Racism vs. Preference

Note to black ladies:  Don't cry, but you can't have the guy in the picture.  His name is Romeo Rose.  Yeah, I don't think his mom named him that.   He has a website, Sleepless In Austin.   He's looking for a woman. He's even willing to pay a finder's fee.  He has some requirements.  Too many requirements.  I'm not going to focus on ALL the requirements, just a couple. 

Let's focus on these comments:

I will not date a Black girl.

I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl. 

However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.

Yeah. I've heard this before from "non racist" white people.  Like all of my life.  Welcome to Texas, and yes this mother fucker is from Texas. 

The people who usually say this are also tired of the word "racist" being thrown around.   They have no idea why saying things of this nature is racist.  So I of course will share why saying stupid, idiotic things like this are racist. 

You tend to have preferences.  Everyone has preferences.   I have a preference for pale, tall nerdy guys with dark hair.   I tend to not be attracted to short guys.   That being said, have I dated guys who weren't pale, tall, and nerdy.  Why yes I have!!!! I've even been on dates with guys shorter than me.  ::gasp::  I should note all this happened a long time ago.  Like you know before 1999, when I met my husband who is pale, tall, nerdy, with dark hair.  However this guy has essentially said this, he doesn't care what the black woman looks like, he will not date her simply because she is black, even if she looks like Halle Berry, who happens to be half white.   Even if you fit ALL of his criteria, if he sees the blackness, you're out, because you know blackness is a thing, and it's a BAD thing.  He can even be attracted to you, but that black thing CANNOT be overlooked.

He has also fallen into the "everything but black camp".  I should correct that "everything but black and Asian".  He's willing to lower his standards to hispanics, but he can't go beyond that, as it would be too primal for him to fathom. You know hispanics are assimilated in his mind for them to be ok enough to consider.  Congrats Hispanic women everywhere, you've got a shot with this looker.  

Mr. Romeo participated in a Reddit AMA, and he goes extra crispy crazy referring to black people as gorillas and compares having sex to a black person as bestiality.  Also he will not date a white woman who has dated a black guy and believes that whites and blacks should not mix sexually and make babies. He's not racist though......in his mind......in his warped, deluded mind.  

Sad thing is I know people like this, and in their minds they aren't racist either.  


I'm Already Messing Up

Dear Rabbit,

I've had you for over three years now. You're awesome.  You're sweet. You're really smart.  You're also the most beautiful thing in all of my world.  I love you bunches, and my job is to be your mom, but sometimes as a mom I fail you, and I'm sorry.   I'm supposed to protect you and defend you, but sometimes I don't.   I have come to the realization if there is conflict in the room, I always assume you're at fault.  I shouldn't do that.  Yes, you've taken toys, yes, you've probably said or done things you shouldn't have, but I should have the common sense and foresight not  to assume.  You can talk now, and you talk a lot, so I need to just realize I can ask you, listen to you, and listen to your side. You are worthy enough to listen to.  I will not believe that you should only be seen and not heard.  You're voice is important and deserves my ear.

I've been taught all my life to expect the worst.  Just because I was taught that doesn't mean you should be.   You deserve to know that there is a good and bad side to just about everything in the world.   You are going to be living in a world in which people will make assumptions about you, so why as your mother should I pile on?   You're going to be viewed as a black woman in America.  People are going to assume a lot about your based upon your appearance.  People are going to say things to you that aren't fair.  There is going to be a lot of generalizations, and that's not fair either.    So as your mom, I'm going to try harder.

I'm going to make sure I don't fear you are to blame for all "conflicts" at play dates. I'm going to make sure that you love your hair, your skin, and just you in general.  I'm going to make sure I stick up for you when grown ups make mistakes. 

I'm sorry Rabbit, you aren't always the center of all trouble, and I shouldn't assume you are.  You are not inherently bad, you are a three year old, and like all people you are multifaceted.  You are you are growing, learning, and changing by leaps and bounds every single day.   You deserve better, and I'm going to give it to you.