2009-08-02

Black Men Are Not A Factor In All IR Relationships Between Black Women & White Men




In this video the question is asked "There aren't any brothers out there?" and the comment is made "It can't beTHAT bad" in reference to seeing black women with white men. Maybe there are some wonderful black men out there, I think they are, but I don't think my dating white man was due to the lack of good black men in the world, but rather because I like white men. Why would black men factor into my relationship with a white man?

It is also said that "black women desire black men", that could very well be the case, but there are some black women out there who are just looking for a good man. A white man, black man, asian man, hispanic man, and everything in between kind of man. Good men regardless of race are hard to find, so why limit yourself?

One thing I hear a lot from black men who share this view is "Is a sister trying to make a black man jealous or feel bad about themselves?" That isn't my goal, but I find it odd that black men never ever ask this of other black men who berate and insult black women as a whole who are willing to date non black women. Remember black men are in greater numbers dating non black women than black women are dating non black men. Then you have those who exclusively date only non black women or black women who have "good hair", "light skin", or "bright eyes", so "regular" black women are excluded. Our beauty isn't appreciated within our own community, so why should we stay within it to wait around for black man who isn't into us?

Then we get to the stereotypes that black women are gold diggers just out for a man's money. I find this stereotype the worst, as usually when you see black men with non black women, they typically don't marry up, they marry down, meaning that maybe, just maybe, their non black women might be gold diggers too. "There are plenty of good black men for you. You think by dating this white guy you're going to some how climb up the economic ladder? Then come to find out, when you date this white dude that he's just like everybody else." I married my husband because he wasn't like everyone else. He became my best friend, we had a lot of shared goals, and he was just in general a really great guy. Black women are known for being self sufficient out of necessity, why would we be the gold diggers, we aren't expected to live off a man, because according to some black men, most black women aren't worthy of having any man, much less one that takes care of them financially.

I also find it telling that this guy questions the motives of black women:

"I question your motive. I believe that some of you sisters are just trying to upset a man, upset a brother by dating these white guys"

Why have black men not questioned the other motives of black men who on a daily basis insult, degrade, and stereotype black women in order to justify their dating preferences for non black women? Are black men dating non black women because they are trying to make black women jealous and upset? It sometimes seems that way, since so many want to talk about how horrible black women are, and how masculine we are, or ugly, fat, loud, full of attitude, or whatever other stereotype can be dished out towards black women as a whole.

I think we need to get out of the mindset we belong to one another, and we need to quit thinking that white men are somehow some "last resort" option for black women, especially when some black men are under the impression that non black women are the end all and be all of all things good, and black women are the lowest of the low. Sometimes black women actually like white men, and some of us actually prefer them. It isn't about money or achieving some social status, but actually liking a man, be it black, white, or any other race.