Holding Hands

I don't know how I feel about this movie.


Why Don't We Know About These Serial Killers?

Devona Walker over at the Loop did an excellent article on this very topic.

There are six women dead and three missing. Shouldn't this story be a big deal? Shouldn't there be warnings? Shouldn't people be on the look out?

Where is the outrage that a man has been suspected of killing eleven women. This man is still on the loose, shouldn't folks be aware, shouldn't this be national news? This person is know as the West Mesa Bone Collector.

This man has also killed 11 women. This person is known as the Grim Sleeper. He has believed to have been on the loose since 1985. Again why have we not heard anything?

I find it odd that we can get national news coverage for a woman who was killed by a reality star, that David Berkowitz, aka Son of Sam killed six people and injured seven is infamous, and the BTK Killer murdered 10 people and received extensive national coverage.

If you can tell me why these people received extensive media coverage and these three suspected serial killers have not, outside the fact that these three suspected serial killers target hispanic and black women, please let me know.

It seems that if a black person dies in a violent way, it is par for the course. If a person who is white dies violently we are all supposed to be outraged! Why are we not outraged or concerned about all races of people?


Natural Hair Nazis

Since I talked about natural hair mainstreaming, I will talk about the downside of the natural hair community. There is a certain perception inside and outside of the community on where you stand politically, fashion wise, or otherwise.

There are also stereotypes about your "blackness". Many naturals I know are interracially married, but that doesn't mean the whole natural movement is supportive of such unions. There is a tone of "I love black men!" movement, which there is definitely nothing wrong with, but I know on certain sites, if I proclaimed "I love white men!", I would not be welcomed with open arms. Case and point, I went to one of my many hair boards and a question off topic was about a woman preparing for her wedding. She is engaged to a white guy, but she wants to "jump the broom" as part of the wedding ceremony. I say she is black, it is part of her heritage, she should be able to do it, and it isn't uncommon for people of two different cultures to incorporate some of their traditions into the ceremony. To some it seemed like a slap in the face of our ancestors to jump the broom with a white guy.

There seems to be a strong identification of blackness and strong black love amongst many naturals. I am not against black love, without black love I wouldn't be here, but it would be nice to feel welcome and loved in the natural hair community because, like others I can relate to the struggle of being natural in a culture that embraces long, straight, and silky. I know most naturals have those stories about folks asking when they will get their hair done, or how they look so much better when they decide to straighten their hair. I know we all have stories about learning how to handle our hair in a natural state, or learning why the Pink Oil Lotion and Blue Magic don't work as well and stink to high heaven. We all learned how vastly different our hair can be, and that there is more ways to style our hair outside the afro.

I understand that embracing our hair in a natural state is important, but it shouldn't lead to group think. Our hair is unique and so should our thoughts.


Caster Semenya: Is She A Man?

Caster Semenya has apparently come out of no where to beat the hell out of women running track everywhere. She just recently won the World's 800 meters title with a record time. The win is bittersweet, the International Amateur Athletics Federation questions if she is really a woman. She has a smaller chest, a deep voice, and racing times that rivals men's track. They are actually having her DNA tested to make sure she is a woman. Kind of insulting if you ask me. Here is a pic of Semenya, I personally can't determine from this pic she is a man:

I can see she is whipping ass on the track, but I don't know if she is a man. Is Semenya getting ridiculed and punished for being too good at her sport? I mean honestly it doesn't appear she is "tucking" anything away, why would I question her gender as that of a woman?

I always find it odd that when women are really good and dominate in a sport, their femininity gets questioned. Remember Serena and Venus? Everyone called them men and some folks call Serena fat. Last I checked having muscles didn't make a woman fat, but I guess since she doesn't look like Anna Chakvetadze, she must be a fat masculine woman. In tennis I guess you have to be blond, white, or skinny to be considered attractive. Not to mention she isn't quite dominating the sport, so I guess Anna's femininity must be in tact compared to Venus and Serena.

Then you have atheletic women who have deep voices. Think Nicole Bass or Robin Coleman. These women in some circles are called men, but in other circles considered attractive. Nicole Bass was in the adult business for a while and her audience was men, not women.

So do you think that if Semenya wasn't an extraordinary in track, they would even question her gender?


Is Natural Hair Mainstreaming?

The buzz of late is all about Tyra Banks. Tyra has decided to get rid of the weave and wigs. We've seen Tyra natural before. Anytime black or black natural hair is discussed, she breaks out the cornrows. It is the default natural style of Tyra. Now she didn't say she was going relaxer free, but weave free. Let's not get too ethnic!!!!! It has me thinking though, has embracing natural hair mainstreamed? Michelle Obama is supposedly perm free. Solange had people thinking she was crazy all because she did a big chop (which I thought was darling). Are celebrities embracing natural or weaveless hair now? Will people follow the celebrities in the realm of being wig and weave free? Or are folks like Tyra upset that they get talked about when they do shows on natural hair as they sit there with blonde weave in their hair telling folks to embrace themselves?

One post I STILL get comments on is this one. Now all I said, in my mind is it seems that black women beauty standards seem to embrace the European ideal. Why we feel the need to want blue or grey eyes, or blonde hair, or long flowing straight weave sometimes is questionable to me. People took that to mean I hate all people with weaves, weaves are the devil, and black women with long hair are now jealous and upset other black women can have long hair now.

I do wonder if these same people are the ones who used to ask me when I was going to get my "hair done" when I first went natural, or when I pressed it told me, someone must have "talked some sense into me"?

Back when I went natural there wasn't much choice in celebrities with natural hair, there was no one. No hairdressers interested in my keeping my hair natural, it was perm, wig, weave or bust. It was a hostile environment to have a "kitchen", much less a whole head of unpermed hair. I find now it seems to be a bit easier to transition, but I don't know if it has mainstreamed. Will things like the movie Good Hair or folks like Tyra and Solange going natural or weave free have black women embrace more natural styles?


Healthcare Reform-Let's get real

Let's talk about healthcare and the single payer option. Apparently if we get this option, we will become some New World Order and Obama will become Hitler. I know it sounds horrible. It sounds scary, but what kills me is these people seem to have no option to counter this idea, except rely on insurance companies.

Let me tell you my background in insurance. I have worked for the insurance and prescription drug companies. Companies you are all very familiar with if you have insurance through your employer. Even though these companies tell you they are in the "business of caring", they aren't. My experience as an underwriter tells me that when policies are made, the best interest of the people are not what is in mind when it comes to pricing and developing a group insurance health policy. I can tell you with my experience as a claims manager that the goal is not always to approve and quickly pay every claim. In short, INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE IN BUSINESS FOR MONEY, and sometimes they choose money over people. More often than you care to believe.

Ask me how many policies I created and priced as an underwriter that did not have a pre-existing condition clause? Ask me how many I saw claims denied because of this clause as a claims manager? Ask me how often a medical treatment that is considered mainstream and widely used can be considered experimental under regular insurance policies? When I worked as an analyst dealing with Medicare Part D, ask me how often I saw fraud?

The opponents of this healthcare reform confuse and baffle me, they are scared of socialism, but they partake and use "socialist" policies all the time. If you don't want socialism, never use Social Security or Medicaid. Never drive on roads, never put your children in public schools. If you are in the military, never use the medical care, the GI Bill, military housing, or any other benefits provided to you. Don't use FHA grants for down payments on homes or Pell grants for college. Don't go to a public or state college or university. These are all socialist things paid for by the American people.

If you think the government is full of bureaucracy, which it is, don't ever learn how an insurance company works. Bureaucracy happens in the corporate world too. Ask a person who has a claim to fill out a claim form and how easy it is. Ask an insurance professional what it takes to appeal a denied claim. One asset that is valuable in all areas of insurance is an attention to detail. I wonder how many times an employee has ever actually read their insurance policy and understood it. I wonder how many have read the WHOLE entire thing.

One thing I always think about when people are scared of the government is when Medicare Part D became privatized under the Bush administration as a way to stop fraud and overspending. Medicare Part D is still full of fraud, and it costs more now than ever. Sometimes private companies can't fix the public good. Sometimes the companies in question don't give a damn about public good and sometimes they can't do things better than the government. I know government is bad and horrible, but what makes you think big private companies have your best interest in mind?

Also let's look at health costs in America. It is expensive to get medical care, especially emergency care. I had a visit to the hospital for two nights in April. My bill for those two luxurious nights was $10,000. If I didn't have insurance, I would have been stuck with that bill. As much as I would have liked to shrugged off my medical situation, I couldn't wait until the next day to see my regular doctor. I didn't stay at the Ritz Carlton hospital either. You can go to county hospital, but I hate to break it to you, they will send you a bill, you might not pay for it, but they will send it to you and put a nice little note on your credit report. To have a regular vaginal delivery in a hospital starts at $10,000 and we are not counting pre-natal care or sonograms. Have a C-section we go higher. Don't have a heart attack, or worse yet cancer. Did you know most health insurance policies have lifetime limits, and usually these are pretty low, low enough not to cover the cost of an entire cycle of cancer treatments, which is why folks who have insurance still file bankruptcy for the medical costs they can't pay. I guess if you reach your limit you should just die. To me it sounds like we already have a death panel, it is just the insurance companies and not government doing it.

I know you don't want to government choosing your doctor, but I guess you are ok with your insurance company doing it. I'm going to tell you a secret. Your insurance company does not pay for just any visit to any doctor. You have in network costs and out of network costs. You get penalized for going out of network in most cases, don't get sick in a foreign country, or hell even in a different state, that could cost you 100%, even with insurance. Your insurance company chose your doctor, they just let you pretend to choose your doctor within an "approved" list of doctors. Not to mention I am still looking for that part in the proposed single payer option policy in which the government chooses your doctor for you.

What if you lose your job? You can rely on COBRA, but if you lose your job and pay out of pocket the cost of the insurance premiums (aka COBRA) on your own, you are better than most. When you go from paying $150 a biweekly paycheck for your family's insurance to $900/month, it can get pricey. Individual insurance policies aren't affordable and there is no such thing as an individual policy without pre-existing condition clauses.

What really confuses me is this, if you don't want single payer option, you don't have to have it, you can keep the same old insurance you always have, that is if it doesn't change from year to year because your employer has to renegotiate prices with their insurer each and every year. If you like your insurance, keep it. If you are like others who have lost their job, or work at a company that doesn't provide decent insurance, or that doesn't provide insurance at all, you have an option, because right now for those people there isn't an affordable option. We can't all be poor enough to afford Medicaid, but some of us sure aren't rich enough to afford individual insurance or COBRA.

In terms of Canada, the UK, and all those other countries with "socialized" healthcare, I think they are doing ok for the most part the horror stories there are like the horror stories here. I can tell you at least three or four stories of people dying or having permanent damage because they had to appeal their insurance company on claims they denied for cancer, heart attacks, and kidney transplants. I also want you to know that after 9/11, most insurance policies have a terrorism clause, which means that if you get injured in an act of terror, you are out of luck.

I know that folks are going to say that people cause their own health problems, but I hate to say it, not all problems are caused by the people that have them. Sometimes you have heart attacks due to undetected birth defects. Sometimes there are cancers that you just get. Not all the people in the world who are sick eat too much or drink and smoke too much.

This healthcare debate has in my opinion caused nothing but fear mongering and hate. It is another tactic by the nutjobs to show their distaste in their new President. They got mad about the stimulus, then birth certificates, and now they don't want healthcare for those without heathcare, even if it benefits them. If the right didn't have all these nutjobs and Pat Buchanan screaming from the rooftops incoherently and offered an actual solution to the health care crisis, maybe, just maybe I could take them seriously, right now I can't, because I know what we have now doesn't work, even for those who are insured.

If we can't take care of our own people, then something is wrong. No one should become destitute or file bankruptcy because they get cancer, or have children born with conditions that need lifelong medical treatment, or because their insurance company got mad they got sick and chose not to renew their coverage, or made renewal so expensive people can't afford it.


Centipede Goes Wrong

Yes, this works if you just ignore some of the "special" effects, such as the glowing red eyed cobra:

This does not:


"She's Pretty for a Dark-Skinned Girl..."

"She's Pretty for a Dark-Skinned Girl..."

Tameka J. Raymond
Fashion stylist, designer and mother

I am a dark-skinned African American woman with features that reflect my ancestry. Debates regarding Light vs. Dark and other biases have plagued our race for years and continues to impact millions of Black women. The deeply rooted intra-racial contempt that lies beneath this inane "compliment" is the reason I've chosen to spark dialogue surrounding the topic of self-hatred in our culture. It saturates every aspect of our lives, dominating the perspectives of our generation as a whole. We culturally are so influential, at times inadvertently, that we affect all with the words we utter and the images we portray. It lends to the theory of systemic racism. I'm authoring this piece because I'm miffed by this reality and would like to share my views on these subjects.

It is a fact that many African-Americans are often mixed with an array of other ethnicities (as am I), which allows for the spectrum of our features to be as distinctive and special as we are diverse. Why is it felt that the more diluted our traditionally African features become the more aesthetically acceptable we are considered? It was said in the 1960s and the sentiment seems to be forgotten, "Black is Beautiful." Wow, nearly 50 years later and is that now only meant for a specific shade? Nonetheless, I believe the beauty of our people and splendor of every individual is reflected in our varying features and hues.

Often dark-skinned women are considered mean, domineering and standoffish and it was these very labels that followed Michelle Obama during the campaign for her husband's presidency and which she has had to work tirelessly to combat. I was appalled when I heard a Black woman refer to Michelle Obama as unattractive. The conversation turned into why President Obama picked her as his mate. No one in the witch-hunt made reference to the possibility that Michelle Obama was smart, funny, caring, a good person, highly accomplished or brilliant. Nor did they mention that she previously was President Obama's supervisor. If she were fair skinned, petite with long straight or wavy hair, would the same opinions be linked to her? I seriously doubt it. It is believed that for the dark skinned, dreams are less obtainable.

In fact, I have read similar comments about myself that I am "dark, aggressive, bossy and bitchy." It has been stated that my husband should have been with a "younger, more beautiful" woman. Astoundingly, the majority of the remarks come from African-American women and are mimicked by others. Sadly enough, I don't know nor have I met 99% of those making these assertions. Funny, how we can judge another without having personally seen, interacted with or experienced a person's character.

As I began to delve into further research on this topic, and the more I read, I concluded that many of our people do not like what they see in the mirror. Seeing ones own reflection in another person and then to dissect it in an effort to destroy can only be the product of self-loathing. Why don't we congratulate as opposed to hate?

There is an adage "hurt people, hurt people". If this is true then we must examine the root of negative words and judgments that are passed on people. Unfortunately, we have internal stereotypes based off of skin color and facial features that stem from years of programming, dating back to the "Willie Lynch" method for creating a slave. In this infamous formula, one of the main factors in separating and creating division was placing the lighter skinned blacks in a higher position in the house, while those with darker skin were made to stay in the fields and deemed "less desirable". Much like the Caste System in India. No matter what strides we make as a people, these issues continue to plague and rot our souls, causing significant decay to a portion of our population and truly hindering our progress. Perhaps we show progress in our wallets and lifestyles but not in our mind set.

Reading magazines, social media sites, watching our music videos, and television shows feed our appetites for all things 'beauty". Rarely, however do I see depictions of grace and elegance in the form of dark complexioned women. I Googled one of the more ethnic models, Alek Wek and I was saddened by the tone of what the bloggers wrote in reference to her complexion, features and hair texture. Ms. Wek's escape from Sudan, her journey, philanthropy, and groundbreaking success as a supermodel in America is not only beautiful, but it displays her tenacity and character. African-Americans seemed to have lost their eye for character. These comments are evidence of the confusion that lies within many black people. It's the cruelty and prejudice that has spilled into the fabric of our everyday lives. It makes me wonder what have we collectively lost as a people? Our Minds.

I too have fallen prey, while on vacation in Brazil I decided to undergo tummy lipo-surgery. After having an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, I went into cardiac arrest before the procedure ever began. I nearly lost my life over something as superficial as having a flatter mid-section and trying to adapt to society's traditional definition of beauty. As I nursed my psychological wounds, I began to realize that trying to live up to the prototypes of external beauty paled in comparison to the fact that I have undergone labor, subsequently being blessed to raise five handsome, smart, healthy, intuitive, and happy children. I emerged from my ordeal realizing that my body is an amazing vessel that has given birth to life and that being healthy is what's important and nothing more.

It is my hope that our First Lady and others who share in this effort will continue to be the beacon to shine a light for those who toil on America's beauty totem pole. Now don't get me wrong or take my words out of context. I truly believe that everyone has a right to delineate what they deem is attractive, but we must not confuse perceived "attractiveness" with authentic "beauty." It is important for African Americans, especially, to realize that true beauty is a spiritual element that lies deep within an individual's spirit. It can neither be seen nor is it tangible. People tend to forget that beauty is not about looks and looks is not about beauty.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the great poet Khalil Gibran who once wrote, "Beauty is not the face; beauty is a light in the heart."


Interview With Barack Obama

Have I Trained Myself To Realize I'm The "Other"

I think I have told this story before, but my husband took me to a restaurant I wanted to try. It was a nice stereotypical southern restaurant with nice fried, southern food. This was before my foray into vegetarianism. I had fried chicken, it was good, I'm not ashamed I ate it. There thankfully was no watermelon, as I would have eaten that too.

My husband was uncomfortable in this restaurant. He kind of looked around and he referred to the restaurant as the "restaurant time forgot" due to the dated decor. He also noticed I was the only black person in this restaurant. I was literally the only person of color in this restaurant, the waitstaff, the cooks I could see, and all the patrons were white. I kind of shrugged it off, but he kept asking me wasn't I uncomfortable in this old southern restaurant full of white people? I kept shrugging no. I was used to being the "only one", that was the norm in my life. I will say I am not uncomfortable around groups of black people, but I do or did notice when I am around all black people because it is a change of pace or scenery for me. My husband also notices when he is around nothing but black people, but seems to have no discomfort in the fact, but he does say back in his FUBU wearing, borderline deuce days, he was constantly joked or teased about being white, or his whiteness was discussed a great deal by his black friends with him.

It has me questioning, did my upbringing have me view myself or black as the "other" or "abnormal" and white as "normal" the "expectation"? I think about how mainstream media typically focuses on whiteness. Magazines, television, even MTV (during the 1980s) showed mostly white people. Even the black shows I watched had at least one or two white people on them. When you did see black people outside the "Cosby Show", they were poor and struggling, spoke in "jive" (the precursor to ebonics), and were on the news for committing crime.

So I can see how whites can see blacks as "other",especially if their only access to black people is on television, but why do I see myself or "black" as other? Have I been brainwashed by the media or my upbringing? Is it self hatred?


An Open Letter

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I need to say it because obviously I'm pissing folks off.

If I piss you off, or you feel this blog is not to your liking anymore. DON'T READ IT.

Contrary to what some folks say, I don't give a damn if people comment or read. Don't get me wrong, I like that I have people who enjoy this blog, I enjoy that people are interested in what I have to say, but I'm tired, and ultimately I write on this blog because I want to.

Yes I am on Google AdSense and the Blogher Ad network, but I don't pay the bills with this blog, I make pennies a day, I can't live off pennies a day. To be honest, I have no real clue how much money I have made on this blog, but let's just say I ain't getting checks on the regular from ad revenue.

I'm tired of folks whose sole purpose is to come here to nitpick.

I'm tired of being told I am a racist of white people, a white people lover, racist against blacks, asians, hispanics, or multiracial/biracial people, a black man hater, a black man defender, or whatever else I defend hate. If you haven't figured it out, on this blog, I get it from all sides.

I'm tired of folks getting pissed off because my blog is "spiritually dark". I'm sorry, I am not spiritual, so the blog isn't. I get pissy, moody, and sometimes I lose my patience.

If you think the blog hates black men and obsess over them because I post damn youtube videos of crazy folks talking about BW/WM IR, don't read those posts, better yet, don't read the blog at all. If you have gathered I am in agreement or trying to expose DBR BM from these videos, then you haven't figured out I post about DBR in all forms,white people, black people, hispanic people, all races of DBR get featured here.

Another thing THE COMMENTS MADE ON THE POSTS OF THIS BLOG DO NOT REFLECT ME. I am sorry, I want this blog not to be an ass kissing fest. People are not going to agree, but just because I don't denounce what is said, or just silent about the comment on the posts, does not mean I am in agreement or condone them. I've been pretty damn lax even after implementing rules on the comments section. As long as you aren't a blatant troll, I let people comment, even if what they say is a hot pile of steaming shit in my opinion.

With all that being said, I like the people who comment on blog, I like that people actually are interested in reading what I have to say no matter how jacked up my spelling or grammar is in each and every post. I like that people feel they can comment and have discussions. I think it is the best thing in the world, and I welcome all here, I really do, like I said before this isn't a ass kissing blog, you don't have to like me, hell you can even hate me, but realize you don't see the whole blog. You don't get to see everything.

I thank you guys who take the time out of your day to read my blog, I appreciate you, and I love you all in a cyber kind of way.


Women Do Not Exist For the Sole Purpose of Appeasing Men

It seems that as America pop culture evolves, the more it devolves. We have certain aspects of hip hop culture that is misogynistic and very volatile towards women. We have standards of beauty that all women are judged by. We have those who feel that women are here for the purpose of sexually harassing, and assume that women should enjoy it, or otherwise face consequences.

We have all met the men who feel they need to have a certain kind of woman. Their woman must be in shape, be at least a 8 on a scale of 10, and have a body if other men will drool over. The guy with these requirements is unemployed, maybe a 5, and the only exercise he gets is using his fingers on his game controller.

Those men are annoying, but not threatening. You then have the men who enjoy looking at the female body. They appreciate all shapes and sizes and stare down women all day long. It's creepy, it's a bit strange, but you just keep your guard up and move on.

The next step is the men who take things too far. Men who cat call to let you know they like your body or body parts. They approach you in a manner in which they think your name is Delicious and you work in a strip club. Your name isn't Delicious, and you aren't in a strip club, but they look you up and down, approach you like a common street whore, and then if you reject their advances, you then become ugly and unwanted. I've heard more than once by men who I refused to give my number to "Didn't no one want your ugly ass anyway!"

You then have the straight up crazy folks. The people who actually grab you. The ones who rub various body parts as you walk by. This is the stuff that scares me. This is the stuff that gets me running from folks.

These men are who I worry about. The men who can't handle being ignored or rejected. The men who are nice when they are talking about your chest, but mean as hell when they realize talking about your chest isn't going to get a phone number. The men who start yelling, the men who get in your face, the men who attack you when you don't respond, or worse yet say "no thank you." No matter if you are cordial and rude in your response, they are rude and downright angry in their response. It seems that sometimes it even ends in murder. No one should be shot for not giving out their phone number.

A lot of websites have popped up to stop street harassment, including folks putting up photos, but in some instances, that has been dangerous. How do women protect themselves? How do we as a society learn that women are here for more than the pleasure and appeasement of men?



Oh My (NSFW)

There is just so much to say, but I can't, I just can't. I will say they can not and will not represent the South. I say this in defense of all Southerners.

Are Black Girls In Danger?

When the police arrived, the girl's mother told them to take her daughter away and not bring her back because she brought shame on the family by saying she was raped.

"Nothing has happened to my daughter. Nobody has touched my daughter," said the mother who cannot be named in order to protect the identity of her daughter.

The child's older sister said she only has herself to blame.

"I said to her: It's not good for you to be following guys because you're still little," she said. "She always bring trouble."

An 8-year old girl is gang raped by FOUR BOYS. The assailants are between 9 and 14. It isn't bad enough the girl was raped because the boys had lured her behind a shed for some bubble gum; that isn't the worst part. The worst part is her parents nd sister blamed her for the rape and felt that nothing should be done to the boys, and that they no longer want her, so now she is in state custody.

Honestly if your own family can't and won't protect you as an 8 year old, what chance do you have in this world?

It's like I have said before in our community's eyes as well as mainstream media black girls don't get raped or exploited.

The parents of this girl feel that the crime should be handled within the community. The sad thing is the community obviously doesn't take a strong stand on rape, just the victim. Maybe it is a cultural thing, but I don't understand why in the hell in the year 2009, a CHILD can get raped and be blamed, while the boys are supported and nutured as if they are the real victims of this crime.

14-Year-Old Boy Tried as an Adult for Raping 8-Year -Old Girl
» By Keya Carter July 24, 2009, 12:12pm

Four boys ranging from ages 9 to 14 took turns raping an 8-year-old girl behind a shed for more than 10 minutes. Phoenix police say it's the one of the most horrific cases they've seen.

According to the Associated Press, the incident sparked further outrage after police said the victim's parents blamed her for the attack and shaming the family.

As if the trauma of being raped and having to live with the scars isn't enough, her punk-ass father adds insult to injury, literally.

"The father told the caseworker and an officer in her presence that he didn't want her back. He said, 'Take her, I don't want her,' “police Sgt. Andy Hill said. When the father was asked by local reporter s what he thought should be done to the boys who raped her daughter, he answered plainly, "Nothing."

Maricopa County Attorney's Office confirmed Wednesday, the 14-year-old boy, Steven Tuopeh, has been charged with two counts of sexual assault and kidnapping. The assailant appeared in court on July 23 and is currently being held without bond.
The other boys who raped the little girl- ages 9, 10 and 13 were charged as juveniles with sexual assault. The 10 and 13-year-olds were also charged with kidnapping.

Phoenix investigators said the boys coaxed her into an empty shed with bubblegum offerings on July 16. The boys held the girl down while they took turns raping her, police said.

"She was brutally sexually assaulted for a period of about 10 to 15 minutes," Hill said.
Officers responding to a call reporting a girl screaming hysterically found the girl partially undressed and the young punks running from the scene.

"This is a deeply disturbing case that has gripped our community," Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas said Thursday. "Our office will seek justice for the young victim in this heartrending situation."

The victim and the pre-pubescent rapists are all refugees from the West African nation of Liberia. Hill believes the family's African culture is why the girl's father has disowned her.

In some parts of the "Motherland," woman are faulted for rape and often believed to have enticed the pervert so much, he has to rape her. Ultimately, women who are raped are shunned by their families.

"It's a shame-based culture, so the crime is not as important as protecting the family name and the name of the community," said Tony Weedor, a Liberian refugee in Littleton, Colorado. "I just feel so sorry for this little girl. Some of these people will not care about the trauma she's going through - they're more concerned about the shame she brought on the family."
The little girl, now in Child Protective Services, is going to have a particularly difficult time healing said Paul Penzone of Childhelp, a group who cares for young victims of crimes.

"These four boys used what was a ploy to entice her to a place where they could take advantage of her almost like a pack of wolves," he said.

"And what's so disturbing beyond the initial crime is the fact that a child needs to have somewhere to feel safe, and you would think that would be in a home with her own family," not in state custody, Penzone said.

This poor girl is forever scarred by the sexual assault she suffered and now the trauma of being rejected by her family. Shame on all four of those boys and her father...they should all be bent over several times and plugged and then see how it feels to be “shamed.”


I Don't Know What To Think?

This 84 year old woman was knocked to the ground by a police officer. I should also add this woman has Alzheimer's disease. It sounds and looks really bad. We should note though that this woman was in a Wal Mart parking lot walking around threatening to cut people with a knife she had in her hand. She had already cut herself with the same knife. We should also note the crowd was already around her and the police were called because this woman supposedly hit a child, and when people came to intervene the knife came out. Apparently the old lady found the knife in the car of her daughter, cut herself out of the seatbelt and left the car to go find her daughter. Her daughter had left her in the car, while she was going to make a run into Wal Mart.

I don't know what to think. How could the officer had gotten the knife without knocking her down? Obviously the woman wasn't in her right mind to listen to the officer, but at the same time the woman was out and about threatening to cut people with a knife. Is this police brutality or the police acting for the good of the greater public?


We're Going To Turn It On; We're Going To Bring You The Power

What the hell is this mess:

Some things need to be left alone. I refuse to feel this power. I want the old power back.


George Sodini -The White Man's Burden?

As you guys are all probably aware, George Sodini opened fire at a gym killing three, injuring others, and killing himself. You probably are all aware that Sodini had a blog that basically outlined his intentions.

He was a 48 year old white man upset that women had rejected him. In his own words:

Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun.

“I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne — yet 30 million women rejected me — over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are."

He seems upset at the world and felt that he wasn't complete without a woman, even though the man apparently had a very nice job as a systems analyst at a law firm, not a job considered menial or low wage I wouldn't think. He seemed successful in most areas of life, and typically for men, the belief of being single and successful is a positive, not a negative, there isn't a push for men to get married like there is for women, or is there? He even brags about having extra money and being able to travel, and that women get in the way.

“A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend.”

Was a woman going to really do this for him? By his own accounts he had survived lay offs at his job and received a raise even in "this shitty Obama economy", so where does this anger come from?

It seems he blamed his lack of a women, not just on women themselves, but on black men and Obama winning the election:

Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.

Did Sodini think this was going to happen? That all the white women would run to black men and that all the black men would happily take them? Did he think the white women weren't taking him and instead choosing black men over him? Is Obama getting elected the cause for these white women wanting black men?

His entries tend to indicate that he was looking for an ideal woman. He appeared to be into younger women, and he wanted someone "attractive". He also had unresolved issues with his family, and was a recovering alcoholic, except that it appears in the last month, he had been drinking again.

I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.

I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??

On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".

I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.

On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.

In post racial America it seems that some people feel that whites are discriminated against and suffer at the expense of women and minorities. Did Sodini fit the profile of a person like this? Is he the extreme example of what some white people are feeling here in America? Is there such thing as the "White Man's Burden?" It seems that with the historic election of Barack Obama, there appears to be a vocal group of people upset, feeling their rights have been taken from them. Pat Buchanan comes to mind. Is the country going to be more racially divided, or is this the growing pains of being united?

Sodini tended to blame his perceived shortcomings in life on his family, women, and to an extent black men. Did he suffer at the hands of black men or women in general? Did Sodini have what is referred to as the "White Man's Burden?"

Little White Child Gone Wild


Good Hair

I'm looking forward to this movie, but curious how he handles explaining to his daughters why they should accept their hair, when their mommy and everyone around them is sporting weave, perm, and wig?

I blogged about this documentary back in January when it was playing at Sundance. There was also a discussion in the comments about Chris Rock's wife in relation to her children wanting "good hair".

The movie looks like it is going to be full of laughs, and it bothers me that there are very few folks with natural hair even in the trailer.


R.I.P. Naomi Sims

Naomi Sims was what we consider the 1st black supermodel. She paved the way for the Naomi Campbells and Tyra Banks we know now.

She also was an entrepreneur and used her name to carry her much further than her modeling. I remember her cosmetics and fragrance lines. She also has a very successful wig line.

You will be missed and you are appreciated for helping to mainstream black beauty.

Clutch Magazine

I got a shout out in Clutch Magazine, I'm so flattered LOL.


Why Black Women Need To Learn How To Care for Natural Hair, Even If They Aren't Natural

In my opinion what I see in this video is abuse. That sad thing is that too many of us have memories of something similar. I remember hating to get my hair combed as a child. My mother like this mother didn't know what to do with natural hair, most black women in America don't. This is what I believe leads so many of us to perm or add extensions to our hair. The belief is that it's easier to manage. As a result of my mother struggling with my hair, I thought something was wrong with my hair, that is was a burden and something to be ashamed of in it's natural state.

No one taught this woman, like no one taught my mother or many other black mothers, that detangling dry hair with a brush is a huge NO NO. My mother used essentially a rat tail comb to comb through my hair as a child, never once thinking a wide tooth comb might be a better option. No one told her that it was easier to detangle hair when wet instead of dry. I didn't know until I was older how to detangle natural hair. When I went natural there were no natural hair care websites, there was no youtube, it was just me and my decision to quit using relaxer; something I had done since I was nine years old.

I don't necessarily blame black women in general for black women feeling the need to straighten or add extensions. We didn't really have the tools to adapt, when we came over as slaves there wasn't time for hair styling, nor were black women provided with tools to adequately care for their hair. When we did have hair tools, we used what everyone else used, and as we know, most of us don't have the same type of hair as other races of people, so it doesn't work as well. Not to mention black hair care products are some of the most vile things ever created. It seems everything has petroleum in it.

The funny thing is that now my hair routine I use is a routine developed by a white woman. Lorraine Massey changed my life, and her book was the most useful book I have ever read in regards to how to style my hair. Even worse is the fact that the two pages for African American hair care are no use to me. They don't help me at all, and use black stylists who appear to be more experienced in dealing with relaxed hair than natural hair.

I think that black women need to learn how to do all types of hair, because most of us don't come out of the womb with perm or weave attached to our heads. Especially those of us with children. We need to have our children feel they have the option to go natural or perm their hair. In my childhood I don't think I had the option to go natural, it was just assumed I needed a perm. Personally a perm for me is not an option anymore, and I don't find that naturally curly and kinky hair is a sign of laziness or being unkempt. I don't want my children to think so either. We really need to embrace the belief that ALL hair is "good hair", because as we can see in this video, that isn't happening.

Black Men Are Not A Factor In All IR Relationships Between Black Women & White Men

In this video the question is asked "There aren't any brothers out there?" and the comment is made "It can't beTHAT bad" in reference to seeing black women with white men. Maybe there are some wonderful black men out there, I think they are, but I don't think my dating white man was due to the lack of good black men in the world, but rather because I like white men. Why would black men factor into my relationship with a white man?

It is also said that "black women desire black men", that could very well be the case, but there are some black women out there who are just looking for a good man. A white man, black man, asian man, hispanic man, and everything in between kind of man. Good men regardless of race are hard to find, so why limit yourself?

One thing I hear a lot from black men who share this view is "Is a sister trying to make a black man jealous or feel bad about themselves?" That isn't my goal, but I find it odd that black men never ever ask this of other black men who berate and insult black women as a whole who are willing to date non black women. Remember black men are in greater numbers dating non black women than black women are dating non black men. Then you have those who exclusively date only non black women or black women who have "good hair", "light skin", or "bright eyes", so "regular" black women are excluded. Our beauty isn't appreciated within our own community, so why should we stay within it to wait around for black man who isn't into us?

Then we get to the stereotypes that black women are gold diggers just out for a man's money. I find this stereotype the worst, as usually when you see black men with non black women, they typically don't marry up, they marry down, meaning that maybe, just maybe, their non black women might be gold diggers too. "There are plenty of good black men for you. You think by dating this white guy you're going to some how climb up the economic ladder? Then come to find out, when you date this white dude that he's just like everybody else." I married my husband because he wasn't like everyone else. He became my best friend, we had a lot of shared goals, and he was just in general a really great guy. Black women are known for being self sufficient out of necessity, why would we be the gold diggers, we aren't expected to live off a man, because according to some black men, most black women aren't worthy of having any man, much less one that takes care of them financially.

I also find it telling that this guy questions the motives of black women:

"I question your motive. I believe that some of you sisters are just trying to upset a man, upset a brother by dating these white guys"

Why have black men not questioned the other motives of black men who on a daily basis insult, degrade, and stereotype black women in order to justify their dating preferences for non black women? Are black men dating non black women because they are trying to make black women jealous and upset? It sometimes seems that way, since so many want to talk about how horrible black women are, and how masculine we are, or ugly, fat, loud, full of attitude, or whatever other stereotype can be dished out towards black women as a whole.

I think we need to get out of the mindset we belong to one another, and we need to quit thinking that white men are somehow some "last resort" option for black women, especially when some black men are under the impression that non black women are the end all and be all of all things good, and black women are the lowest of the low. Sometimes black women actually like white men, and some of us actually prefer them. It isn't about money or achieving some social status, but actually liking a man, be it black, white, or any other race.