2008-10-26

Interracial Guilt?


So on the internet you are anonymous to an extent, which is great. There are sites I go to that are not about interracial relationships, or race at all. I go to many natural hair sites, which I guess deal with race, but not directly. I have met some interesting people over discussing hair, but it makes me at times nervous. I listen and read a lot of people who are into black empowerment and awareness. For the most part it isn't what I would consider hate speech. Topics include how to rebuild business in the black community, how to embrace and be comfortable with natural hair (I could write a whole book on how long it took me to accept my own hair), and relationships.

Today I listened to a discussion on blog radio. It was about relationships between black men and women. They touched on some great points, it wasn't a black man/woman bash fest, but rather actual conversation that could be applied to any person seeking a relationship, regardless of race. Needless to say I was chatting in the chat room about reasons relationships might not work out, and I talked about my husband, since the topic was about "black" relationships, I mentioned my husband's race. It threw folks off. I guess the rationale is I was sitting her listening to the show,listening on black relationships and even speaking on them, but here I was married to a white man. Obviously, I am not an expert on black relationships, as I have never had a black relationship outside of one or two dates.

This situation is always awkward for me. It seems as if my blackness is tested, or that people make assumptions about me. I think many times if you are in an interracial relationship, people assume you don't like being black, or you hate black men, or that you don't associate with anything black.

I don't think this is the case. I don't hate black men, I tend to have an interest in "black issues", and I finally learned after many years to like being black over a decade ago.

So I wonder at times do I have guilt for "marrying white"? Did I let down the African American community by "sleeping with the enemy"?

I don't regret marrying my husband. Never have, never will. I am not ashamed of my husband, but sometimes I feel my marriage is a reflection of my blackness, and that my blackness has failed the litmus test.