2008-08-17

Race Relations and IR relationships.....and a random video



This video has nothing to do with this post...... I just finished listening to the song. I was excited about the Victory Tour of 1984. Don't front, you were too. I didn't go, my parents are lame.

OK now on to the actual post:

I know race relations suck, and it seems pointless to try to fix it, but guess what, IR relationships shouldn't be exclusively about race relations. The novelty of race will wear off if you are in a relationship long enough.

I don't wake up every morning admiring my husband's whiteness, and when I do think of race in regards to my relationship, it usually isn't the deep, thought provoking questions. The biggest race issues for me is the concept of not putting lotion on after you get out of the shower. Always running out of shampoo so quickly because he washes his hair every time he takes a shower, unlike me. Playing in his hair because it is different than mine. Being able to buy clothing to complement green eyes. Noticing his hair is multicolored (i.e., the hair on his head is brown, if he grows facial hair it is brown, red, and blonde). Holding hands and noticing the contrast. These are things you notice early on, and the novelty does wear off.

He has never asked me,"How was your day today honey, do you feel you encountered any racism today?". I never ask him "How has white privilege benefitted you today honey?". I do at times get frustrated and intimidated about race and race relations in regards to how it pertains to our relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, my relationship isn't about race relations, but how my husband and I relate to each other. It isn't the "Cheesecake Factory" incident every single day, I can actually count on my fingers how many times that has happened in nine years. I mean personally I feel that for any white person to be in a relationship with a black person in this country, they should have an understanding and perspective of race, due to our history. My husband sees that he can't use the n-word, or assume I am some "magical negro" different from the others. He is somewhat, but not fully aware of African American history. He can be empathetic to me being black, but he can never fully understand what it is like to be black and a woman, and I can't understand what it is like to be white and a man.

Our issues are those that exist within the confines of any relationship. Do we see eye to eye on raising kids, political issues, religion? Does he not understand the role of a husband is to nod his head and do whatever his wife says.

I am not going to say that Interracial Relationships are peachy 100% of the time, no relationship is, but if you are interested in the concept of dating someone of another race, I would just urge that person to be a bit more culturally aware, but for the most part, I have never yelled at my husband for being white, but I have yelled at him for keeping the toilet seat up.