Dear Old Black Man

Dear Old Black Man,

I know there is a black male shortage for lots of black women, and you are willing to take up the slack by offering your services, but believe it or not, some of us black women have standards. For instance, some of us don't like to share men. I know this is crazy, we should all be excited one man is willing to spread the love, but sometimes we are selfish and just want to practice monogamy. So please feel free to love on your wife or girlfriend, and concentrate all that love on her, instead of trying to spread it thin by just giving all that good loving away to many different women.

I know sometimes when I walk by you, I might peak your interest, but really, if you are drunk and hanging out in front of a convenience store, or at the bus stop and decide maybe you should get my number, maybe just maybe don't approach as if I am a common street whore. Yelling "hey shawty, can I get your number?" and then referring to me as "ugly, stuck up bitch" because I ignore you is not a turn on. Also sobriety is much sexier than alcoholism, I'm just saying.

I know this is hard to grasp, yes I like children, but if you have a bunch of kids, they come from various women, and you have never in your life considered marriage to any of the woman you procreated with, you are a red flag, and I, as well as many other black women will run from you. My belief is, if I bring no children into the relationship, you shouldn't either. I don't really like the concept of taking care of other people's children. Child support is no joke, and unlike the baby momma's before you who don't mind getting money on the side, I would prefer court ordered child support so that I have documentation of what you paid for. I feel it is for both your protection and mine. Call me a gold digger, but men who don't like paying child support are also red flags to me. You knew how babies were made, you should have protected yourself, just like the baby mamma you made the baby with.

One final thing, just because you are degreed, professional, and child free, it does not give you the right to be an arrogant, materialistic asshole. I know that you are a gold mine amongst black men, but honestly, you shouldn't expect Halle Berry if you look like Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show or if you weigh as much as Bruce Bruce, don't expect a model thin wife or girlfriend. If you talk to me like I am a common dog, don't expect me to bark at you, expect a beat down. Just because you possess some positive qualities, doesn't mean black women are willing and ready to drop their panties for you. I know black women are gold diggers, but many of us want a complete package, and sometimes that goes beyond material things.