2009-03-04

White Man Shot By Black Woman After Daring To Ask Her Out


OK not really. But sometimes it does seem that when black women ask white men why they don't approach black women, the answer is we are not approachable. I was always approached by white guys growing up because that was what I was surrounded by. I also think that to many white people in general, I was considered "non-threatening" or "the exception" because I grew up in suburbia, just like everyone else. I was so "safe" people felt comfortable telling me racist jokes and making mss sweeping stereotypes while in the same breathe saying "you're different than the others, I wasn't talking about you". So I kind of understand why some black women might be considered approachable versus others, but at the same time, I think most black women if you ask them out will not stab you, so I still wonder why we aren't considered for the most part approachable?

Dark Moon made a great comment at this post, which I found worth repeating.

From my experience, some white men treat black women as if they are from another planet. They cannot seem to relate to you as a human being the way they can other women and I don’t think that is the fault of Black women. We are constantly in professional or social areas where they are going to see a variety of Black women, but somehow we all get lumped into a big walking stereotype and they filter out the supposed exceptions as not really Black. Also Blacks do have a distinct culture, but I think all some Black women want is for men in general to treat us as human beings and not as an object or to vent their hostility and that means getting to know the woman and the culture attached to it. As you say Men and in this discussion, White men do it all the time when they are interested in a woman who may not be culturally the same, from learning Spanish French or Japanese, to being respectful of her customs, etc. Again why is it always different when it comes to Black women—because a lot them don’t see us as real women. How else can you explain the obvious disconnect.


She sums up my belief very eloquently as per usual from Dark Moon. Now before men get on the defensive, I will say this, I know in your minds this is not how it is believed. It is either you never found a black women you are attracted to ask out, or you asked a black woman out once, and she rejected you, or you realize that race relations in America suck, so you don't want to deal with it. I think as a black woman, we typically understand this, but what we don't understand is that other races of women are worth the effort to learn their culture, languages, customs, why is it not the worth the time and energy to actually know black culture beyond what you watch on BET?

I know not all non-black men are open to dating black women, and I certainly know not all black women are open to dating non-black men, but obviously, at least on the black women's part, there does seem to be a growing interest, where as with white men, it doesn't seem the feeling is reciprocated.

So to white and other non-black men, what would make a black woman approachable, short of wearing a sign that said, "I love white boys"?