RIP Teddy


The Ups and Downs Of Being Pregnant

As you all know, I am pregnant. I've been pregnant it seems for 15 years, and yes I'm still pregnant. I love the concept of having a child and being pregnant, but I also have a lot of fears and concerns.

It sounds selfish, but it's the truth.

Let's talk about the down side:

Pregnancy is not really fun for me. It scares the hell out of me, and I'm not a normal pregnant lady. It takes surgery, bed rest, a perinatologist, an OB/GYN, a home health nurse, weekly p17 shots in my butt, and a little bit of hospitalization to keep me pregnant. Needless to say, I'm going through some stuff. I'm tired of laying down, and I feel like an old lady. I'm in constant fear, because let's face it, I don't have much luck with pregnancy.

A downside of my pregnancy is, and I'm going to be blunt, I'm not getting any. Nada, nothing. I like to think my husband and I are in a platonic, room mate like relationship, where he does everything for me, and we at times get to cuddle. I don't think he wants to cuddle, but he does it anyway. I didn't want to be celibate, but I didn't have much of a choice. A benefit of marriage is nookie, and I'm not getting any. It sucks.

The belly thing takes some getting used to. Being on bed rest, I avoid mirrors the majority of the day, but on the occasion that I pass one, I really start freaking out. I plan to go on a diet as soon as this baby comes out. The sad thing is I have gained virtually no weight this pregnancy.

There is no dignity in pregnancy. More men now have probably seen my private parts than all the men I've ever dated have combined. I've been felt up, poked, prodded, and it is weird. I was a bit uncomfortable with my OB/GYN feeling my boobs up in my husband's presence. He was checking for lumps, but it's still something you don't expect to happen. I'm thinking maybe I should vajazzle, so that when labor comes, the nurses and doctors will have something interesting to look at.

My boobs have gotten bigger. For some women this is a great thing, but I was already "blessed" in that area. Now it's just ridiculous.

I've come to the realization my boobs will no longer be pretty. It's something I'm coming to terms with, but I am choosing breast feeding over perkiness. I can get them "fixed" with aid of a plastic surgeon later, right?

I've come to the realization my boobs are not sexual objects, but rather a milk machine for a baby. Udders if you will. I'm basically going to be a human cow. It's weird, will guys still ogle them if they are known to be udders rather than breasts? Maybe that's a good thing.

I'm making peace with the fact I'm going to be a mom. No happy hour whenever. Travel will be a bit more difficult, and I can't just come and go as I please, I've got other things to consider now, such as a baby's feeding and changing schedule, and nap times. I just hope I don't become that mom that obsesses over anything and everything baby.

What if my friends think I'm "that mom"? I don't think I could take it. What if I lose every other aspect of my personality because I became a mom?

I know marriage means for the most part you're stuck with your husband forever, but now, I'm really stuck forever. Even if I can't stand him, we get divorced, and all things go to hell in our relationship, I have to see this man the rest of my life because we are tied together by a baby. Pregnancy makes things feel even more permanent.

If I ever were to become single, I'd be a single mom, dating would be hard, and dammit, what if I "come home" to the brothas? Would they date me tainted with "tha man"? This doesn't really matter and isn't relevant as I'm not getting divorced, and more than likely looking at my previous dating history, the brothas don't want me anyway, but still I have to look at all the possibilities. I'm on bed rest, I have lots of time to think about stuff.

I'm hormonal, which makes me extra angry, more than I normally am.

Now the positives of being pregnant:

The whole, "I made a human aspect" is amazing. It is cool to know that me and the hubby made a baby.

When your big beer belly stomach moves as the human you made kicks and punches you it is neat to watch, even if it hurts sometimes.

The experience of pregnancy has bought me and the husband closer together. Even if we aren't getting any.

My husband still thinks I'm pretty even though I have a beer belly and can't shave my legs properly. He actually smiles when he looks at my belly, versus freak out. It's nice.

It's completely insane and cool at the same time to be in love with someone you've never met. The first time I heard her heartbeat was probably a moment I won't ever forget. I can't. I record every single visit, so it's well documented.

OK baby shopping is fun. It really is.

So is coming up with baby names.

It's fun to imagine what she will look like. I imagine she will be supermodel gorgeous. I'm just saying she has really good genes :)

People encourage you to eat. No one says anything if you want ice cream for breakfast.

It's cool that when people do see your big beer belly, they realize you are pregnant, and don't make fun of you or talk behind your back about it.

Because you're pregnant, people treat you extra nice. They want to help take care of you. There's also mommy parking at certain places. You can't beat that.

Realizing that I won't have to lay down forever and that I am doing this suffering for a good cause, and I will have good guilt trip material when the kid becomes a teenager.



If Black Women Were White Women-Repost

This is a blog post from a great site. I thought it was genius and was absolutely true. It is an awesome read, so I thought I would repost it. I did not write this, but I love this, and want to make sure I give credit where credit is due. Please go check out Alienated Conclusions.

"If" Black Women Were White Women
August 23, 2009

In “If Men Could Menstruate,” Gloria Steinem makes the persuasive argument that “Whatever a ‘superior’ group has will be used to justify its superiority, and whatever an ‘inferior’ group has will be used to justify its plight.”

For too long the definition of racism has been a fight between white and black manhood or “who’s the bigger man”, so to speak. We've trivialized the existence of gender between both groups of men in favor for discussion of the "bigger issue".

This has historically enabled white female supremacy—the most unchallenged form of white supremacy—to escape any critical thought.

What if suddenly, instantly, the power of white femininity were transferred to black women?

The answer is clear: Black women would represent value, purity; and based on their natural traits would be worthy of protection and instantly become the objects of universal desire. White women would represent the opposite.

“Beauty tar potion” would become globally popular to get the “black look.” “Dove” would be replaced with a black soap called “Raven” to help exfoliate the skin and bring out subtle hints of melanin.

White female features would be declared violent. Their “jagged” thin lips, “knife sharp” noses, and “harsh” jaw lines would be nature's way of expressing why men have a natural preference for the soft features of black women. Soft lips, soft cheekbones, and soft, round noses would be proof of natural femininity. Full, pink lips and large, dark eyes would become associated with virginal black girls whose purity must not be compromised. Black female features would thus be said to represent youth.

Straight, blond hair would be considered “wild and unruly” because when the wind blew, it did not stay in place. Women with naturally straight hair would hide their “unruly” and “wild” stick-straight hair in public. The desire for “lightweight hair” that defied gravity would permanently end the use of blow dryers. Keeping one's natural blond hair wild and straight would become indicative of a political statement.

The anti-aging properties of black female skin combined with soft, curvy bodies would be proof of the overall reproductive health of black women. Scientists would argue that black women were naturally preferred as long term mates and mothers because they were “healthier.” Men’s attraction to women is based on overall health and fertility, after all.

Suddenly, biracial women would be “in” because the hard features of white women wouldn't prevent the fragile genes of “black beauty” from peeking through. Men would suddenly have the desire to date “ethnic,” non-black women since they would look “closer to black” than blond women—at least they wouldn't look like white women.

Statistics would equate the fact that white women make up the majority with their “overpowering” and “strong” population. This would be proof that they could handle unsafe neighborhoods. The “strong culture” they would have created amongst themselves would enable them to withstand their lack of protection from predators and criminals. Statisticians would argue that men were attracted to black women innately because they made up a small percentage of the population. “We tend to value what is rare,” they might say.

Men would proclaim that white women deserve sexual objectification because “flat buttocks” allow for deeper penetration. In ghettos across America, men would stand on street corners and yell “Damn! You got a flat ass!” to remind white women of their sexual status in society.

Upper class women would be afraid that their “asses looked flat” since it would represent animalistic and sexual deviance, like white women. Black women’s buttocks, said to protrude farther from the body, would prove that their natural vulnerability made them “less equipped” to handle hardcore sex and rape like white women could.

“I need a strong white woman!” would become a popular “empowering” slogan for exploitative men who rationalized the emotional, financial, and sexual overburdening of white women.

Overweight white nannies would become the “acceptable white women” in popular culture as they do not pose a threat to black female superiority and privilege. Conventionally attractive white women would serve as a sexual threat to black women for single-handedly breaking down the beauty hierarchy.

Hip hop videos would feature men throwing money at “white bitches” bent over in front of the camera to showcase their white asses, eager for deep penetration. Entire songs would be devoted to hatred of “white gold digging bitches” who believed that they were entitled to the financial security in marriage to which black women were entitled. “Penetrable white asses” and “pale-faced hoes” would become the cash commodity for selling entire musical genres.

White women’s “hard” bodies would be deemed more “capable” of fighting off sexual attackers, while the soft curves of black female bodies would become worthy of police protection. White women, despite being at high risk of being victimized by violence and sexual crimes, would not “need” police protection.

Movies would feature black women as the main objects of men’s desire across racial lines while stereotypes of evil, bitter, and oversexed white women would further prove why men of all races simply did not prefer blonds. “We can’t help those to whom we're attracted,” men would say. “Preference” would become an unconcealed acceptance of discrimination against white women. White women’s anger towards and sadness about the status quo would show their unreasonable jealousy of the innate superiority of black women.

Republicans would ban abortions to protect the virtue of pure, black motherhood and liberals would advocate increasing the number of abortion clinics in “low income” neighborhoods where white women would be the majority. Liberals would claim that white women had “culturally” approved of sexual objectification and were “safe enough” without outside help since they were warned not to touch “in-group issues” with a ten foot pole.

And so on and so forth.

The most important reality is that black feminists would eventually grow tired of being seen as innocent and vulnerable in patriarchy and would fight to erase the commodity of black femininity. “The innocent, submissive, and vulnerable representation of women is what puts us in danger. The rigid category of femininity has contributed to our oppression,” they might argue.

In the back of every black feminist movement we would hear the quiet and dignified pleas of radical white feminists. “But, we do not represent femininity. We are considered strong, incapable of feeling pain, and sexually deviant—but all this has done is increase our likelihood of being in danger. And aren’t we women too?”

As Gloria Steinem wrote, “In short, the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be, are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless - and logic has nothing to do with it.”

What remains universally evident is that the many justifications for power and privilege are always inherent, always scientific, and always permeate society to the point that they remain deeply buried within our collective consciousness.

Until someone challenges them.

© 2009 Alienati0n

Edited by Kara Feldman.


Does Marriage Work?

Obviously I am biased in my opinion as I am now married, and I think marriage can be successful. I see my parents 36 almost 37 years in, and they are still in love with each other. I also know the reality, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Marriage can be hard sometimes. I can understand why people would want to cohabitate. I can understand why people don't want to cohabitate. I know for my parents, the concept of me living with my husband before marriage was an issue due to their religious beliefs. They referred to that period in my life as "living in sin". Yes I know all about Corinthians 7:8-9 and 6:18-20. Hebrews 13:4. We all know my stance on religion too, so you know that it has no bearing on my life. It did however on my parents. I know also as a person who is married I receive benefits that those who are not married do not, which is why I am all for same sex marriage. I know many gay and lesbian couples who have a very strong relationship, probably stronger than some straight couples I know.

So is marriage outdated? Does it work? Even with all the stats of marriage out there, why do people still want to get married?


How To Get Black Women

I figured since I gave black women free advice, it is now time for the white men to get their free advice.

White men, even though you don't know it, you want a black woman. All of you do. In matter of fact, you might be thinking, "Black women are hot, but I don't know how to approach them?" Well let me tell you how it's done. With these moves, black women will be throwing themselves at you.

1. Black women love ebonics, so you should approach them in that manner. We love using our own "black vernacular", all of us. We think it is sexy when you learn our "black language".

2. Treat us as if we should be grateful to be with you. You're white after all, making you a catch. Black women should be throwing their panties at you.

3. If you approach a black women, make sure you try to connect with her through her blackness. Tell her how much you like Jay Z or some type of hip hop. Tell her your favorite show is "Good Times", and that you always had a crush on Thelma or Wilona.

4. Also to get to know her better, ask her questions about "black people", she understands how all black people think. We're all the same.

5. After you offer to pay for her food, treat her essentially like a prostitute. Offer sex in the car, you don't feel like driving all the way back to your place, after all you paid for some Chick-fil-A, and that chicken sandwich ain't cheap. We will love this idea, after all we ordered waffle fries too. We are all Jezebels, and yes we're wild in bed, or in this case a car.

6. Be sure to tell her she's not like the other black people you've met because she's employed, childless, and doesn't speak ebonics. Which is true, since most blacks are unemployed, pop out babies, and don't understand proper English.

7. Make sure to show her how colorblind you are by indicating we are all the same color in the dark. That's hot.

8. If you guys get serious, avoid your family and friends like the plague, just because she is this awesome person who you find beautiful inside and out, she should be a dirty secret, after all, she's black, and who wants to hassle with the parents, am I right?

9. If you start to get serious with a black girl, let her know you can never marry her, you just want to keep things as they are, who the hell marries black women? Certainly not white men. She should be grateful you even looked in her black direction, much less wanted to be involved with her at all.

10. If you can't tell, you're not supposed to take this seriously.


How To Get A White Man

It has come to my attention recently that white men are hard to get. They are coveted, loved, and admired so much they want nothing to do with black women. Well I say that's malarkey. Yes, they are a completely different species, being white and all, but yes, you, you too, can get a white man, and I will show you how. Look at all those men I posted, they could all be yours, in particular the man in the mugshot. Sexy.

As we know getting a white man means that you have arrived in the world. The concept of getting a man of any race is hard enough for us down trodden black women, but a white man is the pinnacle of black women achievement. Forget education, a career, a fulfilling life of friends and family, your ultimate goal is a white man.

Here are some tips for those who want to achieve the pinnacle of black women's success. Some of this is really hard, so I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's possible.

1. Try not to look like hot ass out in public, or if you are on a dating site, put up a good picture of yourself. If you are out on the prowl for a white man, a pair of sweat pants is not going to cut it. You need to dress it up. Put on your jeans that accent your black woman ass, make sure you comb your hair, take care of personal hygiene like brushing your teeth and bathing. Deodorant is a bonus. For those using online dating sites, avoid taking pictures that accent your double chins, don't put up the pic from Cancun where you are drunk out of your mind. Try also to ensure your eyes aren't closed or that you don't have the evil red eye.

2. If a white man has the audacity to approach black little old you, actually talk to him if you're interested,which you should be since he is white and all, ask him questions about himself, engage him in conversation. If you think things are going well, ask him for his phone number. For some you can just offer up sex right then and there. The white man will appreciate that. He really will. I hear the white men love sluts.

3. Let's say you don't offer up sex and obtain a phone number. Wait for this, this is going to be crazy, but call him. If he answers great and seems interested in talking great, if not move on. Maybe that white man isn't ready for all that jelly you have to offer him, but hey at least you tried.

4. OK Let's say the white guy shows interests in your pathetic black self and you end up being asked out on a date. Go on the date. Dress nice (dress according to the location of the date), throw on a little make up. If he wants to do something outdoorsy and you're not an outdoor person, just try it out and see. I know us black women all worry about our hair and humidity, but that is what wigs and weaves are for. If it is restaurant full of food you've never tried, try it, I mean it can't hurt, and when trying the food, make sure you don't have a look of disgust on your face because it isn't some fettucini alfredo from Olive Garden. If you end up liking it great, if you don't remind yourself to never go back there. The point of the date isn't the food, but rather a chance to get to know your date.

5. OK now, let's determine you guys like each other and that coveted white man asks you out again. Go again, continue to get to know him better. I know this sounds crazy, but it really works.

6. Let's say this white man is really liking you, despite the fact that you're black and wants to move to the next level, a steady relationship. Go for it!!!! Keep going out, spending time together. Also try to keep up appearances, don't let yourself go because you got the man, buy some cutesy underwear and limit grandma panties to that time of the month. Continue to work out. Continue to act like you like him and not treat him like crap.

7. Let's say it gets really serious and you move in together. Continue to treat him with respect. I know this is crazy, but guys like to be respected, even if they don't put down the toilet seat, they want people to love and respect them. Maybe cook them a meal, clean up the house, or maybe just maybe take him out to dinner.

8. Overlook all the flaws of your white man. OK he's been to prison. He might have an anger issue. He might treat you like crap and have five kids with five different women. He might weigh 500 pounds. He might be ashamed to bring you around his family. So what? We're not all perfect you know. Sometimes he takes you to Wendy's for a frosty and that should be enough for you. Don't be picky. The most important thing is that he be white.

9. Make sure as soon as you secure a white man to get knocked up by him. Getting pregnant by white guys almost always equals marriage, at the very minimum child support, because you know all white men have jobs and money. They are rich and they all went to college and make six figure incomes. It's true because I watch television and all the white people live really good lives, even if they are delivery drivers they have the nice car, the nice house, and their wives can afford to stay at home and raise the kids.

10. If you haven't figured out by now, I'm half joking and being very sarcastic. Some of these things might work, some of them might not, you figure it out.


Things That Scare Me

Not since Namata have I been so scared. Also I am confused as to why he has a PowerPoint presentation being displayed behind him.

I'm not going to talk about the wig on her head. There is so much more wrong with this:

I hate Auto Tune


No Snitch Culture

1st off Happy New Years Everyone!!!!!!

Tony Harris decided to connect with the youth by talking to some high school students about "snitching." He mentions to them the Derrion Albert case. A sad case of a honor roll student who was beaten to death by a group of kids, and instead of someone going to get help, folks just decided to record the fight so they could put it on youtube for entertainment purposes. The sad part was, he wasn't the target of the fight, he was just walking by, and get swept up in the whole hot mess.

Thankfully the community center close to where this happened had surveillance cameras to film the whole thing, because otherwise there would be no suspects, as it appears no one wanted to snitch. I try to understand this mentality. I do understand instances of not snitching, I really do. I understand that in some instances if you snitch to the police, the police won't offer you protection and you are open to retaliation. Then there is to not snitch just to uphold some type of code and not be a rat. This is ridiculous, most people in life do not live the life of the men in "Goodfellas" or of prison folk. I also find the concept of "jumping" cowardly. Take on a person one on one if you so big and bad ass to fight someone.

These kids in the video echo the same sentiment about snitching, which to me is silly. One fool said they are part of his clique. Really you hang out with some folks bound for prison and you are ok with it? Where the hell are your parents? Then we blame hip hop for the "no snitching" mentality. The problem with that is, not all hip hop is about not snitching. I know these kids know if they get into trouble, Lil' Wayne is not going to go down with them.

Now on a more serious note, Mr. Harris asked a kids a legitimate question. How many of them trusted police officers to handle information. None of them did. That to me is where we really need to focus. If they are like me, their limited experiences with police officers probably aren't all that positive. Sometimes I think the role of the police is to harass and annoy, not protect and serve. Even my husband has been pulled over by police without cause, trying to find something on him or a reason to search his car. I should not my husband and I have never been to jail, we don't typically do illegal things (OK sometimes I speed, I will admit), but our experiences with police officers have not been to be protected by the police officers, but rather as if they are annoyed with us. He then encourages the kids to try to foster a relationship with police, but I would personally find that hard to do as a 33 year old with negative experiences, I can't expect some teens to do the same.

Case and point, when I was 19 or 20 I was rear ended by a drunk driver at a stop sign. The accident was obviously the man's fault. He tried to flee from the scene. If not for the lady behind him witnessing the accident, I would have been screwed. I was upset and the officers were getting annoyed with me because I was freaked out. They then tried to jump my father who immediately came to the scene of the accident when I called him because I guess a tall black man running towards me is scary. It took the police department weeks to even finish the report to submit to insurance, and they treated me as if I were the criminal, while the drunk driver was so incoherent and out of it. They were very rude. I didn't plan for a drunk man to rear end me, he did, and if he wasn't drunk I would have treated this as a normal accident, exchanged insurance and left the police out of it. The lady behind us called the police, and they came pretty much immediately. So the time I needed the police, they acted like they were pissed off I took time out of their day to deal with a drunk driver. My other experiences with the police were just general harassment and annoyance. It always takes about two to three police cars to pull me over for a speeding ticket, so I try my best not to get them (I haven't had one in six years, knock on wood). I've been pulled over in front of my own house for looking suspicious while driving in my own neighborhood. So in my experience the police are nothing but a waste of time and energy, they don't really give a damn about their actual role, but that is just my opinion. I am sure there are wonderful officers out there who really do care about their jobs, I just haven't met them yet.

Mr. Harris then asks if the kids trusts their school officials and teachers, which came with a mixed response. I guess it depends on the teachers. Some teachers they felt would,some wouldn't. That is to be expected, there are some great teachers out there and some really piss poor ones who are there essentially for the pay check.

Overall these kids showed apathy and essentially feel snitching causes more harm than good. I unfortunately can understand that, but where do we draw the line, shouldn't someone have come to the aid of Derrion Albert, at least tried to call the police? How do people foster better relationships with police officers, better yet, how do police officers better foster relationships with the people?