Is It OK To Stereotype Yourself

Is it ok to stereotype yourself?

WTF? Has all of Asia lost it's mind? Seriously?

Do black Australians sound like this:


Shopping While Black

I can so relate to this. Being followed in a store or having people explain to me the type of store I was in. When I worked retail in high school, I once had a customer tell me I didn't provide good customer service while I was assisting another customer. She then explained that I wasn't in Dallas, and that I should know how to deal with people of her caliber. I lived in the same town she did, but to her, I had to be from the inner city of Dallas. The woman was fighting with a 17 year old and insinuating I was beneath her, not due to age or maturity level, but race.

I am a bit upset that the actress "dressing down" included her wearing her hair natural vs. straight, that is a bit insulting to assume her hair in it's natural state isn't "upscale" enough.

Of course I have decided I won't shop in certain stores due to their history. I will never set foot in a Neiman Marcus after learning that in the 1950s blacks could buy, but couldn't try on clothes in their stores. I don't shop at JC Penney or Sears due to their need to have black folks shop in their catalogs exclusively in the segregated south.


The Myth Of The Strong Black Woman

In my post on Tyra and racial stereotypes, I received a couple of comments on the show, not in regards to some of the negative stereotypes, but in regards to a black woman who vented her anger and frustration. I saw this on another blog that discussed the topic as well. The black woman in question was crying because she felt unloved and unwanted by ALL races of men. She felt that since she was a black woman, she was victim to stereotypes of black women being loud, obnoxious, uneducated, and on welfare. She also felt her dark skin made her feel undesirable as well. Now note, she was in a room with a bunch of different races of people, all of them discussing race relations and stereotypes. A couple of people in there, were saying some really negative things, and I think it took a toll on her.

People seem to be embarrassed she actually cried, and vented her frustration. I can relate to her frustration, growing up as a kid, I felt the same way many a time. Would I have cried about it? Probably not, because I was always raised to suck it up and get over it. I think black women are expected to internalize every single thing, contributing to the stereotype of "strong black woman". To cry is to show weakness, and a black woman it seems, cannot show their weakness and vulnerabilities, especially on national television. It also seems that black women are supposedly full of confidence and self love, and sometimes I wonder why we are automatically expected to all have this high self esteem? Especially when I think many black women can relate to her, and have all had those moments of weakness where we might have felt less than others, due to our own insecurities and how it appears society perceives black women. Of course in black women law, we aren't supposed to be insecure. We are supposed to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, and even when we need therapy or help of any kind, and actually attempt to reach out for it, it is considered a sign of weakness.

I see white women on television crying about being frustrated about fitting into American beauty ideals and weight expectations quite often, and usually when they vent their frustration, it is treated with empathy and compassion. When a black women does the same thing, it is dismissed as embarrassing, and as Tyra proved, her anger and frustration is glossed over and treated as trivial, and due to her own fault, because she felt the black woman was just simply choosing the wrong men. It seems that black women are falling victim to our own stereotypes, and we are chastising those who choose to vent their anger and frustration publicly.

What is most poignant to me, is no one was embarrassed of the other black woman, who was quick to stereotype black men as thieves, then say that interracial relationships between white men and black women are wonderful, but black men dating white women was a sign of self hatred. I found her and her negative stereotypes of middle eastern people and black men more embarrassing, because I felt she should have known better as a black woman to go around grouping and lumping people so callously.

******While googling, I found this excellent article about this topic.******


The Obsession Over Color

So people are noticing my sexy beer gut and figuring out I am pregnant. As a result, people make the weirdest comments to me. Such as:

"You're child will have good hair"

"You're child will have beautiful skin"

Recently, at my current place of employment, I have had no fewer than five people ask me what I am mixed with. Black people. Black people with light skin and green eyes asking me and my black ass what I am mixed with and squealing in delight when I tell them I am married to a white man and pregnant with his baby. It is automatically assumed biracial equals pretty in their eyes.

This scares the hell out of me. I hate to say it, but my baby is going to be awesome and the most beautiful baby in the world, because I said so. If my baby comes out darker than me with the kinkiest hair known to mankind, it will be beautiful. If it comes out with blue eyes, blonde hair, and the whitest skin possible, it will be beautiful. If it comes out with six arms, twelve legs, and purple skin, it will be the prettiest baby alive. Right now from what I can tell, the baby only has two arms and legs, but anything could happen, right?

I want to figure out who the hell I will have to slap first when the baby actually does come. The person who starts looking behind the ears to determine actual skin color, or the person looking for the "good hair".

Seriously, why is it that black folks put light skin, "good hair", and "bright eyes" as a wonderful premium? Especially in the year 2009.

I do still wonder how we will address race with our child. I am jumping the gun, but I am trying really hard to fine a decent school that has a good mixture of culture and races, as my lilly white suburban town I live in now, doesn't offer as much diversity as I would like for my child. I think my upbringing hindered me a lot culturally for a long time, and don't want the same for my child. My baby better not pull a Peola aka Sarah Jane from "Imitation of Life" on me.

Tyra Can Find Crazy Folks

The Christian guy (his name, not religion) needs his ass beat. Of course his ass is from Texas.


Michelle Obama Under Attack From Irrelevant Republican Lesbian Feminist

Why is it the right loves to attack Michelle? Was there a big attack on Laura and Barbara Bush? Seriously? I don't think anyone ever called Laura or Barbara trash. I also question how many times was the way Laura and Barbara questioned for how they talked? She then had the nerve to get offended that people sent her hate email. The attacks on Michelle are unreal, and it is shocking that so many come from self proclaimed feminists and women. Tammy Bruce is why the feminist movement fails to reach minority women. How can a former member and president of the LA chapter of NOW claim to love Sarah Palin, when she is a lesbian, pro-choice feminist? Palin is very pro-life and very much opposed to granting rights to homosexuals in the country, but yet someone who on basic principles shouldn't even be voting for her, touted her like she was the second coming of Christ.

Tammy Bruce Calls The Obamas "Trash In The White House"

Tammy Bruce, guest host for Laura Ingram's radio show, had some harsh words for First Lady Michelle Obama.

Discussing the first lady's visit to a Washington D.C. classroom last week, Bruce incredulously recalled Obama's story about wanting to get A's in school and called out her use of a "weird, fake accent."

"That's what he's married to," Bruce said. "...You know what we've got? We've got trash in the White House. Trash is a thing that is colorblind, it can cross all eco-socionomic...categories. You can work on Wall Street, or you can work at the Wal-Mart. Trash, are people who use other people to get things, who patronize others, who consider you bitter and clingy..."

Why Do I Feel That If Ryan Moats Was Another Color, He Wouldn't Have Had This Issue

What is scary about this story is, the cop in question had to have two nurses and another cop ask him to let the man see his mother in law, and if this had not been an NFL player, this story wouldn't have made the local news.

NFL player pulled over outside hospital while rushing to be with dying relative
By STEVE THOMPSON and TANYA EISERER / The Dallas Morning News

As he rushed his family to the hospital, 26-year-old NFL running back Ryan Moats rolled through a red light. A Dallas police officer pulled their SUV over outside the emergency room.

Moats and his wife explained that her mother was dying inside the hospital.

"You really want to go through this right now?" Moats pleaded. "My mother-in-law is dying. Right now!"

The officer, 25-year-old Robert Powell, was unmoved. He spent long minutes writing Moats a ticket and threatened him with arrest.

"I can screw you over," the officer told Moats. "I'd rather not do that."

The scene last week, captured by a dashboard video camera, prompted apologies and the promise of an investigation from Dallas police officials Wednesday.

"There were some things that were said that were disturbing, to say the least," said Lt. Andy Harvey, a police spokesman.

Moats' mother-in-law, Jonetta Collinsworth, was struggling at 45 with breast cancer that had spread throughout her body. Family members rushed to her bedside from as far away as California.

On March 17, the night of their incident with Powell, the Moatses had gone to their Frisco home to get some rest. Around midnight, they received word that they needed to hurry back to the hospital if they wanted to see Collinsworth before she died.

The couple, along with Collinsworth's father and an aunt, jumped into the SUV and headed back toward Baylor Regional Medical Center at Plano. They exited the Dallas North Tollway at Preston Road, just down the street from the hospital.

Moats turned on his hazard lights. He stopped at a red light, where, he said, the only nearby motorist signaled for him to go ahead. He went through.

Powell, watching traffic from a hidden spot, flipped on his lights and sirens. In less than a minute, he caught up to the SUV and followed for about 20 more seconds as Moats found a parking spot outside the emergency room.

Moats' wife, 27-year-old Tamishia, was the first out. Powell yelled at her to get back in.

"Get in there!" he yelled. "Let me see your hands!"

"My mom is dying," she explained.

Powell was undeterred.

"I saw in his eyes that he really did not care," Tamishia Moats said Wednesday.

Tamishia Moats and her great-aunt ignored the officer and headed into the hospital. Ryan Moats stayed behind with the father of the dying woman.

"I waited until no traffic was coming," Moats told Powell, explaining his passage through the red light. "I got seconds before she's gone, man."

Powell demanded his license and proof of insurance. Moats produced his license but said he didn't know where the insurance paperwork was.

"Just give me a ticket or whatever," he said, beginning to sound exasperated and a little argumentative.

"Shut your mouth," Powell told him. "You can cooperate and settle down, or I can just take you to jail for running a red light."

There was more back and forth.

"If you're going to give me a ticket, give me a ticket."

"Your attitude says that you need one."

"All I'm asking you is just to hurry up."

Powell began a lecture.

"If you want to keep this going, I'll just put you in handcuffs," the officer said, "and I'll take you to jail for running a red light."

Powell made several more points, including that the SUV was illegally parked. Moats replied "Yes sir" to each.

"Understand what I can do," Powell concluded. "I can tow your truck. I can charge you with fleeing. I can make your night very difficult."

"I understand," Moats responded. "I hope you'll be a great person and not do that."

Hospital security guards arrived and told Powell that the Moatses' relative really was upstairs dying.

Powell spent several minutes inside his squad car, in part to check Moats for outstanding warrants. He found none.

Another hospital staffer came out and spoke with a Plano police officer who had arrived.

"Hey, that's the nurse," the Plano officer told Powell. "She said that the mom's dying right now, and she's wanting to know if they can get him up there before she dies."

"All right," Powell replied. "I'm almost done."

As Moats signed the ticket, Powell continued his lecture.

"Attitude's everything," he said. "All you had to do is stop, tell me what was going on. More than likely, I would have let you go."

It had been about 13 minutes.

Moats and Collinsworth's father went into the hospital, where they found Collinsworth had died, with her daughter at her side.

The Moatses, who are black, said Wednesday that they can't help but think that race might have played a part in how Powell, who is white, treated them.

"I think he should lose his job," said Ryan Moats, a Dallas native who attended Bishop Lynch High School and now plays for the Houston Texans.

Powell, hired in January 2006, did not return a call for comment. Assistant Chief Floyd Simpson said Powell told police officials that he believed that he was doing his job. He has been re-assigned to dispatch pending an investigation.

"When people are in distress, we should come to the rescue," said Simpson. "We shouldn't further their distress."

Collinsworth was buried Saturday in Louisiana.

Rebecca Lopez of WFAA-TV contributed to this report.


Pregnancy and Marriage

I read this story from Time the other day, indicating that 40%of all babies born are to unmarried mothers. I got me thinking, it seems that we all know the stat that 70% of black women are single and that the marriage rates for black folks in America is low, but is marriage in general on the decline? Is it an antiquated institution, or are people simply just not getting married because they aren't quite ready? Has the mantra, "I don't need a man" come true? Did feminism kill marriage, or did men decide marriage was no longer financially viable? Or are other races of men, like SOME black men say about black women, assuming most women aren't worthy of marriage? Have women's attitudes changed, or have men's?

I think one reason you see an increase in unmarried mothers is that social norms have changed. The sexual revolution made it ok to have sex outside of marriage. It isn't a stigma to be considered an unwed mother like it was in the 1950s. You also have feminism, in which now many women are making their own money, have gotten to a certain age, find themselves single, but still wanting children, and with the "You can have it all" mantra back in day, women want to have it all, family and career, with or without a man. You also see people waiting later in life to get married. My mom was 20 and my dad was 24 when they got married, and per my grandparents, my mother was an old maid getting married, she was near menopause to have me at age 23. I know I got married at 27 and felt I was still probably too young to get married. I know people holding out into their late 30s and 40s to want to settle down because they have goals and achievements they want to accomplish. Another factor is that teen pregnancy is on a slight upswing, after being on a decline for so long. I don't think abstinence only education is working. Kids are still having sex, and from all the news on television, they are having it more often, and with a lot more different partners than I could ever think to have sex with.

It makes me wonder has gender equality, and the roles and attitudes of men and women made marriage an antiquated concept in America? Obviously our divorce rate lends to the reluctance to get married, but maybe divorces are caused by the same issues?


Ode To Talking Heads

One of my favorite bands as a kid.  Once In A Lifetime was my intro to the Talking Heads, and I absolutely love this song still to this day. 

talking heads - once ina lifetime

I like this song too, it has Kirsty MacColl ( yes Tracey Ullman, the actress did a cover of this song too) and Johnny Marr (of The Smiths, The The, Electronic, and now Modest Mouse fame, yeah I am a big fan) on guitar:

Talking Heads - Nothing But Flowers

Road To No where

I like this video for John Goodman and the nod to Prince.

TALKING HEADS - wild wild life

I will save Joy Division, New Order, and Pet Shop Boys for another time.

I Fell In Love

Thanks C1 for the link


Us v. Them Is Now Us v. Us

I love this guy's videos. To me he is absolutely genius. I actually was inspired to do a post. Since discovering I have a mini Siditty cooking, my life on the internet has revolved around mommy message boards, natural childbirth, breast feeding, and attachment parenting. I know riveting right? I just have been sidetracked and I have kind of slacked a bit. I am sorry. I promise to do better. As per usual, I digress.

In this video, the talks about democratic capitalism and how it has been successful because there was always a underclass to exploit. With the current economic situation, I believe this to be true. Growing up, I was always told hard work and education led to a life of stability and happiness. This is no longer the case. The middle class is struggling and shrinking. The housing market has caused people to go from living in luxury to the streets. The idea of status has been tarnished, and the credit used to at one time maintain this appearance of status has dried up, leaving many people to face a grim reality. It takes more than hard work and an education to grant stability. The middle class has fully realized, we aren't all that far from the poverty and despair of the underclass. Some of the middle class have become the underclass.

It seems that with laissez faire regulation of companies and capitalism, many of us had a laissez faire approach to credit and finances. We wanted to believe the hype that everything was ok, when in reality we slipped into an economic recession that seems to be here for the long term and will alter the social status of many people.

In happier economic times we bought houses, cars, vacations, and everything else on borrowed money. We lived the lives we had always envisioned. The yearly trips overseas to Europe or South America. The beautiful house that by standards of 30 or 40 years ago would have been considered a mansion.

I can say me and my husband were guilty of this lifestyle ourselves. We felt that it was a necessity for us as two people to have a four bedroom house, when in reality a one or two bedroom house would have sufficed. My mother growing up the second oldest of nine kids (ten, if you count her half sister), grew up in a house in which there were only really three bedrooms and one bathroom. A living area was converted into another bedroom to accommodate the amount of boys. My mother lucked out in only having to share a room with one sister, whereas the seven boys had to work it out in the other rooms. Even now being pregnant I sometimes have regrets we didn't go bigger, because now one of us has to give up an office or we have to give up a guest bedroom. It sounds tragic, doesn't it? Really more like selfish, but that is the mentality many people have. Bigger is better is the American way, isn't it?

So my question is this? Is the middle class going to be the new underclass to get us out of this economic downturn? It seems the rich will remain rich, and the already poor are at an advantage in knowing what services are available to them? It seems the middle class always suffers the most.


You Know Hell Has Frozen Over

OK, I have noticed the increase in Anonymous comments on my blog, and I have no problems with Anonymous folks posting, but sometimes I think that is where the trolls come from. I also want to acknowledge that I have noticed some of my followers follow my blog, along with others that don't really mesh with the demographic of this blog. If you frequent a blog about a black woman married to a white man, and then turn around and go to blogs like Mr. Laurelton Queens and Black Men Confronting The Lies And Distortions, I start to wonder what your intentions are of coming to my blog.

Recently I stumbled over to Mr. Laurelton Queens blog, and I wasn't happy with what I saw, in matter of fact I responded to him. Probably in not the nicest way possible. In matter of fact, I will go ahead and just quote myself in response to this posting.

This is such BS. Seriously, you want to believe this to be true, but number one, most of the black women in the world, much like much of the black men in this world, didn't grow up in the ghetto. Some of us grew up in the suburbs. I make no qualms about being one of six black kids in my high school. One of three in my elementary schools, and in case of private schooling, one of two. Living in republican, redneck Texas, I have met many a white guys parents, and there were no problems. As of recent, at least, no one has ever accused me of downplaying my blackness, a negative of living in a white neighborhood is, you never have the convenience of not realizing that you are black. Overall I can say, even with my obviously black ass, I could still pull a decent white guy, and many black women can. There are many black women who can pull a decent guy of any race, you and people like you, just don't think so.

My husband didn't have to "settle" with me. He isn't considered ugly by any stretch of the imagination, is educated, and makes six figures. He wasn't hurting for women in order to "settle" for me. The problem with black men like you is you feel that black women should have to "settle" because you don't think they are deserving of love or are "beneath" you and most black males. Just because you don't think black women are not deserving of your love, and because one white guy on a eHarmony message board doesn't think so, doesn't mean that we aren't. Some of us grew up with loving families where our black fathers loved our black mothers and helped raise their families, and we realized what a healthy relationship was, regardless of race.

You are right, no man of any color wants a desperate women, but no decent women of any color wants a desperate man so eager to degrade, humiliate, and bully a woman into choosing a mate, based upon skewed statistics and warped perceptions.

Like you said, "Bitch Wake Up".

Note in this posting he is insulting Evia, who can't stand me, and her followers flock over here on a regular basis to berate me, and I still responded. He also posted a vlog of someone, I don't necessarily agree with either (I kind of tuned her out after she went on a rant about how horrible black Americans are). Yeah, hell did freeze over. I just don't subscribe well to the bullying, degrading, and insulting of black women and their intelligence, no matter who does it.

I don't quite understand why folks who dedicate whole blogs to sell out black women, even care about them, those are the women they don't want anyways, so why would they be so eager to talk about them, if they aren't desirable choices for them. I talk about white men a lot because that is what I am attracted to, and that is what I am married to. So yeah I focus a lot on race relations between white and black people. Call me crazy, it is a concern or issue I had when dating.


It Isn't All Doom and Gloom

Lately the tone of this blog has been a bit negative. Maybe it is my hormones, but I figure it is time to talk about the other side. As of this year, I will have been with my husband for ten years. We are expecting our first child. Things are pretty good, despite craptacular race relations in this country. The fact of the matter is, at this point race isn't really a concern in our relationship. When he leaves up the toilet seat, I don't attribute that to his whiteness. When he tells me he loves me and still kisses me like when we first started dating, I don't attribute that to his whiteness. Much like he doesn't attribute my road rage to being black. To be honest, my husband is hot, regardless of race. He is tall, with beautiful green eyes, dark hair, and just gorgeous, and I am not just biased in my assessment of his looks. It is absolute truth, I am for real. This baby I am carrying, which is causing me back pain, morning sickness, and giving me a beer gut, my biggest concern isn't what color it is going to be, but rather will it come out healthy, and what can I do to minimize the pain of a natural childbirth. When my husband talks to the baby (aka my belly) he doesn't discuss race relations with the baby, but rather how happy he is, and how much he loves the baby. Race might be an issue later on, but there are other things to worry about in regards to my relationship and my growing family.

All in all it isn't all that bad. It isn't always about race, and the majority of time I am happy, and I think most people, regardless of race would be happy to have the kind of marriage I have. Relationships have a bunch of other factors to consider outside of race.

Discussing race relations and how they affect relationships is important, but at the same time, remember a relationship between two people, not the whole damn world.


White Man Shot By Black Woman After Daring To Ask Her Out

OK not really. But sometimes it does seem that when black women ask white men why they don't approach black women, the answer is we are not approachable. I was always approached by white guys growing up because that was what I was surrounded by. I also think that to many white people in general, I was considered "non-threatening" or "the exception" because I grew up in suburbia, just like everyone else. I was so "safe" people felt comfortable telling me racist jokes and making mss sweeping stereotypes while in the same breathe saying "you're different than the others, I wasn't talking about you". So I kind of understand why some black women might be considered approachable versus others, but at the same time, I think most black women if you ask them out will not stab you, so I still wonder why we aren't considered for the most part approachable?

Dark Moon made a great comment at this post, which I found worth repeating.

From my experience, some white men treat black women as if they are from another planet. They cannot seem to relate to you as a human being the way they can other women and I don’t think that is the fault of Black women. We are constantly in professional or social areas where they are going to see a variety of Black women, but somehow we all get lumped into a big walking stereotype and they filter out the supposed exceptions as not really Black. Also Blacks do have a distinct culture, but I think all some Black women want is for men in general to treat us as human beings and not as an object or to vent their hostility and that means getting to know the woman and the culture attached to it. As you say Men and in this discussion, White men do it all the time when they are interested in a woman who may not be culturally the same, from learning Spanish French or Japanese, to being respectful of her customs, etc. Again why is it always different when it comes to Black women—because a lot them don’t see us as real women. How else can you explain the obvious disconnect.

She sums up my belief very eloquently as per usual from Dark Moon. Now before men get on the defensive, I will say this, I know in your minds this is not how it is believed. It is either you never found a black women you are attracted to ask out, or you asked a black woman out once, and she rejected you, or you realize that race relations in America suck, so you don't want to deal with it. I think as a black woman, we typically understand this, but what we don't understand is that other races of women are worth the effort to learn their culture, languages, customs, why is it not the worth the time and energy to actually know black culture beyond what you watch on BET?

I know not all non-black men are open to dating black women, and I certainly know not all black women are open to dating non-black men, but obviously, at least on the black women's part, there does seem to be a growing interest, where as with white men, it doesn't seem the feeling is reciprocated.

So to white and other non-black men, what would make a black woman approachable, short of wearing a sign that said, "I love white boys"?


No Protection In or Out of Jail?

"Caught On Tape": Surveillance video released from Seattle, Wash. shows a violent confrontation between two King County sheriff's deputies and a 15-year-old girl inside a jail cell. One deputy has been charged with assault.

Tape shows teen beaten in jail
Sunday, March 1, 2009

SEATTLE (AP) -- A King County sheriff's deputy kicks a 15-year-old girl, slams her to the floor of a jail cell, strikes her and pulls her hair in violence captured on videotape.

Prosecutors released the surveillance video Friday in the assault case against Deputy Paul Schene, who is accused of using excessive force on the girl. Schene, 31, pleaded not guilty to fourth-degree assault in Superior Court on Thursday.

The incident last November began after the girl was brought in for an auto theft investigation, according to court documents. The footage shows the attack beginning after the girl enters the cell at suburban SeaTac City Hall and kicks off one of her shoes toward the deputy.

"We believe this case is beyond just police misconduct, it's criminal misconduct," King County Prosecutor Daniel Satterberg said. "This is clearly excessive force."

Schene was investigated previously for shooting two people -- killing one -- in the line of duty in 2002 and 2006. Both times his actions were found to be justified, said Ian Goodhew, prosecutor's deputy chief of staff.

Calls by The Associated Press to Schene's lawyer, Anne Bremner, were not immediately returned Friday. Bremner, however, released a statement to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer in which she said the video does not tell the whole story. Bremner had asked Judge Catherine Shaffer not to release the video to the media.

"As we argued to the judge, it will inflame public opinion and will severely impact the deputy's right to a fair trial," Bremner said.

In the video, a deputy kicks the girl, pushing her back toward the wall. The deputy then strongly backs the girl against the wall and slams her to the floor by grabbing her hair. A second deputy enters the holding cell, while the first deputy holds the girl face down to the floor. The first deputy appears to hit the girl with his hands. The girl is then lifted up and led out of the cell while the first deputy holds her hair.

The second officer shown in the video was a trainee at the time and is not under investigation, Goodhew said.

According to court documents, the girl complained of breathing problems after the incident and medics were called to check her. A short time later, she was taken to a youth detention center and booked for investigation of auto theft and third-degree assault, the latter accusation dealing with her conduct toward the deputy. The girl has pleaded not guilty to taking a motor vehicle without permission, Goodhew said Friday, adding she was never formally charged with assault.

Schene told investigators through an e-mail conversation with his lawyer that once he was assaulted by the girl kicking her shoe at him, he entered the cell to "prevent another assault," according to court documents. Schene also said the girl failed to comply with instructions in the holding area.

Prosecutors said Schene did not explain why he struck the girl after he had her in a holding position on the floor.
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