2008-09-03

Calling White Men To Task



***Matthew Goode has nothing to do with this post, but isn't he pretty?***

Yes brohammas, I am calling you out, but we are still blogger buddies right?

OK So in my "Ideal White Guy For The Black Woman" post, there was some discussion on why white men don't ask out black women. A lot of the guys indicated that it is intimidating to ask out a woman, regardless of race and get shot down, and then someone (brohammas, I told you I am calling you out) indicated that maybe white men maybe approach women differently than black men. I am going to call bullocks on this.

When I was single, I had men of all races ask me out, and yes I will admit there in general is a difference in how black men vs. white men ask you out, but I will say that white guys ask out girls, they typically just don't ask out black girls. I have seen white guys offer to buy a drink for white, asian, and hispanic women. I have seen white guys strike up random conversations with white, asian, and hispanic women. I rarely if ever have seen or had a white guy straight up ask me out. It is as if black women are in a whole different league, either we are too beneath a white guy to ask out, or we are some completely different species all together.

When I say this, I exclude the old white men. When I was 20, I had no problems having 30 year old plus men asking me out. When I was 20, I thought 30 was old, so I didn't want to date someone ten years older than me, I got these white guys asking me out ALL the time. When I got approached by guys my own age, it was few and far between. The white guys I dated, including my husband, I had to approach. He was able to tell his friends he thought I was cute, but he wasn't able to tell me. Why is that? I of course went to the source and asked him, my husband, and he was scared of getting shot down. Of course my husband is extremely shy and anti-social, so he might not be a good example.

When I was approached by white guys my age that I was actually attracted to, it was usually a friend!!! I hate to say this but I draw a distinct line between guys I want to date and guys I want to be friends with. Even if I am initially attracted to you beyond friendship, if you don't express an interest in me until 6 months down the line, you get stuck in the friendship zone, and then there is the "I don't want to lose a friend if this doesn't work out" dilemma, and I know from experience, in most cases I can't be friends with my ex, there is only one or two guys that has been reserved for in the 32 years of life I have had, and even then those friends are at a distance figuratively and literally.

Another reason I call bullocks on this. White guys had no problem talking to me in a sexual manner and looking for bed buddies. Asking someone to dance for you is not an issue, but asking to buy a drink is? Why is it easy for you to treat me as a sex object, but not as a possible companion? Or asking you out to take you to your apartment where there are no plans, no dinner, no movie rental, no video game play, just I was expected to go up to your apartment and be excited to drop my panties and roll in your bed. I might be slutty, but I ain't that slutty.

So white guys, I know you are scared of getting shot down, but if you can ask out Becky, Ming Lee, and Rosa, you can ask out Shaquanda too (see how I managed to offend all the racial groups with stereotypical names?). The black girl won't necessarily curse you out any more than the white, asian or hispanic girl. Unless you ask her to dance for you, but then you deserve to get cursed out.

So white men, let me ask this, maybe I am not looking at all the different aspects, why is it you can ask a white, asian, and hispanic woman out, but a black woman is just too off limits?