How Did They Manage To Overlook Race Relations

Thanks Yanmomma for showing me this story.

I always found it strange that it seemed that when miscegenation was illegal, the relationships between white men and black women were at an all time high, of course it could be said that most of these relationships were inequitable, with the white man having and maintaining power over the black woman. Yet, some of these relationships weren't always a result of rape or force. I always heard stories in my family about my great grandmother's father's but it was kept very hush hush. I knew my great grandmother and all six of her siblings had the same father, that my great great grandmother wasn't married to him, but they lived together in the backwoods of Louisiana for many years. We just passed it off as being "creole", that he was just high yellow and liked his women dark skinned. His children came out light as hell if I looked at my great grandmother and great great uncles and aunts, but for the most part the concept of him being white was unbeknownst to us.

Another story that kind of makes me think is Anatole Broyard, the book critic for the New York Times who passed as white literally until his death. His great grandfather was a white man who labeled himself black so that he could marry a free woman of color.

Now I was referred to this story about Clarence King, a geologist and mountaineer who was a descendant of signers of the Magna Carta. He led a double life in order to marry his wife, a former slave who he had five children with. He didn't even bother to tell his wife he was not black or mulatto, but white, and he passed himself off as a steelworker to explain his travels to her. He didn't reveal his true identity to her, until he was on his deathbed.

I find it odd that even though interracial relationships were blatantly outlawed and shunned upon for these men to enter the relationships that they did, they gave up their whiteness all for the sake of getting married. King pretty much gave up his privilege to marry and have children with a black women, privilege that probably had a greater more profound weight that white privilege of today.

Even with the past, and for King and Broyard their current situation in regards to race relations, they gave up their need to keep up appearances and status. What made this men of this time do this, when most white men aren't willing to do this in this day and age of post racial America? Why is it we rely upon history to describe the state of race relations between black women and white men, when it seems that even in history some white men were willing to rock the boat?


Proof of Mainstream IR

On Facebook, I took a "How White Are You Quiz?" and one of the questions was:

I guess it is nice to know Asian women can actually be desired and it not be considered a negative to white America. When will other women of color get this acceptance?

Black Women Are Always At Fault

So the other day Yanmommasaid sent me a link to a news story about a woman whose ex boyfriend attempted to shoot her in the head, but the bullet was deflected by the woman's weave. I thought the story was pretty impressive, being that I didn't realize weave could be so strong it deflects bullets. Well I sent this on to some of my real life friends and acquaintances. Why was the one of the responses I received via email was that at least now the girl has learned to make better choices in men. As if it was her fault the man shot her in the head. Note the reason he shot her in the head is because SHE BROKE UP with him. Also note, the girl is not even 21 yet. As I have stated before I suffered to get my husband, and at 20 I didn't always choose the best men to be in my life either. It didn't mean I deserved for a man to shoot me in the head for breaking up with him. I imagine if this story was about a white woman whose ex decided to shoot her in the head, would she be faulted for bad choices, or would she be on Oprah, Tyra, and a Lifetime Movie would be made about her being such a strong and determined woman who was able to challenge her attacker and overcome obstacles? Note the woman who sent me the email has been married three times, the first husband physically abused her and wiped out their mutual checking accounts when he left, and the second husband was an alcoholic cop who dealt drugs. Talk about bad choices, but she is white, so I guess when it comes to her misfortune, it is strictly the fault of the men she chose to marry.

Another topic I want to discuss is Chris Brown and Rihanna. OK the first thing I heard over and over again from people was that we don't know all the facts, don't judge. Then the rumors flew, Rihanna gave him herpes or she went off on him because he got a phone call from another woman. Either or, does it mean she is deserving of the beat down she received? I also noticed that anytime this story was reported on a blog, the comments would all lead to Rihanna must have done something to set Chris Brown off. Chris Brown beat the living hell out of her. I am not saying she was a completely innocent lamb, but obviously he went way too damn far by looking at the photo.

Why is abuse and assault of the black woman, the black woman's fault? What happened to blaming the assailant?

I type all this as I am watching "Enough" with JLo, a movie about a woman who marries an abusive man who beats her. They don't blame her for making bad choices in the movie, she just had some bad luck.


Yahoo! Chat Fun

On occasion when I log into my Yahoo email, I get random folks who want to chat. I love to chit chat with folks I know, or at least those who are familiar with my blog, but sometimes I just get completely random folks. This is one such conversation. This guy did admire my other blog, but for completely different reasons than other folks. I think this post was his reason for adding me to his list of friends on Yahoo.

For your entertainment, I am sharing this chat with you:

mojtaba adab (4:47 AM): hi
mojtaba adab (4:47 AM): m 27
mojtaba adab (4:47 AM): can i chat with you
sidittygal (4:48 AM): do I know you?
mojtaba adab (4:48 AM): no
mojtaba adab (4:48 AM): i just found your yahoo id at armpit site
sidittygal (4:48 AM): armpit?
sidittygal (4:48 AM): what is an armpit site?
mojtaba adab (4:49 AM): armpits-fetish.com
sidittygal (4:49 AM): oh nice, someone has tricked you, I am not into armpits
mojtaba adab (4:49 AM): there i saw a site,i think that site was yours
mojtaba adab (4:50 AM): my fetish is hairy ladies
mojtaba adab (4:50 AM): i mean natural
sidittygal (4:50 AM): oh well I am not hairy or natural
sidittygal (4:50 AM): I am sorry
sidittygal (4:51 AM): I posted on a blog a post about deodorant and used an armpit picture, but it wasn't me
sidittygal (4:51 AM): sorry
mojtaba adab (4:51 AM): realy?
sidittygal (4:51 AM): really
mojtaba adab (4:51 AM): no problem
mojtaba adab (4:51 AM): any way

Notice after realizing I don't do armpits, he is still trying to find someone to chat with online.

mojtaba adab (4:52 AM): i am looking for lady to be my friend
sidittygal (4:52 AM): I am married and pregnant
mojtaba adab (4:52 AM): can i be your friend?
sidittygal (4:52 AM): I probably wouldn't make a good friend
mojtaba adab (4:52 AM): why
mojtaba adab (4:52 AM): friends can help themselves

How the hell do friends help themselves?

sidittygal (4:52 AM): I am married, pregnant, not into armpits, and I am not natural
sidittygal (4:52 AM): I am hairless
mojtaba adab (4:53 AM): but you are human
sidittygal (4:53 AM): yes I am, we all are I hope
mojtaba adab (4:53 AM): yes
mojtaba adab (4:54 AM): this is enough for me
mojtaba adab (4:55 AM): your baby is boy or girl?
sidittygal (4:56 AM): I am not sure yet
sidittygal (4:56 AM): I will know in a few weeks
mojtaba adab (4:57 AM): pleasant for you
mojtaba adab (4:57 AM): how old r u?
mojtaba adab (4:57 AM): me 28

He seems to be getting older as we have this conversation, he was 27 initially.

mojtaba adab (4:58 AM):
sidittygal (4:58 AM): I am 33 and married
sidittygal (4:58 AM): are you married?

Notice how I keep mentioning I am married?

mojtaba adab (4:58 AM): yes

Surprise, he is married too. Does that stop him from chit chatting? Of course not.

sidittygal (4:59 AM): how does your wife feel about your armpit interests?
sidittygal (4:59 AM): Do you have any kids?
sidittygal (4:59 AM): or pets?
mojtaba adab (4:59 AM): my baby is son,my wife is at 6th month
mojtaba adab (5:00 AM): then i will have kid
mojtaba adab (5:00 AM): his name will be :ARMIN
mojtaba adab (5:00 AM): ARMIN means safe and pleasant
mojtaba adab (5:01 AM): i'v told to my wife to not shave her armpits
sidittygal (5:01 AM): wow
sidittygal (5:01 AM): congrats
sidittygal (5:01 AM): are you happy to have a son?
mojtaba adab (5:01 AM): thanks
sidittygal (5:01 AM): armin is a nice name
mojtaba adab (5:01 AM): i will be happy to have a kid
mojtaba adab (5:02 AM): healthy kid
sidittygal (5:02 AM): yes that is all I want is a healthy baby
mojtaba adab (5:03 AM): son or daughter is not matter
mojtaba adab (5:03 AM): what do you prefrer?
mojtaba adab (5:05 AM): this is my weblog: http://mojtabaa dab.persianblog. ir/

I can't read this blog, but the number of random children pictures is a bit alarming.

sidittygal (5:06 AM): wow, interesting pics,
sidittygal (5:06 AM): I can't read it though, sorry
mojtaba adab (5:06 AM): yes
mojtaba adab (5:06 AM): but there r some english text also
mojtaba adab (5:07 AM): under blue flower and under monkey too
sidittygal (5:07 AM): oh ok
mojtaba adab (5:08 AM):
mojtaba adab (5:08 AM): thats my photo on the top right corner
mojtaba adab (5:09 AM): did u see me?
sidittygal (5:10 AM): yes I did
sidittygal (5:10 AM): hey I gotta go
sidittygal (5:10 AM): be back on later ok
sidittygal (5:10 AM): bye bye
sidittygal (5:10 AM): nice chatting with you.
mojtaba adab (5:10 AM): ok
mojtaba adab (5:11 AM): nice too

I went invisible at this point. I didn't feel like waiting around for him to beat around the bush to ask for cybersex.


Is this racist?

Apparently this cartoon was in the New York Post in response to recent events at a zoo, where a violent chimpanzee was loose and severely mauled a woman and had to be shot, and of course Washington's stimulus package.


Maybe White Guys Don't Date Black Girls Because Of Their Mothers?

"I cannot have a black one; I can't have an Asian one; I can't have a fat-butt girl,"

"Nooo! No Jewish girl! No way, no way!" she says. "I cannot stand them! I'm sorry, but I can't handle them. It has to be a white girl."

This is from the NBC reality show Momma's Boys. I did not see it, but I did read a few things about it. There is a "momma" on the show, Khalood Bojanowski, who only wants her son to date a white woman. No fat women, asians, blacks, or jews. What I find incredibly funny about this, is that she is not 100% Aryan herself, not in the American sense anyway. She is an Iraqi woman married to a Polish man.

In this clip, she is apparently upset her precious white son has kissed a black girl. Which then makes me wonder if maybe he has the whole good enough to screw, but not marry mindset, as obviously his mother has some strong opinions about black women. In the end, he chose a nice blonde white chick.

Even though this is trashy reality television, the question does remain, if your mom and dad aren't into interracial relationships, what chance do you have into getting into an interracial relationship? A serious one anyway, and not a one night stand?

Sleeping With Your Colonizer: When Love Takes You Into the Arms of the (White) Man

Emeritus provided me with a link to this article at Clutch Magazine. It was a great article, but a bit frustrating. The comments even more so.

I guess my biggest beef with the article was the fact she made it seem she finally "settled" for a white man, because back men couldn't commit. I would hate for my husband to think he was a last resort because I couldn't find a black man. That is just kind of insulting and degrading to my relationship. Someone in the comments made it seem that IR relationships are not genuine because the goal for most women in these relationships is simply to get married and have the status of being married. As if love doesn't fit into the equation.

I guess what bothered me more was a lot of the comments on both sides of the issue. You had the black man who acknowledged his approval of IR, but felt the need to inevitably talk about how black women react to his white dates, and it seems whenever a black woman explains her experiences about IR, a black man is there to talk about the nastiness of black women, as if all black women are sitting around hating black men and white women relationships. Another thing that bothered me was people talking about the history of racism, as if those of us in IR have forgotten all things about racism. Colorism was addressed in the comments, but dismissed by the majority of self identified black men in the comments. There was also a need to blame the problems of black relationships and the black community on black woman. In the article, the writer talks about how parents and their divorce and how the family felt abandoned by the father emotionally and financially. A commenter indicated it was the fault of the woman for choosing the wrong man. People divorce all the time, and last time I checked it wasn't always the woman's fault. Not to mention this wasn't a one night stand, the couple was married, raised a family, and when the father left, he just left, it wasn't like these people weren't married and barely knew each other, this was an actual marriage with multiple children. What shocks me the most about the "blame black women" mentality is that both black men and black women subscribe to this belief. It is frustrating to me.

Overall I feel there is still this stigma and a whole bunch of stereotypes that abound in regards to relationships between black women and white men, and even though some of us are in those relationships we fall for these stereotypes hook, line, and sinker.


Two Interesting Movies

American Violet, based upon a true story that happened here in Texas.

The Blacklist, Serena Williams:

I know we typically aren't fans of Chris Rock here, but this clip is genius:


A Hope That Black Women Could Be On Equal Footing With Other Women

you kno, it's not so much about *him* or my feelings being hurt. i think it's the shattering of a developing concept. a hope that black women could be on equal footing with other women.
- Black Girl With Long Hair

Black Girl With Long Hair summed it up perfectly in her comment section on her post about a white co-worker talking negatively about her natural hair. The cold hard realization is that black women aren't on equal footing with other races of women, at least here in America. To be considered on equal footing, you have to be the exceptional black women, thinner, taller, more beautiful, more in shape, and the longest straightest hair possible in order to be considered an option to men, sometimes including our own men. I remember back in the day, I would hear white men say they would love to date Vanessa Williams and that would be the one black women they wouldn't mind dating. How many of us look like Vanessa Williams? I don't have light skin, sandy brown hair, or blue eyes. My nose is broader, my lips are fuller, and my hair isn't straight, but rather curly. I don't see many black women who look like Vanessa on a regular basis, not to say they don't exist or shouldn't get recognition, but honestly if I used those comments as a gage to determine if a white guy would even consider dating me, I wouldn't have ever thought to date a white man, and I think that is why when I was approached by white men, I often was shocked, taken aback, and was trying to figure out what their ulterior motive or fetish was. I grew up knowing that men in general prefer blondes, then brunettes, and if they don't date white girls it is obviously always an asian or hispanic women, never black women. I knew that white women were pretty, and that asian and hispanic girls could be pretty, and that black women were never considered pretty.I knew I was probably in most instances the last resort or not an option at all for most men.

We always assume as time progresses and as the youth grow up, this would change, as race relations have improved right? In post racial America, the scales of equality should be equal, but they aren't.

So my questions that I can't answer is, I know that I am supposedly the bottom of the totem pole, the last resort; how do I ensure that in the future if I have a daughter, that they won't feel the same way? I can't protect them from mainstream media forever. I can put them in diverse situations, but I sure as hell can't prevent them from being exposed to negative stereotypes and racism 100%. How do we change this? How do black women evolve to be considered on equal footing with other races of women?


PETA Is Continuing to Prove My Dislike Of Them

Generally speaking, mustn't rhinos think that rhino suffering is more important than vervet monkey suffering and vervet monkeys think that their suffering is more important than songbird suffering? I'd imagine so, for a monkey mother who must choose between rescuing her own baby or a squirrel baby from drowning would surely pluck the monkey baby from the water? Just so, humans who define themselves by religion or culture or nationality or skin color think that their suffering can never be compared, no matter how factually, with any other human or animal's suffering. To do so makes them feel belittled, reduced. But perhaps that's just our primitive biology crying out to protect and save our own kind, the more narrowly defined the better, and the rest be damned. I reject that.
-Ingrid Newkirk, President and Co-Founder of PETA

As I have noted before, I am not a fan of PETA. I find them to be hypocritical, controversial, and they serve no real purpose for the advancement of animals rights, except to secure celebrity endorsements. If a person is swayed by what Pamela Anderson eats, so be it, but really how committed are folks to the lifestyle if being like Pamela Anderson is their ultimate goal?

PETA in the past has shown it's insensitivity to certain groups of people, but it is shocking how they continue to be insensitive over and over again, and then wonder why folks find them to be repulsive and offensive.

Comparing the horrors to factory farms to the death camps of the Holocaust, is wrong. We should know this. To objectify women for the sole purpose of showing the objectification of animals is wrong. Being cruel to interns to compare to the cruelty of animals is wrong. We know telling black people to get over slavery and comparing the practice of slavery to animal cruelty is wrong. Obviously PETA does not know this is wrong, and they continue to alienate people, and prove they have no actual interest in the rights of anyone or anything.

So now they have decided during Black History Month, it would be a great idea to dress up like the KKK in opposition to the AKC dog show. I am against the AKC dog show for many reasons, but the least of them is due to breeding of "master races" (or breeds) of dogs. The insensitivity that PETA once again displays in their attempt to expose the objectification of animals shows it is impossible for them to ever achieve their supposed goal of animal rights and liberation. If you can't show compassion to people, how can you do it for animals, and aside from those wooed by what diet celebrities consume, how do you get the general public to understand your true goal? You don't with their horrid shock factor campaigns. Yes, it gets people talking about you, but that is all they do, continue to talk about you. PETA has done nothing for animals rights or liberation in the last twenty years. They just continue to offend, and all that does is just distract from their supposed goal. It would be nice if they could show compassion to people, like they claim to do with animals.

PETA uses KKK imagery at dog show protest

PETA uses KKK imagery to protest dog pure-breeding outside Westminster Kennel Club show
• Rachel Cohen, AP Sports Writer
• Monday February 9, 2009, 3:17 pm EST

NEW YORK (AP) -- "Is this really the KKK?" somebody asked the woman in the white robe and the pointy hat.
Crowds gawked at a table set up outside Madison Square Garden on Monday afternoon, where People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was protesting the start of the Westminster Kennel Club show. PETA contends that the American Kennel Club promotes pure-breeding of dogs that is harmful to their health.

"Welcome AKC Members," read a banner hanging from the table -- with AKC crossed out and KKK written above it. Two PETA protesters dressed as Ku Klux Klan members, while other volunteers handed out brochures that read: "The KKK and the AKC: BFF?"

"Obviously it's an uncomfortable comparison," PETA spokesman Michael McGraw said.

But the AKC is trying to create a "master race," he added. "It's a very apt comparison."
David Frei, spokesman for Westminster and TV host of coverage on NBC Universal's USA Network, said: "I can't speak for everyone, but the vast majority of the people exhibiting and handling and showing at Westminster are more interested in the health of dogs than anything else."

"We want to produce the next generation of healthy and happy dogs," he said, "not just for the show ring but for the couches at home."

Most passers-by seemed more puzzled than offended, though those who didn't stop walked away thinking they really had seen the KKK. The most common reaction was to pull out a cell phone and start snapping photos.
Police monitored the situation from nearby, but the scene was mostly calm. One shouting match broke out during the hour-long protest.

Earlier, a man strode away yelling, "That's disgusting! I'm going to buy more fur!"

Fatima Walden, who spotted the protest during a shopping trip, called the KKK imagery inappropriate no matter what the message.

"They could have used something else as an example," she said. "You should be considerate to everybody."

NBC Universal is 80 percent owned by General Electric Co.

AP National Writer Ben Walker contributed to this report.


If You Want Something Done Right, Go To A White Person

I hear this saying often from old black people. The belief is, if you go to a black business or service, you will most likely run into problems. I will say that I have had trouble with black owned businesses in the past, but I have also had a lot of trouble with white owned businesses as well. This saying to me reeks of the mentality that blacks are automatically inferior to whites when it comes to business, intelligence, and fairness. I often hear complaints from other blacks, that they feel ripped off from black businesses as they charge more, or that the customer service is horrible, and that is why they shop at white businesses or use white services. It to me seems to be self hatred. In my personal experience in going natural, I have tended to buy from black owned businesses in regards to my hair care products. The beauty supply business is pretty much monopolized by Koreans here in America, but they tend to focus on more mainstream products and products geared towards those with relaxers. For most of my hair care products, which I tend to use products that are more natural and less processed, I tend to have to use black owned companies such as Anita Grant, Oyin Handmade, Inky Loves Nature,Curls By Sisters Smith, and others. These companies focus on a niche market, they are typically products not made in a factory, but rather on site, and they only sell online or in select small stores. You won't find these things at Wal Mart or Target. My experiences with all these companies have been positive, and they are all black owned. My only complaints have been the price with one company (at one point when I was purchasing from Anita Grant, who is based in the UK, the pound was tearing up the dollar and so even though she kept the same prices, it was costing me more) and slow shipping with Inky Loves Nature, who more than made up for it with some free samples. The customer service and products for all these companies has been great, they were able to communicate with me, and it was an overall positive experience. Now I have had problems in the past as well, but I don't attribute that to black business in general, but rather poor business skills of the individual.

Now I attribute my positive experiences with these companies to a few things. They have great products. They have great customer service. I have certain expectations of these companies. These companies are smaller than Wal Mart and Target and they can't compete with them price wise, and I know that I will pay more for these products than Suave or Herbal Essences, or some other big name brand out there in the market. I know that the shipping might be a dollar or two more than when I shop online at the big stores. They again don't have the volume to get the negotiating power of the big chain stores. I know sometimes it might take longer to get to me if I do a custom scent or order because I know they don't have the staff of a big store. I do expect to have great customer service, and so far these companies have provided that, and yes sometimes I do price shop, in this economy you have to be that way, but I know that if I support smaller businesses I am stimulating the economy and helping myself sway away from dependence on big conglomerates. So I figure it to be a win/win situation.

Now I have had problems in the past as well, but I don't attribute that to black business in general, but rather poor business skills of the individual. So why do we expect black businesses to be sub par and less than those of white businesses?


Otis Redding and a segue into Blues Brothers

In 7th grade, I discovered Otis Redding. It was the one thing at that point that my dad and I had in common(I thought my parents were weirdo aliens at that point). He is the reason I even knew who Otis was. This man is phenomenal. When I was in 7th grade, I decided to marry man who I could talk with over cigarettes and coffee. Of course I don't smoke now, and right now I can only drink decaf, but isn't Otis genius. Guys, if you want to get a girl, play some Otis.

Yeah, that is the Blues Brothers song. Blues Brothers was a great movie. Blues Brothers 2000 is a hot ass mess. It exposed me to Cab Calloway, James Brown, Ray Charles,Aretha Franklin, and John Lee Hooker. Do you see why the likes of Beyonce and Rhianna being considered a great talent gets on my nerves?

I heart Duckie, even more so that he can lip synch to Otis Redding. For those born after 1986, you probably have no idea where this is from.

Yeah this is the original. Aretha borrowed it later.


Aunts and Uncles Oh My!!!

A few weekends ago I spent the day with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I love my aunt and uncle, they are very sweet people. They love my husband, and they are in general a lot of fun to be around.

My mother, aunt, and me had a late girls night out in the formal living room, chit chatting and talking. My aunt notices the family Bible on the coffee table, and starts looking at the pictures in it. I explained to her as a child that book scared me because of the pictures. The pictures of Jesus being crucified, seeing Lazarus rise from the dead, and Abraham holding a knife to his son as he is about to sacrifice him. When you are five years old, it is definitely a scary prospect. Jesus doesn't look comfortable with blood all over him and nails drilled into his hands. Lazarus for all intensive purposes to a five year old is a zombie ghost, and Abraham seems like a man I want to avoid, if he is willing to kill his son, who else is he willing to kill? I am not trying to insult the Bible, but as a five year old, those were scary images to me. My aunt looked at me like I was crazy. She didn't look at it from my young perspective, but rather that is was truth and acceptable. I then asked her how often she let her kids at five watch movies and T.V. shows with zombies and people getting murdered. My mother finally understood why the pictures scared me, my aunt was like it was truth, but I had to explain my knowledge of the Bible as a child was very innocent. I watched Superbook, Flying House, and Circle Square. They were very kid friendly, very non violent, and it gave me warm fuzzys, it didn't scare me. I thought of Easter Bunnies and Christmas as a five year old, not the attempted murder of Abraham's son by Abraham himself. My children's Bible was way more comforting than the evil picture Bible that was our family Bible.

So it makes me wonder. Should you approach the Bible differently with your young children vs. an adult I don't know if kids fully grasp and understand what is going on in the Bible and it is kind of scary, at least to me it was anyway.