2008-02-29

Siditty Secrets Revealed-I Wanna Be Gangsta Boo


OK I have a guilty pleasure I have had since about 1999. Three 6 Mafia. Before they were sipping on syrup, staying fly, ridin' spinners, and baby mammas there was When the Smoke Clears, one of my top 100 albums of all time. I know it is sexist, ghetto, and just plain vulgar, but that album was great. Koopsta Knicca, Gangsta Boo, Crunchy Black, DJ Paul, Juicy J, The Prophet Posse. I love them all.

My ode to Three 6 Mafia, my dirty little secret. OK Them and UGK (Port Arthur In Da House!!!! OK not really Beaumont, about 20 miles away from P.A.T. R.I.P. Pimp C)







2008-02-28

Demographic Winter?


This article is causing an uproar in the feminist blog community. Over here people in the comments section are getting really heated, going so far as to say only the rich should have kids. Here is an argument that kids are not commodities, and that people have the right to have kids and it still doesn't take away from their feminist sensibilities. Then we have this blog. Then of course we have those who are fearful of the demographic winter, but only when it comes to white children. I personally am on the fence. I haven't decided if I wanted kids or not. I will note that I have been pregnant in the past and once I found out I was pregnant I was totally excited about the possibilities of having a child, but now that I am not, I am not so sure. It is scary to think about me raising a child. Personally some people do go to far in the justification of having kids and the justification of not having kids. Yes I get the when are you having babies comments all the time. I have been told I was selfish for not having a child yet. At the same time right now I am going through a pre midlife crisis and enjoy having the freedom of having that crisis without worrying about children. I could quit my job and take a pay cut at this point to fufill my happiness and not really affect anyone.


Reason Magazine
Why are People Having Fewer Kids?

Perhaps it's because they don't like them very much.

Ronald Bailey | February 26, 2008

The "demographic winter" is coming. So warns a new documentary of the same name. What is the demographic winter? The phrase, according to the film's promotional materials, "denotes the worldwide decline in birthrates, also referred to as the 'birth dearth,' and what that portends." The first half of Demographic Winter was previewed at the conservative Heritage Foundation a couple of weeks ago. According the film, the demographic winter augurs little good, e.g., economic collapse and social deterioration. If current trends continue world population should begin a steep decline sometime around the middle of the 21st century. Why?

Because total fertility rates (TFRs) are plummeting around the world. Population stability is achieved when each woman bears an average of 2.1 kids over the course of her lifetime—one for her, one for her male partner, and a little overage to make up to childhood deaths. Today, there are sixty countries in which TFRs are below 2.1. For example, the European Union's TFR is 1.5 and no EU member state has a TFR at replacement or above. Even high population developing countries have seen steep declines in fertility. Since 1970, China's TFR fell from 5.8 to 1.6; India's from 5.8 to 2.9; Indonesia from 5.6 to 2.4; Japan's from 2.0 to 1.3; Mexico's from 6.8 to 2.4; Brazil's from 5.4 to 2.3; and South Africa's from 5.9 to 2.7. The U.S. TFR dropped from 2.55 in 1970 to around 2.1 today, largely because of the influx of higher fertility immigrants. However, the fertility of second generation Americans drops to the level of longer established Americans.

I doubt that the "demographic winter" portends economic collapse or social deterioration, but let us set that aside for this column, and instead ask why people are choosing to have fewer children? After all, voluntary childlessness seems to violate the Darwinian premise that our genes dispose us, like all other creatures, to try to reproduce.

However, demographic data are undercutting the notion that there is some kind of sociobiological nurturing imperative, economist and demographer Nicholas Eberstadt noted during the question period following the documentary. As evidence, he pointed to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, where 30 percent of women are childless and that Hong Kong's TFR has been below 1 birth per woman for at least a decade.

Demographic Winter asserts that "every aspect of modernity works against family life and in favor of singleness and small families or voluntary childlessness." And surely they are right. Modern societies offer people many other satisfactions and choices outside of the family. In particular women find that their time becomes more highly valued in occupations outside the home. There are no iron laws of demography, but one that comes pretty close is that the more educated women are, the fewer children they tend to have. Eberstadt also noted the best predictor of fertility levels is the desired family size as reported by women. And finally, the most profound event of the 20th century may have been the sexual revolution's drive toward gender equality, enabled by modern contraception. Unlike other creatures, people can have the fun of sex without the side effect of parenthood.

So, modernity essentially transforms children from capital goods that produce family income into consumption items to be enjoyed for their own sakes, more akin to sculptures, paintings, or theatre. But that's just the problem—according to happiness researchers, people don't really enjoy rearing children.

"Economists have modeled the impact of many variables on people's overall happiness and have consistently found that children have only a small impact. A small negative impact," reports Harvard psychologist and happiness researcher Daniel Gilbert. In addition, the more children a person has the less happy they are. According to Gilbert, researchers have found that people derive more satisfaction from eating, exercising, shopping, napping, or watching television than taking care of their kids. "Indeed, looking after the kids appears to be only slightly more pleasant than doing housework," asserts Gilbert in his bestselling, Stumbling on Happiness (2006).

Of course, that's not what most parents say when asked. For instance, in a 2007 Pew Research Center survey people insisted that their relationships with their little darlings are of the greatest importance to their personal happiness and fulfillment. However, the same survey also found "by a margin of nearly three-to-one, Americans say that the main purpose of marriage is the 'mutual happiness and fulfillment' of adults rather than the 'bearing and raising of children.'"

Gilbert suggests that people claim their kids are their chief source of happiness largely because it's what they are expected to say. In addition, Gilbert observes that the more people pay for an item, the more highly they tend to value it and children are expensive, even if you don't throw in piano lessons, soccer camps, orthodonture, and college tuitions. Gilbert further notes that the more children people have, the less happy they tend to be. Since that is the case, it is not surprising that people are choosing to have fewer children. And if people with fewer children are happier, then people with no children must be happiest, right? Not exactly, but the data do suggest that voluntarily childless women and men are not less happy than parents. And they sure do have more money to squander as they try to pursue what happiness they can and strive to somehow fill up their allegedly empty lives.

Disclosure: My wife and I try not to flaunt our voluntarily childless lifestyle too much.

Ronald Bailey is reason's science correspondent. His most recent book, Liberation Biology: The Scientific and Moral Case for the Biotech Revolution, is available from Prometheus Books.

2008-02-26

Is This Experiment Realistic?

I was over at Racialicious. I was reading about this experiment on poverty. Although it was a kind of cool thought process, the experiment was lacking. This guy was trying to dig his way out of poverty, but his experiment didn't take into account gender, race, education, or other factors like children, cost of living, job market, etc.

Has Class Trumped Race? Part 3.5 - An Aside

by Racialicious Special Correspondent Latoya Peterson

The blog SavvySugar recently posted about a college grad who did an experiment to prove the American Dream - he voluntarily went into “poverty” to see how quickly he could climb out.

Adam Shepard’s experience has - naturally - netted him a book deal. ABC summarizes:

But Shepard’s descent into poverty in the summer of 2006 was no accident. Shortly after graduating from Merrimack College in North Andover, Mass., he intentionally left his parents’ home to test the vivacity of the American Dream. His goal: to have a furnished apartment, a car, and $2,500 in savings within a year.

To make his quest even more challenging, he decided not to use any of his previous contacts or mention his education.

During his first 70 days in Charleston, Shepard lived in a shelter and received food stamps. He also made new friends, finding work as a day laborer, which led to a steady job with a moving company.

Ten months into the experiment, he decided to quit after learning of an illness in his family. But by then he had moved into an apartment, bought a pickup truck, and had saved close to $5,000.

The effort, he says, was inspired after reading “Nickel and Dimed,” in which author Barbara Ehrenreich takes on a series of low-paying jobs. Unlike Ms. Ehrenreich, who chronicled the difficulty of advancing beyond the ranks of the working poor, Shepard found he was able to successfully climb out of his self-imposed poverty.

He tells his story in “Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream.” The book, he says, is a testament to what ordinary Americans can achieve.

Fascinating. I mean, everyone loves an American Dream story, don’t they? The interviewer from ABC News was excellent, asking really targeted questions about the validity of the experiment and how Shepard came to the conclusions he outlines in the book. By directly asking about privilege and his upbringing, the interviewer tries to shed some light into the thought process of this young man.

Shepard’s answers to the interviewer’s questions are interesting, to say the least.

Becoming a mover and living in a homeless shelter – that hadn’t been part of your life before. How much did your lifestyle actually change?

Shepard: It changed dramatically. There were simple luxuries that I didn’t afford myself. I had to make sacrifices to achieve the goals that I set out. One of those was eating out. I didn’t have a cellphone. Especially in this day and age, that was a dramatic change for me…. I was getting by on chicken and Rice-A-Roni dinner and was happy. That’s what I learned … we lived [simply], but still we were happy.

[…]

Do you need a college education?

I don’t think so. To be honest with you, I think I was disadvantaged, because my thinking was inside of a box. I have the way that I lived [in North Carolina] – and to enter into this totally new world and acclimate to a different lifestyle, that was the challenge for me.

Still, there was that safety net. Were you ever tempted to tap your past work, education, or family networks?

I was never tempted. I had a credit card in my back pocket in case of an emergency. The rule was if I used the credit card then, “The project’s over, I’m going home.”

[…]

Would your project have changed if you’d had child-care payments or been required to report to a probation officer? Wouldn’t that have made it much harder?

The question isn’t whether I would have been able to succeed. I think it’s the attitude that I take in: “I’ve got child care. I’ve got a probation officer. I’ve got all these bills. Now what am I going to do? Am I going to continue to go out to eat and put rims on my Cadillac? Or am I going to make some things happen in my life…?” One guy, who arrived [at the shelter] on a Tuesday had been hit by a car on [the previous] Friday by a drunk driver. He was in a wheelchair. He was totally out of it. He was at the shelter. And I said, “Dude, your life is completely changed.” And he said, “Yeah, you’re right, but I’m getting the heck out of here.” Then there was this other guy who could walk and everything was good in his life, but he was just kind of bumming around, begging on the street corner. To see the attitudes along the way, that is what my story is about.

Now, on one hand, we can understand what Shepard is trying to get at in the book. Social mobility is possible in this country with hard work and determination. To Shepard, he was able to apply himself and lift himself out of poverty - a simple function of implementing and executing a plan.

However, Shepard’s analysis is flawed for many reasons. One of which is that he does not take into account any of his privileges which may have worked in his favor. Being an able bodied male - and being considered for the more lucrative, quick cash turn around day labor jobs - is one of them.

The second is that Shepard is able to enter a form of poverty that isn’t real. It’s poverty without the baggage - knowing you have a warm home to return to, good credit, and a college degree in the event that you can’t hack it on the lowest levels of society. As a person newly out of poverty and into the middle class, he just doesn’t have the baggage I carry. Most notably, he doesn’t have that fear that comes with being poor and knowing how close you are to being on the street. That fear is what drives me - and that fear manifests in the form paralysis to many of those who I knew that did not make it out of poverty. Being free of the emotional baggage of poverty is an amazing thing. I hope to be free of it myself someday.

Finally, the comparison to Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickled and Dimed rings a bit hollow to me. Ehrenreich took on a number of jobs in a few different areas and provided her own experiences and the experiences of the other workers. She accurately documents the fear that comes from being in poverty and the financial constraints that leave people trapped into a certain position. I will go and check out Scratch Beginnings whenever my library obtains a copy, but it appears that Shepard set out to quickly throw down roots and eke out an existence - he was not concerned with what most people want, which is a quality life of their own choosing.

I am currently working on the last part of the Race and Class series, but in the meantime, what do you think of Shepard’s experiment? Do you think he would have been able to do this so easily if he was a different race or gender?

My Mother's White Man Crush


This is my mother's white man crush. Of all the white man in the world she chose Steve Wilkos of the Jerry Springer show? It is creepy to know she even has white man crushes, I like to think of my parents as asexual and who have no attraction to anyone, including each other.

Steven Wilkos is not cute to me, I guess she is liking him because he looks tall, I guess like me, my mother likes the tall guys, what the hell I know she likes tall guys she is 5'4 and my dad is 6'3. But he is not cute, but my mother is constantly watching Jerry Springer and talking about how horrible it is. Now I know why she is watching Jerry. YUCK!!!!!!!!

Insomnia Strikes........AGAIN......I'm gonna kill my dog!!!!



That thing is evil. I was sleeping all nice, when I hear a bark and the sound of a collar jingling. The dog is hungry and wants to go outside. It is 3:00 in the morning. Insomnia strikes again. I swear there is a conspiracy to keep me awake at night!!!!!!!!

2008-02-25

Ten Guys Women Should Run From

From Oprah.com. I am not an Oprah type, but this stuff rings true. I am guilty of dating men in these categories. My friend is currently dating "The Virtual Lover" now.

One guy is needier than quicksand. Another is jealous of your cocker spaniel. A third quietly hates all womankind. Here's a list of men you should put in your rearview mirror, ASAP.


Certain clues in the way a man acts may be a hint that you need to ditch him.

Joe No-Show
You meet in a city where neither of you lives, at a convention or a wedding. The calls and e-mails are making the phone lines sweat; two months later, he's begging you to visit.

You tell the woman next to you on the plane that, after years of searching, you think you've met The One, and the two of you giggle with anticipation all the way to baggage claim.

Thirty minutes later, when the carousel stops going around, she looks at you with deep pity and asks if she can give you a ride somewhere. That's the moment to go straight back to the ticket counter.

Mr. Jealousy
At first, he'll get a little short with a waiter who flirts with you. Then he'll be exasperated by how long you and the postmaster discuss the rising price of stamps. When he points out that you and your brother hug too long to be appropriate or that your gynecologist is a lesbian and obviously has the hots for you, it's time to give him his walking papers.

However flattering his jealousies may seem in the first five minutes of your relationship, they'll get old and confining more quickly than you can imagine, and when you do finally break up with him, he will hang the scarves you left behind on your trees like nooses and follow you and the next man you date all over town.

The Bully
This is the man who sits you down, grabs your arm, pulls your hair, or pokes your chest. While most of us know better than to let ourselves get socked in the mouth the way Ralph Kramden was always threatening to do to Alice (but even then never following through), there's a whole universe of more "minor" infractions in the violence department that should disqualify your new beau instantaneously (but all too often does not).

The Two-Timer
For the first time since you've been dating, he's too sick to make a date. You try to ignore the fact that it happens to be your birthday, and you assemble the ingredients for your famous chicken soup. You drop it off inside his door.

Two days later, he's still sick, but you've been invited over. You ask if you can heat up some soup for him, and he says, in a small, congested voice, "That would be wonderful." You pour the soup from the Tupperware into the pot, and you see that there are mushrooms in it. Your famous chicken soup doesn't contain mushrooms. Conclude that this man has another source of soup and will continue to cheat on you for as long as you give him the chance.

The "Liberated" Man
I used to have a friend who said, "I seem to have a very liberating effect on whatever man I'm dating. We go on three dates, and the next thing I know he's moved in with me, he's quit his job, and his car is up on blocks in my yard."

Certain men are more prone to this type of liberation than others, I have found: Carpenters, river guides, and flamenco guitarists all fall into the category of men who are perfectly willing to hand themselves over to the care of a good woman, as well as visual artists, stage performers, and racers (ski, bike, boat) of all kinds.

The Betrayed
I seem to have dated an inordinate number of men who have just been left by a woman for a woman. In general, these men are angry beyond all reason, no matter to what lengths they may go to disguise it, and if you date one, be ready to give up all your girlfriends, or you will be accused of being a lesbian, too.

The Narcissist
He doesn't like your dog? Do we even need to talk about this one? Put it at the top of the category that includes he won't make eye contact with your kid, he doesn't want to meet your sister, and he whines the first time you make plans with your girlfriend.

A man threatened by the love you have for the dog you sleep with is going to be threatened by more things than you can name. Dating him is inviting the type of conflict into your life that will make you tired before you even get up in the morning.

Mr. Resentment
Pay close attention to how he handles your accomplishments. If you get a promotion with a raise and he breaks it down to show you how it really only amounts to six dollars a day after taxes, that's the first strike. When he uses any expression like "your little project," count that as two.

Just because men are having a hard time adjusting to the idea that women are capable breadwinners doesn't mean you have to martyr yourself into helping them make the transition. There are men out there who are more than happy to bask in the glow their women cast and to consider your talents a positive reflection on them.

The Virtual Lover
What a relief it is when a man doesn't try to force you into bed on the first date. How charmed you are when, on the third date, he says he wants to wait until "you both can't stand it anymore." How sympathetic you become when, on the sixth date, he tells you how badly he was hurt by your predecessor. How confused you are six months later when you've realized his pager goes off every time you get naked, but he's still sending you roses and talking teddy bears.

A surprising number of great romancers out there never get around to having sex. To the date-weary woman, this can seem like not the worst combination, but beware. Eventually he will blame his problems on the smell of your breath or the size of your thighs.

The Guy Who Had the Happiest Childhood This Side of the Beav
His mother was perfect; his father never smoked or drank or cheated. He hates the way his friends blame their parents for everything, when he and his seven brothers and sisters had love pouring down on them from the moment they woke in the morning until they went to bed.

However refreshing this might sound the first time you hear it, listen carefully for a voice that is trying to convince itself, listen for the creak and crack of a personal mythology in the throes of shattering. When it comes crashing to the ground, it's going to make a very big noise, and most likely your relationship will come crashing down with it.

By Pam Houston from "O, The Oprah Magazine", June 2003 E-mail to a friend

2008-02-24

Siditty Secrets Revealed-Video is PG 13




This is a tragic story. My name is Siditty, I have a big booty, and I can't shake my ass to save my life. I can't booty shake, I can't get it to jiggle. When I say I have a big booty, when I lay on my back in bed, the small of my back never touches the bed, there is too much booty there for such things. This tragedy is to the dismay of my husband who is a bonafide booty man. He loves my booty. He would love for me to shake my booty, but my big booty is just for looks, it cannot shake. I wonder if there are booty shaking lessons to take? I am so jealous of those who can.

My booty is nothing but a shelf to put a cup on, or maybe a book, it makes a good pillow, but I can't shake it to save my life!!!!!!!

Circumcision: Ain't that kind of cruel?


I am watching Taboo on the National Geographic channel. I am watching Tondo from South Africa become a man. He does this by becoming circumcised without anesthesia or medical treatment afterwards. They instead build him a shelter out in a field and he stays there, and if he goes and gets medical attention he is not a man. If I was Tondo, I would just live with not being a man, and why can't he have a formal doctor cutting off his foreskin? Why it is just some dude coming at him with a blade out in a field?

Anyway isn't the whole circumcision thing kind of cruel? Are there really benefits to circumcision? From what I understand, the benefits of circumcision are less prone to infections. But the downsides are it lessens sensitivity, decreasing sexual pleasure, and people think, if it ain't broke, don't fix it I mean in America I think most guys are circumcised. Personally, I haven't seen a lot of uncircumcised penises (I ain't seen a lot of penis period, ok aside from porn penis, that don't count), but is there a drastic difference in penis? Is there health issues? I know there is a growing trend about keeping everything in tact. Personally if I ever had a boy, I wouldn't want to do it, it just seems kind of cruel to be cutting stuff off. My husband is all about it. He is thinking about gym class in high school, he doesn't want the kid to seem out of place. He is all about the social norms.

Things That Freak People Out About My Marriage Aside From the IR Thing


Today, I ran some errands and then went over to my friend's house (yeah I am not always online, ok I am 99% of the time, but sometimes I have a life). We were talking, I think about diet and exercise (this girl is hardcore, she runs marathons and ish, I can't be running 26 miles and still be alive). I was telling how it is much easier to eat at my house because me and my husband don't eat the same things. She looked kind of confused at this. She didn't understand at my house it is fend for yourself or eat what I cook.

My husband grew up in a household of overweight people. His mother, stepfather, and his brothers were all overweight. His mother and stepfather both had gastric bypass. My husband and his brother lost weight on Atkins. The husband at one time was overweight and lost over 80 pounds and now he is uber hot and stuff, but he has been gaining weight as of recent due to reverting back to his old diet. His diet consists of nothing but carbs and fat. Pizza or pizza rolls every night for dinner. Cereal for breakfast, wendy's or some other restaurant for lunch, and miscellaneous junk food throughout the day. He hasn't worked out in months, I would say almost a year, the gym is too far in his mind (I say DDR, play Wii sports, something). The boy can eat, hell I will buy groceries, have snacks or whatever, go in the cupboard looking for said snacks a few days later and ALL are gone. I guess if it is here, he feels he must eat it as quickly as possible. I digress. I get onto him about his diet, but he insists he prefers to be happy and die of a heart attack than to eat right and not enjoy his food. I told him I would not be coming to the hospital to comfort him when he has his heart attack, but rather to go to his room and tell him "I told your ass to eat right", where I would abruptly walk out.

Anyway I tried eating like my husband, it got me into trouble, so I reverted back to old dietary habits. Smaller portions, less snacking, less fried food, exercise, and making sure I am aware of what I am eating by writing everything down throughout the week and on weekends having my free for all (which I pay for dearly every weekend with stomach and head aches because I eat so horribly, after eating relatively clean throughout the week). I cook what I want to eat, if he wants some great, if not, there are pizza rolls in the freezer. She thought that was so weird. Topped with the fact that most the time we don't sleep in the same bed confused her even more. (It isn't like we don't try, he falls asleep watching TV a lot). Or I have insomnia like now and I am hanging out in the living room rather than the bedroom where he is sleeping peacefully. My mother thinks this is odd too, and tells me to make him lay with me. He does for like 15 minutes and then he gets up or turns on the TV really loud so I can't sleep.

Another thing that freaked her out. She is trying to get me to train for a Team In Training marathon with her (ha, me and cardio hate each other), and I told her I couldn't because I had thought about it before a long time ago and my husband was like no, you can't go off somewhere to run 26 miles. Of course I told him to do it with me, or that he would be more than welcome to be there (I would need him for support, especially with me running that damn far) and he still wasn't interested. She was like why would he be opposed to you running and traveling. I don't have an answer for that.

On top of that it freaks her out that he has issues with my working out and eating right. He feels I am doing it to get attention. I am doing it because it is healthy and I hate being uncomfortable in my body, and I still remember in my big days being scared I wasn't going to wake up the next morning because my heart was beating so fast and I was having chest pains (it was anxiety, not any heart issues). He thinks it is so I can get swept away by some random man. He hasn't figured out no other man will deal with me or wants me. You would think after 8 years ::sigh::

Me and my husband look completely dysfunctional and incompatible, but really we aren't LOL.

2008-02-23

Yeah I Am On A Roll: My Dream Will Never Be A Reality

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
From the age of 13, I have always wanted a motorcycle. One of my uncles hd one and I thought he was the coolest. I also had a few friends with dirt bikes prior to that and I always wanted a dirt bike or three wheeler (cut me some slack, I am from Texas). I asked for a motorcycle in lieu of a first car, thinking it is cheaper, and a better bet, I was denied with a quickness. My mother thought I would kill myself on a motorcycle. I held out for hope, thinking when I bought my last car, after I paid that off, a motorcycle. DENIED. This time by the husband, he like my mother did not like motorcycles for me. Neither did my grandmother, his grandparents, or my mother in law. Not even my friends want me to get one. It is me against the world. What makes my husband's denial worse is that he feels he can get motorcycle, but I would have to ride on the back, and he would never go on trips on the motorcycle with me. I want to go to black bike week and not be the skank girl on the BACK of the bike, but rather one of the girls riding the bikes. My husband doesn't want to go to Black Bike Week at all. How lame is that? One time, my husband finally after me begging for months agreed to go look at bikes. Or he claimed to agree, as soon as I drove to the bike shop, he looked at me and told me "I can't believe you are going to get a motorcycle, knowing how I feel about it!" and pouted. The elusive motorcycle escaped again.

To add insult to injury, my 22 year old brother in law just got a new Harley. He is paying out the wazoo for it. (Can we say 17% interest rate, that boy got raked over the coals), but I admit, I did get a bit jealous. My little pretend SUV says family, not adventure. I wanna motorcycle too. After this family vehicle is paid off I am going to get my Harley come hell or high water. I want my bike!!!!!!!! And I am going to black bike week, I might be one of the few women actually wearing clothes, but I wanna show off my bike one day too!!!!!

Insomnia Strikes Again




Insomnia strikes again. I want a nutella and banana sandwich, but alas I have no bread or bananas. It sounds gross but it is heaven.

On a side note, I just got a big ass spoonful of nutella and ate that in consolation. How sad is it to know that you can't double dip in the nutella jar because it shortens the shelf life. That spoonful of nutella was my dinner. MMMMMMM healthy

On a side note, I got mad at the man tonight, he lets our dogs outside, they start to bark, which 9 times out of 10 means they are running up and down the fence, which means they are probably getting muddy. Our normal way to stop this is to contain them on tile with a baby gate (the doberman hasn't figured out he can jump it) and then I sweep or mop up dried mud and everything is great. My husband didn't put up the gate and the doberman dashed onto my carpet muddy and tail stub wagging. My husband got mad, he got so mad when he caught up with the doberman, he literally jerked my baby back making him yelp. Then he was just yelling. My thing is if he had put the gate up we wouldn't have had the issue. He then gets mad and starts stomping around. I go silent and pull out the carpet cleaner and start cleaning. He then tells me he will do it after stomping around, I just stay quiet and say I'll do it don't worry. Then he is like are you mad at me. Uuugggghh yes, you are acting crazy and going off on our dog. He is a dog, we are humans we are supposed to be smarter, don't go off on a dog, will you start jerking our kids around if they piss you off and make a mess? He has anger control issues sometimes, not with people, he has never hit me, but with the dogs. My thing is they are dogs, they make messes, you should have known better.

By the way said trouble maker is sleeping with his head in my lap as I type this, slightly damp from his bath. It is no joke to get an 80 lb dog into a bathtub and to make him stay in it, but I did :)

2008-02-22

Why Do Guys Prefer Younger Women?


OK. Yan has started a dating site for those interested in IR relationships between BW and WM. Now I haven't dated in a very long time, but I do wonder this. Why does it seem the majority of men, especially those my age or older want younger women? When I was in my early 20's, I would inevitably get men who were well into their 30s, 40s, even 50s approaching me. I could barely if ever find guys my age to date. They would tell me age is just a number and then proceed to tell me that I should keep my options open, but then turn around and say that they don't want women their own age because they are boring or they have let themselves go. I never figured out why a guy that would be older than my father, would want to date me. It was just a gross thought. Of course I had one friend who was two or maybe three years younger than me, whose father tried to date me. He told me I was the right age for him, but I was too old for his son (my friend) it was really creepy, odd, and no I did not date him. The oldest guy I ever dated was about 9 years older than me, and of course he had an accent (he was from Italy), motorcycle, and lived in the trendy area of town. He was also a douche big into image. When he told me about the wonderful plastic surgery he had in mind for me, the weave, color contacts, and how I was going to dress, it kind of killed things for me. He wanted someone to mold, not date. I was not prepared to be Barbie.

I was reading this article that basically said the reason men are attracted to younger women is so they can increase the number of children they will have. I don't think so, I don't think men want five or six kids to help them tend with the farm these days. I think it is status and perception. A young woman is considered a prize, an older women is seen as damaged goods. Young women=attractive, while older women=undesirable. Guys want trophies they can show off, so physical attraction is way more important to them than women. It also said that younger women want older men because they are better providers and able to care for them. I don't buy that. I don't think I have ever thought, I want this man because he can afford my lifestyle. I have always wanted to date someone my age, but guys my age never approached me and I was way too shy to approach them. Most women I knew weren't into older guys.

For the record, I ended up with a guy that is the complete opposite of that, I am slightly older than my husband (I am 32, he is 30), and I am one of the youngest women he has ever dated. Most of the women before me where in their 30s, while he was in his 20s, so I know not all guys prefer younger women, but it seems a lot are.

2008-02-21

An Interesting Article on Immigration

Immigration is a huge issue in Texas. There are cities here in the Dallas area trying to ban illegal immigration in their towns by imposing heavy fines on people who hire illegal immigrants, and allow illegal immigrants to rent or lease from them. There was also an uproar about a pizza place whose primary demographic is hispanics now accepting pesos and dollars. Is immigration really an issue or diversion? We have a war and economic crisis going on right now, should immigration be at the forefront of topics to discuss?

An interesting article I read @ Jonestown.


Immigration is an “issue.”

Dashiell

Immigration is an “issue.” I know this because politicians and pundits have continually repeated it. It’s always listed as one of the primary issues of the Presidential campaign. What are the candidates’ positions on immigration, inquiring minds want to know?

Excuse me, I mean illegal immigration. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the issue.

I can’t remember exactly when this became an issue. At some point, a bunch of people got together and decided to make it one. When the Republicans tried to pass a “tough” bill in 2006, there were huge demonstrations across the country against them. Against the Republicans, I mean. Oops, that’s not the response we expected.

All this can be kind of puzzling, because when I talk to people about politics, they never mention immigration as one of their concerns. They talk about the war, the destruction of the environment, the scary financial situation, the corruption. (Did I mention the war?) But nobody I know seems worried about illegal immigration.

It must be the crowd of people I hang out with. They’re probably too educated.

If you study the politics of Europe for any length of time (say, for an hour) you’ll notice that neo-fascist groups always start out by attacking immigrants. It stands to reason that a hate movement will target “outsider” groups in order to attract frustrated, ignorant people, expressing their powerlessness by raging against someone even more powerless than they are. It’s an extension of the old antisemitic template. There’s an insidious minority threatening your job and your family. Attack!

The immigration “issue” operates the same way in America, except that it’s not confined to fringe rightist groups—it’s the mainstream. Whenever things start to go sour for the elites—a war not turning out as planned, large-scale theft sending the economy into a spiral, etc.—immigration suddenly pops up again as an issue. While Mr. and Mrs. Average White American are getting royally screwed, the people who own the country start gesticulating towards Mexico. Those brown people are causing this! And then Mr. and Mrs. A.W.M., who are patriots and wouldn’t be caught dead protesting the war or questioning the wisdom of corporations, get all hot and bothered over illegal immigration and end up voting for the yelling, pointing, bloviating, anti-immigrant candidate.

That’s how it’s supposed to work. I’m not sure it’s working that well this time. People are still more worried about the war and the economy for some reason. And the Latino voters are getting pissed off. If you were wondering why Bush’s immigration proposals were moderate compared to the frothing of the rightists (“moderate” meaning in the current political lexicon “slightly less insane”), I can tell you it was not because Bush could give a tiny fraction of a damn about immigrants (or anything but his pathetic self and his rich handlers’ checkbooks), but simply because Karl Rove wanted to claim a chunk of the Latino vote. The nativists, however, are ruled more by their hate than their desire to win elections. They would have none of Rove’s Machiavellian strategy, and the result is that the Republicans are facing the probable loss of the Latino vote, a devastating blow which, if there’s any hope in this world, will flush them down the electoral toilet.

In the meantime, contemplate the wholly artificial nature of immigration as an “issue.” The media talks about it, therefore it’s an issue. If people hear about it often enough, they start to believe that it must be an issue. The losers who listen to AM radio are told (ordered) to consider it an issue by the usual gang of insane demagogues, so of course they believe it. Lou Dobbs yammers about it every night, and I guess that’s good enough for me. Let’s build a fucking wall around our country!



The war, however, is not an issue. The war is a PR problem. People need to be convinced that the “surge” is working, and that everything’s ok. That’s the only “issue.” You see how this works? It’s really quite simple. Whatever actually affects the mass of ordinary working people in this country, whatever political, social, and economic conditions have a real impact on our lives—that is not the “issue.” The “issue” is whatever stream of empty, pretentious, distracting bullshit happens to emerge from the political-media cesspool, drowning all of our actual concerns in its putrid, miasmic, mind-deadening slop.

Insomnia Sucks


I want to sleep!!!!!!! I can't. I do this weird thing when I get into weird sleep patterns. Right now my sleep pattern is to go to bed at 9 at night and wake up at midnight, I eventually go back to sleep around 4 in the morning and then wake up at 8 in the morning (I don't have to be at work until 10 right now). I totally hate it. I hate going to bed early, and I hate I can't stay asleep. UUUgggghh. Plus it is so boring at night, no one to talk too, TV is horrid, and sometimes I just can't get into a book to read. Not to mention I have to make myself lay down. On top of that, because of work stress I this past week aside from my birthday I on average am eating 700 calories a day and not exercising. It is kind of nice for my waistline, but I am just scared that as soon as I return to normal eating my metabolism will be all crazy.

2008-02-20

Fat is Contagious


I just went to this woman's website. Interesting article, I will post more on this later when I am not working LOL.

This social experiment hits very close to home for me.

When I first met my husband, I was a very small girl. I unfortunately adopted my husband's eating habits (nothing but junk, no veggies) and I ballooned to a very "healthy" size. My breaking point came when started having extreme back pain and a rapid heart beat. The rapid heart beat was anxiety, but it scared me enough to contemplate losing weight. Needless to say I some low self esteem and continued to grow. In my first attempt to lose weight I resorted to desperate measures, diet pills, 80 calorie a day diets, and vomiting on "cheat days". Yay for bulimia. The sad thing was I got the most compliments at that time. People would ask me what type of diet I was on and I would tell them the 80 calorie a day diet and no one batted an eye. I would lie to my husband and only eat in front of him, not eating any other time. It took me passing out to realize that might not be the best bet.

When I was bigger I would get the most craziest suggestions and comments. I got laughed at the first time I got my tail on an elliptical machine. People would tell me why I was fat. One girl asked me "how do you get to the point where you let yourself go like that?" Usually the skinny folks who asked this were people who never exercised, ate junk, and had cellulite from lack of activity.

Needless to say people don't like fat folks. Fat folks make less money and don't get ahead career wise. Especially fat women. Then shopping sucks ass, you get to wear a pup tent why everyone else is dressed cute.

So now I don't eat 800 calories a day but rather count calories by writing every thing down, and try my best to exercise (which fails miserably often). I fall off the wagon constantly, but I always get back on.

Porn and Feminism



I was reading this article here in defense of pro-sex feminism. Which led me to this article. When I first decided I was going to be a feminist, sometime when I was 16, I fell into the anti-pornography camp. Pornography exploited women, and encouraged and embraced violence against women. Porn to me was bad. I had never even seen a porn at that point, unless you count that soft core stuff on Skin-a-max. Just on a personal level at that point, I thought sex was a shameful thing, done behind closed doors in the sanctity of a monogamous relationship. Masturbation was a sin, and for those with no self control (I admit it now, I was a sinner). I think this had a lot to do with my Baptist upbringing and my experiences being molested. I thought sex was a horrible thing, and I felt guilty for years that by all accounts I knew things from the age of 5 to 12 that I never should have known sexually, and that I never ever should have ever experienced pleasure from such things, but like most people who have been molested, you learn that many times your body betrays you, and you do experience pleasure from something that is wrong. It took me several years to learn this. I also think that my experiences led to other things I will talk about in another post.

My foray into porn didn't come ironically until after I met my husband. I found his porn stash at his apartment and on his computer. I confronted him about it, and he was unapologetic, which really killed me at the time. I equated his liking porn to him not being satisfied with me, and he equated his utilizing porn to being a horny guy. Needless to say he asked me did I look at porn, and at that time aside from the smutty romance novel, I could honestly say no. Then he told me to go look at porn, and I actually did, and it didn't bother me as much that he looked at porn because I was watching it too. I think was lucky at that time because now they have porn directed at women, not the porn for women, like at Yan's, but actual porn in which for once the woman didn't have corny dialogue, the man had to look somewhat decent, and for which the women did not have to worship the all mighty penis. I felt I was still keeping it real as a feminist, but yet not be sexually repressed. I started reading Susie Bright and Betty Dodson. Even on my blog, if you look at my list of links, I have a link to a adult sex store.

I think I see porn for what it is now, in most cases, which is entertainment and an aid for horny people. I will also venture to say most people get horny, and there is a reason porn is such a huge industry, not all of it appeals to every one, but in porn, there is something for every one.

2008-02-19

Feminism, Marriage, and Settling

Before you guys read this, I am very happy in my marriage, but things run through my mind often. I am just stupid enough to post what I am thinking to the world. I love my husband, he is awesome ok!!!!!!!!! I was inspired by this post by C1 and Yan.

I was once the you can have it all super duper NOW member uber feminist. I was going to have the career, do my thing and have independence. I was going to be super woman. I could have the husband, the little NOW militant kids, and the career. Be my own woman, do my own thing. Then I got into a relationship with my husband.

Let me say before I got married I envisioned myself being upwardly mobile in my education and career while dating and supporting my sensitive artist man with his dreams and desires, and he preferably had great taste in music, and maybe a strong accent from France, Italy, or the UK. We would spend our time together reading books and newspapers and discussing art and world politics. We would cook dinner together and work out together. We would hang out in bars and trendy restaurants together drinking and becoming regulars knowing everyone and having intellectual conversations. We would travel the world, staying in hostels and trekking the Himalayas.

OK I married to a guy with a run of the mill American accent. He is from Houston, TX, and has like me managed not to have a twang. We don't have the same taste in music, he is into Iron Maiden, Bone Thugs N Harmony, and top 40 crap. I on the other hand enjoy indie, punk, and SOME electronica, and I am a complete and utter snob when it comes to my music. I tell people I listen to alternative, they start talking about Good Charlotte or My Chemical Romance I curse them out. That shit ain't real alternative. OK my husband thinks it is rude to read a newspaper or book while eating together as to him it means you don't want to be in the other persons company. He doesn't do politics, he used to do art, but not anymore, and anything abstract or modern to him is crap, but he does love anime art. He doesn't cook, and when I do it is for me because he doesn't like a ton of things. He prefers Wendy's , I prefer sushi or thai food. We don't work out together, we barely work out. He hates going out to eat and he barely drinks, and when we do go out to eat it is Chili's, Friday's, and other chain restaurants where it is required to sing happy birthday to people and wear flare. I love local places and can drink pretty much most people under the table (so I say that now, not true, three shots, I am tipsy) He hates to travel, and doesn't like me traveling without him. We are for the most part complete opposites.

My husband makes more than me and we focus on his career more than mine. I have turned down job opportunities to keep the peace in my marriage because the job required too much travel, training, or time away from home. He hates it when I stay late at the office. I can't pursue other opportunities even within a company I am working for because it usually means relocating and he won't relocate, which scares me because if he ever lost his job he better be willing to relocate for MONEY. He helped me through my last couple of years of school financially, I graduated from college 6 months before we got married. I do the majority of cleaning and cooking. My husband has never mopped the kitchen floor in the four years we have lived in this house or wiped down a counter, he has put dishes in the dishwasher though, and he refuses to take his shoes off in the house, because he pays for the carpet too. My husband does not do yard work, change tires, or do oil changes. He will kill a bug though. When we have kids I will be the one driving the kids around because I have the SUV, he has the Mustang.

I am saying all this because I still consider myself a feminist, but obviously I am not living the feminist ideal. I took a women's study class my last semester of college that put everything in perspective for me. The woman's movement saw to make us equals with men, but instead it taught us to surpass men. No where in the "have it all" diatribe did it say make the man cook and clean while you are out with the super career. It said you were equal, but you were still going to be the happy homemaker, the momma, and the good wife. Or you were going to be a lesbian or a woman happy to be single. You can't have it all, I have learned that, but I don't want to compromise. I am going to finally go back and get my masters. I have decided that 2008 is the year. I am not going to compromise on that.

I think many times you have to compromise to keep everyone happy and keep their insecurities at bay. My husband prefers thicker women, and I suspect he likes the idea of me being bigger so that less men look at me. It makes him nervous every time I start working out and dieting because he feels I always go too far. I have given up guy friends because he felt that guys and girls can't be friends, as guys always have motives when hanging out with girls, even though 90% of his friends before we were together were girls. He quit hanging with girls, I quit hanging with guys. It even bothers him when I go to lunch with gay guys. I go out on my own with my friends sans him if I want to try something new restaurant wise. He feels once a month sushi is plenty. I listen to my music on my ipod or in my car so he won't make fun of me or turn it down. Am I no longer a feminist, but rather a door mat? Is a wife to be a door mat? Or is a wife simply just a wife? Did I push my desire to get married before my feminist ideals?

Gift Giving and Receiving


Every year my husband will ask me what I want for Christmas or my birthday, and every year I tell him. He then gets upset because the gift I want usually isn't in his mind what he considers a gift. If I want a coffee maker, I want a coffee maker. There is nothing wrong with that. He on the other hand feels that kitchen appliances do not count as gifts. Hello it is a Krups with a grinder for all my caffeine needs...it keeps me happy. This Christmas he asked me what I wanted, I told him nothing. I was not working at the time and wanted to make sure I had some money in the bank. That is what I wanted for Xmas, money in the bank :) Instead I got a computer I waited a whole year to go ahead and purchase because my computers were dying slow and painful deaths. Yall the desktop is from at least 2001. Yeah it was time for it to die.

He asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year. I suggested some things like some books I wanted, some video games, and DVDs,etc. He rejected every single one of those ideas, so I asked him to take me shopping for clothes. It was fun for me, torture for him. He claims he felt bad because he didn't give me a gift proper. Personally I like buying a bunch of clothes and shoes....it seems like an awesome gift to me.

My husband, bless his heart has in his mind a gift should be something extravagant like jewelry or some other big ticket item. I don't see things that way. To me as it is, I get way too much, I want something I buy it then and there, I usually don't have to save up and get something, if I can pay cash, if bills are paid, I can just get something. I get what I want all year round, so when gift time comes, I usually don't want for much. I know I am horrible right? I just wish sometimes when he asked me what I want and I tell him, he would take what I say at face value and go for that. Yeah baby I want that Sims 2 expansion pack, I get a lot more use out of that, than some overpriced earrings :)

I think his obsession with the perfect gift is the fact that compared to him I am relatively cheap. When he wants a gift, the boy wants a gift. A new surround sound system, new rims for his car, racing stripes for his car. Things that cost thousands of dollars. I can get buy with an awesome birthday for about $100 or $150 dollars and be completely happy. Hell even when I do go shopping it isn't at high priced stores it is at places like Old Navy, Steve and Barry, Rave, Marianne, Charlotte Russe. I know I am way too old to shop there, but hey I can't find $10 shirts everywhere. Yeah I am cheap for the most part, and I think he should be happy I am relatively a cheap date.

Ironically though, I tell him I love to get flowers for no apparent reason. He won't buy my flowers, not even grocery store ones because he believes they are overpriced and a waste of money since flowers wilt and die.

2008-02-18

Is Europe Really The Promised Land?




Often times than not, when referring to race relations and IR relationships we usually talk in terms of America and reference our American Experiences. Every once in a while someone from Europe will chime in and talk about race relations there. It is usually to say how much better it is over there and how race is more or less relevant there. I have a hard time believing that though. I was reading about the Lewis Hamilton controversy over at Acting White. The French always seem to have issues regarding race. Even now racism there doesn't seem to be an obsolete practice. There is recent history of race riots, only two or three years ago there. Then when have Georges Freche who feels there are too many blacks on the french football/soccer team and refers to Algerians as "sub-human". In France and Spain you have soccer and other sports fans refer to black players as monkeys, showing up in black face, and saying racist and vile things to them as taunts. Is Europe really all that enlightened about race relations, or does it think it is enlightened because unlike the US they don't have the extensive history of slavery and Jim Crow? Of course it doesn't seem like many European countries are apologizing for colonization either.

2008-02-16

The Double Standard?




This man is steady talking about a black woman who expressed her preference for white men. This man is the type of man who would go to this event:



Thanks seattleslim!!!

He was making that video in response to this video:



This woman is really cool. Very different, but really cool. I don't agree with everything she says, but honestly her opinion is an interesting one and she has a lot to say. Warning though her blog is kind of racy (she is in an adult oriented industry) and she curses more than me.

Why is there is a double standard between black men and black women? Black men can have preference and other black men don't seem to have a problem with it. They can be completely turned off by dark skinned women, only want women who look like Beyonce. The long flowing blonde hair, the honey colored skin, the ability to pass or look mixed. They can date hispanic, asian, white women and it is ok. There is no outcry, except from black women. Now let's turn things around, these same black men high fiving guys with preferences for light skinned and non black women, now will have an issue with a black woman dating a non black guy. I do not know how many times in college I heard the "come back home" diatribe from black guy friends when they realized I was dating white guys. The big brother, little sister lectures about white men only wanting sex, and they could never bring you home to their white families. Some of these guys were steady dating women of other races, some exclusively, but yet they had a problem with me dating white or hispanic or whatever else I was dating at the time.

My theory about the double standard is this: We take ownership of those who look like us, and even if we don't follow the rules (i.e. date within the race) it isn't ok for others to do so.

I always used to hear these same black guys who gave me lectures tell me that I shouldn't worry about them because when it was time to settle down, it was going to be a black women for them. Why I gotta wait for you, what am I supposed to do in the mean time? A girl has needs too!!!!! These same black men would psycho analyze me trying to determine how and why I always seemed to be with white guys, but they never questioned themselves.

How can men and women who date IR combat this double standard? I shouldn't be mad a black guy is dating a white woman, and he shouldn't be mad I am dating a white guy. Shouldn't we just be happy the other found happiness?

This is Almost 32

As of Monday, I will be 32 years old. This is a sad 32. Seriously. I am an old woman wearing a skeleton nightgown laying in bed and playing on the computer.*


The negatives of turning 32:

I am not fulfilled in my career and I still don't know what to be when I grow up.

I am running out of time to decide.

I am more cynical and less idealistic

I don't have a kid yet.

I don't have myself where I want to be mentally. I am still a hot head, and I still haven't figured out how to be zen like and more patient.


Positives of turning 32:

I look like hot ass on a stick and don't care. I am realizing life is not about looks. I am wearing no make up in this picture and don't care. Five years ago that would have been unheard of.**

I am more comfortable expressing my opinion

I have a great husband who is patient and understanding with me.

I don't feel completely old yet.


*I did manage to bathe, I am not completely skank :)

** Yeah I took the pic down. I am not that comfortable, lemme x that one off my list.

This was my college experience



This is so much like my life in general while growing up. Every February people would ask my insight in regards to race relations and being black. I would also get apologies for slavery direct from individuals. I was Caroline :)

I got this at Angry Black Cat.

Being Lazy


Today it is raining and gloomy, and all I have done this morning is basically lay in bed with my husband talking about crazy stuff (Lost, stripping, dogs and cats) and getting up to eat some crepes with strawberries and hot chocolate. That is the absolute best!!!!!

2008-02-12

Tattoos....



OK. My birthday is coming up and for my birthday I THINK I want to get a tattoo. I am currently tattooless. Not one on my body. I have often thought about this, but my mother would die if she saw me with a tattoo. In my family tattoos are the ultimate in trashy. My husband has A tattoo that he got in honor of his brother who passed away, he really isn't a fan of tattoos, even though his other brother and his mother have over 8 tattoos a piece. We had family tattoo night when my husband got his, they both got one and asked me did I want one. Of course I chickened out. I was too scared. Not to mention I really want to think about what I put on my body.

So are tattoos really passe? Are they really trashy? Or am I a prude for being scared to get one?

2008-02-11

Megan Williams Gets $40,000 Scholarship

Torture victim Megan Williams gets $40,000 scholarship during Montel appearance
by The Associated Press
Alleged torture victim Megan Williams is getting some help with her education.

While appearing on an episode of the Montel Williams show Thursday, the 20-year-old black woman from Charleston learned she would receive a two-year, $40,000 scholarship for ITT Technical Institute, a new computer and six months of tutoring to help her earn her GED.

Megan Williams appeared as a guest on an episode focusing on hate crimes.

Logan County prosecutors say Williams was forced to eat animal droppings, was sexually assaulted and stabbed by six white men and women who held her captive for days last summer. Logan County sheriff's deputies, acting on an anonymous tip, found her at a Big Creek trailer on Sept. 8.

Three of the seven people charged in the case have entered guilty pleas within the past week.

2008-02-10

Princess Barbies


Yesterday I had the honor of babysitting my new brother and sister. This was my first time having both of them together. My plan was to keep them distracted all day long. I figure a trip out to the mall and lunch would be the ticket. Lunch was the basic McDonalds, my siblings are very cheap dates. The mall on the other hand proved to be difficult. They wanted everything!!!!!!

My little brother caused me some distress though. He found a princess Barbie and was in awe with it. He begged for it. I was about to buy it and my husband gave me this evil look of death and suggested I call my mother before making such purchases. I called my mother only to get voice mail. I then went back to my little brother and told him maybe, let's shop some more and then think about it. Well my husband pulled me aside and told me point blank not to buy the boy the Barbie. He was like let's not facilitate him getting made fun of. I personally was thinking he is 8, we shouldn't box him into standard ideals of gender. Let him explore, but let me get permission from the parents. Later on I asked my mother, she like me, and didn't think it was a big deal. My father on the other hand was like "Hell To Tha Naw!!!! That boy is not getting a princess Barbie!!"

I was perplexed, I know my brother although toddler aged used to play with my cabbage patch dolls and I was definitely a tom boy, I played with trucks, played war, football (first tackle, then touch, then my father forbade me around the time he realized I was getting fondled).

It dawned on me. He is a bit older, he is 8, and he is let's say one to like girls better than boys. He enjoys doing my hair. He likes putting on lip gloss. I personally think it is because for most of his life he has only been around girls. This is the first time he has had a father, and two older brothers to give him an example. In my husband's opinion though he might be gay, and he is under the impression my father thinks so too, and is not trying to suppress said gayness, but not encourage it either. Personally to me it doesn't matter, and a princess Barbie won't make him gay or straight. Why do we restrict the definition of male and female anyway?

I guess I will post more on this later, because I am in the process of reading some great books about the male role in American society. One is by Robert Jensen, self proclaimed feminist, "Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity" where he describes gender roles. Jensen identifies himself as straight, but admits in his college and high school years having physical relationships with other men. Maybe his perception is "tainted" due to those experiences.

Maybe I am being too liberal and per my husband having a "hippie" moment.

2008-02-08

What is with Ohio??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

I will for sure say this man is a DBR Black man. A nasty, nasty man!!!! Let's talk about DBR black women. Why in the hell is her mother letting grown ass men in the house after they told her no adult men in the house. Especially the man that is the possible father of your 11 year old child's baby? Why did it take the hospital to call the officials?



Suspect in 10-year-old's pregnancy already behind bars on drug charge
By SHARON COOLIDGE
Cincinnati Enquirer

CINCINNATI -- Lockland police say they are finishing an investigation into the sexual molestation of a 10-year-old girl who gave birth to a baby.

Once their work is complete -- possibly next week -- they will pass the case to Hamilton County prosecutors for charges, said Detective Tod Ober.


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Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Mark Piepmeier, who heads the office's criminal division, said there's no rush to bring charges since the suspect, Michael Chaffer, is in prison on other charges.

DNA test results show the 40-year-old Lincoln Heights man is the father of the infant who was born to the child in November, according to Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Lee Slocum.
"If he's the father, he'll be indicted on rape," Piepmeier said.

"That's all it takes."

A rape charge carries a possible 10-year prison term.

Lisa Mills, a psychologist and executive director of Harmony Garden, a Norwood-based nonprofit organization that does research and education about girl's health, called the situation "very sad."

"It's just a very unfortunate situation," Mills said. "I know of girls who have been pregnant as young as 11 and 12, but not 10.

"That's probably very rare, even nationwide."

Ober said he could not comment on the case since it's pending.

He said his agency is investigating because the abuse was first alleged to have happened in his city. That turned out to be untrue. The victim and her family live in Lincoln Heights. But Lockland police kept the case since they started the probe.

Authorities first learned of the abuse after the girl gave birth Nov. 4 to a 4-pound baby girl at University Hospital. Officials there alerted the Hamilton County Department of Job and Family Services, which opened an investigation immediately because of the girl's age.

Lockland police first looked at an adult man as their suspect, but DNA proved him innocent. They then turned their attention to a teenage boy, who was also was not the father, according to authorities.

Chaffer, the boyfriend of the girl's 43-year-old mother, was matched to the infant through DNA on Wednesday, according to testimony in a juvenile court hearing about the living arrangements for the girl and the infant.

Job and Family Services caseworkers have removed the baby and the girl from the home. The infant was placed in a foster home, and the girl is living with a relative, according to court testimony.

That placement came after the 43-year-old woman violated an order forbidding any adult men in the house. During a surprise visit Jan. 4, a caseworker found Chaffer there, according to court records.

Chaffer, who tried to prevent an officer from entering the home that day, was arrested on a probation violation that led to a one-year prison term on a prior drug charge. That sentence doesn't expire until December.

Mills said although it's unusual to see a pregnancy in a girl so young, early puberty makes it possible.

The average age of onset of menstruation in the United States is 12 years old, she said.

"More and more girls are starting their

" periods at a younger age. That can be because of many things, but one factor that stands out is the increase in obesity and weight in adolescents."

The community must be watchful of its young girls, Mills said.

"Certainly parents and important adults in girls' lives need to be protective," she said. "We need to keep our eyes and ears open about young girls in the community and what's going on with them, particularly with girls who start menstruation early.

"They are at increased risk of abuse because they look older and draw more attention," Mills said. "Caregivers need to be protective and provide supervision."

At least some justice has been served

I wonder why the rest did not get charged with a hate crime?


Woman pleads guilty to W.Va. hate crime
Black woman was tortured, held captive in trailer for days by seven whites
updated 11:35 p.m. CT, Thurs., Feb. 7, 2008
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A white woman pleaded guilty to a hate crime and other charges Thursday in the kidnapping and torture of a black woman who authorities say was held captive for days last summer.

Authorities say Karen Burton's crimes include stabbing Megan Williams in the ankle while saying, "This is what we do to n------ down here." She is the third in a group of seven people charged to plead guilty in the case, and the only one charged with a hate crime.

Burton does not remember much of the abuses against Williams, but she does not deny them, her lawyer Betty Gregory said.

Burton, 46, of Chapmanville, pleaded guilty in Logan County Circuit Court to malicious wounding, assault and violating Williams' civil rights, Gregory said.

Burton faces up to 30 years in prison at sentencing, set for March 3. Logan County Prosecuting Attorney Brian Abraham said he agreed to dismiss a kidnapping count that carries a maximum life sentence.

Prosecutors say Williams, 20, was held captive at a trailer in the Big Creek area of Logan County, about 35 miles southwest of Charleston. Williams said she was forced to eat animal feces, sexually assaulted and stabbed. She was rescued Sept. 8 after an anonymous caller alerted deputies.

Gregory said Burton's childhood was marred by physical and sexual abuse. As a 7-year-old, the lawyer said, Burton was abused and left in an open grave.

"It does not excuse" the attack on Williams, Gregory said. "And it's not that she didn't do the acts, but at some point she has been victimized so many times in her life, and she felt helpless and gave up and joined in."

Daughter, man also enter guilty pleas
Authorities made several arrests but angered many of Williams' supporters by initially refraining from charging any defendants with a hate crime. The hate-crime charge against Burton came when grand jury indictments in the case were handed down Tuesday.

Abraham has said that although other defendants used the same racial slur Burton used, her use of the word while stabbing Williams made her act more clearly a hate crime.

Karen Burton's daughter, 23-year-old Alisha Burton, and 27-year-old George A. Messer pleaded guilty last week to kidnapping and assault and received 10-year prison sentences.

Felony charges including kidnapping, sexual assault and conspiracy are pending against Bobby Brewster, 24; his mother, Frankie Brewster, 49, of Big Creek; and Danny Combs, 20, of Harts. All have denied wrongdoing. A seventh defendant was indicted this week on a misdemeanor battery charge.

In Response To C1's thoughts on DBR Wars





You don't know how hard this was to find. Apparently the gay men got the random hot guy pics on lock at youtube LOL I was trying for straight as possible. No offense to the gay guys!!!!

2008-02-06

I'm sorry to all the DBR IR bloggers out there.



I'm sorry to all the DBR IR bloggers out there. I want to make this a formal apology, and I want to be specific as possible.

1. I am sorry my father and the majority of black men I have been around are not DBR. They are educated, married, and care for their kids. They don't beat their wives or treat them less than human.

2. I am sorry that when I blog, I blog about me and my husband the ups and downs, for the record there are more ups than downs. We have been together 8 years, believe it or not, I sometimes argue with him.

3. I am sorry that I don't think that I should base my opinion of people based upon stats or numbers. I as a black woman am supposed to be uneducated with babies out of wedlock living on public assistance. I hate when people make that assumption of me, so I try not to stereotype others.

4. I am sorry that I don't think the world is for you or against you based upon one opinion. If you have a difference in opinion, state your opinion, go with it, and move on. Why must group think be the standard and everything and every one else is a mortal enemy.

5. I am sorry I share my life to the point now people feel the need to make personal attacks on my marriage and social life.

6. I am sorry people think I am trying to bring down black women because my opinion is different from theirs.

7. I am sorry I don't feel my marriage is a political statement

8. I am sorry that I even with my bm loving self, took a precious white man away from you.

9. I am sorry if I think keeping your options open in the dating world means dating other races of men aside from white and transcends above race. Try dating someone with a difference in political stance, someone who does not fit into your ideal physically. When I say that I mean if you like tall men, don't date a little person, but maybe date someone the same height or a couple of inches taller. Maybe someone with a different religion than yourself? Treat it as a learning opportunity.

10. I am sorry if you think changing someone's view by name calling and bullying will get them to your side, it doesn't work.

2008-02-05

The Black Women Deserve Better Myspace Page

I went to CW's Black Women Deserve Better Myspace page. I have her blog listed in my links section, but I am telling you the myspace page is a man magnet. I was added as a friend a few days ago and have gotten five messages from white men. OK so one of them was Deuces 38, but the others seem normal. I don't know though, I can't be talking to men, my husband has issues with it.

I figure if the men are blind enough to talk to me, they are going to want to talk to much more attractive women.

For the single girls though, I am willing to bet you could maybe find a guy or two to chat with.

Oh my myspace page. It is set to private, but I pretty much accept everyone :)

2008-02-03

Sundown Towns


I was over at Double Consciousness who led me to this blog. The topic of the post I was reading was about Sundown Towns.

From my personal experience, I've known about Sundown Towns my whole life. I know what ANNA stands for. I was born 6 miles from a Sundown Town. I remember being cognizant of it as young as four years old. I remember my parents took me to a carnival with another black couple. As we were walking around, eating popcorn and enjoying the day, me alternating between holding my father's hand, and being carried on his shoulders, a big tall white man with a red thermal shirt, a pair of overalls, and a green and white trucker hat walked by us. He was sweating from the heat, I don't know why but I assumed he worked at the carnival, and I don't even know why I remember such detail about him at all. I can't remember what happened, someone bumped into him or he bumped into someone, but something made him very upset. He shouted loudly "Damn Niggers, you better leave here before it gets dark or there will be hell to pay!" My parents and the other couple walked away and laughed it off. They were used to it, I just remember being scared and wondering why he called us "niggers". That was my first understanding of what that word meant, and I didn't know quite what it was, I just know it meant something bad by the way the man spoke to us. That was my first memory of blatant racism.

This person did a multi part post on Sundown Towns that I felt to be interesting. I will post part of it here, as it is very long, but it is very interesting.

SUNDOWN TOWNS


They existed all across America for over 100 years.

They still exist.

North, South, East, West.

They are called “Sundown Towns”, “Sunset Towns”, “Gray Towns”. The name comes from a hateful racist ultimatum, an ultimatum that stated in sign after sign, after sign, posted outside of all-white towns/suburbs/communities:

“Nigger, don’t let the sun go down on you in this town.”

“Whites Only Within the City Limits After Dark.”

Many times the message was point blank enforced with vicious brutal clarity:

Banished.

Leave.

Or Die.

And many black Americans did die.

In towns across America, many black people were murdered and the survivors were driven from their homes, property stolen. Towns with names like Greenwood, the “Black Wall Street” of Tulsa, Oklahoma. Towns like Rosewood, Florida. Towns like Wilmington, North Carolina, where America’s only known coup-d’etat occurred. Towns like Forsyth County, Georgia, to name a few.

Sundown Towns still exist all across America in the 21ST Century:

-Towns County, Georgia

-Deer Park, Washington

-Anna-Jonesboro, Illinois

-Vienna, Illinois

-Marion, Ohio

-Elwood, Indiana

-Owosso, Michigan

-Lamar, Missouri

-Vidor, Texas

-Berwyn, Illinois

-Cut and Shoot, Texas

-Ironwood, Michigan

Sundown suburbs:

-Levittown, Long Island, New York (now called Willingboro)

-Livonia, Michigan

-Parma, Ohio

-Cicero, Chicago, Illinois

-Darien, Connecticutt

-Naperville, Illinois

-Edina, Minnesota

Many U.S. presidents hailed from sundown towns:

-Theodore Roosevelt (Cove Neck, New York)

-William McKinley (Niles, Ohio)

-George W. Bush (Highland Park, Texas)

Besides presidents, famous Americans lived in Sundown Towns:

-Dale Carnegie (Maryville, Missouri)

-Woody Guthrie (Okemah, Oklahoma)

-Joe McCarthy (Appleton, Wisconsin)

-Emily Post (Tuxedo Park, New York)

Numerous inventions were created in Sundown Towns:

-Spam (Austin, Minnesota), Kentucky Fried Chicken (Corbin, Kentucky), Krispy Kreme doughnuts (Effingham, Illinois) and Tootsie Rolls (West Lawn, Chicago). Even “Tarzan” was created in a Sundown Town. Tarzan may have been born in “darkest Africa”, but his origins occurred in one Sundown Town (Oak Park, home of Edgar Rice Burroughs), and the proceeds from his very profitable novels and movies underwrote Burroughs’s creation of another sundown town (Tarzana, California).

______________________________________________________________________________________

“Is it true that ’Anna’ stands for ‘Ain’t No Niggers Allowed’?” I asked at the convenience store in Anna, Illinois, where I stopped to buy coffee.

“Yes,” the store clerk replied. “That’s sad, isn’t it?” she added, distancing herself from the policy. And she went on to assure me, “That all happened a long time ago.”

“I understand racial exclusion is still going on?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied.
“That’s sad.”

-conversation with clerk, Anna, Illinois, October 2001 (1)


To continue reading go here.

2008-02-01

Are White Men Saviors?

It seems in the BW/WM IR blogosphere, white men are this:



and black men are this:




I have been going to a black of pro BW/WM IR and black female empowerment blogs as of late and I have noticed this trend. The obsession with DBR black men. DBR= Damaged Beyond Repair. Why are we not concerned about avoiding DBR men whether they are white, black, asian, and anything in between? Why is it on pro IR sites we are even discussing black men? Why do we feel BM are the downfall of BW?

Right now there is an uproar about BM, they don't marry us, they run after non black women, and the black community doesn't give a damn about black women. It is true the BC in general doesn't rally around BW, but how does that affect me on a personal level? How does this affect IR? SOME BM don't marry us, they go to WW, AW, HW, but most black men don't marry and neither do most black women. Some of the black men we don't want to date any damn way, so why are we bitching and complaining about BM? I really don't get that at pro IR sites. I am in an IR with my husband and have been for about 8 years. Do you think me and him discuss the complexities of IR and how bad black men are that now black women are forced to date IR? Hell no!!!!

Number 1: black men don't figure into my relationship with my husband. What they do is neither here or there.
Number 2: I don't feel all black men are bad, not even most of them, not even half of them. I honestly believe you get what you take. If 50 cent type men are the only men coming after you, then you need to evaluate why. Where are you hanging at? Who do you surround yourself with? Why is every man you are with a father to 5 kids?

Maybe I was lucky, the majority of black men I grew up around were professional, educated, married men. They didn't all cheat, they didn't all have 4 different baby mommas. My mother didn't have multiple men in and out of the house. She and my father have been married for almost 35 years. I am almost 32, so yeah that means they waited to have kids AFTER married. Most the black people my parents surrounded me with were of the same type. Educated, married, with kids. My father didn't beat or cheat on my mother. He doesn't disregard her, in matter of fact he encouraged her to go back to school not once, but two times, once to get her undergrad and then once to get her masters. I just didn't see the DBR unless it was on television and later once I started college. Even then those men weren't DBR, they were just crazy, and knew their position in the community of BW vying for the small pool of educated black men out there.

Another thing I see is the expand your dating options, there are better men out there. This is 100% true. Women of all races should expand their dating options to increase their chances of finding a good guy. But expanding your dating options on some of these sites seems to equal white men will save you from the sorry ass black men out there. Just FYI I have dated some sorry ass WM in my time. Men who were just hanging out at home living off a trust fund. Men without cars, job, or education. Men who had Stepford wive motives for their women. Men who had Ike Turner tendencies. I had to weed my way through the dating jungle to find my husband, and my dating jungle persisted of mostly white men. To sum it up, sorry comes in every race.

Other downsides to dating white men:

The Old Dirty White Man.
For some reason older white men 40+ tend to chase after 18 year old model looking black girls, because they feel BW of that caliber are easier to get than WW. The whiteness is a prize in itself to these type of men, no matter how old, wrinkly, or fugly those men are.

I wanna screw, but I can't bring you home white man.
The WM who want to fuck you, but they sure as hell ain't going to have a relationship with a BW because it wouldn't work out, their parents wouldn't approve, race is too complicated, what about the kids, or whatever other sorry excuse is out there. These men are prevalent in the BW/WM dating world. They would never approach a WW the same way the approach you as a BW. Pick up lines like:

"We are all the same color in the dark."

"I have always fantasized about being with a sister"

"Why don't you dance for me? I like how you move" (you are not in a club, but rather the mall, and you were walking, not dancing)


These men also feel that if they offer to buy you Starbucks or Chick Fil A you are obligated to give them a BJ in their car parked outside.

Eminem white man.
This type of man speak to you in ebonics, even if you have never ever said a word to them, they assume you are from the streets and the ghetto and don't know how to speak standard English. These men are also likely to want BJ in fast food parking lots. The think their El Camino is something of a luxury to you, after all living in the ghetto you must ride the bus, and don't have a car.

Angry white man. They feel white women are no good and have rejected them. The answer to all their problems is a black woman. She can sympathize with them. Personally I don't like dejected men. Are you dating me because you like me, or are you dating me because no one else would take you, and you are bitter as hell? Am I retaliation?

This is what is in the WM dating world. Are all white men like this? HELL NO. There are some great white men out there and it seems now more than ever they are open to expanding their options as well.

I personally think angry white men and angry black women should get together, they will have a lot to talk about.

I will also note, even if you find a decent WM, when you get with them they might do things like:

Leave the toilet seat up
Not clean up after themselves
Might have to be nagged to mow the lawn or call the lawn mowing service
Might want you to have sex with them while they are stinky after mowing the lawn

All men, like all women are flawed. There is no savior to come save you in the relationship world. Know how to pick them, and don't exalt one type of man over another, it will just further cripple you.

Let us commence with the discussion of how I am a mammy quick to protect the Black Men.