2009-07-10

Planned Parenthood?



I for a short while was working at a place, where there was a 19 year old girl working there in a full time capacity. This was a non profit type of place and I know for sure she wasn't making jack, and the place didn't offer benefits. Things as it were, made it seem she was trying to do some good with her life. Then enter a conversation I had with her about her boyfriend. Her boyfriend wanted a child. They had been together on and off since high school, and I looked at her and asked her did she want a child, as I told her point blank at 19, I wasn't ready to birth babies. I was off in the club and going to live shows, and being a harlot at all hours of the night. Not to mention I was broke as a joke in college. I then said more power to you, if you can afford to take care of yourself, you guys want to get married, and you got your own place, I guess now is a good as time as any to have a baby. Then she told me, they weren't engaged, and she lived with her mother.

In my mind if you live with momma and daddy, don't have a ring on your finger, and you and the boyfriend are on and off, you don't need a baby, but in hindsight being 20/20, it dawned on me, in her world that is normal. Her older cousin also worked there. She was 40, unmarried with a 21 year old son. She was a grandmother, as her son had a child. Her son was also single. The concept of marriage or waiting until you are older to have a child isn't something encouraged in her family. The 40 year old woman didn't make much either, she had a car, but she was living from place to place and was basically staying with her ex boyfriend because he would take in her and her son rent free. Why her 21 year old son was living with her, I am not sure. No one was making much money. No one went to school beyond high school. This is the "norm" in her life. In my life, not so much. My mother told me she didn't feel like raising grandchildren, she was very clear that I should be financially stable and married to have a child. My father was very much the same. I think he would have been excited if I became a lesbian, I think my college years were stressful on him.

Now I found this story. Apparently a lot of single, college educated, career successful black women in their 30s are looking to adopt children. Per the story, these women haven't found Mr. Right, but they still want kids. I understand that. There are tons of black children in the foster care system that need homes, and if there are people willing to adopt these children, I say wonderful, but now we have to address the issue of single mother's adopting kids. Now more black children are being raised by single mothers, which on the whole we have condemned and blamed for one of the biggest issues of the black community.

So should black women, regardless of background, financially stability, education, or age be raising or encouraging the raising of children without fathers? I will say that, I found the story of 30 something black woman adopting a positive thing, but the concept of a 19 year old trying to have a baby appalling.