2016-12-20

Getting Closure For 2016


2016 has been a hard year.  There were some highlights.  We have a new house, in a neighborhood we love.   Homeschooling for our oldest went well.  My youngest is thriving and doing great.   I have friends who were there for me, who will stick with me, and who can see past my quirks.  I’m thankful for that.  We’re in a good place.  

A lot of not so nice things happened as well.  I now know, I will never ever be comfortable in America.  That the rise of fascism is upon us with the new President Elect.  That scares me.   I don’t know how long I will ever be ok with Russian tampering of elections, and that people actually thought they made a great choice when electing this man, but I digress.  My mental health, I guess things brought on by the stress of selling and buying a home caught up with me.   I lost some people I thought were my friends, but I stayed in denial and finally I let go, after an extreme level of nastiness was exposed to me.  

So I’m giving closure to all the bad things.

1. FUCK TRUMP.

That’s all I got for that.  

2.  I hate depression and anxiety, I hate I have a hard time handling it, and I hate to admit I have these issues, as I see them as flaws, but they aren’t flaws they are part of me.  They make me who I am, and I am not going to apologize for being me.  I will just continue to deal with it, and I will work on acknowledging when I need help.   That’s the only thing I can do.  Take things one step at a time.  

3.  Fuck petty people. Fuck people who try to make you feel as if your anger and your hurt are unwarranted.  Fuck people who contribute to the daily microaggressions you face and then have the nerve to pretend you don’t face them.  Fuck those who question your friendship because you decide you no longer want to be hurt.  Fuck those who pretend they want to be your friend, but really have no fucks to give about you.  

Don’t say you want to be my friend, after I tell you it’s better to not be friends; and then a few months later unfriend someone, don’t tell them why, and then go through the process of letting everyone but you know, except my husband who you kept as a friend on facebook for the sole purpose of rubbing it in my face.  You wanted to be the one to break up. You’re a petty bitch and I give no fucks about you. I hate my daughter lost some friends, but I give no fucks about anyone with such cruelty and nastiness towards their friends.  

Fuck those who made it their whole goal to “kick you out of the group” Who made an effort to explicitly say you are not welcome, to play by one set of rules for you, while having different rules for others.   

Fuck those who say they want to be friends, but then are so easily convinced by others that they aren’t able to make conscious decisions without the convincing of others. Don’t say you don’t know if you even want to be friends with me and then ask me do I want to be friends. No, that’s stupid, it’s cruel, and I’m not here to beg for people to like me anymore. Also, don’t confirm my beliefs when I see you the first time after such a bullshit exchange and then completely walk away in fear because you think I am going to talk to you. I’m not that fucking bothered. I was there for my kid, not for you.  

Also fuck people with secret chats like it’s fucking high school. Secret chats should be for surprising friends with gifts and get togethers, not to gossip like basic bitches.  In the immortal words of a person who shall not be named “I have no desire to play high school bitch squad”. It’s true, I don’t.

I’m done with 2016. My goals now are to fight fascism so my kids can feel safe and eliminate the negative so I can feel safe.  Let 2017 be that year for me.  Let that be the year this blog comes back and goes back to it’s main focus.