Did You Ever Give The Brothers A Chance?

As I have noted on this blog many times, I haven't had much exposure to black guys in the dating scene. I have never been intimate with a black guy (or any other guy aside from my husband, as I was a virgin before marriage ::wink wink::). I have been asked this question a few times via email, so I will answer it here.

To be truthful, I probably didn't give the brothers a fair chance. I have been on a total two dates with two different black men in my life. I have flirted with a few others, but nothing worked out. I didn't kiss either guy. One guy was really nice, one guy was a complete jerk.

The reason I didn't continue dating the nice guy was because I had started to date the husband, and broke things off to get "serious". The nice guy was how I like my guys, nice and nerdy. He was an engineer, really cute, very funny, and nice. We would talk on the phone a lot, and he was just a generally great guy. No he was not all buff, he was kind of skinny and short, but I was open, as his personality was really great. I am sure whoever he dated or married got lucky.

The next guy, not such a positive experience. He was steadily bragging about his $30K a year job and "new"(new to him) car, and how he was going places and had his pick of women. On our date he was steady looking at women's asses as they passed our table at the restaurant (Bennigan's, you know a fancy place), and then talking about how he could never get with a white women, but yet he was gawking at them the whole time. He also wasn't even cute (even though the personality could have made him ugly to me), and he was kind of short too. I am willing to lower my height requirement for the right guy, but this guy wasn't it. At the end of the date he asked me to call him when I got home, I did, and was promptly cursed out because I called too late (30 minutes later).

In terms of guys I "talked to" or flirted with I once met this guy at my school library, we talked, exchanged numbers, and would chit chat on the phone. Turned out he wasn't a college student, he hung out in the library to pick up women. He was the closest to the thug I would ever get to, and he was a "playa", as you could never get a truthful answer out of him, and he loved to quote Tupac on a regular basis. Turns out he had a live in girlfriend, after a week of talking, that ended things.

So in short, yes I gave the brothers love at one time or another, things just didn't work out with the guys I ended up with. I think even though I gave the brothers a chance, my upbringing kind of had me subconsciously avoiding black guys, because culturally I wasn't able to connect with anyone black, male or female for a very long time. So that might have hindered my dating and relationships with black guys. I will say though the main reason I never dated black guys was because they never really approached me. White guys approached me way more than black guys,and the manner I did get approached by the black guys who did approach me was a bit of a turn off, and that was probably because these guys were meeting me at a dance club vs. the library. It was never "Do you want to dance?" or "Can I buy you a drink?", it was more like "You gotta nice ass." or "You need to grind on me", as sweet as those opening lines are, pretend you might be interested in more than my ass upon initial approach. My husband readily admits the drawing attraction to me was my ass, but he never mentioned my ass until later in our relationship.


Obama's Election and It's True Impact

Why Jay Smooth is one of my old married women cyber crushes. He is the only redeeming thing about XXL magazine. He tells the truth time and time again. I think that many of those 3rd party, republican, and non voters were under the impression people who followed Obama did so blindly without regards to looking at the big picture. There is no innocence or absolutes in politics, you have to take the good with the bad, and even if we had more than a two party system, you would still be voting for the lesser evil, because unless you are blindly following some one, there is no way you can be 100% on board with all their views and thought processes.


Brown or Blonde?

OK I don't know if I have shared this a ton of times or not, but I tend to have a preference for white guys with dark hair and green or blue eyes. Ask me what my husband looks like, and he fits this description. The majority of men I have dated tend to have this look or dark hair and brown eyes. A lot of black women I have met who have admitted to finding white men attractive, tend to go for this look as well, in particular the "Italian" or "Greek" look. It isn't to say I haven't dated guys that didn't fit into that mold, but if I were to look back, there were very few blondes or redheads in my dating selection.

Pretty much from the get go of noticing boys I have had an attraction to white guys, but as a kid and pretty much until high school, the guys I had crushes on were overwhelmingly blonde. I don't know if it is because being blonde was considered the ultimate in attractiveness. In the 1980s blondes ruled Bop and Tigerbeat magazine. William Zabka, Ricky Schroeder, Sting, Simon Lebon of Duran Duran, Limahl from Kajagoogoo. These were the hot men of the 1980s. It seems everyone in the 1980s dyed their hair blonde, women and men. As I got older that obviously changed as some realized bleaching your hair was a summons for split ends, fried hair, and in combination with Aquanet and/or Dippity Do; a fire hazard.

I think that sometimes subconsciously, the "italian" look for olive complected, brown eyed, dark haired guys make it more acceptable in the minds of many to date IR. Many times we discuss how much "Moor" blood italians have, and we make it seem as if they are honorary blacks or mixed race.

Personally I used to think that blonde guys were off limits because I expected them to marry blonde women and make blonde babies. Why I thought this I have no clue, but I think my focus for darker haired guys came when I got into the goth/punk/new wave scene, where dark hair and pale skin were all the rage. Again if you look at my husband, although not goth, very pale, very dark hair. Of course too, I don't recall being approached by a ton of blonde guys either. I guess that made me assume they couldn't be into black women either, as if my life is a barometer for every one, and you wonder why I call myself Siditty. It is all about ME.

It could be the stereotype of "Tall, Dark, and Handsome" that women of all races tend to go with. There is no "Lighter, Blonder, Better" saying when it comes to men, that is usually reserved for men in regards to their preferences for women.

Of course there are many black women who if they like white guys, love the blondes, but I think sometimes that since we have been told it was wrong to date interracially, many black women have tried to play it a bit safe by going for the darker complected white guys.

Maybe I am wrong on this, maybe I am bored out of my mind, maybe I just wanted to post something before Thanksgiving. Who knows?

Because I truly do love Tears For Fears

I have loved Roland Orzabel and Kurt Smith since 3rd grade. Literally. One of my first tapes was "Songs From The Big Chair" (I think my first tape ever was the Go Gos "Vacation") . I even had the "The Seeds Of Love" poster on my wall in middle school and high school. Pretty much after about 10th grade, I lost track of Tears For Fears. I wonder what happened. "Mad World" is an awesome song, even though now everyone knows the Gary Jules version now.

This cracks me up.


Diff'rent Strokes: Hidden IR Agenda?

The television show Diff'rent Strokes was a groundbreaking show for the time. For those who don't know Mr. Drummond, a white widower decides to adopt his former maid's two young children, Willis and Arnold Jackson after she dies. Now I didn't think anything of it at the time, but for a white man to adopt two black children took guts. Especially since they were his former maid's children. "Whatchoo talking about Siditty?" you ask? Well let me tell you.

Now we know Mr. Drummond is a very nice and charitable man to adopt two black children from Harlem, but really was Mr. Drummond all that nice and charitable? I don't recall Ms. Garrett being offered a raise to stay with the family when she was invited to be a housemother at Eastland. Adele and Pearl didn't seem to get much love either. Heck even when Mr. Drummond did finally get married, he didn't seem all that close to his wife or to her son Sam. What was it about Arnold's and Willis' mother that caused this ultimate act of charity?

Mr. Drummond was most definitely getting his swirl on with their momma. Let's get real, widowed white men tend not to be in the business of adopting, especially a man as busy as Mr. Drummond. For all we know Arnold and Willis are his kids. Let's put this in perspective. Strom Thurmond paid for Essie's education and sent letters, but he didn't dare let her move into his house, not even to be a pretend maid, and that was is own biological child. Lucy Mae Jackson the maid put a spell on Mr. Drummond. Imagine it, he is busy running his conglomerate, and at night he comes home to an empty penthouse, no one there except him and Lucy Mae the widow maid while Kimberly is away at Eastland. A close relationship was formed between Mr. Drummond and Lucy Mae on those lonely nights. Arnold and Willis thought their momma was working late......she was working it all right.

Arnold and Willis are all Mr. Drummond has left of Lucy Mae Jackson, so he wanted them as a way to continue to be close to Lucy Mae, even in death.

All and all even though Mr. Drummond's act of ultimate charity wasn't all that charitable, it worked out well. Arnold and Willis loved Mr. Drummond and Kimberly, and Mr. Drummond and Kimberly loved them back. Together they were able to overcome a series of issues. From Arnold dealing with bullying from the Gooch, to Kimberly and Arnold getting kidnapped, Willis joining a gang, and to Arnold almost getting molested by the bicycle shop owner. They worked together to make it through all those tough times and many more.


Passing The Love: The Brilliante Weblog Award

Keep It Trill honored me with the Passing The Love: The Brilliante Weblog Award, so I in turn, I pass the award on to some bloggers I feel I can pass the love on to.

My first passing of the torch goes to Pages From My Notebook. Dalyn gets it. His posts on race are great. They are insightful, well written, and gives people great insight on race and race relations. He also has some great art work to look at as well. Check out his post on being a hyphenated american.

Funky Black Chick provides a great blog, that is funny, insightful, and she shares a disdain of DL Hughley and his new show on CNN like I do. Great minds think alike.

Grata has a great blog where she discusses current news and events and gives great insight. Her blog is a great place to learn about international news and culture.

The Life and Times of JDR. This is a really new blog, I mean really new, but it is a great blog. For someone so young, this guy is smart, really smart, and not in a smart ass kind of way. He is well read, really intelligent, and has some really great thoughts and ideas. Definitely check him out.

Ugly Black John. I am not big upping Ugly Black John just because he is from my hometown. It isn't that at all, even though it doesn't hurt. The man is sharp, witty, and keeps me reading day after day. Check out his post about the collapse of the "Big 3".

The Mustard Seed is a great blog. Jack Stephens is genius. Hip hop, politics, religion, and race relations. A great combo. Read his post about Killing White Anglicanism.

Seattle Slim has some great commentary on race relations, politics, and natural hair care. You know I am all about natural hair care. Check out her Happy Nappy Head blog, and check out her post on "I don't need a man" disease.

You know I got to big up The Divided House. As you have known for a long time, Classical One created a blog that caused a stir in the IR blogosphere with White Men Who Prefer Black Women. He created a nice niche market of IR dating from the white male perspective. He is probably the only reason my blog has any traffic on it now. This blog however departs from that, and gives you a bit more insight into his personality, as well as some great insight on current affairs and politics. A definite good read. Check out his post on American Exceptionalism.

My Political Compass

Economic Left/Right: -8.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.08

Per this test, I am a libertarian leftist :)


Saturday Night Par-tay.....Yeah I spelled "party" wrong on purpose, work with me.

This is by far one of the best bands of all time. The bicycle shorts with blazers, the long flowing dreads, the great lyrics, the synthesizers.

Oh yeah, I forgot about the lip synching. Rob and Fab will have a place in our hearts forever. Fab still looking good, and actually singing songs, and doesn't really sound all that bad. Rob, well R.I.P.

Now let's get to the more happy memories:

Roni Size Reprazent. I love Drum and Bass.

Did you ever know this guy in college? The Ras Deuce

Have you ever met this guy? I admit I once dated a guy like this, except he didn't have locs yet. Thankfully, this is going to sound racist, but I think white people's hair texture keeps them from making nice locs. They have to work really hard to get a lock.

This is the type of guy who is all down for the cause in college, and then he graduates, gets a job, moves to surburbia, and marries the blonde haired, blue eyed trophy wife.



Growing up as a black girl in suburbia, I was well aware that my parents worked very hard to get to where they were, and that they set high expectations for me to maintain or exceed the lifestyle the provided me.

Even though my parents and I get along great now, my parents although I love them were tough as hell on me growing up. My father in particular was really kind of tough. He kind of expected me to be a little adult. My mother although more lax, wasn't what I would call lax. My parents were hard core parents. I still tremble in fear of the both of them. If I had told my parents I wanted to be a nurse, they would tell me to be a doctor. If I told them I wanted to graduate from college, they told me to get a PhD. My mother is still hoping I get the first PhD in the family, as my mom and dad "only" have their Masters. My parents were the type of parents who told me straight up because I was a black woman, I would have to be better and work harder at anything and everything I do. A "B" was never good enough, an "A" was the only acceptable grade in my house, and in the summer's there was nothing wrong with doing mommy assigned homework for a couple of hours a day. My father thought I should be reading more meaningful books than some old funky fiction from Jack Kerouac or Kurt Vonnegut.

I just now told my mother of my plans to become a teacher. She is happy, or I should say OK with it, but my father not so much. He told me I was "too good" to teach. It kind of stung, but I know my father. I should note my mother is a teacher, and my father used to be a teacher. He keeps telling me I need a job that will pay me and provide a good lifestyle. He never wants me to feel poverty like he experienced growing up, and I understand that, but I can think of worse things to be than a school teacher.

In high school, I told my parents I wanted to major in English in college, get my PhD, and become a writer, and my parents yelled at me and informed me their money would only go to worthwhile majors like business, engineering, or the like. My parents tried to turn me on to accounting, but I just couldn't do it, but business I could do. I think this is part of the reason I rebelled in college. Going from an extremely structured environment to one not structured at all was too much. I went crazy. I was at night clubs every night, and skipping the 9:00 am classes in lieu of sleeping in or watching "Little House On The Prairie" was too much. Needless to say, me and Sallie Mae now are BFFs.

I say all of this because I wonder will I do the same to my future hypothetical kids. I am sure I will give them you got to work harder and better speech, but will race or gender be a factor in that speech? I don't know. My husband thinks it is cruel to give a kid homework in the summer. I do know I would hope that I wouldn't measure my kids success by the amount of money they make. I realize that money makes things easier, I would want them to have a comfortable life, but I would want them to be happy I hope, even if lawyer or doctor wasn't on the top of their list for income. I would want them to be educated, but I hope if they came to me and said they wanted to be an artist, I wouldn't push them into getting a chemistry degree. That I wouldn't feel they needed a PhD, and finally that as long as they were employed, able to take care of themselves, and happy, I would be happy for them. I don't want my kids to rebel like I did, but I don't want to be their best friend either. I don't want to be the cool mom who listens to cool music, and lets their kids do cool things. I just don't want them to feel obligated to me like I feel obligated to my parents to adhere to certain expectations, and not feel horribly for not following those ideal expectations to the "T".


Good Enough to F*ck, But Not Marry

In a previous post, I posted an interview about a white guy who dated and claim to prefer black women. What I found odd is that this man claimed to overwhelmingly date black women, but when he finally got married, he married a latina woman. Another thing that caught me off guard was now that he is divorced, he is dating black women, but doesn't want a serious relationship two years post divorce. An anonymous commenter on that post made an excellent point, there are white men who profess their endless love for Asian women, and they seem to have no problems marrying them, but for all the talk about white guys who like black women, few if any are actually married or have been in serious relationships with them.

So why is it asian, latinas, and other races of women are exotic, but yet still manage to be marriage material, where as black women are exotic, but only good enough to have sex or short term fun with?

If your preference and attraction is primarily to black women, why is it you would marry another more "acceptable" race of woman to marry? I understand you can't help who you fall in love with, but this seems to be an ongoing trend with white men. They claim to love black women, but yet most of them never get serious with the black women, or if they do, it never seems to work out in the end.

There Is No Humanity Only Self Interest

This post was partially inspired by JDR's latest blog entry and my husband. You should definitely check out JDR's blog, it is very insightful and an interesting read.

On a totally unrelated note, if you want to see some eye candy, check out Casper's blog. Woo Hoo!!! Congrats on your first pro fight Casper!!!!

My husband a few days ago was watching youtube and watching clips of Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t. The topic at hand was the American With Disabilities Act. I should preface this by saying my husband although socially liberal is also fiscally conservative, his republican friends are trying to convince him he is a libertarian as that is more socially acceptable than being a democrat, and as per usual, I digress.

His argument was why should any business or public place be forced to accommodate disabled people? Why should they be forced to hire and school people, as business owners and others should choose to do what they please. I wholeheartedly disagree with this mindset.

I think that people if left up to their own devices would not take care of those less fortunate, would not accommodate the disabled, and wouldn't want diversity or inclusiveness, unless it appealed to their particular group. People for the most part are selfish, this could be an American thing, but I think all people are that way. History proves this over and over. Proposition 8 proved this. Black people although people who have been historically oppressed, many voted to support a ban on gay marriage. Not comparing the struggles, but from one oppressed group to another, it should be something that we should consider before wanting to take the civil rights of others. On the flip side we have the members of the gay community offended by this and going to the extreme of blaming blacks for the passing of Proposition 8, telling people they did blacks "a favor" by voting for Obama, as well as some saying if a ban of Affirmative Action ever comes up, they plan to vote against Affirmative Action, as if it is solely a "black thing", not considering the other minorities and white women who would be affected by this as well. That and the fact many gay people tend to be forgetting that there are many people who are not only gay, but black as well, but I digress, again.

I feel the government has to intervene because of this. I know that sounds like big brother, but oh well, call me a socialist, but if left to our own devices slavery and segregation would have lasted a lot longer, disabled people would continue to be housed in institutions and treated as cast offs of society, people would have their kids drop out of school in the fourth grade, people would die of starvation, the homeless populations would increase, and women would still be considered in the legal sense as property. We needed government intervention to insure these things wouldn't happen. People for the most part only empathize and show compassion for those like themselves, they for the most part aren't capable or don't care to empathize with those not like them.

Look at the current economic crisis. CEOs and upper management of companies had lots of freedom and could have done great things aside from increase their salaries, instead they ran their own companies into the ground, while giving themselves raises, without regards to the fiscal impact it would have on their own companies, the jobs of their employees, or to the service of their customers. Most people with power and money don't care about people who don't have power and money. Most people who are white don't want to acknowledge or care about others who aren't white and can't fully understand the concept of discrimination outside of slavery and segregation. Most men don't care about the advancement of women. Most people don't care about the disabled, unless they are disabled or know people who are disabled. That is the way of the world.

My husband tends to think I have no faith in people and that I assume the worse. I guess he is right, but history tends to prove my view of the world versus the "give people the benefit of the doubt" view.


If You Have The Time: An Interview on White Men and Black Women with Alexyss K.Tylor

OK If you have the time to listen to the show, listen to it. I don't know how I feel about it. It seems the guy she is interviewing is into stereotypes. Warning this show is graphic. It is from Alexyss K. Tyler. The woman who does these videos:

Thanks Brodaica Californica for sending this to me.

My summary and critique of this interview:

The white guy sounds as if he dates pretty much only black women. He refers to himself as not being the straight laced white guy with no flavor. That sounds a bit stereotypical, but again he doesn't sound deuce like either even though he did claim he attended school with Ice Cube. He grew up Jewish in a family that was racist,, but he felt he was always comfortable with black women.

There was a great point brought up, Alexyss K. Tylor indicated that many black men have a preference for more "mixed" looking women, where as this man did not. He explained he has no preference and that he felt that came from a slavery issue, and that it usually isn't a factor because there is no expectation of the ideal black women to white men, they just want attractive women.

He does bring out the stereotypes of black women being more sensual, sexual, and more apt to affectionate in public. He also talked about the oral sex stereotype of white men vs. black men. He confirms that he as a white man does oral sex. He also noted that just not any white guy can approach a black woman. I guess you can't be the straight laced white guy with no flavor and still approach a black woman. He felt you had to be "down" and eat soul food. Yeah, he said that. I don't know how I feel about that, as it seems a bit too stereotypical. He did state he didn't want a Condoleeza Rice or Clarence Thomas types, he wants a black woman with soul. He wouldn't have dated me, I might have been "too white" for him. It seemed like he had a set perception of what a black woman is, and that was what he was attracted to.

He confirmed white guys have a hard time dating black women and that in the African American community a black women would catch flack and society doesn't always accept it. That the perception is black women aren't attracted to white men.

Alexyss also asked him did he feel black women were dating white men because of their needs not being met by black men. His response was interesting, and I think this goes to show the difference in approach in regards to white men and black men. Black men are a bit more direct, the manner in which they approach you is on a more sexual level, where as a white guy who approaches you does so on a "friend" type basis. Alexyss mentioned how black culture has kind of downgraded how women are treated and approached. Which is definitely true in MAINSTREAM hip hop culture. They made some great comments on the status of white women vs. black women in mainstream culture and how black women vs. white women are treated in society.

I was kind of cautious as this man said he always dates black women, but he married a latina woman, which to me gives me the red flag of black women are for a good time, but when it comes time to settle down you gotta go with someone "more acceptable". He is currently dating now that he is divorced, but he isn't looking for anything serious, but overwhelmingly dates black women. He feels sex with black women is better than white women. Alexyss stated she felt white boys don't have the same sexual hang ups of black men.

Overall, I think it was a good interview, it was very racy, the guy was cute, it was nice to hear about a white guy liking black women, but it did come off a bit of a stereotype fest.


Six Flags Over Jesus and Social Status In The Church

Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.
-John 7:24

OK I have told you I am faithless, a lot of people assumed I was mad at the church, when in reality I explained my rationale for my belief system or lack thereof. Now it is my time to talk about what irks me about the people in the religion I grew up in, which was Christianity.

The black church tends to be very class and status conscious. You put on your Sunday best. There is a whole market dedicated to black women hat and suits for the church. You can't wear hats and suits like this anywhere else, except maybe a wedding or some other formal event:

I actually remember at my great grandmother's funeral, which was in a church, my husband looked in shock and horror at my great aunt's fashion choice. He referred to her hat as a Jiffy Pop hat, and to this day he refers to her as Jiffy Pop. She knows this and thinks it is funny. She loves my husband, in her eyes he can do no wrong, even when he is making fun of her. As per usual I digress.

I guess it is important to realize that I grew up in country churches, the majority of my church life. We knew people with "weekend" cars, they drove their clunker to work, but the Lincoln and Cadillac were for weekend driving, and weekend driving usually meant a drive into church, Then people would get out of their cars in the best suits money could buy, so that they could to the usual pew and do the catwalk down the main isle of the church. Church was a place to see and be seen. If you came into church wearing anything less than stellar, folks would talk about you. The concept of coming to church in jeans and khakis up until the 1990s, was a "white church" thing, and even now in some churches if you do that, you are going to get talked about. Now my questions are these: Why are people so concerned about what people wear to worship in church? Why can't you wear casual clothing to worship? I know to some it is disrespectful for people to come into church "too casual", but to me, I don't think God strikes you down because you failed to wear a $200 suit to church? Why can't you drive your 1997 Tercel up into the church parking lot? Does God care what kind of car you drive to church? More importantly do you feel it is fair to wear a hat that obstructs the view of your fellow church members?

I guess another beef I have is mega churches. You know the Potter's House, Lakewood Church. Here in the Dallas area we have Prestonwood Baptist Church. I affectionately call it Six Flags Over Jesus. That church is HUGE. Not as big as the Potter's House or Lakewood Church, but it is huge in it's own right. It was the first church I ever knew that had an ATM in the lobby. It also has a restaurant, gym, and bookstore. That completely blew me away. They also have multiple campuses. A lot of churches do that now. They have north, south, east, and west locations so they are convenience. Like chain stores, churches are sprawling every where like Wal Mart. What happened to the small independent churches of yester year? Why do churches feel so corporate now? Can a small church survive. Imagine if every member of that mega church is tithing 10% of their income to their church, what kind of salaries are the ministers and the staff getting? Are they receiving inflated salaries like the CEOs of major corporations, or do they deserve these salaries that afford them multiple homes and luxury cars? If Jesus were alive today, would he be like Creflo Dollar?

Is status important? Do people go to church to associate and hob nob with religious celebrities and ministers; or do they truly go to learn and worship? Does how you dress or the car you drive influence your relationship with God?


Proposition 8 Passed & Black People Are To Blame?

So 70% of blacks who voted on Prop. 8 in California voted for it. They voted to rescind the right for gays and lesbians to marry. Is that sad and trifling? Yes. Is it surprising? No.

The black gay community is a silent one, not because they want to be silent but because in the black community they have no choice. This vote was a vote of religion to many, and as I have said before, the black church is very conservative, and the black church is the cornerstone of politics for many black americans. To be black and gay on par with being republican and gay, most black people just don't get it. There are still folks walking around slapping their kids for no reason so they don't become "soft" or "sissies". They are still using the term "sissies" to describe effeminate men. My dad won't even say the word "gay" or "homosexual", he just does the Fred G. Sanford signal for "gay", which can be seen in this clip around the 2:37 mark:

Just an off topic FYI, Rippa did a phenomenal analysis of Lamont Sanford over at his blog. It was insightful, poignant, and gave truth a brand new light. Bravo, Rippa. Bravo.

The stereotypes that many whites have for gays and lesbians, blacks have for gays and lesbians. That being gay is a choice. That other gay people recruit or "can turn you gay". That gay people are pedophiles and predators looking to "turn out" innocent children and those down on their luck who can be easily swayed. That being gay is a mental illness.

Then let's talk about the "down low" phenomenon. This has been a major discussion for years, and I do not know the reality of how big this issue is within the black community, as I don't see it being an overwhelming issue, as I don't think MOST black men are gay, but I think with the attention it has received, it has fueled the discrimination against homosexuals within the black community.

I find it disheartening and somewhat insulting that we as black people have the audacity to be hateful and judgmental to another group of people, when we have had this done to ourselves for centuries. In the same breathe, I am not going to pretend gays and lesbians are innocent lambs.

One of my first posts on this blog was about a white lesbian who asked me why black people can't get over slavery. The one lonely response I got from that post was from a man who basically said black people aren't the only people of the world to suffer. Better known as the good old "get the hell over it" diatribe that is so often used by angry people mad when I discuss race or the concept of white privilege. He identified himself as a gay man in Kentucky. The days following the vote on Prop. 8, some black gays and lesbians felt threatened by their white counterparts when the news stories came out showing the black support. The n-word was thrown around liberally by some, and the stereotypes about blacks flew. Was the anger rightfully directed? The black vote wasn't the largest portion of the support, it was the white vote, but only about half of the white vote supported it, only about half of the asian, and a little over half of the hispanic vote supported Prop. 8, but the racial slurs and nasty diatribes were directed towards blacks, and why when this does happen do all blacks get painted with the same ugly brush? Why must our whole race get the rath of your anger and frustration? That is like me using Chuck Knipp as my example of why I can't like ALL gay people. I would hope not all gay people support this moron. Do all gays and lesbians enjoy white men in black face and drag as great entertaining comedy? Apparently so, since this guy seems to sell out his show on a regular basis and has a strong gay and lesbian following. Is that a fair assessment for me to make? Over at the Huffington Post, Raymond Leon Roker felt the LGBT communities backlash to the black community was unfounded. The comments there were disheartening. Most from people identifying themselves as gay or lesbian throwing around stereotypes and generalizations towards black people. Many people of color in the LGBT community have stated that racism has been and will be an issue, and as with all things in America, in "mainstream" gay culture, the focus is on white men and women in the community. It seems for the most part, the need for diversity and representation within the LGBT community seems to have fallen on deaf ears within that community.

Lack of empathy and compassion is a big issue in this country. The lack of understanding between the LGBT community and the black community is a perfect example of this.


What Do We Do Now?

Thanks bygbaby


I got tagged by Ehav to come up with the ABCs of my favorite films, although I don't know if these are my favorite films or the best that I could come up with given the letter LOL:

A -An Inconvenient Truth
B - Breakfast Club
C - Clockwork Orange
D - Dark Days
E - Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind
F - Fight CLub
G - Garden State
H - High Fidelity
I - Imitation of Life
J - James and the Giant Peach
K - Kill Bill
L - La Femme Nikita
M - Metropolis
N - Napoleon Dynamite
O - The Others
P - Palindromes
Q - Queen
R - Reservoir Dogs
S - Storytelling
T - Twenty Eight Days Later
U - Underworld (not really a favorite movie, just couldn't think of anything else, and I wasn't repulsed by it)
V - Virgin Suicides
W - Welcome To The Dollhouse
X - X -Men
Y - Y tu mamá también
Z - Zoolander


Why Black Women/White Men Pairings are Eclipsed by Black Men/White Women Pairings

For those of us involved in IR, it is very apparent that it is harder to find black women/white men pairings compared to white women/black men pairings. Do we ever question why that is? These are my theories and my theories alone, these are opinions, not fact, I want that to be painfully obvious as I type this.

One reason that there are way more white women/black men pairings are beauty standards. White women are the epitome of beauty pretty much worldwide, and if you aren't necessarily white, you better look close to white. The lighter the skin the better. I grew up in the south, where it was common to hear black men say they preferred a woman with "bright skin", "light eyes", and "good hair". White women fit this description, and so therefore are desired by black men, whereas black women typically don't always fit this mold, and as social acceptance of interracial relationships have increased over the years, it is only natural that black men with these preferences are drawn to white women, they have the "light skin", "bright eyes", and "good hair". I remember reading in the book the "Color Complex" that black men tended to be attracted to women who were lighter than they were on average. I guess the same could be said of white men, the blonde haired, blue eyed beauty is the ideal in mainstream aka white american culture. White men also tend to be attracted to white women as they are what is considered the ideal, which is why I guess some white men who are willing to date interracially tend to want a "better quality" black women than they would request of white women, as if they have to "lower" their level of "trophy", it would be evened out if the said black woman was way above average. Black women have hesitations about dating white men due to our tumultuous history in this country. It is seen as "sleeping with the enemy", whereas a white women is seen as powerless and less of a threat to racism. Black women have also been conditioned to believe that white men aren't attracted to them, not to mention the manner in which a white male typically approaches a woman is different than black men. Black men tend to be a bit more direct in their approach than white men, at least in my experience.

With the beauty ideals being the way that they are, the desire to produce children with the characteristics of what is deemed as as attractive (i.e. white) versus black, the need to be with white women is strong. Black women do this as well to ensure "pretty babies", which is sad and trifling in some respects, as we should only hope to have healthy children and all races of children should be deemed beautiful. I have been approached by black men impressed with my "good hair" and how we would make "pretty babies", most of these men I never once thought to date, and I ran from them because talking about babies in search an early stage of the relationship, the nonexistent stage, is strange. As per usual, I digress.

Another theory is that with the increase in acceptance of interracial relationships, there are some black men who are into the concept of forbidden fruit. It wasn't that long ago that a black man looking at a white woman the wrong way would have gotten him severely hurt or killed. Not to mention for years, many black women have been vocal of their distaste for black men with white women. Now that it is accepted as ok, I think that some black men feel what better way to get back at the wrongs done to them by white men and black women is by being with a white women.

Another reason is stereotypes. I grew up being told that black men dated white women because they did what black women wouldn't do, oral sex. That they had less attitude, were more docile, and more than likely to let the man be the "head of the household" and do what they were told, whereas black women are too strong and "act like men". White women are also supposed to be skinner and smaller, where as most black women are overweight or fat. It is true, most black women in America are overweight, but so are most white women. Also I think there is some validity in the roles of black women vs. white women. From slavery to beyond, there was never really a chance to form the "traditional nuclear family", child care, rearing, and earning was primarily done by the black woman, as well as in the 1960 and 1970s, the welfare system that many black people used, discouraged the black male father being in the household, so yes for the most part it explains why most black mothers are single today.

Another stereotype has to do with masculinity. Black men are the epitome of masculinity, where as white men are considered less masculine than their black counterparts. The old saying of "tall, dark, and handsome" fits the description of black men, but not always white men. So maybe women of all races are attracted to black men because of this perceived masculinity.

All in all, I think that the number of black women/white men pairings are increasing, but I also see that interracial relationships, regardless of the combination are increasing, and I think with today's beauty standards and stereotypes abound, we will continue to see greater numbers of white women/black men pairings than black women/white men pairings.

Your New Neighbor


Why Blacks Are Excited About Obama Becoming President

Why Blacks Are Excited About Obama Becoming President.

The other night as my husband and I watched the election coverage, we became excited when we realized that Obama would become our next President. I started crying like a big sissy water faucet, I was so happy. The last two Presidential elections I voted in, didn't go in my favor obviously, so it was a delight. It was also awe inspiring to see a black man become president. My husband was offended that they kept focusing on Obama's race. I explained to him why race was important in this election and why exactly I was crying like a water faucet.

Just for the record, I didn't vote for Obama solely upon race, like many McCain supporters have stated. I voted based upon stances on the economy, health care, and education, to me it was just a plus to have a chance to get some diversity in the White House. I don't think that with Obama president, the world will join in perfect harmony, race relations are fixed, that all of America's problems will be solved, that I as a black person will get reparations, and that now as a black person it is my turn for retaliation for white people. We have a long hard uphill battle to regain what we have lost in the last eight years. In matter of fact, when he announced he was going to run for President, I was under the impression that he didn't have a snowballs chance in hell and that Hilary Clinton would probably get the DNC backing, not Barack Obama.

I cried like a water faucet because for once I had some REAL hope. Hope that race relations were getting better. 61% of Obama's votes came from whites. This election showed that race isn't the main issue, but rather other factors important to this country. The economy, education, health care, environment, and other factors trumped race. I sit on the internet all day seeing things on race relations, especially in regards to this campaign, and I became very frustrated and upset that the more things change, the more they remained the same. This election disproved my thoughts, at least on the scale in which race relations have remained the same. It made me think it isn't always that bad.

I realized that only 60 years ago black people couldn't even vote in some states, and now we have a "black" president. Think about how fast progress has occurred. Blacks for a long time in this country suffered, and for those literal centuries of suffering, we still struggle, but thanks to those before us, we aren't struggling as badly, and if we continue to deal with the struggle, one day we might truly be equals in the eyes of others, instead of stereotypes.

I am going to go ahead and tell some people a sobering fact, sometimes black people aren't considered "real Americans", we are rather tolerated as a necessary evil, rather than as equals in patriotism and the like. Well this election showed me that not everyone thinks that way. That I am as American as others, that I am not a second class citizen, and that we shouldn't ever think of ourselves that way. I know I have had the conversations with other blacks about Obama and the fact that white people would never vote for a black president, that as a child, you were told to reach for the stars in a career, but you also knew there were limitations. Now there is proof that even if there are limitations, there are ways around them.

So all and all yes, I am very excited that Barack Obama became president. I am hoping he leads this country away from the current direction it is heading. He is not going to be able to perform miracles, but he will at least be able to help dig us out of the hole we are currently in.