White Men Can't Raise Biracial Sons and Daughters?

Per this guy a biracial child raised by a black man and white woman will be well adjusted and will learn how to cope in life with being biracial because they will have a strong black father, but if a biracial child is a product of a black woman and white man union, that child will be "soft" and will not know how to deal with black people. It is as if the mother doesn't exist to provide a "black" influence, and that whatever man she ends up with will be a weak white man who is "soft".

White men can be strong and manly, so why does this guy equate whiteness to being soft? Why is it in his scenario that a white man can't raise a child? White men have been raising children since white people were created. I am going to go ahead and get real for a second. Black women here in America raise black children all by themselves every single day, and sometimes they do it without black male interaction. Many times they do it successfully. So why would the black mother's influence have less credibility than a black father?

Then he goes on to say if he has a biracial daughter he will be able to help her because she will have "jealousy" issues from black women for being light skinned with long hair, and having all the guys after her. Why is it biracial mean automatically beautiful? Fugly comes in every race people, and yet he is holding the stereotypes of "light being right" near and dear to his heart.


Sex Questions For Black Women Answered

Black women, for your educational purposes, I have put a list together for you about white men based upon the comments & questions I have received in the past.

No they don't all have teeny weenies, some of them are very well endowed

Some of them can last a long time and all night long

It isn't always pink, it comes in an assortment of colors, usually FLESH COLORED

Some of them do have rhythm where it counts

No they don't ask you to call them Massa, or call you the n-word in the heat of the moment at least not in my experience. Of course I am sure there are some willing to do so if you ask them.

I don't know if their semen tastes differently. I thought taste was based upon health and diet, not race.

Yes they do offer oral sex, I thought most men did, and if they don't they should.

Some of them do prefer big booties to big boobs

Some of them still like big boobs too

Yes, some of them don't know they can't grab a black woman's hair in some cases.

In some cases they can and everyone is happy.

The freakiness level of white guys is just like black guys, it varies on the person.

Yes, some of them find the contrast a turn on, but to be fair, I am sure there are black women who find the contrast sexy as well. I even admitted to liking the contrast a while back.

This is all based upon one white guy as I was a strict virgin before marriage. Yeah, for real I was....ok I wasn't, but still pretend I was.

Sex Questions For White Men Answered

::I'm tired of politics so I decided to be a pervert instead::

::I added the Damon Albarn picture for no reason at all, except that he is still dreamy and gets better with age::

In my dating days, I would often get questions of comments when it came to sex. I sometimes I am happy as all get out because my husband had dated black women before me, so we didn't have the gawky conversation that were a complete turn off. Most the time when these types of questions or comments were made, I would run away and end things in a heart beat. I am not about trying to educate people and prove to folks that black and white women are not completely different beings.

Here is a response to some of those questions or comments:

No I don't have an afro down there, like white women, I guess it comes in a variety of textures. I am not quite sure, as I do not sex up white women or other black women.

Yes, it is pretty much the same down there anatomy wise as a white woman.

If the rest of my body is brown, assume my areolas are not pink.

I don't know if it is tighter or looser is any different than a white woman. I have never had sex with a white woman or a black woman.

I don't know if my lips make for a better oral experience. I have never had white women lips to compare to, nor do I have male genitalia to make a comparison of white women lips versus black women lips.

I don't know if the smell or taste are the same, I don't go around tasting and sniffing coochie.

I don't know if I am any freakier than any other woman based upon race. I don't know if I am really freakier than any other woman out there.

I don't know if your privates are any bigger or smaller than the average black man.

If you hold my hand in private, but are scared to do so in public, don't freak out when you don't end up getting laid.

Contrary to popular belief, my goal in life is not to service as many white men as possible. Just because you are white, and I have a preference for white guys, it does not mean I am willing and able to just offer myself to you at your whim.

No I don't have sex with men who are opposed to interracial relationships, but not interracial sex.

Remember, if you have to think twice about asking it men, please just don't ask it, it will make whatever black woman you are trying to approach run away from you, or shank you on site.

Is Xenophobia Killing America?

White supremacy is not a lie... it's established fact.

White people run the world, and that's the truth.

It's because white people are blessed by God, because they adopted Gods chosen religion, Christianity and put it into practice (although imperfectly).

-An anonymous commenter on my "WTF? Senator Tarzan? Palin Ignoring Racist Remarks?" entry.

I always grew up thinking that this country was founded upon freedom of religion, as well as embraced the difference cultures of the world. I thought that was one thing that made us unique to the rest of the world, was that we weren't one homogeneous nation, but rather a nation of many different cultures and religions.

It seems to me that it is now socially acceptable to reject these notions, that there is only one true religion, that there is only one true culture, and that the other cultures and religions should be altered or assimilate to make the dominant cultures and religions more comfortable.

Are we in America, who are the unique position of not having a "true" dominant culture or religion so quick to group ourselves, that we are willing and allowing those who don't fit into our ideals to be maligned and pushed to the side, and openly show disdain for them?

This election has exposed this xenophobia. A reason for not voting for some is that Obama is a Muslim (he isn't). Why would that be a hinderance to any candidate that was running for President? Some believe that this country is a "white nation" and should remain that way. The unfounded fears of black retribution run wild in minds of some.

Another thing that has me concerned is the concept of "Pro-American" and "Anti-American"/"Un-American". Are there pockets of America that are more "Pro-American" than others? What is the true definition of "Pro-American"? It seems that we are entering a new era of McCarthyism, the fear changed from communism to socialism, and the definition of socialism has been altered significantly to fit into certain agendas. Will the House Committee on Un-American Activities be resurrected?

Is assimilation to the answer of making America united? Even if that was the answer could varying cultures and religions truly be accepted and assimilate?Blacks have been here pretty much since the inception of this country and have not truly assimilated and this Presidential campaign has made this painfully obvious. How does a culture or group assimilate? Why should a culture or group do so in a country that was founded by immigrants and on religious freedoms?


The Daddy's Girl Conundrum

I am a daddy's girl. Always have been, always will be.I live literally 15 minutes from my parents, and it isn't odd for me to talk to them on a daily basis. There are times I talk to my father on the phone for hours at a time. Since they got my new brother and sister, I see them often, as on the weekends I take the kids to do things to give them a bit of a break (I know it seems like I live on the internet, but I do occasionally leave my home, shocking I know).

My husband isn't as close to his family as I am to mine, so it is a bit strange to him. Most the time he sits out the weekend visits, and so I usually go over there by myself. Sometimes I go to lunch with my father. Sometimes I act as his technical support in regards to PowerPoint and ITunes. Sometimes my father offers to do things for us, like change the battery in my car, or let's us borrow his tools, and sometimes he tries to get me things. This is a double edged sword, because even though my father means no harm, it kind of rubs my husband the wrong way.

A few weeks ago, we had a running toilet. I decided to take matters into my own hands and go to the store to buy a new fill valve and flapper. I then decide to fix the toilet myself. My husband offers to help, I tell him no, and then he goes into his office to play on his computer. I go get my pliers to unscrew the old fill valve, and it doesn't budge. I get a few different pliers, none work, so I call my father, as I know he owns some vise grips, and vise grips are needed in a situation like this. Instead of my father allowing me to come over to pick up the vise grips, he just says he will be over in 15 minutes. I don't think anything of it, I figure he wants to get out of the house for a bit and my place is the perfect place to do so. Sometimes being close to 60 and having an 11 and 9 year old arguing in his ear overwhelms him LOL. My husband gets mad when he realizes my father is coming over, and demands me to call him to tell him not come over, not understanding that I called him, not so he could fix the problem, but to borrow a tool. I try to explain this to him, but he gets a bit upset, saying I shouldn't have to call my father to do that, that I should instead ask for his help. I then get mad and ask why he didn't bother to attempt to fix the toilet that had been running for over a week. He claims it is because we didn't get the valve and flapper until now, which makes me angry because it isn't like he couldn't go to the store and get the valve and flapper himself, but instead he waited for me to do it. I so digressed on this.

He comes in, goes straight to the toilet, uses the vise grips to remove the old fill valve and then puts in the new fill valve and flapper in a matter of ten minutes. I thank my father, and he leaves, and gives me the vise grips he bought over because he has another pair. My husband then tells me it upsets him when I call my father to do things, he doesn't want him to think I am not taken care of. Which my father has never ever hinted to me he doesn't feel I am taken care of. I sometimes think my father likes my husband more than me, as every time I come over alone, he asks why my husband doesn't come with me. My father has never uttered a negative word to my about my husband, and I think he likes him a lot, and anyone who could put up with me deserves the utmost respect.

I sometimes think my husband is intimidated by my father because he does give me a lot. I talk about going on vacation somewhere, my father has offered to help pay for a trip (no we didn't take it), he has bought me things I wanted if I mentioned I wanted them, like a digital camera. Today I got an offer for a blackberry I had been eyeing, but too cheap and unwillingly to extend my mobile contract on. To be honest, back in the day, I just used to ask for stuff, because I knew my father would attempt to get it. My mother about the time I turned 16 and started asking for cars, nipped the "Daddy can I?" issues I had. I asked for a new car, and my mother would get one, and I would get her old car (not that I am complaining).

I am still learning how not to rely on my father and myself, and I think that is a big issue for him. He gets mad when I attempt to change the oil in my car, wash my car myself, or change a tire. He gets mad if I attempt to mow the lawn and cut the shrubs. My parents, even though they spoiled me, did teach me how to rely on myself for some things, and then for the other things I always had my father. I don't think my husband ever had that, and I guess he sees it as a bad thing if I mow the lawn or wash the car, because he doesn't, and instead would prefer to pay a service to do those things.

I think my husband loves the idea of me relying on him, which I do a lot. He is currently our main source of income, so I am pretty much dependent upon him financially. He was one who supported my decision to go back to school the first time, and he is very much into the "nuclear" concept of family, whereas I am not so much. He doesn't understand why I talk to many of my cousins on the phone or why I go to so many family get togethers. He thinks I am crazy for thinking my brother(he has autism) will live with us one day, but I think it is perfectly normal. He feels he can take care of himself (which he can for the most part), but in reality, I don't really know because he has never really had to, and he is now 25.

He wants it more just him and me, which it is for the most part, but since the new brother and sister arrived, I have been more active in my family as I love them to death, and I enjoy spending time with them, and I think my parents need a break on occasion. They didn't necessarily plan to have two elementary aged kids at this point in their life, and I know it is hard for them to adjust.

I will admit my father is one to jump in head first without asking questions when it comes to me. My question, how do I stop him, he is my father, and how do I make sure my husband doesn't think my father doesn't think he takes care of me? When do I just take care of my own damn self, since I am a grown ass woman?


WTF? Senator Tarzan? Palin Ignoring Racist Remarks?

Thank you ChelB for the link to this video. Yes that woman said the n-word, and Palin just went quiet and then kept on going. I have been corrected. C1, says he has seen the tape slowed down and the person yelled "re-distributor" not the n-word. For your viewing pleasure, I do bring you this from another Palin rally:

Everyone Eats Ribs, Chicken, & Watermelon? Right..........

This is why there needs to be a definite discussion on race in this country. The woman that felt a picture of Obama on a "food stamp" with pictures of watermelon, ribs, chicken, and kool-aid wasn't racist, and didn't think she was racist, because the racism didn't register on her part. Yeah right. She claims it was completely innocent, because everyone eats those foods.

When people can't understand why that image might be seen as offensive, and truly believe that image is all in fun, I lose hope for race relations more and more. When people try to defend this woman's actions and claim that she doesn't have a mean bone in her body, I wonder if they think the same way she does and truly don't understand the hoopla around this issue. Apparently she does have a mean bone in her body, and obviously that mean bone is racist.

Altered Obama photo in GOP club newsletter sparks outrage
Illustration shows the candidate's head on donkey's body on a bogus $10 bill that says 'Food Stamps.' Leader of the Upland women's group denies racism, but a state party official decries the image.
By David Kelly
Los Angeles Times Staff Writer

October 17, 2008

A Republican women's club in San Bernardino County sent out a recent newsletter with a photo of Barack Obama surrounded by fried chicken, watermelon and ribs, sparking widespread outrage and rebuke from GOP leaders and Democrats.

The illustration shows the Democratic presidential candidate's head atop a donkey's body on a bogus $10 bill referred to as "Obama Bucks." Inscribed on the money are the words "United States Food Stamps" surrounded by stereotypical African American food.

The October newsletter went out to about 200 members of the Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated, based in Upland.

"I apologize to anyone who was offended because that was not my intent," said club President Diane Fedele. "It was poor judgment on my part. It was strictly an attempt to point out the outrageousness of Obama's statement that he doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills."

The caption reads: "Obama talks about all those presidents that got their names on bills. If elected, what bill would he be on ????? Food Stamps, what else!"

Fedele said the mailer merely parodied the statements Obama made during a debate last summer and wasn't racist.

"If I was racist, I would have looked at it through racist eyes," she said. "I am not racist, which is why it probably didn't register."

Club member Kristina Sandoval agreed.

"None of us are racists," she said.

The use of watermelon, ribs and fried chicken was innocent, she said.

"Everyone eats those foods, it's not a racial thing."

That's not how club member Acquanetta Warren -- a Fontana city councilwoman and an African American -- saw it.

"My daughter who is 16 was standing over my shoulder when I opened the e-mail, and her mouth dropped wide open," Warren said. "I actually turned the screen away and sent her to her room so she wouldn't see. I don't want to talk to anyone; I want a written apology so the public knows that this is not right and this is not representative of the way Republicans think."

She's known Fedele a long time and is shocked by the newsletter.

"When she didn't see a problem with this, I knew something was wrong," said Warren, who is also vice chairwoman of the California Republican Party for the Inland Empire. "This is an isolated, crazy thing. Our chairman is outraged. We just don't do this."

Indeed, Fedele drew a sharp reprimand from Ron Nehring, California Republican Party chairman.

"Any material that invokes issues related to race is absolutely unacceptable, tarnishes our party, diminishes the hard work of the tens of thousands of volunteers who are working hard every day for our candidates, and must be condemned," he said in a statement Thursday. "This material I've seen inspires nothing but divisiveness and hostility and has absolutely no place in this election, or any public discourse."

His statement also referred to an image on the Sacramento County GOP website this week showing Obama in a turban beside Osama bin Laden with the words: "The difference between Osama and Obama is just a little B.S." The site also exhorted members to "Waterboard Barack Obama."

"I called the chairman and said, 'You need to take that off your website,' and he took it off," said Hector Barajas, spokesman for the state GOP.

Fedele and the others at the Chaffey Community Republican club are volunteers and can't be fired. Aside from politics, they also do volunteer and charity work throughout the community.

Gary Ovitt, a county supervisor and chairman of the San Bernardino County Republican Party, is scheduled to meet with Fedele on Monday to discuss the incident.

"He is disgusted and appalled by it, and he believes it is blatantly racist and offensive no matter what the intent was," said Burt Southard, Ovitt's spokesman. "These are individual clubs. This one in particular may be one of the largest in the state and is one of the most active."

A spokesman for the Obama campaign in California, Gabriel Sanchez, declined to comment.

State Sen. Bob Dutton (R-Rancho Cucamonga) represents the area, and his wife, a Latina, is a member of the club.

"I thought it was unacceptable and a failed attempt at humor," Dutton said. "My wife isn't taking it personally because she knows the people involved. I called Diane and talked to her and told her it was inappropriate. She is a sweet lady without a mean bone in her body. But we all have to be more sensitive."

Democrats weren't as charitable.

"I think it's sad and unbelievable that they can't see how offensive this is," said Carol Robb, head of the San Bernardino County Democratic Party. "People are losing their homes, we are in financial chaos and the best they can do is a caricature of Obama on a donkey's body and food stamps. How out of touch with the 21st century can you get?"


Interracial Guilt?

So on the internet you are anonymous to an extent, which is great. There are sites I go to that are not about interracial relationships, or race at all. I go to many natural hair sites, which I guess deal with race, but not directly. I have met some interesting people over discussing hair, but it makes me at times nervous. I listen and read a lot of people who are into black empowerment and awareness. For the most part it isn't what I would consider hate speech. Topics include how to rebuild business in the black community, how to embrace and be comfortable with natural hair (I could write a whole book on how long it took me to accept my own hair), and relationships.

Today I listened to a discussion on blog radio. It was about relationships between black men and women. They touched on some great points, it wasn't a black man/woman bash fest, but rather actual conversation that could be applied to any person seeking a relationship, regardless of race. Needless to say I was chatting in the chat room about reasons relationships might not work out, and I talked about my husband, since the topic was about "black" relationships, I mentioned my husband's race. It threw folks off. I guess the rationale is I was sitting her listening to the show,listening on black relationships and even speaking on them, but here I was married to a white man. Obviously, I am not an expert on black relationships, as I have never had a black relationship outside of one or two dates.

This situation is always awkward for me. It seems as if my blackness is tested, or that people make assumptions about me. I think many times if you are in an interracial relationship, people assume you don't like being black, or you hate black men, or that you don't associate with anything black.

I don't think this is the case. I don't hate black men, I tend to have an interest in "black issues", and I finally learned after many years to like being black over a decade ago.

So I wonder at times do I have guilt for "marrying white"? Did I let down the African American community by "sleeping with the enemy"?

I don't regret marrying my husband. Never have, never will. I am not ashamed of my husband, but sometimes I feel my marriage is a reflection of my blackness, and that my blackness has failed the litmus test.

Has The Media Skirted The Race Issue In This Election?

Interesting response to their initial video, that I posted on the Black Republicans entry a while back. Al Jazeera received backlash for their report on the Palin rally held in Ohio in which there were some racist comments made as to why certain people wouldn't vote for Barack Obama.

I find for the most part on the mainstream networks, race has been discussed, but only in a round about way. Is it because as the man in the video said, we still are speaking in code about race? Or is it because no one wants to risk being viewed as racist?

Do you think that if Obama is elected the race issue will come to a head, and the discussion will really be had, or will we continue to talk over each other and not hear each other's side? Race is an emotional topic, and it is hard to speak clearly and succinctly in a heat in the argument without telling people off, but it really needs to be done.

In the year 2008, we have advanced in race relations, but at the same time we are not where we should be. We should be more enlightened about respecting and at least have a basic understanding of other races and cultures.


Ashley Todd-Imaginary Big Black Men Attack Her

Why oh why did we have to go with the big black guy robbed and attacked me because I have a McCain sticker on my car?

Why were people so quick to look for a big black man?

Who the hell let her out of the institution? Apparently this girl has faked cancer and has some other mental issues.

Why the hell did she have to be from Texas, and why the hell did she just prove the stereotypes of Texas A&M true?

Why is it people were saying before this story was proven untrue that this attack from this black man would effect Obama's campaign? The imaginary assailant wasn't part of Obama's campaign was he? Nope, because he was imaginary.

Police: McCain volunteer made up robbery story
By JOE MANDAK – 3 hours ago
PITTSBURGH (AP) — A McCain campaign volunteer made up a story of being robbed, pinned to the ground and having the letter "B" scratched on her face in what she had said was a politically inspired attack, police said Friday.
Ashley Todd, 20-year-old college student from College Station, Texas, admitted Friday that the story was false, said Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department's investigations division. Todd was charged with making a false report to police, and Bryant said police doubted her story from the start.
Dressed in an orange hooded sweat shirt, Todd left police headquarters in handcuffs late Friday and did not respond to questions from reporters. The mark on her face was faded and her left eye was slightly blackened when she arrived in district court.
Todd was awaiting arraignment Friday on the misdemeanor false-report charge, which is punishable by up to two years in prison. She will be housed in a mental health unit at the county jail for her safety and because of "her not insignificant mental health issues," prosecutor Mark Tranquilli said.
Todd initially told investigators she was attempting to use a bank branch ATM on Wednesday night when a 6-foot-4 black man approached her from behind, put a knife blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.
Todd, who is white, told investigators she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car. She said the man punched her in the back of the head, knocked her to the ground and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face with a dull knife.
Police said Todd claimed the man told her that he was going to "teach her a lesson" for supporting the Republican presidential candidate, and that she was going to become a supporter of Democratic candidate Barack Obama.
Todd told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.
Todd could provide no explanation for why she invented the story, police said. The woman told investigators she believes she cut the "B" onto her own cheek, but did not provide an explanation of how or why and said she doesn't remember doing so, police said.
Police said the woman reported suffering from "mental problems" in the past, and that they do not believe anyone put her up to the act.
Tranquilli said Todd will remain jailed over the weekend pending a psychiatric evaluation, which won't happen until Monday at the earliest.
The Associated Press could not immediately locate Todd's family.
Bryant said somebody charged with making a false report would typically be cited and sent a summons. But because police have concerns about Todd's mental health, they are consulting with the Allegheny County District Attorney.
Todd worked in New York for the College Republican National Committee before moving two weeks ago to Pennsylvania, where her duties included recruiting college students, the committee's executive director, Ethan Eilon, has said.
"We are as upset as anyone to learn of her deceit, Ashley must take full responsibility for her actions," College Republican National Committee spokeswoman Ashley Barbera said in a statement.
Police reported Todd's claims Thursday, as a photo of her injuries made it onto numerous blogs and news sites. By Friday, police said they had found inconsistencies in Todd's story. They gave her a lie-detector test, but wouldn't release the polygraph results.
Police interviewed Todd after she contacted police Wednesday night and again on Thursday, Bryant said. They asked her to come back Friday, ostensibly to help police put together a sketch of the man. Instead, detectives began interviewing her.
"They just started talking to her and she just opened up and said she wanted to tell the truth," Bryant said.
Police suspected all along that Todd might not be telling the truth, starting with the fact that the "B" was backward, Bryant said.
"We have robbers here in Pittsburgh, but they don't generally mutilate someone's face like that," Bryant said. "They just take the money and run."


The Alternatives.....Are They Worth Looking At?

OK I already voted, and I didn't go third party, I did the traditional two party. Here in Texas, the other candidates aren't mentioned on the ballot, they have to be written in.

I will tell you why I don't vote third party. It isn't because I think all the third party candidates suck. Let's be real, no one is representing all of my ideals. I don't think Obama is the messiah, but I do think compared to what we have he is a better choice. I will say I don't third party vote at this point and time because the American people for the most part are lazy about politics. No one wants to sit down and research every candidate to see their views and planned approaches to solving our country's issues, they look at what the media provides them, and the media simply ignores any party outside of the Democrats and Republicans. We also tend to vote for those who we think can actually win. I think Obama has a way better chance of winning than Cynthia McKinney. I feel McCain has a better chance at winning than Ron Paul or Bob Barr (is it me, or does Bob Barr look like he is part black, he looks like he might be octoroon or something, it is sad I am using the term octoroon in the year 2008). Looking at history, third party candidates just don't fare well during the elections. Ross Perot was considered the exception and he received only 18.9% of the popular vote and none of the Electoral College vote in 1992, in 1996, he only received 8% of the vote. I just feel that this is not the election to go 3rd party on. We have too much at stake. The economy is in a tailspin, we are in wars, and our education system is in shambles. So maybe in another election when we aren't suffering I might be experimental. I like Ralph Nader kind of sort of (even though he lied about dropping out of the race in 2000). I like the ideals of the Green Party overall, but I just feel that at this juncture and time a third party vote is a wasted vote.

How do we break free of the two party system?

Side Note: I once saw Ross Perot at Sam Moon, he was looking for cowboy earrings, if you don't know Sam Moon is where you go to get cheap jewelry and purses. Yes, they sell Goaches, Louis Buitton, Katey Spadeys, Cucci, Lermes, and other generic looks. Ross Perot is a billionaire and he was shopping in Sam Moon, then it is good enough for me. He didn't even have security around him or anything, he was just there asking the sales lady did she have cowboy earrings. I was steady shopping there, and still do, don't hate. I can rock Coach, I can rock generic no name, I have no shame in my game. Now let me get ready to see what is on sale at Old Navy and then off to Payless for BOGO.

Wow........I mean WOW

I don't think my husband would be cool with me checking this website out. I do assume this website is VERY popular. Thanks brownsugarz for giving me the heads up on this.

Beyonce As Etta

Pleasantly Polite Siditty has left. Regular meanie Siditty is back for this particular post.

OK I've gotta say something to Hollywood, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find some diverse new talent, perhaps someone from an acting school. Quit letting people sing, dance, and act, especially if they aren't good actors. I am going to upset some folks, but Beyonce can barely talk, much less act, and she sure as hell doesn't hold a candle to Etta James in the singing department. To top it off her 15 pound weight gain does not bring her remotely close to the resemblance of quite healthy "plus size" Etta James of yesteryear(the pic I used was during her skinny years before the skinny years of now. Etta has since had gastric bypass and is now "normal" sized) Not to mention I am tired of seeing the same 5 "black" actresses in movies. Diversify!!!!!!!! I know there is other talent out there, and just because they aren't dating Jay Z does not mean they don't deserve a decent role.


An Experiment

As I have revealed on this blog before, sometimes I get a bit militant. My blog posts of late have been a bit negative and I am becoming a bigger meanie than usual. I need to stop kicking ass first and taking names later. I am also going to try to stick to my New Years resolution of trying to hear other people's side and not try to be so judgemental. The Black Republican post I will admit is judgemental. So I am going to try really hard to stay positive for the next few blog posts. No posts about racism or politics, as with the upcoming election I think I will be needing a break from politics and race before long.

I am going to try to stay positive in hopes I might curtail my need to watch "Roots" so I can get mad and then look at my husband as if he is the single cause for all racism in America. My husband should be grateful I am doing this :)

I need to learn I can't change the world, and I can't change people's minds. I can only control my own. Being a control freak is tiring sometimes. I need to accept things as they are and sometimes just sit back and watch.


Black Republicans

That clip, no matter how unfair it seems, is my view of MOST black republicans. I have respect for some. I've always had the utmost respect for Colin Powell. I was excited to find out he actually backed Barack Obama in this election and it shows me that he isn't the typical stereotype I have of black republicans. I think black republicans let their white friends tell racist jokes to them, the people who feel special when white people tell them "they're not like the others", they are the people who say "I don't date black men/women because .......", and they are the folks who want to distance themselves from anything black as much as possible. They are the people I envision who believe weave, perm, and color contacts are the only true way to be beautiful, and for a woman to not do so is shameful.

I also to a certain extent have much respect for Condoleezza Rice, because I know she isn't the stereotype either. She served as a foreign policy advisor to Gary Hart, even though she had switched parties. I know her father became a Republican after being refused the right to vote by a Democratic Register in Jim Crow Alabama. I don't agree with her views of Affirmative Action, but I respect her position and find her to be the one ounce of intelligence in the current administration.

I am going to take my issue with black republicans point by point, so people don't assume I just dislike or stereotype folks just for the sake of it.

The argument of the black republicans is typically that the democrats are who kept black people in slavery and Jim Crow and that the Republican party was founded by abolitionists. This is true, but when it came time to end Jim Crow many of those Democrats of yesteryear, the dixiecrats switched to the Republican party who was in favor of state rights, and who felt that segregation was a state rights issue, not a federal issue. If we waited for certain states to come around on the concept of Jim Crow, we would be still utilizing Jim Crow, in fact Jim Crow is implemented in not a so overt manner in many neighborhoods, social organizations, and schools. The republicans of today are not the republicans of yesteryear, same could be said of the democrats. Blacks pretty much until Roosevelt's New Deal voted republican.

Many black republicans tend to believe that education and professional excellence is all it takes to get ahead in society. In white society yes, but they tend to forget the racial inequalities, and just because some make it, doesn't mean all will make it. Not to mention, I think most rational blacks believe in advancing their education and getting a job, but in some cases the resources aren't in place and the knowledge isn't there on how to do such things. My mother didn't know about how to get in and pay for college, her parents didn't either. She had to go to her aunt, who had been to college to learn. What if no one in your family had ever been to college and what if you parents wouldn't or couldn't help you on how to figure it all out? If you are going to an inner city school where the turnover of teachers is on a regular basis and you don't have a computer lab, or guidance counselor who actually cares about their job, and you have parents who can't help you, what are you options in knowing and learning how to advance? This is really a class issue versus race issue, but honestly I can't deny white privilege, call me racist if you want.

I think many black republicans are under the belief that the black community treats criminals like victims. I don't think the "liberal" black community does, but what they do is note and point out the difference in how black criminals are treated versus white criminals, and if race is truly not an issue, why do we not look at the discrepancies and remedy them? Why is it wrong to get upset because Tyrone gets two years of jail time for the same crime Brad committed, and Brad only got community service, and they both had the same judge. In Paris, TX we had Shaquanda Cotton as a prime example of this. Seven years in prison for pushing a hall monitor with no prior record vs. a girl getting probation for burning down her family's house to me says that there is an issue with how our justice system is carried out. Don't get me started on Dallas County's false conviction rate.

Black republicans are under the impression that black americans aren't patriotic. I think black americans are some of the most patriotic people there are. We have fought in every war of this country since it's beginnings, and some fought knowing they would return to a country that didn't treat them as a whole citizen. So I don't get how blacks aren't perceived as patriotic unless they go republican.

They believe in independence and self help. Who doesn't but really who doesn't need help at one time, and aren't we are glad that there are safety nets in the country for those hard economic times to protect people. I don't think most black people believe in sitting on their butts and getting a check every month. Even Rush Limbaugh has been on public assistance, even though he is vehemently against it. Of course I have issues with anyone black who would align with that man. Of course I don't understand how you can align yourselves with people who think like this either:

They want free enterprise, but let's get real, if you open up a business in a crime infested, poverty stricken neighborhood, how are you going to generate money, and how will you get people from outside the neighborhood to frequent it if it has a bad reputation, and let's say you do end up with a bunch of successful businesses in the neighborhood, and you start to build it up. You know have to deal with gentrification, and how and what do we do with those who can no longer afford the neighborhoods and taxes on the up and coming neighborhoods. We didn't fix poverty and crime, you just swept it under the rug and moved those people elsewhere.

I do agree with republicans on one thing. The welfare system did eliminate the role of the black father in the black community, but I won't deny that welfare is needed, not as a lifetime option, but a temporary option. Job assistance, and education is key to getting off of welfare, and if we continue to cut these programs, like this current administration has done, you will do nothing to end welfare.

Now I will go on to the most favorite topic. Affirmative Action, many black republicans are against it. I say it is needed, and what irks me even more is the amount of black republicans who are probably recipients of such programs are now so opposed. The perception of black people in America is that we are crime prone, less intelligent, and unable to be in positions of authority in corporate America. That is just the cold hard truth, and if you do manage to disprove folks wrong, you are the exception and not the rule. I think many black people who are republicans get this treatment and believe, they want to prove how different they are and they want to believe that the others didn't get ahead because they all sat on their tails waiting for a welfare check. I am going to tell folks a secret, MOST BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T ON WELFARE, and if we look at sheer numbers the biggest recipient of welfare benefits are white women. My husband after his parents divorce was on welfare for a short time. His mother brags that when they were on welfare they ate better than any other time in their lives. Steaks, lobster, and everything else was common when the welfare check came. My grandmother was a divorcee who raised three boys, and never once was on welfare, she instead worked three jobs at a time. If people were to put both women side by side, who would they most likely assume to be on welfare? Affirmative Action is needed and the proof is in the unemployment rates and the income discrepancies between races in this country.

Now this goes along the lines of my last non entertainment post. I disagree with conservatives that the principles of this country were founded on religion. I always don't think this nation should be a Christian nation, it should be based upon religious freedom, which is what I think this country was founded on. Not all the founding fathers were Christian, some were deists. I found it crazy that it is socially acceptable to assume most muslims supported 9/11 or Al Queda, that Jews are going to hell, and that children, regardless of religion should be forced to pray in school. As I say this, I do think the majority of black Christians tend to be very conservative because the black church is somewhat conservative in terms of social issues such as abortion, sex before marriage, and homosexuality.

Overall I think the that black republicans don't get it, and if they do "get it" they tend to turn their backs on others, and like the idea of being the exception, not the rule. They want to believe the media portrayal of black people, it makes their star shine brighter.

Matter Of Time

Yan (I miss the blog by the way) sent me this, and I thought it was very thought provoking. This is from Postsecret.


Saturday Night Boredom

I you didn't fall in love with Charlie Sheen with this movie, something was wrong with you:

We love his brother Emilio as well, check out Lisa Simpson too:

This is thrown in for good measure:

This movie was awesome:

This one too:

I actually own this movie on DVD:

Why Does No One Mention This IR Relationship

If this ain't love, I don't know what is:

Also Life On Mars, the new to the US show has a kind of IR on it. I say kind of IR because Lisa Bonet is half black, but I count it as IR because she played a all black child on the Cosby Show :)

A better preview on the show:

A retro promo:


Religion or Lack Thereof

This is kind of a heavy topic. So to lighten the mood. I am posting some of my favorite televangelists.

Dr. Gene Scott blew my mind. A pastor who cursed and smoked:

Jan Crouch is the best, her hair has it's own life. She used to have a big pink mansion here in the Dallas area. I wonder if she still has it, and if it is still pink:

Jonathan Bell is the best. He was a local Public Access legend:

This church is located right now the road from me, literally. This is Doyle Davidson and he just straight up scary. He is very controversial, but dang it, he is funny. I admit I watch his live telecasts on the local TV station, his show is crazy.

This is Doyle talking about his "slut wife". This woman was never legally his wife, and was married to someone else, and who went into hiding and had him arrested to keep him from stalking her. If you go to the church website he posts letters on the site directed to her, to this day, I think he posted a message to her yesterday.

Rev. X is just the best, I could watch this man for days. Spirit of Truth:

Now on to the real post......

I am faithless. I have been for several years. I am actually an atheist. Before that I was a Baptist. To give you a bit of background. I come from a fairly religious Missionary Baptist family. I have preachers in my family, some who work at the Potter's House. My father is a Gideon (the people who put Bibles in hotel rooms) and a deacon of the church my parents attend. My brother and sister do Awanas. My mother has done many a pancake breakfast and is an active member of the women's groups. I attended Christian private schools throughout elementary and middle school. I have actually read the Bible, King James and NIV. I did Sunday and Wednesday night service faithfully growing up and was in the youth group in our church. So I am familiar with religion, and I am not using this post as a way to find my way to Christ.

I proclaimed I was an atheist at age 14, when my maternal grandmother died. I just lost the concept of faith and started questioning why people were so eager to worship a deity and follow the teachings of a book that I don't think was written per the word of said deity verbatim. I saw my grandmother have several children, stick out a bad marriage, live in poverty, and basically give as much as she could to the church to ensure she would have a great afterlife. As wonderful as an afterlife is, I would have loved for her to have a good life here on this earth. Not to say she was completely miserable, but my grandfather wasn't necessarily husband or father of the year and raising ten kids is no joke, especially on their income. I wondered why God would make a woman work so hard to get accepted into his kingdom, why couldn't she just be a good person and get in, why must one suffer to prove their love? Why did she have to penny pinch money for the sole purpose of giving her ten percent to the church. I couldn't figure it out, so I decided I wouldn't believe at all. When I told my mother at age 14, I was an atheist, she looked at me, told me I wasn't, and then kept doing what she was doing. She was in disbelief, and I was steady still going to church on a regular at the insistence of my mother.

I think another thing that bothered me was that many times preachers did this thing of giving a political view and using the Bible to support this view. I think abortion is ok, not for me, but for someone else. I think it is ok for people to be gay, and that in the overwhelmingly majority of instances, people are born gay, and it isn't a lifestyle choice. I didn't think listening to certain types of music would send a person to hell. I liked Halloween and dressing up in costumes. I believe in evolution. I thought as long as you were a good person, that was all God could ask, and that sometimes to give ten percent of your income to the church wasn't attainable for all people, and that people who couldn't give ten percent weren't bad, just broke. I questioned these topics at times and was told I was questioning God, and how dare I do such a thing. I then decided that God should want us to question, if there was one, and that it was wrong to blindly follow without at least thinking about why you are believing what you believe.

In college I decided I didn't know if there was a God or not. I didn't have a concrete answer to say either or, and I was too scared to blatantly say there isn't a God, but I wasn't ready to go to church to investigate. I looked at switching up religions. I looked at Unitarian Universalism, and I still like the concept, but I think of it more as a theory of thought than actual organized religion. I like the idea of the Bahai religion, but there were a few tenets I wasn't necessarily ok with. I did not want to remain a Baptist because to be a Baptist, you for all intensive purposes have to be a conservative, even though tons of black people tend to vote democrat, the church views tend to be staunchly conservative. No sex before marriage, children out of wedlock, the only true union has to be between a man and a woman.

I also had a hard to juggling my scientific beliefs with the Church. I believe the world is more than 6,000 years old. I again believe in evolution. I have a hard time believing that people in the bible lived to be over 900 years old. I am inclined to believe the Great Flood happened, but I have a hard time believing Noah was able to build an arc large enough to house a male and female of all the world's animals. I don't think dinosaurs and people co-existed.

I also have a hard time as a woman with the role of women in the Bible. Sin began with a woman, and it seems from the get go women are seen as cursed. I don't want to think of myself as a curse, or as being wicked. I think this has been used for eons as to why women are the "weaker" sex and justified why at one time it was ok for a man to beat his wife, or treat her like a child rather than an equal.

Finally, my most controversial view is that I think the Christian church has long been a coping mechanism for black people. During slave times, if you wanted to learn to read, you read the Bible, in church. Church was really the only time you had off from working as a slave. The church was integral to the success of the Underground Railroad, it was the place where people organized during the Civil Rights movement. I will not deny the Church is very important to the African American experience. I do have my reservations though. Why are we still embracing a religion that was forced upon us, and eager to shun others who don't believe the way the Christian church does? Why is it we haven't branched off into other religions outside of Christianity? Why would we want to hold on to a religion that many used to justify our enslavement?

I always wonder what will happen if I ever have kids. Will I be offended they chose a religion or will I want them to have religion? I think religion can be a good thing, it just isn't for me at this point and time. Maybe if I stay an atheist, maybe they will have the opportunity to choose their own religion, and not just be raised in a religion and then determine at a certain age they don't like said religion hand picked for them. I want my kids to question things so that they can gain a better understanding. I want my kids to believe in science. I want religion to be something they discover and come into on their own, and not just something to follow blindly.

Maybe in ten years I will become a born again Christian, but until then I have decided I just don't know, and I admit I don't know all the answers, and I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

Blacks Caused The Mortgage Crisis and Are Terrorists Per Rush Limbaugh

It shocks me that people still listen to this racist nonsense and treat it as truth. Thanks Sagacious Rambling and Ravings of A Semi-Sane Madwoman. This is the reason I have a hard time understanding how black people can be conservatives and align themselves with people of the Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Glen Beck ilk. You can't prove Obama is a terrorist, but you can try to tie him to ACORN and say he led the "black movement" to make black folks hate this country. Continued systematic racism played no part and why black people might feel disenfranchised, and even more important, there is no way black people can be patriotic as we "hate" America. Do most white people believe black people hate America? Is pointing out the ills of this country equal to hating this country?

For those unable to watch the video, this is what Rush said:

From the time of my birth, 57 years ago, to today, this country has grown and expanded, prosperity has opened its doors for more and more people around the world, not just people born in this country. We know the stories of Asians emigrating and running rings around people born in this country academically in California. We know all about the immigration, legal and illegal, to get into the country. We know that the standard of living has risen. We know that technological advancement is going along at light speed. And yet during this period of time, whether it be the last 57 years or be it the last 20 years, it seems that a majority of the black population has remained angry, frustrated, and behind. They've been left behind. They are acting like they've been left behind, and of course we've heard that this is because of racism, natural systemic institutional racism in America, that we are unfair, that this country is just horrible and rotten.

You ever ask yourself how it is that people not even born here can come here and in a few short years begin prospering in school, their own business or what have you, yet people who are born in this country somehow have been raised to hate it, to think they're still back in the days of slavery. I actually think, after studying all this ACORN stuff and reading what Stanley Kurtz has written about this, I actually believe that what has taken place here in addition to liberal Democrat legislation, such as the Great Society and the war on poverty, which a lot of people will now acknowledge really busted up the black family by the government taking the place of the husband and father, free to roam around and bear no responsibility. The mother remained the mother, she got the financial assistance from this legislation, from the federal government. The federal government became the father. The father didn't have to hang around in order for the kids to be okay, depending on how you define okay. But as you study more and more of this ACORN stuff, you find that it has been part of an entire movement that has been going on for two, maybe three decades, right under our noses.

We thought that it was just liberal welfare policies and all that that kept blacks from progressing while other minorities grew and prospered, but no, it is these wackos from Bill Ayers to Jeremiah Wright to other anti-American Afrocentric black liberation theologists with ACORN, and Barack Obama is smack dab in the middle of it, they have been training young black kids to hate, hate, hate this country, and they trained their parents before that to hate, hate, hate this country. It was a movement. It was a Bill Ayers, anti-capitalist, anti-American educational movement. ACORN is how it was implemented, right under our noses. They're doing far more, folks, than just cheating when it comes to elections and registration. They are in deep in this mortgage crisis. ACORN and Obama and Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, the Democrat Party, have their fingerprints all over the subprime mortgage crisis. The whole concept of affordable housing was people that can't afford a mortgage are going to get one, because America is unfair.

It has been a movement, it has been a religion, and Obama and Jeremiah Wright and William Ayers were all up to their big ears in it.


The Sell Out Syndrome: Why Success In Black America Is A Soul Killer

We all know that in America they way whites obtain success and black people obtain success are two different things. Hard work, nepotism, social class, and white privilege are keys to white success. For black people it is hard work, advanced education, more experience, few or no mistakes in their career, and sheer luck.

Some blacks manage to get ahead. Some do it by assimilating into "mainstream culture", some manage to just work hard and move ahead, but for every black that manages to get ahead, there are others who never seem to make it. Lack of opportunities due to social class, educational opportunities, and the realization that to make it is almost impossible in some instances, keep many from succeeding.

When you do succeed, you still fail, because for all your hard work, and your ability to make it, there is going to be some who didn't make it who feel you turned your back on them. Black people are the only race of people who expect a person to become successful to "keep it real". The problem is that sometimes "keeping it real" goes wrong.

You can't expect someone to leave the ghetto to go to school, and then come back to the same damn ghetto and succeed. If you surrounded yourself with people in high school whose ambition in life it was to sling dope on the streets, you can't go back to that and do well. If your neighborhood was filled with men who hang out in front of the liquor store all day, you can't come back to that and do well. St. Ides is not going to help keep your brain cells in tact. So you can't kick it with the boys who drink St. Ides all day long. The only thing you can do is help those who don't do that. You can show a high school student the steps needed to take to get into college or vocational school, because their school won't or their parents just don't know. You can tell a elementary and middle school students the importance of an education, and what to do and where to go if they are struggling, or their parents can't or won't help them. You can tell some of those liquor store men about Job Corps and how to apply. You can tell families about resources available to them to help them get their loved one out of in front of the liquor store, but you cannot save everyone. You can only save those who want to be saved. To succeed, you cannot surround yourself with failure and negativity on a constant basis.

I hate to say this, but in this country we can't be exactly like white people and isolate ourselves into our own community. We need those white corporations, companies, and employers to get ahead until we can start our own businesses. I am not an advocate of isolation, but I do understand that in order to rebuild black communities, we need to look at forming successful black businesses, and right now we need to model ourselves after the traditional business model, and the only way to do that is to work for those companies, learn how they work, and then bring that back to the community. So yeah, we are going to have to "sell out" and go work for the white man so we can learn.

Another thing that irks me is if white people like a black person, that black person is automatically an Uncle Tom. Oprah can't help that white women love her. They like her because she doesn't seem like a threat. I think Oprah knows this, and she is knowing it all the way to the bank. One thing I will say is that Oprah sticks to her guns. She decided a long time ago she wasn't going to continue with the tabloid spin of her talk show when she first came out. Remember Oprah was the momma of the talk shows as we know them today, even Jerry Springer. Oprah used to be on par with the other talk shows. She used to have the KKK on her show spouting "white power". She had the black militants on her show as well. Did she let them duke it out on her show, let's keep it real, she still had some standards, but needless to say, she kept it a little trashy to keep up ratings. She hasn't had to go Jerry to keep her viewers, and the white woman loved has only recently waned, but think about it, we are 20 something years of the same show. She doesn't do a show to necessarily to appease them, if that was the case she would have had Sarah Palin on her show, instead she does shows that interest her, and let's face it over 20 years and several billions dollars more in worth, her interests have changed. I don't think Oprah has become a mammy to white woman, she is now showing her elevation in class, and sometimes she is out of touch. If I were a billionaire, I would dare say I might be a clad out of touch with the reality of the middle class on occasion as well. She has mammified the white women who love her, not become a mammy to them.

Living in the suburbs, the way you talk, managing to get out of a low income area, or never living in a low income area, becoming successful, and having white friends does not make you a sell out. What makes you a sell out is the mentality of thinking that you are somehow better than another person because you got lucky. Yes some people live in the ghetto because they are lazy, but take into consideration many or most aren't, and those that are lazy are dealing with generations of a mentality and surroundings that give them a sense of hopelessness. If you lose touch with humanity, that makes you a sell out.

Ultimately to become a success as a black person is almost a curse because you never ever truly fit in with your white co-workers and neighbors (they never forget about your blackness, and when they do, they actually notice it) and you don't fit in with the "down" black folk. You are on your own, hoping for the best.


Sexual Liberation Is Important

I went to Goddess Glory's videos today on youtube. For those who don't know, she is a sex worker, she does videos and works as a dominatrix(I think she does, if I am wrong, sorry). I don't always agree with her viewpoints, but I admire her, as she is someone who is very comfortable with themselves, and I often think most women aren't that secure in their sexuality.

Sexual Liberation is not important so that everyone can be freaks in the bedroom. But yeah it is. I grew up with women, like grandmothers and aunts who acted as if sex was a duty to fulfill for their husbands. It was a chore rather than a hobby. Sex was for marriage, and anything before that was absolutely forbidden. I have always been conscious as to how I dress, so I don't give people the wrong impression and that I wasn't a loose person with loose morals. I grew up thinking sex was bad, I guess to prevent me from actually having sex, but it was dirty to even have sexual thoughts. I thought for years I was weird to want or desire sex.

I am going to be brave and say I had pre-marital sex. With men who were not my husband. I lived with my husband for four years before we were married, just assume we might have had sex in that time period.

I am glad I was able to experience sex and realize it isn't necessarily something I do as a favor to my husband, but something I actually enjoy. I can be vocal and tell him what I like versus, what I don't. It is ok for me to say no when I don't want to, and ask him if he wants to when I do. It's ok to wear the short skirt sometimes, or get a little dolled up because you want to feel better about yourself. I don't think your feminist ideals go away because you want to feel attractive. Being sexy doesn't necessarily mean wearing revealing clothing, but dressing in a way in which you feel comfortable with yourself, that makes you feel better.

Am I saying you need to have the world's largest gang bang. No, not at all. With this liberation comes great responsibility, and I am not about burning, itching, and death for a good time, but I will say that sex isn't something shameful, as I was taught. That it isn't a bad thing, and it definitely isn't an obligation to appease my man or the person I am with, but myself.

As long as sex is consensual, with adults, and safe, it is ok to do, it doesn't make you a slut to desire and want sex.

The Vicious Cycle

As I have talked about many times in the past, I have acquired a new brother and sister, and as of three weeks ago, they are legally my brother and sister. To give you a recap, their mother is my first cousin, she lost her parental rights, my parents took her two youngest children in as she didn't want them in foster care. Their mother is one person I am not a fan of, as she did things to me I can't ever erase from my mind, and that affects me to this day.

When my sister first got here, it was always strange to me how affectionate she was. She was always talking to complete strangers, willing to sit in a lap of a person she didn't know, and was way too eager to please any and every one.

I found out why last night. They have been going to therapy, and it was revealed. I won't do details, but from a young child she was used to sitting in strange folk's laps.

I cringe at the thought of such things happening. I feel it is my fault she was ever in that situation. I didn't speak up, I just went about my life. I always questioned whether or not what happened was really abuse. This cousin isn't all that much other than me, and when kids do it, it isn't abuse, just adults right? Maybe I led her on to thinking that what she did was ok? Why didn't I just tell my parents what happened, and why I didn't want to spend the night over at their house when invited. I later learned my mother was relieved I didn't want to spend the night over there, not due to abuse, but because it was a free for all in terms of child care. I realize maybe due to the lax parental involvement, my cousin learned her behaviors from someone else who was visiting during the many parties they had over at the house.

Abuse is a vicious cycle, and in the black community we unfortunately don't look at abuse as an issue that needs to be addressed. White people are the sexual deviants, black people don't mess with children. R. Kelly was messing with a fast ass girl, she probably lied about her age, and girls these days are just more sexually active than women in the past. We all come up with excuses.

I hope every day that if I ever become I parent, I can shield my child from what I endured, and for the last year I have regret every day I didn't tell my parents what my cousins and uncle did, even if I didn't really fully know it was abuse, I know it felt wrong, it made me nervous, that it was a dirty secret, and my response as a child was to carry it to my grave without telling a soul. If I had told maybe my cousin's life, and subsequently my brother and sister's lives would have turned out differently. All I can do now is "what if" the situation and analyze it from afar.


How I Know My Husband Truly Never Had A Father

My husband has a complex relationship with his biological father, his former step father, and his current step father. His biological father was not around for years, and he opted his parents (my husband's paternal grandparents) to step in and help in the child rearing instead. His former step father he isn't a fan of at all, but he is constantly exposed to during times of family gatherings because his brothers were/are his biological children. His current step father is a very complex man. He is a man who absolutely does not want children, but married a woman with three kids, all of whom were under the age of 18 when they married. This one tolerated my husband due to the fact he was a teen and would move out (kicked out) at 17, as the other two boys would live with their father. They did until age 13, and decided they wanted to live with their mother full time. He also has to deal with the many complex issues of my mother in law, which I shared at one time overnight in a blog entry I promptly took down after reconsidering. She has too many DEEP issues to share here. As a result of these issues his current step father uses him as a confidant in regards to their marriage, which honestly you shouldn't do to your kid. My parents have never shared any of their issues with me, and I love them more for it. I like to pretend all 35 years of marriage are awesome and flawless.

With this brief back history it explains all of his father/son relationships. My husband never mowed a lawn growing up and he doesn't now. He never learned how to fix things around the house, or learned how to change his own oil. He never played catch or participated in sports as a child. We have been together nine years, and in this house for five years. He has never learned to trim the bushes in the front yard, never trimmed a tree, and has mowed the lawn exactly one time. He doesn't know the difference between Bermuda or St. Augustine grass, and he knows nothing about spreading seed in a yard. If our fence gets broken I fix it. If the toilet is constantly running, I am the one who replaces the or fixes the flush valve or tank ball. He always thinks to call a plumber for $5.00 repairs. He is scared to death of rewiring the garage door opener on the wall. He opts for a lawn service and has no plans to learn how to care for a lawn. It embarrasses him if I attempt to do my own oil changes, so he encourages me to waste money on going to the oil change place so they can pretend my air filter needs to be replaced.

He had never been fishing until we went with my family to our cabin. No one had even taken him, not his father or step fathers. No one ever played catch with him as a child, and he never went camping, or anything else. A result of this the idea of hiking is crazy and pointless, running is for treadmills only, biking takes place on stationary bikes at gyms, and there is no point of appreciating the outdoors or fishing, or any other activity. He never did any outdoor activities as a kid, not even play outside with other kids, but rather played video games, day in and day out, and a life of entertainment being shopping at a mall, going to the movies, or going out to eat. Anything else is foreign to him. He tricked me early in the relationship by going to a park with me to go hiking. We haven't done that since and that was nine years ago. Before I was attached hiking was a norm in my life, and biking was a growing hobby (even though I swear I will never been the cyclist holding up traffic by riding on the service road of a major highway, I just don't get that, I am more of a trail or mountain bike kind of person).

Another way I knew he never had a dad. My husband learned how to tie a tie from his best friend when he was a teenager. It was part of their uniform at work, and he had no clue how to do it, he never had to until then.

The most obvious proof he never really had a father is the fact that in his mind, a mother is way more important than a father. I vehemently disagree. He feels fathers are secondary and are not needed in raising children the majority of the time. I feel the complete opposite. I feel they are equals to the mother, and only in some cases not having a father is beneficial, and that is based on individual cases of individual fathers. I find fathers are just as important.I find that the lack of fathers in the black community has led to the decline of the community. I find that I couldn't live my life without my father, and he has been influential in the type of relationships I wanted or desired when I was single. My father is truly one of my best friends, even though he is grouchy and bossy, he is an awesome person, and I can't fathom the idea of life without him. I talk to both my mother and father multiple times a week. I probably see them once on a week on average. I literally live ten minutes from them. Both my parents are equally important, and I think my father was so active in my life because he didn't have his father in his life.

I do think my husband will make a good father, but it worries me that he feels that child rearing is more of a woman issue, than a man issue.

I have discussed with my husband my concerns of how important a father is, but he dismisses it. He knows he came out ok, but I don't think he realizes the influence this has had on different aspects of his life. I love my husband, but I see why having a father is important in every child's life by looking at how he perceives the world.


I swore I wouldn't do this.

OK This man is saying black women are not feminine and that is why he chooses to date outside the race. I hate people like this with a passion. If you want a white woman, get one, but don't use black women as your excuse as to why you want a white woman. Women who focus on their career instead of their appearance are manly. Apparently in his world, women can't do both. Also I love how he mentions "If he had to marry a black woman" as if a black woman would be his last resort. I am not going to comment any further on this man, as in my opinion he has some real issues, he has tons of videos all about how horrible black women are. What kills me is the amount of black men and black women eating this mess up. Why would any woman be ok with a man stereotyping and generalizing those who are like her, even if she doesn't fit into the stereotype? Why is it in his world all white women work out, when most white women, like most black women are overweight. Explain to me why in this day and age folks are still walking around with so much self hatred, they hate any and everything that they feel represents them.

What scares me most is that if black men feel this way about black women, what do other races of guys think?


Race & Culture In America

Someone requested this topic. As you know us black folks have been in America since it's inception. We have fought and died in every single war America has been involved in. Yes our history is probably unique in the respect of slavery and Jim Crow, but we are still much more similar to white americans than we are to any other group.

Now I will definitely say that African Americans have a very distinct culture. From our food, our music, even our relationship with our churches, being African American is a unique experience.

Let's talk about our similarities. I am coming from the South, and being from Texas, which at times claims to be it's own unique country, there are many similarities between whites and blacks here.

Even though the majority of whites here are Republicans and the majority of blacks here are Democrats, both show a strong relationship to the Christian church. Even though our churches are heavily segregated, they still discuss the same topics and share the same concerns. They use the same Bible and practice the same doctrine. My parents actually attend a multiracial church, with both white and black membership, and if you have seen the Potter's house or been to Joel Olsteen's, there are plenty of white and black folks attending.

Another thing blacks and whites share here in the South is food. My husband's ex step father eats crumble up, and he is white as the driven snow. My mother also eats crumble up. Crumble up, if you don't know is a disgusting concoction of cornbread, buttermilk or regular milk, and sugar. I for years thought this to be a food in line with chitterlings and pig feet, but then learned it is a food of country folk. White and black folks in the south eat Red Beans and Rice, they eat fried chicken, they like Bar-b-que, and a host of other things unique to the south. White people in the south also eat greens and cornbread, just like black people.

In terms of music and fashion, whites and blacks take from each other. Most popular music has blues roots, country and metal included. R&B and hip hop has mainstreamed, and the fashion that goes along with it. Many fashion trends at one time considered "white" has touched black culture. The love of Tommy Hilfiger was all the rage of black folks in the 1990s. Don't get me started on the love of Burberry back in the day, some folks took plaid way too far. That and people had set goals for themselves to see how much of the gucci logo one could wear at one particular time. These were brands traditionally European and associated with upper class white people at one time.Remember the plaid golf short and polo look that was all the rage of the mostly white country clubs in the 1980s? Kids of all hues were big on that look a season or two ago.

We also share another thing in common. Racism. Many whites and many blacks after 9/11 tended to be distrustful of those of middle eastern and Muslim descent. Many here, in particular Texas, seem to be upset at the illegal immigration problem and tend to direct the anger towards any and everyone of Mexican or perceived Mexican descent.

Other cultures tend to be very insular, not because they reject all things American, but because as they arrived here, they had to option to be insular, African Americans, although insular in some aspects, have always had to look at and partake in mainstream America in the workplace, in the schools, and even in our own neighborhoods.

I will say this, that with the current economic conditions, we will see less of an issue with race, but rather class. As there is a growing black middle class, those blacks will be able to better identify with the struggles and issues of whites in their same income bracket, than with blacks who are not, and yes racism will always be a factor, but economics will surpass that as the main concern as times get worse. If no one has a job, you can't blame any other race for "taking jobs". If black people are moving into white middle class neighborhoods, whites are forced to interact with blacks face to face, rather than from a distance, they have to confirm or deny their assumptions about black people head on, and not in theory like in the past.

I think regional culture, religion, and mainstream culture has bonded white and blacks together, even if they are still heavily segregated, there is an influence on each other, good and bad.