2008-11-30

Did You Ever Give The Brothers A Chance?

As I have noted on this blog many times, I haven't had much exposure to black guys in the dating scene. I have never been intimate with a black guy (or any other guy aside from my husband, as I was a virgin before marriage ::wink wink::). I have been asked this question a few times via email, so I will answer it here.

To be truthful, I probably didn't give the brothers a fair chance. I have been on a total two dates with two different black men in my life. I have flirted with a few others, but nothing worked out. I didn't kiss either guy. One guy was really nice, one guy was a complete jerk.

The reason I didn't continue dating the nice guy was because I had started to date the husband, and broke things off to get "serious". The nice guy was how I like my guys, nice and nerdy. He was an engineer, really cute, very funny, and nice. We would talk on the phone a lot, and he was just a generally great guy. No he was not all buff, he was kind of skinny and short, but I was open, as his personality was really great. I am sure whoever he dated or married got lucky.

The next guy, not such a positive experience. He was steadily bragging about his $30K a year job and "new"(new to him) car, and how he was going places and had his pick of women. On our date he was steady looking at women's asses as they passed our table at the restaurant (Bennigan's, you know a fancy place), and then talking about how he could never get with a white women, but yet he was gawking at them the whole time. He also wasn't even cute (even though the personality could have made him ugly to me), and he was kind of short too. I am willing to lower my height requirement for the right guy, but this guy wasn't it. At the end of the date he asked me to call him when I got home, I did, and was promptly cursed out because I called too late (30 minutes later).

In terms of guys I "talked to" or flirted with I once met this guy at my school library, we talked, exchanged numbers, and would chit chat on the phone. Turned out he wasn't a college student, he hung out in the library to pick up women. He was the closest to the thug I would ever get to, and he was a "playa", as you could never get a truthful answer out of him, and he loved to quote Tupac on a regular basis. Turns out he had a live in girlfriend, after a week of talking, that ended things.

So in short, yes I gave the brothers love at one time or another, things just didn't work out with the guys I ended up with. I think even though I gave the brothers a chance, my upbringing kind of had me subconsciously avoiding black guys, because culturally I wasn't able to connect with anyone black, male or female for a very long time. So that might have hindered my dating and relationships with black guys. I will say though the main reason I never dated black guys was because they never really approached me. White guys approached me way more than black guys,and the manner I did get approached by the black guys who did approach me was a bit of a turn off, and that was probably because these guys were meeting me at a dance club vs. the library. It was never "Do you want to dance?" or "Can I buy you a drink?", it was more like "You gotta nice ass." or "You need to grind on me", as sweet as those opening lines are, pretend you might be interested in more than my ass upon initial approach. My husband readily admits the drawing attraction to me was my ass, but he never mentioned my ass until later in our relationship.