2009-07-29

Dear Siditty: The Advice Column

At times, I get emails from people asking me for advice. Sometimes even though these people ask for advice, I think they already know what they want to do and want some affirmation for what they are doing. I don't always agree with what is said, but I really want to share this story so that I can get some feedback from others. I will list the facts and you can tell me how would you respond to the situation.

A college educated black woman is married to a college educated black men she loves. They are in their mid 20s, no children.

Her ex boyfriend (white guy) has been contacting her via email and she has been writing back. They dated on and off in middle and high school.

They broke up because his family opposed the relationship due to race, and he cheated on her with another woman, who he is now married to.

They (woman and ex) haven't seen each other since they were 16 years old.

The woman has discussed the issue with her husband, and has asked if she can meet the ex, the husband has said no. She has been truthful about her feelings for her ex with him.

The ex does want to meet up, but only when his family is away.

She feels her marriage is more of a friendship than relationship. I am not sure why. She is contemplating divorce and would prefer to be friends instead of husband and wife.

Her question is should she keep her ex in her life and should she be with her husband? I've given her an answer. I want you give her one. I will discuss my answer later.

I mention race, because race was mentioned in the email, but personally I feel race is irrelevant in this matter.

I also want to note I asked the person who sent the email if I could post this so that she could see what others are thinking.