2008-08-20

Child Rearing


OK Me and my husband are happily married and child free......at this point and time. When we first met, we were 23 and 22, and had no desire for kids. As we have gotten older, we go through phases where we actually want kids. My biggest fear is our difference of opinions in child rearing.

My husband feels that as long as a child has a mother, they will be perfectly well adjusted. He thinks this because of how he was raised, he was primarily raised by his mother and grandparents, with little interaction with his biological father. I on the other hand had a different relationship with my father. I grew up with both my parents, and if you don't know by now I am a big daddy's girl. I couldn't live without my father. If we were ever to part, I don't want him to think he can run out on a kid, I don't think he would, but I want him to feel that he would be one of the most important aspects of his kids life.

Another issue, I was, per my husband, raised a spoiled child. I don't think I was spoiled, but he does. When I was in high school, I didn't have to have a job, as they felt my job was school. My parents also put parameters on my jobs. I couldn't work more than 20 hours a week. I couldn't work past 10:00 pm on a school night. My husband's mother had him paying rent at 17, and he worked until 2:00 am sometimes (he worked at a grocery store). My parents just didn't roll like that. As long as I made good grades and did what I was supposed to do, I lived there rent free. Hell, if it were up to them, I would still be living at home rent free. No lie. My dad at times when I talk to him, always reminisces about me living at home. I think he forgets about the fighting over the fact that I was in college and practically had a curfew and rules when I lived at home with them. He forgets my rebellious ways.

One big issue is our difference in how we were raised. In terms of rules and regulations. I had a ton of rules to abide by. No phone calls after 9:00pm. Curfews. Homework done and reviewed. No more than two hours of TV a day. My husband didn't have that. It was a free for all. He never had a curfew, homework was never reviewed, heck he could go weeks without showing his mother his report card. My mother in law was very hands off, my parents were definitely hands on. I couldn't breathe without them knowing.

The most recent issue we have had come up is diet. OK my husband was raised, no lie to eat what ever the heck he wanted, and as much as he wanted. He thought it was weird when we got together that when I cooked breakfast I didn't cook a whole pound of bacon for two people, but rather four strips, two pieces per person. He eats fast food, morning, noon, and night. When he goes on a diet, it is Atkins. Meat, meat, and more meat. I on the other hand don't live like that. As of recently I have become vegetarian, and I am at this point practically vegan, and transitioning to a raw food diet. I don't know if I could ever go 100% raw, that is hard to say, but I am definitely transitioning away from processed and cooked foods, and feel better when I eat more "naturally". I want my kids to appreciate vegetarianism, not McDonald's. My husband thinks every child should have McDonald's, it is an American birthright. He thinks it would be child abuse to keep a child from eating meat, but not child abuse to give a child junk or fast food all of the time, like he was raised. I think that a vegetarian diet is way better than the Standard American Diet. He doesn't. I am willing to let my kids eat meat, but not always fast food. I want them to appreciate vegetables and fruits. Something my husband doesn't do at this point and time.

The biggest issue is, we are stubborn on both sides. I liked the way I was raised and thinks everyone should be raised that way. My husband does too. How do you work it out without someone getting their feelings hurt, because it seems anytime the issue is raised, it feels as if it is an assault on how either me or him was raised, when in reality, it is just a clashing of our vastly different backgrounds.