2008-08-22

Not one of them married a black person

The other day my mother sent me pictures of my cousins. My adoptive brother's and sister's biological mother and uncle. They all reside in West Virginia, and out of the three brothers and sisters, all of them have either married or had kids with white people. It could be because they live in freaking West Virginia, I don't think of a booming black population in that part of the world. It could be because they grew up in the backwoods of east Texas color struck living with my grandfather the majority of their childhoods. All I know is that my mother sounded disgusted thinking that not one of them married a black person.

I will admit I was a little hurt by the comment. I am her daughter, and hello, my husband isn't exactly Malik Yoba looking. What did she mean by pointing out that none of them married a black person? Was she saying they were sell outs, color struck, and less black because of their spouses?

I admit I get nervous telling certain people I have a white husband, not because I am ashamed, but because I know those people will think I am an oreo. Someone who doesn't want to be black. Someone who thinks they are white. A sell out. Being labeled a sell out is like the worst of the worst. The comparisons to Clarence Thomas come up. All the sudden me and Larry Elders are BFFs. People think I do the Carlton dance, and that is how I really dance.

I will admit I have been called racist by white people who have never met my husband, but heard some of my "black ideals". Sometimes my husband thinks I am militant to overcompensate for my marrying white. Yes, I do keep my fist in the air when Public Enemy comes on the radio, but I don't think that makes me militant, it is just me keeping it real. I personally think I have become militant over the years because I have gotten more bitter about race and race relations as I have gotten older. When younger I saw the world in rose colored glasses, now I don't. I got a bit more real. I am not as patient as I used to be when someone tells me "you're not like the other blacks" or "I sometimes forget your black". Maybe that is my overcompensation. But to be honest for someone so "militant" I have managed to infiltrate myself within "enemy" lines. I live in a overwhelmingly white suburb, with my white husband, and do my "white things". You would think if I was really militant, I would be in the blackest area possible with my white husband in tow, and dare someone to say one word about his whiteness.

Do people who are in IR fall within the categories of straight up sell out, or uber militant. Can't their be a mix of the two? I don't know how militant I can be listening to The Smiths or Pixies. I mean I enjoy reading. I like learning and exploring race relations and politics, but am I sell out? Do I see the world in a warped view due to media brainwashing, loving white people, but hating black people? I have met people I feel fall into this category, but am I one of those people?