my mother in laws house, and within the context of her home or mine, it makes perfect sense that my niece calls me "aunt", outside that context it seems strange.

I went shopping on the way home with my niece in tow and received some strange looks. I dismissed them, as it might look strange a black woman is walking around with a white child at the store. Yesterday I took her to a playground with my little brother and sister in tow, and I got even stranger looks. I think a few assumed I was her nanny, as she kept calling me aunt and/or on occasion "mommy" (she is two, she hasn't figured out how it all works yet). It was kind of strange.

The past couple of days have had me thinking about race and kids. My niece is well loved by my mother in law and my husband's step father, but would the same love be given to our kids. I am sure from my mother in law it would, she is begging for more grandchildren, but would the step father be so doting? He feels our relationship is an "abomination" (blacks and whites mixing in his mind is a big no no) and any kids as a result of that would be one too, he doesn't vocalize it, but he expressed his concerns about our relationship and my husband's previous relationships. My husband obviously ignored him, but I worry that he wouldn't be as excited about our kids as he is with my niece. He is civil to us now, and is actually very nice, but I think since he has a propensity to wear his heart on his sleeve the differences would be obvious. At least he isn't like my husband's previous step father, who is just shy of being in the KKK.

I also feel weird, because I did notice the glares. I mean I walk around in public with my husband all the time, and on occasions I notice looks, but maybe I have become desensitized to it, considering it has been nine years, but the niece thing is still relatively new?


I don't know what to think?


I'm a willing victim of consumerism. I admit when I am sad, going shopping is therapy to me, even if at the used book store. When I am happy, let's celebrate, go out and buy something special. Let's go out to eat. I show my affection with consumerism. I buy stuff for my husband to tell him how wonderful he is. I buy my brothers and sisters things and give them money for holidays and birthdays.

I know that on my husband's salary we should be able to live fairly comfortably, but it is never quite enough, we have to have new cars, new furniture, the biggest TV possible, and every game system known to man. We have to go on vacation, and we can't "rough it", we gotta stay in the four or five star hotel. I know many married couples who on paper seem to make enough money, but never seen to make enough money, as they fall into the same trap we do. We never feel we save enough or at all, but we are quick to want to go eat dinner instead of cooking at home, or go shopping for things we don't really need, just things we want.

I know I buy out of boredom at times. Don't look at my itunes purchases, it would make your head swim how much I spend on music. The other day I bought color contacts because I wanted to know what I would look like with green eyes. Per my husband, I look like the Incredible Hulks girlfriend, and I will go blind wearing $20 color contacts from the beauty supply store. The sad thing is typically I am against color contacts, as I feel it reinforces the standard European ideals of beauty, but because I was bored, that was thrown out the window. I know I am not the only one who has clothes in my closet with the tags still attached to them. Nor do I feel I am the only person who has bought something with no real purpose for buying it. Me and Target's little dollar spot have a love/hate relationship.

Why is it we spend so much? In the past months, I have sincerely been trying to cut back, but I feel we haven't been able to. My husband isn't willing to give up his HD cable, his City of Heroes Account, I'm not willing to give up Netflix or my itunes addiction. We both are addicted to the internet. He won't give up his allowance that he uses to buy his "toys"(I don't know why I put "toys" in quotations, the man really does buy G.I. Joes). The only way I have cut back personally is my addiction to being a product junkie and makeup addict. When I do want to celebrate something by staying at home and cooking dinner, my husband wants to instead go out, so I can relax and not have to worry about cooking or the clean up afterwards.

It seems the younger folks have bought more into consumerism than previous generations. It seems kids are more and more obsessed with status and celebrity at younger and younger ages. My 10 year old sister asked me for a Coach purse. She just loved mine, and just had to have one like it. That purse was a "just because I love you" gift from my husband. Again, showing how we equate money spent to love.

Why is it when we celebrate, we have to go out to eat, go to the movies, or go to the mall? When and why did we decide spending money equates to happiness and love? How do we express love, happiness, or celebrations without spending money? I truly don't know. I know people can spend time together, but they have to be on their blackberry's, texting on their cell phones, listening to their ipods, and playing their PSPs. How do we curb it?


Just Because...........

For Winnowill:

For the IR Aspect:

Are you racist? Take the test......

I just took the Race Implicit Association Test, even though I am called a racist time and time again from blacks and whites, my results were as follows:

You have completed the African American - European American IAT.

Your Result
Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between African American and European American.
Thank you for your participation. Just below is a breakdown of the scores generated by others. Most respondents find it easier to associate African American with Bad and European American with Good compared to the reverse.

Many of the questions that you answered on the previous page have been addressed in research over the last 10 years. For example, the order that you performed the response pairing is influential, but procedural corrections largely eliminate that influence (see FAQ #1). Each visitor to the site completes the task in a randomized order. If you would like to learn more about the IAT, please visit the FAQs and background information section.

You are welcome to try additional demonstration tasks, and we encourage you to register (easy) for the research site where you will gain access to studies about more than 100 topics about social groups, personality, pop culture, and more.

Here are the results broken down:

I plan to take some other IAT tests as well. It is an interesting concept, but I don't know how accurate it is, it could be a manner of thinking right brained vs. left brained, or hand/eye coordination. Can racism be accurately measured?