Cheesecake Factory, Race, and Marriage

Today me and the husband went to lunch at the Cheesecake factory, they just opened up a new location nearby, and I love cheesecake, I was hungry, and there you go.

So we enter the restaurant, it is busy, but there appears to be virtually no wait. We go and place our name, they tell us to stay close and listen for our name, it should be just a moment. So we go sit down in the waiting area. We wait for about ten minutes and notice people who came in after us are getting seated immediately. We notice there is another group of three people, a mom, dad, and son, and they too are waiting for a while. They are black. The father notices this and goes up to the hostess desk to ask when they will get seated. My husband does the same. They claim they called our name and someone else took our spot, but we are sitting next to the hostess desk, no name was ever called, after I start asking them when did they call our name, a manager swiftly seats us and apologizes for the confusion. Considering that we are an IR couple where one of us is black, and the only other people waiting are black, and all the people seated immediately while we waited are white, I get a bit defensive. I get angry, and I quietly seethe, and I can't help but to think that my color had something to do with our delay in seating. Maybe I am sensitive, but I am angry none the less.

I express my frustration to my husband when our waitress neglects to give us our rye and sour dough bread. I don't even like the bread at Cheesecake Factory, but I am mad it wasn't even offered. He rationally explains it could have been an oversight, I question the oversight with a quickness, and a tense conversation about race happens at the Cheesecake Factory. He felt I over reacted, and that is wasn't racism. I was now very upset, and I told him, it must be nice to give people the benefit of the doubt, I can't always do that. He then tells me again I am over reacting, and then asks if I am upset or mad at him. I tell him the truth, I am hurt, and it scares me to know my husband can't be on my side and has no desire to stand up for his wife. Then I cut off the conversation and go silent. After about five minutes of silence, my husband asks me if I still love him, and tells me he loves me, and then says sorry. I still sit there quiet on the verge of tears. Frustrated and angry, and yes still loving my husband even though I felt abandoned by him.

I often times second guess such situations, and even if I don't think race right off the bat, it is always in the back of my head. I also think many times when I read up and discuss race so much on blogs and on the internet, it makes me uber sensitive. Maybe the hostess just overlooked us, maybe she intentionally did it, either or, I will never know her true intent. My husband wanted to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I didn't.

It is hard to handle such situations, and it probably doesn't help I posted the story about once again how horrible black people are despised to the point father in laws are willing to kill their black daughter in laws, and husbands are willing to defend their fathers and abandon their half black children. Or that I have posted about miscegenation laws of the United States, and how those laws, even though they no longer exist, affect IR relationships to this day. I sometimes read blogs and become bitter, realizing that black and white relations in this country are pretty much lost, and to find a man like my husband seems to be zero to none in this world, as it is appears white men are too keen to keep their race pure and hold prejudices and stereotypes close to their heart. It doesn't help, that I am starting to think a lot of black men feel that black women aren't worth the time or effort to love and embrace. That as a black woman, I am pretty much alone, even with my husband there I am alone, and he can't completely understand my point of view because his experiences as a white male are different than mine as a black woman.

How do I learn to "move on" and not seethe? How do I learn to give people the benefit of the doubt? Should I even bother to give people the benefit of the doubt? Is it wrong to expect my husband to take my side, even if he doesn't agree, or questions my anger? Will he always give the benefit of the doubt, or ever see the racism I see?


You Think He's Hot?!?!?!?!?!

OK Do you have moments of this is so wrong, but it feels so right? I don't know I have celeb crushes on some really scary looking guys, I am not sure why I do, but I do. I will share my WTF?!?!?!?! hot guys.

The inspiration for my post is Gordon Ramsey:

This man is quite mean and vile, I would want to beat him up in real life, but for some reason when he is yelling and screaming, I can't help but to think he takes all that anger with him to the bedroom, and that makes him hot to me. I know that is so wrong.

My next "WTF, he's not hot" is Aaron McGruder.

He probably thinks I am a traitor to the black race, and would rather spit on me than kiss me, but he seems just so awesome and I LOVE "The Boondocks"

Now I bring you Maxwell

I love nerds, nuff said

My AAAAAAAWWW WTF goes to Mos Def

He isn't ugly, but he just seems so dang cool

Bear Grylls is HOT!!!!

Now this guy I could never kiss in real life, as I have seen him squeeze liquid from animal dung and drink it, and I have seen him eat bugs and live fish. Ick.

Thurston Moore is really wrong, but I just can't help myself.

He is my mother's age. but he is just so HOT, and nerdy. Musicians can get away with looking a little unconventional.

My final selection is Prince

Yes I know he is strange, three inches shorter than me, and has gender identity issues, but I have loved this man since 3rd grade. I can't help it.


I was playing with iPhoto, and it reminded me of this..........

I was playing with my photo booth application on my mac, and I discovered the mirror effect, and I played with it a good 30 minutes. Then I started pretending I was in "When Doves Cry Video". I felt like a combination of Wendy and Lisa.

Well since it is Friday night, and I usually have nothing to do but surf videos on the internet, I bring you "When Dogs Cry"

When Doves Cry:

Sidenote: Prince is one of the few artists I would actually throw my panties on stage for, and that is a lot considering he is 5'2 and wears pants with his ass cheeks exposed.

Contract Killing of Daughter In Law, She Was The Wrong Color

This is a sad story all around. I don't know who to be mad at more, the father who hired people to murder his daughter-in-law because she was black, or the son, who in other reports, seemed to defend his father. The son has since remarried to an indian woman, and has no contact with his half black daughter who is 8 years old, and who he hasn't seen since she was 6 months old. I guess being black is or associated with black is a curse to some. I get more and more apathetic to race relations in America. Remind me not to watch "Roots" right now.

I found the story initially at Aunt Jemima's Revenge.

Verdict a balm to Sparkle Rai's grieving dad

Prosecutors said Chiman Rai had son's wife killed because she was black

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 06/26/08
Bennet Reid dabbed his eyes when jurors announced Thursday they had convicted Chiman Rai of having Reid's daughter murdered eight years ago because she had married Rai's son.

The 68-year-old Rai couldn't stomach having Sparkle Rai as a daughter-in-law because she was black, prosecutors contended.

Joey Ivansco / AJC
Chiman Rai, 66, is a Mississippi businessman.

Sparkle Rai was killed in her Fulton County apartment in 2000, a month after marrying Rai's son.

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"For my daughter and my granddaughter, this is the best thing that could have happened," said Reid, who once thought the case would never be solved. "My daughter finally got her voice."

The jury — which convicted Rai in six hours — will return Friday to decide whether to sentence him to death.

For years, Reid said, he had no idea who stabbed and strangled his daughter in her Union City apartment while her 7-month-old daughter cried in another room.

He never suspected her in-laws and he had no idea why she had been killed a month after marrying Rajeeve "Ricky" Rai.

The case broke in 2006 when Clinique Jackson was arrested on unrelated charges and offered to help police solve a killing she witnessed as a teenager. She said she and a friend watched Cleveland Clark, now 51, strangle Sparkle and then stab her. Investigators soon tied Clark to Willie Fred Evans and later Herbert Green in Mississippi, where the wealthy Chiman Rai ran a neighborhood grocery.

Green, in his mid-60s, and Evans, 76, testified that they had hired Clark on behalf of Rai in April 2000. Green said Rai paid $10,000 and said he needed his son's new wife killed quickly. Prosecutors contended the elder Rai, a native of India, wanted it done because an interracial marriage would stain the family's name in caste-conscious Indian society.

Evans and Green were so crucial to the prosecution's case that Howard offered them probation for their role in the murder conspiracy in exchange for their testimony.

Defense lawyers Don Samuel and Jack Martin contended Evans and Green, a business associate of Rai, cooked up the story to get the "sweetheart deal" when it was just as likely that the two elderly crooks had sent Clark over to rob Sparkle and Ricky Rai.

The elder Rai had complained his son had stolen tens of thousands of dollars from family businesses and was involved in drugs. Jackson, the witness to the murder, said the first thing Clark asked Sparkle Rai when he attacked her was, "Where are the drugs?"

Evans and Green had lied to investigators repeatedly and Evans even admitted to lying on the witness stand. "You can have hundred liars testify to something and it is not worth anything," Martin told jurors.

The defense lawyers contended there was little evidence that Rai was a racist and brought in more of a dozen witnesses — mostly African-American — who said Rai was a stalwart citizen in the black neighborhood in which he did business. He had also taught at Alcorn State University and studied at the then-Atlanta University, two historically black schools.

Moreover, Green contended that he got the $10,000 from Rai's personal banker at an AmSouth branch in Jackson but there was no record of the transaction and the banker, Gary Nowell, testified he never would have counted $10,000 in cash without recording it.

But prosecutors Sheila Ross and Eleanor Ross told jurors they didn't rely on Evans or Green or Jackson — who testified that Clark called Evans immediately after the killing to tell him "the job was done" and he was coming home for his money.

They had Rai's own words, recorded by Green for investigators.

"You were the one handling all that," Rai said on the tape after Herbert Green alluded to sending a hit man to Atlanta on Rai's behalf. "I know nothing about that. There is nothing on me."

Asked if the evidence had worried him, a relieved Bennet Reid said he had put his faith in the two prosecutors.

"They gave me the strength to make me feel that this was the way it would turn out," he said.


A History of Miscegenation

I often wonder why black female and white male interracial relationships have not yet mainstreamed into society the way that white women and black male interracial relationships have. I then figured it out. Miscegenation laws in America. The majority of miscegenation laws in America were to prevent white men from sleeping with black women, not black men with white women, as I assumed. We always assumed that white women were being protected from black men, but the truth of the matter is, white males had way greater access to black women than a black male could ever have to a white woman. There were some concerns with black men having access to white women, but the bigger concern was white men with black women, as it was seen as a barbaric and shameful act to interact sexually with black women. Then with slavery, not only do you have shame to deal with, but what about all the children of these relations? Are they free because of their father, or slaves because of their mother? The one drop rule fixed that issue.

Race mixing has always occurred in this country contrary to popular belief. Between native americans, blacks, and whites. It was actually by some encouraged, so that the nation could become "one people". This was due to the origins of slavery, indentured servitude. Before slavery, this was the norm, there were white and black servants, they worked a contract and were often freed. Then came the tobacco trade, and the slave trade then followed. Indentured servants although nice were high in turn over. Slavery guaranteed lifetime commitment.

The first laws found on miscegenation were formed in Virginia in 1630. It forbade white men from having sexual relations with black women, freed or slave. It appears many of the laws that were created to prevent mixing of the races mention white men and black women, it was only later as slavery grew, such as in South Carolina where slaves outnumbered whites, did the concern grow to include black men and white women.

Here is the account of Hugh Davis' punishment for having relations with a black woman in 1630:

September 17th, 1630. Hugh Davis to be soundly whipped, before an
assembly of Negroes and others for abusing himself to the dishonor of
God and shame of Christians, by defiling his body in lying with a negro;
which fault he is to acknowledge next Sabbath day.
(Statutes 1:146)

In 1662 laws were put in place to define the status of slavery and race of children based upon the mother, rather than the father, as was typically done prior to this law. It was to ensure children of white men and black women slaves remained slaves.

[1662] Act XII Negro womens children to serve according to the
condition of the mother
Whereas some doubts have arrisen whether children got by any English-
man upon a negro woman should be slave or ffree, Be it therefore enacted
and declared by this present grand assembly, that all children borne in this
country shalbe held bond or free only according to the condition of the mother, And that if any christian shall committ ffornication with a negro
man or woman, hee or shee soe offending shall pay double the ffines
imposed by the former act.
(Statutes 2:170)

Even with these laws in place, it is estimated that the mixed race population increased significantly in the 1800s, mostly due to white slave owner/black women relations.

These laws, rules, and experiences still affect us to this day. I guess I should not be surprised as Loving v. Virginia occurred in 1967. The double standard of black men being able to date white women, but it being unacceptable for black women to date white men is a result of these experiences and laws. Even though slavery has been abolished since 1865, we still have the mentality that a black woman/white male union is one of inequity and shame. Why have we not evolved from this? How can we get past this?

Most unions in this day and age between white men and black women are consensual and not a result of rape, violence, or inequity of power. I guess it is the perceived power that white men still hold in this country that continue the bias against the concept of white men and black women? Even with all these laws created to keep the mixing of races from happening, how many white men were punished by the law? How many were convicted of rape of black women?

I guess what is the most threatening in these relationships is the shift of balance of power, it will no longer white men and white women? Maybe if white men start to date and marry black women in higher numbers, the balance of power in the black community will be shifted causing a further divide in education and career success between black men and black women? White women will be relegated to a lower status as a result of these unions? I don't think so, but is this a concern?

***Information on this painting can be found here. This post was inspired by a video I found on youtube.***


Why men should be scared of a good weave and make up

This girl is absolutely gorgeous. She has the perfect model body, the long flowing weave, and her make up is flawless. I would venture to say most men would find this chick to be ideal. Us regular looking chicks wouldn't have a chance compared to this girl. Men would knock us down to get to her.

Imagine taking that gorgeous woman home, and waking up in the morning next to this:

Seriously, why is it that men in drag can look like supermodels and have a bodies that I would die for? Why can't I look like him? If I could get a body like thatl, I would be so happy!!!!!!!

George Carlin R.I.P.-7 Words-Video NSFW

George Carlin Dies At 71

LOS ANGELES — Acerbic standup comedian and satirist George Carlin, whose staunch defense of free speech in his most famous routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" led to a key Supreme Court ruling on obscenity, has died.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. He was 71.

"He was a genius and I will miss him dearly," Jack Burns, who was the other half of a comedy duo with Carlin in the early 1960s, told The Associated Press.

Carlin's jokes constantly breached the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, particularly with his routine on the "Seven Words" _ all of which are taboo on broadcast TV and radio to this day.

When he uttered all seven at a show in Milwaukee in 1972, he was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, freed on $150 bail and exonerated when a Wisconsin judge dismissed the case, saying it was indecent but citing free speech and the lack of any disturbance.

When the words were later played on a New York radio station, they resulted in a 1978 Supreme Court ruling upholding the government's authority to sanction stations for broadcasting offensive language during hours when children might be listening.

"So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of," he told The Associated Press earlier this year.

Despite his reputation as unapologetically irreverent, Carlin was a television staple through the decades, serving as host of the "Saturday Night Live" debut in 1975 _ noting on his Web site that he was "loaded on cocaine all week long" _ and appearing some 130 times on "The Tonight Show."

He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a couple of TV shows and appeared in several movies, from his own comedy specials to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" in 1989 _ a testament to his range from cerebral satire and cultural commentary to downright silliness (and sometimes hitting all points in one stroke).

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?" he once mused. "Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

He won four Grammy Awards, each for best spoken comedy album, and was nominated for five Emmy awards. On Tuesday, it was announced that Carlin was being awarded the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which will be presented Nov. 10 in Washington and broadcast on PBS.

Carlin started his career on the traditional nightclub circuit in a coat and tie, pairing with Burns to spoof TV game shows, news and movies. Perhaps in spite of the outlaw soul, "George was fairly conservative when I met him," said Burns, describing himself as the more left-leaning of the two. It was a degree of separation that would reverse when they came upon Lenny Bruce, the original shock comic, in the early '60s.

"We were working in Chicago, and we went to see Lenny, and we were both blown away," Burns said, recalling the moment as the beginning of the end for their collaboration if not their close friendship. "It was an epiphany for George. The comedy we were doing at the time wasn't exactly groundbreaking, and George knew then that he wanted to go in a different direction."

That direction would make Carlin as much a social commentator and philosopher as comedian, a position he would relish through the years.

"The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things _ bad language and whatever _ it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition," Carlin told the AP in a 2004 interview. "There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. ... It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have."

Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, and grew up in the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan, raised by a single mother. After dropping out of high school in the ninth grade, he joined the Air Force in 1954. He received three court-martials and numerous disciplinary punishments, according to his official Web site.

While in the Air Force he started working as an off-base disc jockey at a radio station in Shreveport, La., and after receiving a general discharge in 1957, took an announcing job at WEZE in Boston.

"Fired after three months for driving mobile news van to New York to buy pot," his Web site says.

From there he went on to a job on the night shift as a deejay at a radio station in Fort Worth, Texas. Carlin also worked variety of temporary jobs including a carnival organist and a marketing director for a peanut brittle.

In 1960, he left with Burns, a Texas radio buddy, for Hollywood to pursue a nightclub career as comedy team Burns & Carlin. He left with $300, but his first break came just months later when the duo appeared on Jack Paar's "Tonight Show."

Carlin said he hoped to would emulate his childhood hero, Danny Kaye, the kindly, rubber-faced comedian who ruled over the decade that Carlin grew up in _ the 1950s _ with a clever but gentle humor reflective of its times.

Only problem was, it didn't work for him, and they broke up by 1962.

"I was doing superficial comedy entertaining people who didn't really care: Businessmen, people in nightclubs, conservative people. And I had been doing that for the better part of 10 years when it finally dawned on me that I was in the wrong place doing the wrong things for the wrong people," Carlin reflected recently as he prepared for his 14th HBO special, "It's Bad For Ya."

Eventually Carlin lost the buttoned-up look, favoring the beard, ponytail and all-black attire for which he came to be known.

But even with his decidedly adult-comedy bent, Carlin never lost his childlike sense of mischief, even voicing kid-friendly projects like episodes of the TV show "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends" and the spacey Volkswagen bus Fillmore in the 2006 Pixar hit "Cars."

Carlin's first wife, Brenda, died in 1997. He is survived by wife Sally Wade; daughter Kelly Carlin McCall; son-in-law Bob McCall; brother Patrick Carlin; and sister-in-law Marlene Carlin.


Why Do You Act/Talk White?

If you want to piss me off, ask me that question. Why do you talk/act white? I ALWAYS get this question. I always thought as I got older, people would quit asking me this dumb ass question. Seriously, I thought grown ass people would know better, but they don't. It really irks me. I don't talk "white". I talk like myself. Honestly, why is it that black people like to stereotype themselves sometimes, is it because they feel they have to? Why put yourself into the category of a stereotype. To me, that is nothing short of sad. We have a distinct culture, but that culture goes beyond how you talk, does it not? Or is the black american culture that shallow that we can't get beyond the stereotypical ebonics, hip hop/r&b culture?


When A Black Woman Needs Help

I read this post over at one of my favorite blogs, Los Angelista's Guide To The Pursuit of Happiness. I think it goes well with the current theme of black women and their treatment in the black community in comparison to black men.

Let me know what you think. Thanks for this wonderful post Los Angelista:

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday that broke my heart. She's someone I've known since I was nine or ten years old and she's been going through a really tough time for the past year or so. I've often wished I was back in Chicago so I could be there for her more than I have been. I don't want to put her business out on front street but talking to her made me think about something I've asked myself many times over the years: What's the response when a black woman asks for help?

I've been thinking about this for many years because when I was in college, I noticed an interesting phenomenon happening with a few of the young black men who were among my best friends. Almost all of them lived at home with their parents, none of them were going to college even though one or both of their parents was college educated and they were often treated by their mothers and most of the friends we mutually had as an endangered species. Not that that perspective was necessarily wrong because looking at the statistics, they are often in physical, mental, spiritual and emotional danger. I also worry about all those statistics when I look at my own sons and the possibilities of what could happen scare me. It's just that the same care and attention was most often not given to the black girls and women I knew.

Out of the black women I knew, none of them lived at home with their parents. Almost all of them were going to college. Many had more than one job on top of school responsibilities, and if any of us said we were short on the rent and didn't know where the money was coming from, there was no helping hand to assist. If we were hungry, well, we just had to be hungry. We were not regarded as being an endangered species because we're supposed to be the Strong Black Woman -- you know, the woman who has endured birthing babies in the field and going back to picking cotton twenty minutes later.

For so many black women I know, there is a complete double standard in how they were brought up compared to their brothers or male cousins. The brothers and cousins were "loved" and the daughters were "raised". The lives of many of the black women I've known have been an intersection of the real axis of evil, racism and gender inequality. I remember how in high school, guys I know were expected to have girlfriends and their mothers would chuckle over their son's attractiveness to the opposite sex. The more girls calling the house the better.

On the other hand, some girls I knew were called whore and slut and beaten/grounded if a guy called them up. Academics were pushed with girls, and although they might be pushed with the boys, being cool was pushed just as much.

So many of the girls I know, girls who are now women, were raised with the attitude that black women have got to be self reliant, you've got to hold it together and if you're having a tough time, you better hustle and figure it out on your own because you don't have anyone to count on but yourself.

I remember being 19 years old and asking my now husband why it was that he was always getting asked if he was hungry but no one ever asked me if I was hungry. His black male friends were always being asked if they were hungry too. If these guys said yes, somebody would immediately fix them something to eat. Or, if we were out in public and one of my black male friends said, "I don't have any money," someone would buy them a meal or pay for their movie ticket. If they didn't have a ride somewhere, then someone would come pick them up. If they needed a job, hook-ups would happen.

Sometimes this all got particularly weird and seemed to have racial undertones to it because we hung out with a very diverse group of people. The sociologist in me would wonder how much of a role guilt was playing into some of the interactions I'd observe between my friends and those in our circle who were not black. I just knew that young black women weren't being cultivated and nurtured in the same way. Some would use the word "coddled" instead of nurtured. Sometimes my friends made me angry though because at times it felt like they sort of milked some folks' perceptions in order to get a hook up.

The person offering up the food or money for a movie ticket was most often not a black female. Black females would look at these guys and be like, "And? So? I guess you're not going to the movie then."

There was the racially sexualized dynamic between the black males I knew and the young white women of our acquaintance. I remember one college boyfriend brutally explaining to me that he was cheating on me with a white girl we both knew because she would give him, "her car, her cash and that ass."

Funny how some things are said to you and you never forget them.

Anyway, I can't tell you how many times this discussion about the differences in the way black women and men are treated by society has come up when I'm a room full of black men and women. Most often it's turned into a huge, heated argument where the women are sharing what they've been through and how they didn't have, for example, white girls lending a car, buying laptops for them or taking them shopping at the mall and they didn't have a mom at home telling them that it didn't matter what they did, they'd love them no matter what, and if things didn't work out, they could stay at home forever.

The men turn around and say that at least the women don't have to get harassed by the cops and put in special education. At least the women don't have folks grabbing their purse and crossing the street when they see a scary black man coming. The conversation never ends well.

So, like I said, my friend is really going through some struggles and yet many of the same people that would bend over backwards to lend a helping hand to the guys I knew back in the day are blind and deaf to her plight. She's not too proud to ask for help, but listening to her yesterday, her requests for assistance are being ignored.

I can't help but wonder if the response would be different if she was male.


Sharazad Ali Revisited

This morning I received a comment to this post from Keeta.

Keeta said:

WOW! Everyone blows me away when speaking about Sharazad Ali but I have yet to see many people who discuss her and truly understand the meanings of her words. They are alot of black women who are responding in the same manner in what she has spoke of in the book. What irritates me is how many of us ladies are not taking consideration of what the TRUTH is and how this is all related to our history as black people. We as black people were the original man and were equipped with the knowledge of how to survive in all areas of life but now in this day in age we look to what caucasians have TOLD us is right. We as sistas have to stop worrying about what she gone say or what doesn't look right to somebody else and do what is best for our people as a whole. Our communities don't seem to be any better now and that comes from following what the caucasian has told us but let your own people try to provide information to us to help each of us benefit and no one wants to listen, no one stands up. Question: is if so many men agree with her why wouldn't sistas really take a serious look into this....why because of exactly what Shahrazad is speaking of in her book we are helping the black man to fail. What is so wrong with uplifting black men? We are very strong as black women but we are too weak to admit when we are wrong and to take a stand for the Black nation as a whole.For those who have read the book u can't tell me some of the things she said u didn't think, I do that sometimes or I've did that before. I know I have and I was unhappy and making my man unhappy but I know I wanted to be with him, but now I treat him like the King he is and was made to be, and he treats me like a Queen everyday. I am happy and the family is happy and this is just because I understand my man now!! It is time for us as a Black nation to reclaim our destiny.If we begin to change now, we can all begin to change. And also you don't have to agree with everything someone says but do learn YOUR history and not what they want us to know.

I see comments like this a lot. It seems many times black women are the "whipping boy" of the black community. If black men fail it is because black women don't support them. If they date white women, it is because of black women (we are fat, demanding, full of attitude, gold diggers). If they are weak men, it is because black women bullied them. We as black women can never catch a break.

My response to Keeta is this:

From what I gather Sharazad Ali does not believe black women are as intelligent as black men. We have smaller brains. We shoplift, we bully black men, and we are to blame for the issues that plague the black community. As I stated before, I believe the downfall of the black community rests upon the shoulders of BOTH black men AND black women. If she has not stated this, retracted these comments, and changed her tune, please let me know.

What irritates me is how many of us ladies are not taking consideration of what the TRUTH is and how this is all related to our history as black people. We as black people were the original man and were equipped with the knowledge of how to survive in all areas of life but now in this day in age we look to what caucasians have TOLD us is right.We as sistas have to stop worrying about what she gone say or what doesn't look right to somebody else and do what is best for our people as a whole

How are we responding, by saying that blame can be both addressed to men and women. What exactly is the TRUTH? Why is it assumed our feelings came from a caucasian perspective? Why would you assume we are worried about how we are going to look to other people. I learned a long time ago if a person has negative perceptions of black people based upon stereotypes, no matter what the stats say, what examples are in front of them, they will simply continue to choose to see us in a negative light. Why would treating women as secondary to men be helpful to the black community? I am not sure I understand that?

Our communities don't seem to be any better now and that comes from following what the caucasian has told us but let your own people try to provide information to us to help each of us benefit and no one wants to listen, no one stands up. Question: is if so many men agree with her why wouldn't sistas really take a serious look into this....why because of exactly what Shahrazad is speaking of in her book we are helping the black man to fail.

I agree, our communities are failing for the most part, but how are we following the caucasian ideal? There are many black men in this country who are angry, and black women make the perfect scape goat. We are to blame for out of wedlock births alone, the number of girls who get raped or exploited by men old enough to be their fathers, we are to blame when the whole community fails. We are to blame for black men not going to college, but rather jail. We have become the scapegoat alone for all the negatives in the black community. Why must we continue to be the blame, and why are SOME black men so quick to embrace this. Black women it seems in this country are alone, we have no one to embrace or protect us, but ourselves. That lends to the stereotype of the "strong black woman". White women are many times seen as victims, but black women can never be seen as the victim, as we are told we are the aggressor and the main problem to all our issues.

What is so wrong with uplifting black men? We are very strong as black women but we are too weak to admit when we are wrong and to take a stand for the Black nation as a whole.

Nothing is wrong with uplifting black men, but they cannot abscond from the blame of why the black community is failing. It is again due to black men and black women, not either or. I think many folks men and women have taken a stand for the "black nation", but when fingers are pointed, it always falls to the black woman. Why is that? Why are we going to college, earning careers, and raising children alone, and still being told by black men and some black women that we aren't doing our part to help the community. Where are the black fathers who helped make these babies, but left these women alone to raise them?

I know I have and I was unhappy and making my man unhappy but I know I wanted to be with him, but now I treat him like the King he is and was made to be, and he treats me like a Queen everyday.

That should happen with every relationship. My definition of King, might be different from yours though. I believe a relationship is 50/50. It is give and take. I cannot give 100%, while he just takes 100%, and I feel that as a black woman that is what happens many times with the men who share the views of Sharazad Ali.

And also you don't have to agree with everything someone says but do learn YOUR history and not what they want us to know.

I definitely understand that, black history isn't taught in schools. We are only taught about slavery and Jim Crow. I do think ALL races of people should be more aware of African American history, but alas we are assigned to one month out of the year, and then we go back to "regular history" which is heavily biased to whites and males. I think we should be aware of ALL history of ALL the people in this country.


When He Calls You N*****

Over the past few weeks, I have become a youtube addict. In my exploration of youtube, I have found all types of videos. Of course I go to many videos that discuss race relations and interracial relationships. I have noticed a trend of black women who discuss their preference for white men, or even who support interracial dating, and the ugly backlash they receive from some black men and black women. Now some of it is warranted. There is some black men bashing, but sometimes it is just the fact the girl is with a white guy or non black guy that drives these folks mad.

The biggest response I see on these youtube videos, either text responses or video responses is that these women need to come back home, leeave alone the white man for he will use you, and the inevitable what are you going to do when he calls you "the n-word".

Yes, that n-word. Now, personally I have never been called the n-word by my husband. I don't feel as if he is using me, and I don't think I need to come home. I do wonder though what would I do if I got into a fight with my husband and he did call me the n-word. Personally we don't do name calling when we fight. I've never said he was an asshole. He has never called me a bitch or a ho. We just don't roll that way in our house. But if he called me the n-word, should I be offended? Would he be a closet racist? What type of healthy environment is it to have your spouse to view you or your possible kids that way? What does it do to your self esteem or conscious to know that in his mind, that is all you are to him? Does he have a stereotypical view of blacks, but think you are the exception, or does he lump you in with every other person who looks like you? If it did happen, would you be able to date interracially again? Or would you start to hold animosity towards people based upon this negative experience?

I sincerely hope I have to never answer this question, but I can answer hypothetically what I would do. I would have to roll. That is one of the one things I can't imagine I could accept. I can't accept if my husband called me a bitch either. I think my anger would be that nagging feeling that in the back of his mind he saw me as nothing more than a n*****. If that is all he saw deep down, then if we had kids, would he view them this way as well?

Has this actually ever happened to anyone?

In terms of this argument being used over and over again, why is this the first thing that comes to mind when people object over black woman and white man pairings? Do you ever hear the argument in the opposite scenario (black man/white woman)? Is it assumed white women aren't racist or don't hold the power. Over at grata's she posted a video clip and one white woman in the clip said that she liked the strength of black men and that white men had everything handed to them from birth? Is this the assumption? White men get a free pass and white women don't? Do they not benefit from a white power structure as well? Or is it because they are women they struggle and therefore are able to empathize with the black man?


Why I'm Not A Member of PETA

As many of you are aware, I have reverted back to becoming a vegetarian over the last few months. I am also an animal lover, as I own two dogs, and one cat, which results in a large investment in Febreeze, Oxyclean, lint brushes, vacuums, and Purina. People often as me if I am one of those animal right "PETA people" I can honestly say no, I don't support PETA. I fit the profile of a typical person that would join PETA, I love animals, I don't eat meat? Why not a member of PETA?

To be honest, my first foray into the vegetarian lifestyle back in my teens, I was a member of PETA. I bought the books, attempted to picket in front of Bloomingdales in protest of fur sales (my momma nipped that in the bud with a quickness), I was attending meetings with an animal rights group here in Dallas. I was going to save all the animals. Of course this was high school, and I was a bit dramatic, and I have since become more apathetic towards saving the whole entire world.

Don't get me wrong, I still try to do my part. All of my animals are neutered and spayed. None of my animals came from breeders, but rather a rescue. I don't trust many breeders, as there are many "backyard" breeders out there, that don't do enough responsible breeding (they allow inbreeding, encourage breeding of recessive genes for cuteness), and frankly it is much cheaper to get a "full breed" from a rescue than a breeder. I am nerdy and concerned enough to research this. I don't believe in declawing cats, docking tails, or clipping ears (even though my doberman came with a docked tail, notice his ears are floppy and my cat came declawed). I consider those things kind of cruel, even though I can understand cat declawing to an extent when I see my cat with her clawless paws "scratching" against a couch, a wall, or my legs.

So what about PETA scares me?

The Scientology, cult like aspect of it's leaders and followers. We got the celebrity angle, lots of celebrities support PETA. In matter of fact, they use that spin to attract new members. Be like Pamela Anderson and Joaquin Phoenix, they don't eat meat, and they love animal liberation!!!!! They are intense in spreading the word, like evangelists. If you join, you are encouraged to drop off pamphlets, inform people about the error of their ways in eating meat.

Another thing that scares me, the intensity of some of their members in their quest for animal liberation.

My husband is still eating steak, and he has no plans to stop. I don't plan on stopping him. Per some members I am a traitor, and I should divorce my husband on the grounds of meat eating. I can't do that. He supports my vegetarianism, I support his meat eating. I still cook for my husband, meat and all. I just don't cook meat for myself. My only concern with my husband is how we are going to raise the kids? Vegetarian or not? He thinks it is cruel, but I don't. I think it is more cruel to raise your kids on McDonalds and other fast food, but that is how he was raised, so he is defensive about it.

Another thing that bothers me is the intensity level people take their definition of vegetarianism. It is no longer considered to be vegetarian if you partake in milk and eggs, vegan is the only true vegetarian now. Pescatarians, better step off, you might as well be eating cow. Instead of taking a positive spin and getting excited people have decided to omit red meat, red meat and chicken, or meat all together, just milk and eggs, these people are still lumped in with the general population as killers.

I know vegetarians who have attempted to make their dogs and cats vegetarians. Incidentally both animals, although now domesticated in the wild would get most their nutrition from meat, they are avid hunters in the wild. It is safe to make a dog vegetarian, even though I don't do that to my dogs, and it is an absolute no no for cats. I think making my dogs, who would naturally be eating meat in the wild, into vegetarians is kind of mean.

PETA's politics are questionable to me.

You want people to be cruelty free, but you euthanize animals. They want investigations into a horse's death, but they themselves kills hundreds, if not thousands of animals on a regular basis, with questionable methods of euthanizing animals. They think companion animals should be freed, but yet they purposely take animals from shelters and rescues (in particular, no kill shelters) for the purpose of killing them. If PETA attacks restaurants and other companies for their cruel ways, why are they being cruel themselves.

They encourage and support breed specific legislation. If you don't know I own a doberman, and pitt mix. I would be devastated if I was told I would have to euthanize either of my animals because they were considered dangerous, not due to past actions of themselves, but because of their breed. I am obviously against this, and I will say I was never a fan of pitt bulls prior to me owning one. I do think there should be mandatory owner training and education on bully breed dogs, so that people can understand the seriousness of the responsibility associated with these dogs. Statistically speaking pitt bulls don't attack people more than many other breeds of dogs, but because of their strength, when they do attack, it is much more severe and damaging. A pitt can kill you and severely disfigure you, a chihuahua can only try to. I can't support an organization that would try to take my dogs from me. In the past before pitts, dobermans, rottweilers, and german shepherds received bad raps as well. I have a feeling the next dog to get the wrath is the Mastiff. As like pitt bulls they were crated for fighting, but unlike pitt bulls, who were made for fighting and killing other animals, mastiffs were initially bred for battle with humans and animals, they are one of the oldest breeds out there. I digress.

Just FYI before people get it twisted, I would be dead if someone came into my house and broke in. The pitt would lie on her back and pee herself out of fear, and the doberman would stay asleep, the only time he would awake is if he felt his food was in trouble.

They give money to the Animal Liberation Front and the North American Earth Liberation Front. These are basically terrorist groups. They bomb things, they break into buildings. They take a good cause too far.

PETA in my opinion is not a good organization for people who love animals. I understand their theory, but they take things too far, and in my opinion are very hypocritical. The money they use to secure celebrities could go to creating animal sanctuaries and rescues. It seems they are more about trying to spread an agenda than actually resolving the issue they are supposedly fighting for.

Is 911 A Joke? For Shelia Jones....YES

You call 911 because you feel your life has been threatened by your boyfriend. How long do you think it should take for an officer to be dispatched to your home? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? Or ALMOST THREE HOURS?

In fairness the first 911 dispatcher stayed on the phone with her for 15 minutes and then called back to check on her. The last dispatcher, obviously he just didn't give a shit. The police officer supposedly en route to the call, had a more pressing call, he had to help a buddy on a traffic stop. The guy who didn't "give a shit" got fired, not for the remark, but for flunking a test.

What is wrong with people. In 2008, is Public Enemy still right? What do people do if there is no recourse. If she had shot this ex boyfriend, would they have been sympathetic, or would they have hauled her to jail? You can't trust the police, and you obviously can't trust 911. Who do you go to?

911 Operator: 'I Don't Give a S***t'

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- When you call 911 you hope you're talking to someone who cares about what happens to you.

But an exclusive NewsChannel 5 investigation uncovered a shocking 911 emergency where the exact opposite happened.

What makes this investigation especially shocking is what one call taker said about the woman he was supposed to be helping.

NewsChannel 5's chief investigative reporter Phil Williams said 911 workers across the Midstate do a heroic job every day under incredibly stressful conditions, but the system failed when a Nashville woman faced a violent domestic situation back in February.

"I'm like looking out the window for him, and I don't see him," Sheila Jones recalled.

Her call for help began when an angry ex-boyfriend barged into her house.

Sheila's first call was recorded at Metro Nashville's 911 Center at 2:08 p.m.

Sheila to 911: "Get the police here now. My life is threatened. Please God. Please God. Please God. Get me police over now. He's got a knife on me. My life threatened."

"I felt danger, I felt threatened, and I felt fear. It was like I was seeing myself being dead that day," Sheila recalled.

"And you wanted help?" Phil asked.

"I wanted help," she answered.

For Sheila, hearing that call - obtained by NewsChannel 5 Investigates - resurrected the painful emotions of that day.

Sheila: "Get out of my house."
911: "Is he a boyfriend?"
Sheila: "He's ex. Get out of my house. He's outside now. He just went outside."

"You're emotional, you're desperate and you call for help. Then what happened?" asked Phil.

"Nothing," Sheila said.

In fact, Sheila's 911 ordeal dragged on for almost three hours - through call after call.

Sheila: "They just keep on saying they en route, they en route, but they ain't came. It's been a long time. And he keeps calling me, threatening me."
911: "Alright, I see where you've called, and I'm gonna update them and let them know what all you've told me. OK?
Sheila: "Yes, ma'am."

"I got one call that said they were en route to you and a more important call came up so they diverted to that call," Sheila remembered.

"I'm saying a knife, my life. I'm wondering what kind of call they got. Was somebody actually dead then or something?"

So where was the officer? NewsChannel 5's investigation discovered he was out helping another officer on a traffic stop.

"That's so ugly," Sheila said bursting into tears when she heard that bit of information for the first time.

"Just sitting here, it feels like it just happened. That's how I feel right now, like it just happened just now, and to know that they put a traffic stop over that."

Two-and-half-hours into the ordeal Sheila called again. This time, she was told there was no one assigned to answer her call.

Sheila: "Nobody's coming out here?"
911: "Yes, ma'am. As soon as the sergeant gets an officer available, he's gonna send somebody out there."
Sheila: "What, do y'all want him to kill me - so you can put yellow tape around me and say we got there just for the death? Is that it? I don't understand."

"It felt like I was a test subject. We're going to see how long it takes before he goes back and actually kills her - that's what I felt like," Sheila said.

The worse part was what Sheila had not heard. The worst part was what the 911 call taker said after Sheila hung up the phone.

Sheila: "I'm scared to even leave out my f***ing house."
911: "OK, ma'am, I updated the call. We'll get somebody there as soon as possible."
Sheila: [Hangs up.]
911: "I really just don't give a s**t what happens to you."

"What kind of people have they got answering these phones?" Sheila asked. "He actually said that?"

"He actually said that," Phil assured her.

"You know, right now I'm scared as hell because if anything happened to me now, I can't even depend upon them. Who do I... who do I... what do I do?"

In the end Sheila called the mayor's office, and it was only then that police answered her call for help.

Police and 911 officials said it was one error on top of another, but the first 911 operator did stay on the phone with Sheila for more than 15 minutes. She even called back to check on her.

As for the operator who made the shocking comment, Metro Police Chief Ronal Serpas said, "The employee is no longer with us."


Happy 31st Birthday Hot Stuff!!!!

Dear Eeyore,

I can't believe it!!!! You are now 31. You can stop making jokes about me being an old lady and being two years older than you now. I hope you enjoyed your birthday. I tried my best to surprise you with some awesome gifts, but I think I screwed myself, as one of your gifts I think you have decided you love more than me. You've played with it all day long, showing me new features and tricks you have managed to learn without reading the manual.

Anyway I love your birthday because I it reminds me of how long we have been together as we started dating about two weeks after your 22nd birthday. That means for 9 years you have been stuck with me. Does that make you smile or make you cry? If I were stuck with me, it would make me cry.

I hope you love your gifts, and let me know if you hate any of them so I can take them back and use the money for myself.

Love you,


As Long As You Can Dance and Sing, Sex With Children OK

Jury Acquits R. Kelly of All Counts
Published: June 13, 2008

CHICAGO (AP) -- R. Kelly was acquitted of all charges Friday after less than a day of deliberations in his child pornography trial, ending a six-year ordeal for the R&B superstar.

Kelly dabbed his face with a handkerchief and hugged each of his four attorneys after the verdict -- not guilty on all 14 counts -- was read. The Grammy award-winning singer had faced 15 years in prison if convicted.

Minutes later, surrounded by bodyguards, he left the courthouse without comment. Dozens of fans screamed and cheered as he climbed into a waiting SUV.

''All I heard (from Kelly) while those 14 verdicts were being read was 'Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus,''' said Sam Adam Jr., one of his attorneys.

Prosecutors had argued that a video tape mailed to the Chicago Sun-Times in 2002 showed Kelly engaged in graphic sex acts with a girl as young as 13 at the time. Both Kelly, 41, and the now 23-year-old alleged victim had denied they were the ones on the tape. Neither testified during the trial.

''Robert said all along that he believed in our system and he believed in God -- and that when all the facts came out in court, he would be cleared of these terrible charges,'' according to a statement from his publicist, Allen Mayer. ''But he never dreamed it would take six and a half years. This has been a terrible ordeal for him and his family and at this point all he wants to do is move forward and put it behind him.''

The prosecution's star witness was a woman who said she engaged in three-way sex with Kelly and the alleged victim. Defense attorneys argued the man on the tape didn't have a large mole on his back; Kelly has such a mole.

The monthlong trial centered on whether Kelly was the man who appears on a sexually graphic, 27-minute videotape at the heart of the case, and whether a female who also appears on it was underage.

Over seven days presenting their case, prosecutors called 22 witnesses, including several childhood friends of the alleged victim and four of her relatives who identified her as the female on the video.

In just two days, Kelly's lawyers called 12 witnesses. They included three relatives of the alleged victim who testified they did not recognize her as the female on the tape.

Assistant Cook County State's Attorney Shauna Boliker said she believed the female on the tape was a victim, not a prostitute as the defense had contended.

''This shows the world how difficult this crime is to prosecute,'' she said. ''It also takes the soul of the victim, the heart of the victim.''

Kelly won a Grammy in 1997 for ''I Believe I Can Fly,'' and is known for such raunchy hits as ''Bump N' Grind,'' ''Ignition,'' and for ''Trapped in the Closet,'' a multipart saga about the sexual secrets of an ever-expanding cast of characters.

Of the 12 jurors, nine were men and three were women; eight were white and four were black. They included the wife of a Baptist preacher from Kelly's Chicago-area hometown, Olympia Fields, as well as a compliance officer for a Chicago investment firm and a man in his 60s who emigrated from then-Communist Romania nearly 40 years ago.

Despite his legal troubles, Kelly -- who rose from poverty on Chicago's South Side to become a star singer, songwriter and producer -- still retains a huge following, and his popularity has arguably grown in recent years.

The singer has released more than half a dozen albums, most of them selling over a million copies. He's also had a multitude of hits and gone on tours. Kelly has a new song, ''Hair Braider,'' out now, and is due to release a new album in July.

Kelly, always meticulously dressed in a suit and tie, appeared tense at times during the trial, furrowing his brow. He seemed particularly ill at ease when prosecutors played the sex tape in open court after opening arguments.

In the video, entered into evidence as ''People's Exhibit No. 1,'' a man has sex with a young female, who is naked for most of the recording. She is often blank-faced. The man speaks to her in a hushed voice, and she calls him ''Daddy.''

In one scene, alluded to in one count of the indictment, the man urinates on the female.

The issue of whether there was or wasn't a fingernail-sized mole on the man's lower was a subject of hours of testimony. A defense witness told jurors there was no mole on his back, proving it's not Kelly, who has such a mole. But a prosecution witness displayed freeze frames of the video where a dark spot seemed to appear as the man turns to take off his pants.

One surreal moment came when a defense expert played a segment of the tape he doctored showing two headless bodies engaging in sex. The defense said that backed their argument that Kelly's likeness could have been computer-generated.

Cross examination was often heated. Several witnesses cried on the stand.

The star prosecution witness, Lisa Van Allen, became teary eyed as she told jurors she engaged in several three-way sexual encounters with Kelly and the alleged victim, including once on a basketball court. Kelly videotaped the trysts, she said.

Van Allen also claimed Kelly used to carry a duffel bag stuffed full of his homemade sex tapes.

The defense called several witnesses in a bid to discredit Van Allen, accusing her of trying to extort money from Kelly. Under cross-examination, Van Allen admitted she once stole Kelly's $20,000 diamond-studded watch from a hotel.


Associated Press writers Mike Robinson and Maria Danilova contributed to this report.


WTH? Part 2: BW has baby with racist WM

OK Why did she sleep with him, and what made him so damn crazy!!!!!!! Seriously this makes no sense. But then again it does. I have met many guys in my life who love the idea of an IR relationship (mostly due to sexual aspects), but love to generalize and stereotype black folks. I also want to know why this heffa (yeah I said it) is happy the baby could possibly be his.

I had a conversation maybe a few years ago with a white male "friend" of mine who loves black women. He was getting discouraged as he was more interested in their bodies than their personalities and ending up with gold diggers and straight up scary women. He then decided he needed a Latina woman, as Latina women are passionate, like black women, but with more class. Needless to say we are not friends. I cursed the man out in every direction. His only response was, "You're different, I wasn't talking about you." As if I was not some black woman, but rather an unknown, nondescript race. He then went on to generalize about African American culture. I told him to quit listening to Tupac, using BET as a guide to black people, and making assumptions about a culture he knew nothing about. I also said some other not so choice things, but I find it very common to know of white men like this. It could be my part of the country? Maybe white men in other areas might think this way, but have common sense not to say such crazy things?

I often wonder why these guys even think to date or be with black women. I often felt this guy, who was way into material things and status felt the need to date black women because he felt he could get a much better quality (in terms of looks) black woman than white woman. He needed someone to make him feel better, and he felt his whiteness would guarantee him a nice black woman, regardless of his income, education, or personality.

Then you have the flip side. Per this video, I married my oppressor. Don't worry though, I will let him know and make sure that he doesn't oppress me.


Where is the CNN story for DeCarol Davis?

Posted on Essential Presence:

Profile: DeCarol Davis

DeCarol Davis is the 2008 valedictorian of the U.S. Coast Guard Academy — the first black woman to graduate at the top of the class. Davis attended the Coast Guard Academy on a full academic scholarship and maintained a 3.96 grade point ratio; she majored in electrical engineering. She has been assigned to a Coast Guard unit in Staten Island, N.Y., where she will work in marine inspections.

She was also named a 2008 Women of Innovation by the Connecticut Technology Council.

believe others consider them trustworthy

I was reading this post over at the blog "Stuff White People Do". This is a great post on the concept of white privilege. How whites spend very little time considering what their race means to them, or how others perceive them based upon race alone. How blacks are so concerned with race and what their race means to them, that they have at times been distrustful of white people. I can honestly say I am guilty of this. Assuming a white person's motive in the work place or in academia is to try to trap me and treat everything as a competition.

Posted from Stuff White People Do:

***Scary Photo Removed.....It was creeping me out too LOL***

I don’t imagine the man in this mug shot looks trustworthy to you. If you were to meet him on the street, or in a bar, what features or characteristics make him untrustworthy? His tattoos? His broken nose? The desolate look in his eyes?

How about the fact that he's white?

If you're a white person, you're unlikely to list his whiteness as one of the characteristics that would keep you from trusting him. You might cite the "white power" sympathies suggested by his tattooed swastika, but not the simple fact of his whiteness itself. However, if you're a non-white person, there's a better chance that you would list the mere fact of his racial whiteness as a suspicious characteristic.

Unlike a lot of non-white people, most white folks think that the world sees them as trustworthy, reliable, and honest, unless they do something to prove themselves otherwise. White people can dress in a variety of ways or wear a variety of adornments or tattoos that will lower the level of trust other people are likely to place in them. What they rarely realize, though, is that their whiteness itself often provokes mistrust. And that it does so for some good reasons.

Now that’s a strange thing to say, isn’t it? Most of the people reading this blog believe that it’s racist and unfair to mistrust a black person, simply because he or she is black. And I agree. But as I’ll try to show here, in most cases it’s actually realistic, not racist, for a black person to withhold trust from a white person. This is because black people tend to know more about white people than white people do about black people. And what they tend to know is that white people who haven’t untrained themselves can be annoying, and even dangerous.

A problem here is that white people usually spend very little time thinking about what their own race means to them. In a pioneering 1988 article on white privilege, Peggy McIntosh wrote about her early sense of herself as she navigated the world, especially her lack of racial self-awareness as “white.” Instead of understanding that her whiteness had all sorts of significance in her life, McIntosh writes, she was taught to see herself as merely an individual, a sort of free-floating being “whose moral state depended on her individual moral will."

It was only after thinking about parallels between male privilege and her own white privilege, and then writing down a list of 46 examples, that McIntosh began to realize that she is not merely a free-floating individual whose life is pretty much her own to make or break:

If these [white privileges] are true, this is not such a free country; one’s life is not what one makes it; many doors open for certain people through no virtues of their own. These perceptions mean also that my moral condition is not what I had been led to believe. The appearance of being a good citizen rather than a troublemaker comes in large part from having all sorts of doors open automatically because of my color. . . My skin color was an asset for any move I was educated to want to make.

Like most other white people, Peggy McIntosh had been trained into oblivion about the significance of her own racial status. One result for such people is that they usually fail to realize that they’re often being taken as white people. Especially when they interact with non-white people (and almost never when they interact with other white people).

If Peggy McIntosh or another white person were to interact with a new black person, they may not realize that while their skin color is often an asset, in this situation it may be counting against them. At least initially, until they prove themselves atypical. For many non-white people, white individuals need to prove that they’re not going to enact an array of common white tendencies before they can be trusted. This can take time.

In an article on the resurgent racism she sees emerging among ordinary white folks during the current campaign season, African American journalist Karen DeWitt recalls her distrust of white folks during her childhood, in Dayton, Ohio: “I was wary of strange white people, assuming them to be unpredictable and potentially violent. I didn't think of these people as inherently evil. I knew they were ordinary human beings, accustomed to a skin privilege they refused to—and continue to refuse—to acknowledge."

At DiversityInc, Yoji Cole (whose race I can’t determine) wrote a column entitled "9 Things NEVER to Say to White Colleagues" (“You’re a carpet-bagger.” “You’re just a typical white person,” “I don’t get white people,” and so on). An anonymous black woman wrote an email in response, pointing out the columnist’s lack of interest in why non-white people might say such things. She also wrote, "As a Black woman I will admit that the typical Black person does not trust any white person (our history nurtures this and it does not help that institutional racism reinforces it)." Cole's response is brief and defensive, and it fails again to acknowledge where "the typical Black person" might be coming from with such distrustful comments to white colleagues.

In another example, from a starkly honest memoir called Makes Me Wanna Holla, another African American journalist, Nathan McCall, writes of his own lingering distrust of unfamiliar white people during one of his early newspaper jobs.

It was obvious that many of my co-workers had had little exposure to blacks. They seemed overpolite and unsure how to relate to me. Likewise, I was guarded with them, remembering lessons learned from others' pain: Keep them at arms' length and out of your personal business. . . . They seldom knew what I really thought and felt about things, and I made sure they got few chances to find out.

McCall remembers being especially wary of invitations for drinks. He’d seen alcohol turn white co-workers into intrusive curiosity seekers, obviously on the lookout for favorable features in him, and for less favorable ones. McCall did feel better about one white person, Ron Speers, a “portly, gregarious editor” who was “one of those rare bleeding hearts who had given a lot of thought to the damage his people had done to the lives and psyches of blacks.”

Nevertheless, as McCall writes, “I sensed that Ron and the others were sincere, but still, I didn’t open up to them. I couldn’t. They were white, and I was convinced that the dumbest thing a black person could do was trust a white man. Ron and the others got surface rap from me, and nothing more.”

As McCall’s career progresses toward a job at the Washington Post, his reservations about white people decreased, but they never went away, and instead lingered in his "psyche."

What I'm getting at with examples from three different black writers is that it's not difficult to find them—examples of something about white people that very few white people know about themselves. And that something is that they aren’t as automatically trustworthy as they tend to think they are. Just as white folks tend to size up new black individuals in racial terms, waiting for the black person to prove herself better than "other black people" (and I believe that most whites do this, whether they realize it or not), black people often do the same thing to white people.

But as I said above, there’s a crucial difference—these mutual sizing-ups occur with different racial yardsticks. I believe that the one in a black person's hand usually takes more accurate measurements. I say that because I've learned to remember something that my white training encouraged me to forget, which is that white people have been in power for a long, long time.

Since white people still occupy most positions of power in society, there's often much more at stake for the black person sizing up a new white person than there is for a white person sizing up a new black person. Black people have to be careful around white people in all sorts of ways that white people don't have to worry about. That was of course an even bigger problem for their black ancestors, and the generational transference of teachings and warnings about the dangerous reality of white power tend to sink in (just as a history of white beliefs and tendencies still manifests itself in common white feelings and behavior).

Because black people have had to live and work with white people, and because they’ve had to be careful while doing so, they’ve gotten used to sizing up white people on the basis of reality, rather than stereotypes. They’ve learned and taught each other how most white people think and act. On the other hand, white people usually have little or no extensive contact with actual black people, so what they learn about them from movies, TV, books, education, and their families and friends tends to be stereotypes.

So again, when they meet each other in person, one usually uses a more accurate measuring stick than the other does. And because white people aren’t usually aware of themselves as white, and thus as typically white, they can’t be trusted not to look for confirmation of their false stereotypes.

I sometimes hear white people complain about being treated differently by black people, different from what looks like the more friendly ways that black people treat each other. “What did I do to deserve such cold treatment?” these white folks sometimes say. To me, such questions reflect a lack of effort—what they’re saying is, “It’s all about me!” What I wish they would say instead is something like, “Now why would a person of another race act like they don’t trust me? If it’s so common, might there be a reason for it?”

Black and white people don’t talk together much about racial issues, and even when they do, I’m sure that this issue of racial trust rarely comes up. I think it’s an issue that black people know a lot more about than white people do. But that doesn’t mean it’s the job of black people to teach white people about it.

What white people should learn, and somehow tell each other, is that when people of color they don’t know seem guarded, standoffish, or even rude, it may be because they don’t trust you. And it’s up to you to show that you can be trusted. Which can take time.



I am so scared. Why are there so many crazy folks in the world. I will not give a link to the site, you can figure it out. But this "black men church" seems to exist for the sole purpose to vilify black women.

I know I said I wouldn't link, but I had to do this, go here.  Listen to the song!!!! Read the text!!!!!

M.I.A. 20 Bucks

Awesome Video. Sri-Lankin Hip Hop Rocks LOL

I love the sample and lyric borrowing.


Yes R-ruh, You Are Going To Jail-NSFW

For SIX years we have been waiting for this trial. R-ruh says it isn't him in the tape, the girl, now 23 says it isn't her in the tape either, but the tape is what we have.

Check out this video: the boondocks(R.Kelly tape)

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Now for six years I heard people talk about this trial, about how innocent R-ruh is. Accusing the girl of tricking him and being "fast" for letting a grown man pee on her.

People forget-HE WAS MARRIED TO AALIYAH when she was 15!!!! Her parents had to annul the marriage. You knew his ass had pedophile tendencies. Why was he getting to cruise the high schools for victims? Why Oh Why, are people, particularly in the black community giving him a free pass and accusing the woman (then girl) of trapping him and bringing a brother down. Just because you like the Feelin on Yo Booty Song, the Ignition song, and Trapped In The Closet Parts 1-85,does not mean he isn't guilty!!!!!!!!


Breast Discrimination

In my last post, had a video with TonyaTko discussing black women and their role in society and how they are treated. A couple of people made comments about Tonya and her boobs, and I knew they would, which is why the disclaimer is in the title. It was assumed that the message would get lost due to a distraction in boobs. I really am starting to get mad. For years I have been self conscience about my boobs. I have dresses that I only wear around the house because they fit so nicely everywhere on my body except the "girls" seem to be a bit overexposed. I rarely if ever wear tank tops or halter tops because of this. No girl with a A cup wearing a tank or halter is told her breasts would be considered distracting, why is a woman who isn't a A cup told that they are? Why are people so hung up on boobs? Is it because people equate them to being sexually promiscuous? Personally I think that people should take a more liberal approach to boobs.

I was on youtube (my new favorite hobby) and was watching a video of this woman who has decided she isn't going to wear a bra anymore. She felt that it is sad that women felt the need to have to wear a bra, and found some studies linked to women wearing bras and the incidence of breast cancer. It would make sense, especially since so many of us wear ill fitting bras. She is opting instead to wear a camisole under her shirts to allow more freedom. She only plans to wear a bra when exercising. I definitely understand that, running and braless boobs can be very painful, but I also understand the pain of wearing an ill fitting bra in which the cup runneth over.

Why as a girl can I not feel comfortable wearing tanks and halters tops in public, why must I feel that if I wear these things out in public I am inviting sexual and lewd comments or stares? Why do I have to buy shirts that do not fit properly to ensure I cover up my breasts? Why must women who breast feed feel the need to hide doing something that is natural to them? I don't feel nursing women should whip them out at the dining room table, but obviously why is it ok for them to breast feed in a dirty and stank public bathroom instead of in a clean, public place? Would you eat your lunch in a bathroom? Why do we expect breast feeding babies to? Why do I have to wear a bra for fear that I my nipples will become obvious in a strong breeze? Why should I be upset I have boobs and nipples, every woman has them, it shouldn't be a huge surprise that when you are cold, the nipples become more noticeable.

What exactly is wrong with breasts? Why is it seem as a bad thing to have big boobs outside of modeling for playboy? I don't understand being chastised for something due to genetics?


Questioning Sexual Orientation

***Please Do Not Google Interracial Lesbian Couples At Work!!!! Seriously I was looking for couples, and found way more than I bargained for, which is why you have this nice monoracial couple***

Last night I was chit chatting with a friend and her partner. They have been together about 6 years, and have a daughter (from a previous relationship). I never really thought much about their relationship until last night. I found out how they met, and it was interesting to say the least.

They met online. K, the girl I initially became friends with, is black. Her partner C, is white. C was in a chat room that dealt with IR relationships between black men and white women. K, was in that chat room posing as a black guy. They had a long distance internet relationship on the premise K was a guy, and four months into the relationship K fessed up to her lack of male genetalia, and C, being emotionally attached, decided to continue the relationship. Even though she had never thought of herself as a lesbian, at that point she decided to give it a try.


I was confused as hell. I know many lesbians who tried dating guys, but decided to go against society and come out of the closet, but never had a met a person who informed me they never thought about women until they get into a relationship with a woman they thought was a man. Maybe I am crazy, but I would have felt betrayed if I was under the impression I was dating a guy, but was really dating a girl. I don't know if I would be open to giving lesbianism a try under this premise.

So you know me being me, I asked C was she a lesbian, or was she bi-sexual. She then identified herself as straight, explaining K was very masculine in her appearance and traits, which she is, but I still know she is a woman!!! I say C is a bisexual person. C's premise is love is love and you can't always put a gender on it. I disagree. I love women in my life, but I don't LOVE them. I LOVE men.

Am I being homophobic in not understanding their relationship? I guess my thing is it, was based upon deception, and I would not be ok with that if I were in that position. Or maybe I don't fully understand the difference between gay, bisexual, and straight?